Here's someone's list of The 100 L.A. Things Every Angeleno Should Do at Least Once. I have lived in Los Angeles for every one of my 64.8 years and I have done very few of these. Some of that is because I don't drink alcohol and never have. Most of them I haven't done because they don't interest me in the slightest.
- I've been to Venice Beach (#1) and didn't think it was worth the hassle it was to park there.
- I've been to Disneyland (#2) an average of once every 16.25 years. I'd go more often if the drive wasn't so exhausting that you're pooped before you make it as far as Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln.
- I've gone window shopping — and even real shopping — on Rodeo Drive (#9), though really only once because I promised a lady friend a pair of fancy shoes.
- I've seen a Broadway show at the Pantages (#11). Actually, a few dozen Broadway shows at the Pantages. It's a great place if you can score good seats, an awful place if you can't.
- I've eaten at Philippe's (#12) many times. Best sandwiches in town. Also, when propertly dunked, the wettest.
- I've been to the Rose Bowl Swap Meet (#14) because my friend Marv Wolfman wanted to go there and buy one thing and I kept asking, "We drove all the way here, parked two miles away and walked six more so you could buy that?"
- I've spent many, many evenings at the Magic Castle (#19). Been a member since 1980 when I went to see my then-current lady friend get sawed in half and, as the joke goes, got the half that eats.
- I've driven on the 710 (#21), which is about as thrilling as driving any freeway. I have no idea where it goes, either. No one does.
- I've avoided James Woods (#41) and all his movies, as well. Except the one about the family unjustly accused of child abuse. That was good.
- I've seen an obscure movie at the Cinefamily (#49). Several of them, in fact. But I was there more often when it was the Silent Movie Theater.
- I've sat in the bleachers at Dodger Stadium (#55), most recently when Sandy Koufax was pitching. I'll return next time he's on the mound but not before that.
- I've sat in box seats at the Hollywood Bowl (#56), the first time being when Monty Python was performing there. John Cleese in drag tried to sell me a dead albatross.
- I've spotted Angelyne in her pink car (#66). She's the woman who is famous for pioneering being famous for being famous.
- I've been to the La Brea Tar Pits (#76) and it reminded me of visiting the Friar's Club, which is not on this list.
- I've ridden the elevator in the Westin Bonaventure downtown (#78) and, yeah, it's fun if you have a good reason to go to the Westin Bonaventure, which has happened once to me since they built the place.
- I've been to a gigantic movie premiere (#91) and marveled at how little the whole thing had to do with seeing a movie. Lotsa people walked the red carpet, got their photos taken and then split before the film started.
And that's it. I've lived in this town all my life and I've done 16 out of 100 and come close on a few others. (Dined at Musso and Frank's, for instance, but didn't have a martini.) I don't think I've lived a sheltered existence. I think the list is full of a lot of things I don't want to do and can't imagine why anyone would…except eating a French Dip at Philipe's and avoiding James Woods. Those are very good life choices.