Monday, August 8, 2005

An Internet Warning

Whatever you do, if you know what's good for you, don't click on this link. Especially if you don't like llamas.

• Posted at 8:03 PM · LINK

A Remarkable Moment on Television

I enjoy watching MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann, which I think offers the smartest, most candid news coverage on TV. Lately, I've been disappointed at the number of days that Mr. Olbermann has been "on vacation."

It turns out, Keith has been away having a tumor removed from the roof of his mouth. His show today is mainly about the late Peter Jennings and it's really a remarkable, compassionate report on his deceased colleague. But the most startling moment — one of the most powerful things I've seen on TV in years — comes in the last seven minutes of the show. In it, Olbermann reveals what he's been going through as a result of his own smoking, relates it to the death of Peter Jennings due (largely) to smoking...and tells viewers, basically, what idiots they are for continuing to smoke.

I don't smoke and never have, and I am of two minds about it. On the one hand, I believe it kills people and has killed a number of people close to me. On the other hand, I believe people have a right to kill themselves if they're sane and decide that's what they want. So I guess my position is that they should be warned, lectured and berated — at least a little — about it...and then if they decide it's an acceptable trade-off of pleasure versus death and doctor bills, that's their choice.

This episode of Countdown airs again, beginning a little more than two hours from now across much of the country. If you read this message before it does, you might want to set the TiVo or, at least, catch the last seven minutes. If you know someone who needs an anti-smoking warning, you might want to get them to watch. And if anyone out there notices anywhere on the Internet where this video is posted, please let me know so I can link to it.

• Posted at 6:47 PM · LINK

Eating Semi-Healthy

Has anyone else noticed that the "healthier" fast food is going away? A few years ago, we had an outburst of stands where you could get real, non-fried food with the ease of a McDonald's and at a price not far above Wendy's. We're talking about rotisserie chicken or actual carved turkey plus real, fresh side dishes. There are times when I'm hurrying from meeting to meeting and I have to grab a fast lunch. As I have a long list of food allergies and intolerances, I don't like to experiment. I like to know what I'm going to get, and it often helps me to know of the location of (or to stumble across) a Koo Koo Roo, a Kenny Rogers Roasters or a Boston Market. It's especially beneficial when I'm on unfamiliar turf. Coming across one of those businesses can be a lifesaver.

But the trend is away from them. All six of the Kenny Rogers Roasters restaurants I used to frequent (five in Southern California, one in Las Vegas) have closed. In fact, if I read their website correctly, there's only one left in the continental United States, and it's in Maryland. Many of them have turned into outlets of the Wienerschnitzel chain, which is a perfect example of the kind of place I'm trying to avoid.

Koo Koo Roo, which is a West Coast chain, has downsized considerably, shrinking from more than forty outlets to a mere eighteen. Late in 2003, they were purchased out of bankruptcy by the Fuddrucker's chain, which added burgers and fries to the menus in those stores where the kitchen was large enough to accomodate the extra equipment. Koo Koo Roo was once founded on the principle of avoiding burgers and fries, and now that cuisine seems to be effecting a hostile takeover. Many Koo Koo Roo outlets that once served me well are gone and I fear that more will close or just turn into Fuddrucker's. Some of them are already halfway there.

Another takeover by a burger magnate has occurred with the Boston Market chain, which was acquired by McDonald's a few years ago. Boston Market has been especially useful when I've been on trips to other cities. On my recent visit to Scottsdale, for instance, Carolyn and I were driving to the airport, searching for a place en route that would serve up a quick, edible lunch that wasn't Happy Meal fare. I didn't want a Burger King and I didn't want to gamble on an unknown establishment. When we came across a Boston Market, that was it. Their roast turkey is a pretty good option when one needs to eat and their "sweet garlic rotisserie chicken" is better than it sounds.

So why do I have the feeling Boston Market is not long for this world? Because this probably wasn't a restaurant deal. It was more likely a real estate deal. The success of McDonald's was only in part because of its development of fast, easy ways to prep burgers, fries and McNuggets. A lot of it was due to shrewd real estate acquisitions, anticipating property trends and securing key parcels of land for low prices. Boston Market, to the extent it had any success at all, operated the same way, skillfully figuring out where a fast food place might do well amidst new area development and securing a prime location before someone else could. McDonald's didn't acquire the failing Boston Market business to keep things the same way. They're probably going to use most or all of those valuable locales for the other, new wave chains that McDonald's is nurturing, like Donato's Pizza and the Chipotle Mexican Grills. I can't and don't want to eat at either of those.

Not all that long ago, rotisserie chicken and fresh vegetables was the coming thing in fast food. Now, all the chains that offer that are in trouble and the big success stories are things like Carl's Jr's Six Dollar Western Bacon Cheeseburger, which contains a lovely 1,080 calories, half of them from fat. (My usual entree at Koo Koo Roo — two chicken breasts, original style — contains about a third of that.) We keep reading stories about how overweight and out of shape America is getting. There's as good a benchmark as anything.

• Posted at 9:51 AM · LINK

From the E-Mailbag...

Here's a message from Ryan Matney, a reader of this site...

Love your blog as always. I was wondering if you have any interest in seeing the new movie, The Aristocrats by Penn Jillette? More to the point, since you are very knowledgable about comics, performers, and writers, I was wondering if you have any stories or experiences with this joke or know anything of it's history that you care to share? It was new to me when I read about the film. Did you ever hear, say, Paul Winchell or Red Skelton tell it?

There is an internet rumor going around that the film is a hoax and the joke is not in fact a comedian's inside secret but a prank put on film by Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza.

I haven't seen the film but I'd like to. And I'd like to see it with a packed audience, so I guess I'd better hustle out soon. I've just been so swamped lately...

The joke in question is an old joke that has been around for years. It's possible that Mssrs. Jillette and Provenza are exaggerating the extent to which it's infamous among comedians. Like I said, I haven't seen the movie so I'm not sure exactly what is being claimed here. But I have heard the joke a few times over the last few decades...though not from anyone with the status of a Winchell or Skelton. There are actually a number of these "improvisational" jokes where the teller is free to fiddle a lot with the center section and it was probably a brilliant idea to get so many comedians to do their versions of one of them.

• Posted at 12:37 AM · LINK