Dave and Donald

trumpletterman

Much is being made of David Letterman saying on his show the other night that he thought Donald Trump was…well, as I heard it, he didn't actually call him a racist as some headlines are claiming. He said what Trump is doing "smacks of racism" which is almost the same thing but not quite. He also said that he wasn't sure he'd have Trump back on the show unless and until there was an apology. Since Trump is apparently booked for the Letterman show in mid-May, we probably haven't heard the last of this.

I have no idea if Trump is a racist or if he's just spewing stuff because he's in "I'll say anything to get a certain segment of the population fired up" mode. If it's the latter, it doesn't excuse him and may even make it worse. My natural suspicion with all those demagogues is that they're just saying whatever seems to work today with the audiences they're addressing today…and that they don't think two moves or two weeks down the line. If I had to guess, I'd guess that Trump's standing in the polls will nosedive over the next month or so, that he'll bow out in the season finale of his bogus reality show and that his candidacy will be quickly forgotten. You know how you can't find anyone who will admit to ever having backed Ross Perot? I'm thinking it'll be like that only quicker.

In the meantime, I have a sorta-first-person anecdote about Trump and Letterman. I was backstage at a taping of Dave's NBC show back in May of 1992 when Donald Trump was a guest and I'm going to tell what I remember with the following caveat: I have a real good memory but I'm not sure I recall this exactly. I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to the details at the time and some of the backstory I heard was second-hand. So I don't guarantee I have this exact but the essence of the story is true…

Mike Tyson had been sentenced to prison for raping a beauty pageant contestant. Trump had made headlines with a suggestion that struck some as outrageous. It was that Tyson not serve time behind bars but instead atone for his crimes with a couple of boxing matches — perhaps promoted by Mr. Trump or at a Trump resort? — with the proceeds going to charity. The proposal was big news for a few days there and Trump was appearing on Dave's show to discuss it.

One of Dave's writers told me the following and I have no idea how true it was. Letterman's show had been after Trump to appear. He had declined. Then, the writer told me, Trump had noticed in TV Guide that Glenn Close was booked to do Dave's show on a certain Thursday night. Trump, who was then divorcing his wife Ivana, was eager to meet Ms. Close, who was similarly separated. He called up the Letterman office and said, "I'll do the show if I can do it next Thursday." Whoever was handling the booking (probably producer Robert Morton) said, "Great, but we'd rather have you on Tuesday because we have an opening then." Trump, without mentioning his interest in Ms. Close, said, "Nope…it's Thursday or nothing." The booker agreed to the requested date…then moved Glenn Close to Tuesday to make room for Trump.

The night in question was actually an afternoon taping. Trump arrived at the specified time and got three bits of unpleasant news. One was that Glenn Close was not there. He was not happy about this. The second was that he was the second guest that night, not the first. The Donald didn't like being in the #2 slot for reasons of prestige and also because it meant he'd have to sit around waiting for twenty minutes or so longer…and we're now reaching the part of the story I witnessed myself. I actually saw Trump in the hallway outside Studio 6A in Rockefeller Center there, yelling at Bob Morton. He was saying, "I could have come later. You're wasting time I could have spent closing deals." Morton apologized and offered his office if Trump wanted to go in there and use the phone. Instead, Trump stalked around in the hallways, complaining about everything he could think of to complain about.

And the third thing that ticked him off was that the first guest was Jan Hooks. Jan had played Ivana Trump in a number of sketches on Saturday Night Live and apparently Donald didn't like the sketches and also didn't like the fact that Jan was considered more worthy of being the first guest. I had worked with her on another show and when I dropped by her dressing room to say hello, she was still shaken from an unpleasant encounter with Trump, who was just kind of wandering around, pissing people off.

Now, to explain this next part, I have to explain how they taped the opening of Dave's show. I don't know if it still works like this but the drill then was that a coatless Dave would come out and do a little batting practice with the studio audience, chatting with them and answering a few questions. At a specified moment, he would leave the stage while Paul Shaffer and the band played a number. Letterman would go to his dressing room, put on his jacket and do some sort of little private ritual to ready himself for the show, including a last minute review of the opening monologue.

