Monday, October 2, 2006

Today's Political Thought

The commercials I've seen for Phil Angelides, the Democratic candidate for governor, have fallen into two categories. One group tells us that he's a great guy who'll work hard for his state. In other words, they look exactly like every candidate's commercials and at the end, you have no idea what's different about this guy. The other group of ads tell us that his opponent, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is a big fan and supporter of George W. Bush, a man only slightly more popular in California than spinach that carries the E. Coli bacteria.

That makes some sense until you stop and think. Let's say, just for the sake of argument, that I'm a Californian with a very low opinion of Bush. Yes, I know it's a stretch but just pretend. Let's say I think Bush is botching up the War on Terror, getting troops killed in Iraq without a solid strategy for success, and at the same time increasing the risk of terrorism by making the world hate us.

Okay...so how is my vote for the governor of California going to change any of that?

I could understand if Angelides was running for the House or the Senate...but governor? What's the governor of California going to do that's going to arrest anything I think Bush is doing wrong? I'm sure there are few small gestures but nothing that really matters. For governor, I want a guy who's going to solve the problems of the state I live in: Energy, budget, pollution, housing, jobs, etc. Angelides seems to have some ideas in those areas and some of them sound pretty good. But his campaign has become all about how we should vote for him because Arnold likes (or liked) Bush. That, plus the fact that Schwarzenegger has pulled a Clinton and beaten the opposition party at enacting some of their agenda, is why Angelides is running 12-17% behind the incumbent in the latest polls. I think this one's over.

• Posted at 10:50 PM · LINK

A Hatful of Ralph

For those of you who grew up in Los Angeles: Here's a nice tribute to the late Ralph Story.

• Posted at 10:36 PM · LINK

Still Cuter Than You

Nothing personal — you may be very cute, especially for a person who spends as much time on the Internet as you do — but baby pandas are cuter than you are. That's because baby pandas are cuter than anyone or anything. They're even cuter than me and, brother, you have to be pretty damn good to outcute me.

(I just had a funny idea that I'm not going to do. I was going to go to Wikipedia and if there isn't a page on "cute," I was going to start one. And then since anyone can post anything on Wikipedia, I was going to put a photo of me on it and then come back here and write something about how I'm so cute that if you look up "cute" on the Internet — and here, I would have provided the link — you see my picture. But I can't figure out how to post on Wikipedia and anyway, they'd just take it down in a day or so because they've never seen me and have no way of knowing how utterly factual and verifiable my cuteness is. It was a good idea, though.)

So where as I? Oh, yes. Baby pandas are appalling cute and that's all there is to it. I'm going to post more pictures of them here in the coming days. A few years ago, I discovered that whenever I posted a photo of Julie Newmar, I got a lot of donations from folks who clicked on links like the one below. Let's see if you people are more susceptible to baby pandas or if I'm going to have to resort to obvious sexual imagery and bring back Julie.

• Posted at 8:03 PM · LINK

Today's Video Link

My all-time favorite TV situation comedy is The Dick Van Dyke Show and one of my favorite episodes (I have many) is "Coast-to-Coast Big Mouth," which was written by Sam Persky and Bill Denoff, and which originally aired on September 15, 1965 as the opener of the show's fifth and final season. It was the second one they filmed that season. Obviously, they knew how wonderful it was and moved it to the kick-off position.

You've all seen it but here's the set-up, just to remind you: Laura Petrie goes on TV game show. Unctuous host tricks her into blurting out that megastar (with mega-ego) Alan Brady wears a hairpiece and is, ergo, bald. Rob and Laura are paralyzed with fear that the vain Brady will not only fire Rob but perhaps also do physical damage to him and/or his loose-lipped spouse. Alan is also in a bad mood because he injured his foot. Laura decides to go to Alan's office in one of her Jackie Kennedy outfits and apologize and hope that he will forgive her and not kill them too much.

There are many things to note here. One is that Carl Reiner was quite willing to play a comedy star who wasn't particularly talented or nice. He was also willing to expose his own lack of follicles. A lot of fine performers wouldn't have done that. Another thing to note is that Dick Van Dyke was willing to hand over most of an episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show to others...in this case, Reiner and Mary Tyler Moore. A lot of fine performers wouldn't have done that.

But the big thing to note is that the problem resolves itself in the way that most plots on the Van Dyke Show resolved themselves: Someone realizes he's being a jerk about something and decides to stop. That was not the norm for sitcoms of the day. Usually, things got resolved via a trick or someone saying to someone else, "I'm going to teach him/her a lesson." If they'd done this episode ten years earlier when every sitcom wanted to be I Love Lucy, it would have gone something like this...

