Monday, October 22, 2007

Adventures in Supermarketing

So a little while ago, I'm on my way home from FedEx and I stop into the store because I need about a dozen things. On my way in, I notice that the check-out lines are almost all very long but there are two "ten items or less" lines that are pretty short. I immediately decide I only need ten items.

I get my ten items and head for checkout. One of the two Express Lines is now very long but the other one is short so I get into it. Then I notice why it's short. The man ahead of me has at least fifty items and is determinedly moving them from his cart onto the conveyor belt. I inform him politely that this is the "ten items or less" line. He looks up at the sign, agrees that that's what it says and resumes moving his 50+ items onto the belt. The rules apparently do not apply to him.

The checker, who has now noticed the problem, informs the fellow that he has too many items for this line. He says he's sorry (he isn't sorry) but he had his cart pretty well unloaded before he was aware of that. He quickly puts the last eight or nine items up on the conveyor belt and announces he's in a hurry and he's not moving his purchases to another line.

The checker informs him that she's sorry (she is sorry) but she can't let him do this. It wouldn't be fair to the others in line. There are about six of us. He says, without polling us on the topic, "That's okay. They won't mind."

I say, "I mind." The lady behind me proclaims that she too minds. In fact, the sentiment is unanimous. We all mind.

The man says, very matter-of-factly, "I'm not moving to another line. You either check me out here or I'm taking my business to another market and never coming back."

The checker says, "We don't want to lose your business, sir, but I can't do that."

"Fine," he says and storms out of the store, leaving his 50-60 items sitting on the conveyor belt. The checker calls over a bagger who begins clearing the guy's selections and returning whatever can be returned to the shelves to the shelves. There are a few pieces of meat that were cut to his specifications and some hot foods that may have to be discarded.

The manager comes over to see what happened and several of us commend the checker for enforcing the rules. He says, "The secret of this job is knowing when to enforce the rules and when not to. And if you're not sure, you always side with the rules."

By this point, the conveyor belt is clear so I begin loading my selections onto it. As I do, I realize that I have miscounted and I have eleven items. I quickly ditch a can of Campbell's Bean With Bacon Soup. Just to not cause trouble.

• Posted at 7:32 PM · LINK

Making Stuff Up

In the Republican debate the other night, Governor Mike Huckabee told the audience that the signers of the Declaration of Independence were "brave people, most of whom, by the way, were clergymen."

And that's true if you believe that one out of 56 is "most."

• Posted at 6:54 PM · LINK

Today's Bonus Video Link

I already told you about the lovely birthday party for June Foray last Friday night. Harry McCracken did me one better. He shot video of her gracious speech, posted it to YouTube and put a link on his website. You can go over there and read what he had to say, and you can watch the video either here or there.

• Posted at 6:33 PM · LINK

Chuck McCann Alert! Chuck McCann Alert!

Every time I mention Chuck McCann on the ol' blog here, I get a ton of e-mails from folks who are immense fans of him and everything he does. So I'll mention that he plays a "crazy judge" (that's how he described it) on Boston Legal tomorrow night and next week. And I'll mention that Chuck has a website which includes some terrific video clips of him in action. Hunt around and you may even find the commercial he did for Right Guard deodorant with Groucho Marx.

• Posted at 1:23 PM · LINK

Recommended Reading

Conservative (sort of) columnist Andrew Sullivan discusses The Daily Show With Jon Stewart and The Colbert Report. I think Sullivan (sort of) misses a key point, which is that the humor of those programs is largely about the people and not their politics. A President who stumbles over every sentence, a Vice-President who shoots people in the face, a Senator caught in a men's room scandal...that stuff is the mother lode of current events comedy writing, no matter which party the players represent. And both Comedy Central shows are more about the pundits and the press than the elected officials, anyway. When he says, "...but the bipartisan guest list cannot disguise the anti-establishment, liberal bent of the show," he seems unaware that comedy, by its very nature, is usually anti-establishment. If you're going to laugh at someone slipping on a banana peel — and I never have but it's a metaphor — it's funnier if it's a rich fat cat and not a poor or powerless individual. Comedy doesn't have to be liberal but it's probably easier that way.

• Posted at 11:00 AM · LINK

Today's Video Link

This is a commercial for one of the dullest toys I can recall from my childhood. I didn't have one but Johanna Preuss down the block did. I think she got it second-hand and I think we played with it for a whole ten minutes before it went into the closet forever. One can only imagine the meeting at the Remco Toy Company when someone said, "Hey, you know what kids really like? Pretending they own and operate a drive-in movie theater!" You'll notice they tell you the projected images are great but don't show you an example. I think it was just a cheap slide projector that put up a few fuzzy still shots.

I don't know who the boy is but the girl is apparently Patty Duke, who at the time — around '58, I'd say — was twelve years old and working constantly in live TV and commercials. Shortly after this, she appeared on Broadway in The Miracle Worker, playing a young girl who was deaf and blind — in other words, exactly the target audience for this toy.

• Posted at 2:29 AM · LINK