When the signal came to roll tape and start the show, Stage Manager Biff Henderson would go out and clear the way from Dave's dressing room to the entrance to the backstage area. It was strictly verboten to talk to Dave as he made that walk. He didn't want to chat with anyone or see anyone or have any distractions at all as he made his way to the stage. I was out in the corridor as close to Dave as you could be at that moment, which was not very close. In 6A, the theme song was being played and you could hear the prerecorded voice of Bill Wendell doing the opening announce. Letterman walked purposefully from his dressing room with Biff walking a few steps ahead of him. He was about fifteen seconds from making his formal entrance…

…and suddenly, Donald Trump charges up to him to complain about being the second guest and having to be there so early.

I was close enough to see a look of shock on Letterman's face. He might not have minded a complaint from a guest but not at that precise instant. It was like Trump had rudely intruded on a sacred moment. Letterman was utterly thrown by it and he yelled something at Trump, more in distress than anger. I didn't hear the precise yell but it was in the vein of "Not now! Don't you understand I have to go do the opening of the show?" A few more words were exchanged, then Trump stormed off while taping halted, Dave went back to his dressing room to regroup and the opening was started again…which, it was explained to me, is something they almost never did. Usually, once tape rolled on an episode, it didn't stop until the end credits.

Dave was enough of a pro to put aside the upset and do the monologue. Jan Hooks was fine as the first guest…and then when she left the stage, she got the hell out of there immediately so as not to run into you-know-who again. Then Trump was introduced as the second guest. After a few pleasantries, Letterman asked about this suggestion that Mike Tyson not serve time for what he'd done. Trump explained that making the Heavyweight Champ rot in a cell did no one any good but it would do some good if he fought for charity. The money, he explained, could go to a fund for battered women.

An odd noise rumbled through the studio audience. If I had to put a label on it, I'd say it was the sound of several hundred people hating Donald Trump. You think some people hate him now? You should have seen that audience.

Letterman followed a rule that I suspect he learned from Johnny Carson: If a guest says something real bad, you make one attempt to bail them out. You throw them one lifeline and then if they don't want to grab onto it, they're on their own.

Dave responded with something like, "Well, surely you're not suggesting that a convicted rapist should be able to, in effect, buy his way out of serving his sentence for a crime of violence?"

Donald Trump then said something like, "Well, if it can do some people some good, what's wrong with that?"

These were not the precise words but whatever was said, it was followed by the sound of the audience hating Trump even more. Later, when I watched the show on TV, the moans of disapproval didn't seem so loud. I don't know if the microphones somehow distorted the sound or if an audio engineer dialed the reaction down…but I was standing on the stage at that moment, right next to that door that led into the hallway. And right there, the outrage was pretty loud.

I could also read David Letterman's mind from there. He was thinking, "Okay, pal. I gave you your chance. No more help."

The interview went badly after that. I vaguely remember Trump saying something that sounded like he was minimizing the crime, followed by more of that noise from the audience. Whatever he said, it was not his finest hour. Later as I was leaving, Trump was departing with a small entourage and based on the looks on all their faces, I decided not to get into the same elevator car and say, "Hey, great show, Donald!"

That's about all I remember and like I said, I may be fuzzy on a few of the details and none of the above quotes are verbatim. But it did happen pretty much like that. One of the reasons I don't believe the Trump candidacy will last long is because he has so many bad appearances and questionable deals in his past. (He also managed the convicted rapist, Mike Tyson, for a time. Think what a competing candidate could do just with that.) You haven't heard much about his past because the Trump for President movement kind of came out of nowhere, quickly morphing from a joke to front runner status. The press hasn't had the time or interest to vet him for anything more than throwing Gary Busey and Meat Loaf together and there's been no opposition research…but there are fewer skeletons in Forest Lawn than this guy has in his closet. They won't all come out but enough will emerge to send his poll numbers plunging and his derriere back to Celebrity Apprentice.