Alan Brady is up for the lead in a big dramatic motion picture directed by some Big Name Director. In an early scene, we see Alan and the B.N.D. and realize how desperate Alan is for the job and we see how the director is almost convinced Alan's the guy...but not quite. Then Laura goes on the game show, loses (not wins) the refrigerator and on her way out, says what she says about the Brady baldness. Alan is livid, not only because his secret's out but because this will surely cost him the movie. Laura goes to apologize and Rob bursts in...and Alan is two seconds from killing the both of them. Then the director suddenly walks in and announces Alan has the part! Alan is thrilled but confused. "Didn't you hear? I'm bald!" The B.N.D. says, "Yes, that's what convinced me! I always saw this character as being bald and I wasn't going to cast you because of your hair. Also, it proves you can act because you did such a brilliant job of convincing everyone you had hair." Alan says, "Then you don't think I'd be an unsexy leading man because I'm bald?" And the director says, "Of course not," and shocks everyone by whipping off his own, hitherto-secret toupee. Everyone has a good laugh and Alan is so thrilled with how it all came out, he gives Rob a raise and buys Laura that refrigerator she didn't win on the stupid quiz show.

That's how it would have gone on some other show...Rob and Laura are saved, not because Alan learns anything or has any moment of human clarity or decency but because contrived plot details turn a disaster into a success. On The Dick Van Dyke Show, with the exception of a few episodes, plot contrivances didn't save the day and even when they did, they made someone realize he was being a jerk and decide to stop. People just acted more like you wish all people would...and they were even funnier for that. Someone deciding to stop being a jerk is the way most problems get resolved in real life — or at least in what I pass off as my real life.

So here's Alan Brady deciding to stop being a jerk. At least, about this one thing. The clip is a little over seven minutes but it's wonderful...

• Posted at 12:23 PM · LINK

The Gold Standard

The other day while driving in my car, I turned on the radio to get some news and got some Vin Scully instead. I guess the Dodgers games have been broadcast for some time on KFWB, nominally one of the local "all news" stations, but I never tuned into one before, by design or accident. In fact, it's probably been a good 40 years since I said, "Hey, let's see how the Dodgers are doing." My interest in baseball was short-lived and didn't extend past the Dodgers lineup that I knew as a kid: Maury Wills, Duke Snider, Willie Davis, Tommy Davis, Don Drysdale, a few other guys...and of course, the legendary Sandy Koufax. I could not name you one member of the current team roster if you had Mr. Koufax about to fire a knuckleball right at my crotch.

But you know what hasn't changed? Vin Scully. I listened to him for the rest of the drive and I enjoyed it so much. I didn't know or care who was playing, didn't care who scored however many runs. The man is just so much fun to listen to.

I remember going to Dodgers games with my father and sometimes, my Uncle Nate. We'd sit in the cheap seats and take along our transistor radios so we could listen to Vin. It wasn't a Dodgers game without Vin...and if you forgot your radio or your battery went dead, that was okay. Because everyone around you in the bleachers brought their radios so they could listen to the Old Redhead, as he sometimes called himself, and you could hear his play-by-play all over the stands. Amazing to realize that the Old Redhead is forty years older and still doing it.

I have a theory that there's going to come a day when baseball games and other athletic events will no longer be heard on radio. This day will not come until long after Mr. Scully has given up his microphone but it will come, I believe. The world is getting just too visual and demanding of the "total" experience in every media situation: Big screen, hi-def, high-tech audio, etc. People won't want to experience even a baseball game except in ideal conditions, and ideal conditions involve seeing it.

Not only that but I believe people of that era, whenever that era comes, won't understand how anyone could listen to baseball or some other athletic events on the radio. They'll say things like, "Let me see if I have this straight. You couldn't see the game so you just heard some guy tell you what was happening? Is that how it was? Did you enjoy your porn the same way? Some guy telling you what was going on?"

And you know how you'll convince them it wasn't insane to experience a baseball game that way? Play 'em a recording of Vin Scully. That's the only way they'll get it.

• Posted at 2:22 AM · LINK

Funny Folks

Here's a link to a new website you'll enjoy. It's a collection of memorabilia relating to Laurel and Hardy, the Marx Brothers, W.C. Fields and other greats in the field of classic film comedy. Wish I had some of that stuff.

• Posted at 1:53 AM · LINK

October 3, 2006 • Current • October 1, 2006