Sunday, May 9, 2004

The Official Stupid Explanation of the Internet

Stephen Soymonoff points me towards the press release via which Pentax announced that theirs was "The Official Digital Camera of the Internet." I believe this is the same way Michael Jackson became "The King of Pop."

• Posted at 4:31 PM · LINK

Things I Spend Too Much Time Thinking About

The Pentax company, as you can see here, bills their product as "The Official Digital Camera of the Internet." How exactly did they get this title?

I understand how a product becomes "The Official Cottage Cheese of the 2004 Olympics." The 2004 Olympics have a management that sanctions such titles in exchange for large sums of cash. If we had enough money, we could go to them and get Groo named "The Official Stupid Comic Book of the 2004 Olympics." And I guess that would somehow boost our sales even though it in no way pertained to the actual quality of what we're selling. That almost makes sense.

But who has the authority to grant titles for the Internet? I mean, even Al Gore doesn't own it.

I've never owned a Pentax camera and you know what this kind of thing makes me think? It makes me think that if they have to whip up a phony award to bestow on themselves, maybe their product isn't very good.

• Posted at 12:58 PM · LINK

Alan King

About ten minutes ago, I was watching a show on The History Channel all about Las Vegas. Alan King was on the screen talking about the town just as I received an e-mail from someone telling me Alan King had passed away. I respected the years and the skill but I somehow never warmed up to the guy on TV. I think at times it was that he dressed too well. I'd see him on Ed Sullivan's show bitching about the airlines and he always struck me as a very wealthy, successful guy who shouldn't have been pretending to speak for the Little Man. My father laughed at him and my aunt asked, "How can he get away with saying such things?"

But I never really laughed, nor did I feel like I was supposed to. He was the comedian of my parents' generation and he sure knew how to entertain those folks. Here's a link to the New York Times obit.

My all-time favorite Alan King performance was not a standup performance but a "concept" record album he made in 1960 called Alan King in Suburbia. It featured monologue material about living in the suburbs, interspersed with very funny songs written by Bobby Worth and Jack Quigley. It's quite hard to find — I scoured the Internet and couldn't even locate a JPEG of its cover to post here — but if you ever spot a copy at a garage sale, grab it. Maybe Dr. Demento will play a couple of cuts in memoriam.

• Posted at 12:45 PM · LINK

Jay and Dave

Here's an interesting discourse on why America prefers Jay Leno to David Letterman. Personally, I think it may be a little simpler than some make it out to be. I think a lot of folks feel Dave is doing the same show over and over, and that he often exudes the traits of a man who doesn't want to be there...whereas it's just more pleasant, especially around bedtime, to be at Jay's party. Those criticisms are now less true than they were for a while there — I think Letterman is a lot better lately than he's been in years and Jay's fallen into formula — but the shifts have been subtle. I still watch 'em both but find myself doing frequent Fast Forwards on the TiVo remote, usually when Jay turns things over to a guest correspondent or Dave cuts to Rupert's Deli.

One of the skills Mr. Carson employed to keep his show fresh for three decades was a good sense of when a bit had gotten tired, and he did not base these decisions primarily on the response of the studio audience. Johnny knew that folks who come to see you tape are (a) more devout fans of the show than average and (b) apt to laugh out of recognition at a segment that would have triggered déjà vu if seen at home. He often retired bits or removed stars from the guest list even though the fans in the seats seemed to like them. One of his writers once told me that Johnny was suspicious of any segment that felt too easy. One of the downsides of Jay and Dave both working so many nights without vacation or guest hosts may be that they can't afford to drop anything that is easy.

• Posted at 10:26 AM · LINK

Hit Me!

I've given it up (quit while I was ahead) but for several years, I was a demon Blackjack player and I'm not sure I can explain why. In 50+ trips to Las Vegas plus a couple to Reno or Laughlin, I have never played Craps, Roulette, Keno or just about any other game besides Blackjack and the occasional stint at Video Poker. I've learned and played them on my computer but while strolling through casinos, I never had the slightest thought of placing a wager. In truth, gambling doesn't interest me but mastering the science and skill of Blackjack did for a time. When it became boring to me, I quit without withdrawal symptoms. Still, for maybe five years of my life, I enjoyed the challenge...and I still play routinely on my computer where, oddly enough, I generally do much worse than I did in real casinos with real money.

And I've recently gotten interested in a TV competition, The World Series of Blackjack on GSN, the station formerly known as Game Show Network. This is a contest taped a few months ago at Connecticut's Mohegan Sun Casino and Resort and aired as seven one-hour shows. All seven have aired and reruns have started with Show #1 airing again this week. The contestants are famous Blackjack players and most are colorful enough that you'll find someone to cheer for...perhaps Stanford Wong, who authored the best books on how to play the game, or Regina Guzior, a champion player who is legally blind. Like all good "reality shows," there are a couple of obnoxious contestants to root against...and I won't ruin things for you by even hinting which kind of person ultimately wins.

Tournament Blackjack play is slightly different from when you're playing one-on-one against the dealer. Everyone at the table plays against the dealer but they also play against each other and adjust bets accordingly. There are also strategies you or I would never employ in a casino. In Tournment play, it is sometimes advisable to hit a hard 18 or double-down on a Blackjack. If you tune in, don't let that kind of thing throw you...and for God's sake, don't say, "Hey, let's try splitting tens next time we go to Harrah's!" Most of the play is pretty standard, though.

GSN airs the show twice on Monday nights, and I think Show #1 is on tomorrow night. One person wins on each of the first five shows, then Show #6 is a "wild card" game where the second-place finishers compete. The winner of that show plus the winners of the first five compete on Show #7 for a $100,000 grand prize. The shows are slickly produced, complete with informative play-by-play and color commentary, and I got swept up in the excitement. A celebrity version is reportedly being taped this month for airing in July.

• Posted at 1:59 AM · LINK

May 10, 2004 • Current • May 8, 2004