Friday, June 8, 2007

Friday Afternoon Musing

In the early seventies, I worked briefly for a firm that published teen and gossip magazines. I never worked on the gossip ones but I knew the editor. She used to sit in her office, look over photos of all the people who were currently considered gossip-worthy and try to imagine the perfect headline story. This had nothing to do with reality. It was just fantasizing: What could possibly happen to one of these people that I could put on my cover and sell a lot of magazines?

Sometimes, she'd dream up a headline and assign it to a writer. She'd call someone in and say, "The title's going to be 'The secret love nest of Elizabeth Taylor and John Lennon!' Go write me a story to go with it." And then the writer would have to figure out some way to justify the headline. Sometimes, they could do it via half-truths...like writing about some great hotel that both Liz and John had visited at separate times. Sometimes, they'd just plain lie, citing spurious anonymous "close friends of the couple" about the torrid Taylor/Lennon affair. But either way, it started with this editor asking herself what could happen that would sell a lot of magazines to those who loved gossip. I remember her saying that every now and then, she'd imagine up a headline and — well, whadda ya know? — it would turn out to be true.

Paris Hilton going to jail. That's the kind of thing she'd think of. And to make the story even better, Ms. Hilton would get sprung after a few days due to some secret, life-threatening medical condition...and then she'd be dragged, kicking and screaming, back to the pokey.

Yeah, that's just the kind of thing this editor would think of, were she still at it. It's just too perfect.

Meanwhile, Channel Four here in Los Angeles broke into scheduled programming to cover a press conference being held by a senior official in the Sheriff's Department about Ms. Hilton's back-behind-bars drama today. They pre-empted Martha Stewart's show for this, which was only fitting. The last time Channel Four did this was when Martha, another much-despised "rich bitch," was convicted. They wouldn't do that to bring us the capture of Osama Bin Laden...unless, of course, it was at the end of a high-speed chase.

• Posted at 4:34 PM · LINK

Cover Stories

I added a new section to my website a few months ago and forgot to tell anyone about it. It's called Alternate Covers and it's about how comic book companies will sometimes have a cover drawn for a book and then before it goes to press, someone in the office will say, "Jeepers, that sucks" (or words to that effect) and they'll have it retouched or completely redone. Right now, I have sixteen examples of this up, all from Marvel. Others from other companies will follow and of course, if you have an example to share, get in touch with me.

In each case, I'm theorizing as to why the alteration was done and — who knows? — I may even be right in some cases. It's usually a guess and not always a sound one. Years ago, I came across a case where a cover had been redrawn and I developed an intricate but overwhelming theory as to why, having to do with figure placement and conveying the essence of the story within. Finally, I had the opportunity to present it to the fellow who'd made the decision and I expected him to say, "My God, that's exactly what happened. It's like you were in the office spying when I gave the order to have that cover redone!" Instead, he said, "Well, what really occurred was that the day the issue had to go to press, no one could find the cover we'd had drawn..."

• Posted at 11:53 AM · LINK

Good News

There may be more baby pandas in our future. There's nothing in this world as cute as a baby panda. That includes you and even me.

• Posted at 10:57 AM · LINK

Today's Video Link

Here's another version (different from this one) of Jack Benny and Mel Blanc doing the Sí/Sy routine. What's fascinating to me about this one is that it was obviously shot without a live audience. Benny, of course, controls the timing of the entire scene with Blanc responding to his cues. What Jack is doing in it is more or less replicating the timing of the bit as per previous times when they'd done it in front of actual, laughing human beings. He's leaving the proper intervals, presuming that whoever will add the laugh track later will follow his pacing and properly dial down the laughs. Benny even allows himself a slight smirk or two, like he's trying to prevent himself from breaking up, as he probably did when they performed this sketch on a live broadcast. And of course, Mel throughout is perfectly deadpan.

It's also a pretty good job of laugh-tracking, including the faint sound of recognition when Mel is revealed and the "audience" realizes it's this bit again...

• Posted at 9:56 AM · LINK

Merger Mania

The "regulating business" part of the Bush administration seems to consist of letting anyone do any damn thing they want if they think it'll boost corporate income. But according to this article by Daniel Gross, the Federal Trade Commission is inexplicably attempting to block a proposed acquisition of the Wild Oats grocery chain by the Whole Foods grocery chain.

Not being a Wild Oats patron, I have no idea if that would be a good thing from that end...but I do shop Whole Foods to my not-infrequent disappointment. I like the feel of the place. I like the philosophy via which they stock their shelves. I especially like the diversity of selection because I can find many items there I can get nowhere else...or at least not as easily. But I have to keep reminding myself every time I go to one that everything's a little more expensive than you think and that nothing, especially the prepared food, is as good as it looks in the store. The meat comes close but too often, I feel like someone has repackaged an upscale Ralphs to make it seem healthier and trendier, and they're charging you an extra 40% for that.