Thursday, October 27, 2005

Make My Day

Someone has been indicted! Someone has been indicted! Okay, so it's a coin dealer in Ohio...but it's someone.

• Posted at 12:25 PM · LINK

Halloween's Coming!

Time to carve your jack-o-lantern online.

• Posted at 11:21 AM · LINK

Told Ya So

See? No indictments this morning. There will never be any indictments of anyone. Indictments are so over.

In other non-news: George W. Bush has "reluctantly accepted" Harriet Miers' decision to withdraw as a Supreme Court nominee. Just as last night, I "reluctantly accepted" delivery of that Chinese Food I ordered.

• Posted at 8:17 AM · LINK

The Archive of American Television Interviews

First of all, I have nothing to do with these interviews I told you about. If they won't play on your computer, don't come running to me.

I've watched a few of them. The ones that have a good, well-informed interviewer are terrific but in some cases, the interviewer simply doesn't know enough about his subject. This leads to the interviewee being asked a lot of things he's answered many times before or things which are already on the public record. If you put a Carl Reiner mask on me, I think I could have answered about 80% of the questions Mr. Reiner is asked in his little oral history.

A tip for all interviewers: Don't ask your subject what he thinks of each of his friends and co-workers unless you have reason to believe the subject either has a great anecdote about a certain person or that they didn't like them. I can't take interviews that go like this...

INTERVIEWER: So, what was it like to work with Bette Davis?

INTERVIEWEE: Oh, she was so wonderful. What a professional. She was always on time and she always had a great big smile for everyone.

That kind of thing is boring and informs no one. Actors are supposed to be professional and to be on time. So don't even ask that kind of thing unless you suspect it might go like this...

INTERVIEWER: So, what was it like to work with Bette Davis?

INTERVIEWEE: A monster. One time, the stage manager went to get her and he found her shooting crystal meth in her dressing room. She kneed him in the groin and stuck a shiv in his thorax. The cops came and took her away and they had to bring in some drag queen to impersonate her for the rest of the picture.

You see? That's the kind of thing people want to hear...or at least something of more substance than, "Oh, he was great to work with." People in show business say that about everyone, including the people it wasn't great to work with.

Okay, enough for tonight. I'm going to bed. I'm not expecting any indictments tomorrow morning when I wake up. I'm becoming convinced it's like Waiting for Godot except less coherent. The Special Prosecutor is going to empanel another grand jury and then another and another, and for the rest of our lives, we'll be hearing that indicts are imminent. It will go well past the year 2100, by which time we'll have Bushes who aren't even born yet in the White House and the White Sox might (might!) win the World Series again. Good night.