There was one season of Hawaii Five-O where it seemed like every week, about forty-seven minutes into the show, the following would occur. Steve McGarrett would be sitting in his office after hours and with the lights down. Everyone else would have gone home for the night but McGarrett, being the dedciated supercop that he was, would be sitting there, just staring out the window, wondering about that week's master criminal who had to be caught in the next thirteen minutes, not counting station breaks.
Someone would find him there...someone (say, Danny Williams) who'd come back to the office late because he forgot something. He'd be amazed to find McGarrett still there, still on the job. But he'd also be unamazed because he, like everyone, knew the kind of stuff from which Steve McGarrett was made. "What are you thinking about, boss?" he'd ask, even though he knew full well what McGarrett was thinking about.
McGarrett would swivel around in his office chair and point or otherwise indicate the window with its beautiful nighttime view of Hawaii. And with a tightening of the throat and jaw, telling us how personal this whole matter was to him, McGarrett would say in a strong but frustrated voice...
"He's out there, Danno...and he's mocking us."
Why do I bring this up? Because The Kitten is out there somewhere and she's mocking me.
I think one of you tipped her off. She keeps coming around — four times so far today and it's just past sundown. Each time, she avoids the entrance to the trap. She walks all around it. She sniffs the sardine that has been placed inside. She acts as if she even wants that sardine...
But does she go in and get it? Ha. If she'd go in and get it, would I be sitting here, resurrecting old Hawaii Five-O memories? She also won't let me get near her at all today. Runs off faster than the audience for some shows I've written.
I wanted to trap her in the morning so she wouldn't have to sit in the trap all night before I can take her in to the vet. Trouble is, tomorrow morning my yard and the neighbor's will be full of gardeners and that usually scares the animal population off for a day. So if I can't get her tonight, it may be a while.
Still, I'm not giving up. Why? Because Steve McGarrett never gave up. Then again, he only had to catch psycho mass murderers. He never had to face the treachery and craftiness of The Kitten. She's out there and she's mocking me.
Here's a scene you may remember from It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World — the demolition of a service station by Jonathan Winters and two attendants. The attendant on the left is the brilliant comic actor Arnold Stang. The attendant on the right is the also-brilliant Marvin Kaplan...and this is a plug for Marvin's appearance tomorrow on Stu's Show, the "must listen" talk show on Shokus Internet Radio.
Marvin has had a long, wonderful career, appearing in countless TV shows and movies. I'll mention two roles. One was his recurring part as a diner patron on the long-running series, Alice. Another was his expert voice work as Choo-Choo on the Hanna-Barbera series, Top Cat. (Mr. Stang, of course, played Top Cat.) He has also been a mover and shaker in actors' rights groups and a special champion of "the little guy" in actors' unions that could easily forget about such people if they didn't have a Marvin Kaplan there to speak up.
I've worked with Marvin a few times on cartoon shows and he's a wonderful gentleman who makes everything he says sound interesting. (I also saw him once give an amazing dramatic performance in a production of The Dybbuk. He can do a lot more than tear down gas stations.)
And like I said, he's guesting tomorrow with your genial host, Stuart Shostak, along with equally-genial co-host Earl Kress. It all happens live (so you can call in with questions) from 4 PM to 6 PM Pacific Time, three hours later if you're in that silly time zone that's three hours later. To access it, go during those hours to the website for Shokus Internet Radio and click where they tell you to click. The show reruns throughout the week but I know you. You'd rather hear it live. There are also other fine programs to listen to there, by the way.
Has anyone here been watching the prime-time Price is Right lately? This version is the special Price is Right Million Dollar Spectacular...aptly named because they've been giving out million dollar prizes the way Larry King gives out alimony checks. They've had three winners of that amount-plus since the end of February. (By that, I mean these people won a million bucks in cash plus whatever cars or washing machines they also won.) Here's the most recent win, which involved an amazing bit of dumb luck...
Remember what an event it was the first time they gave out a million smackers on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Notice how even though it's been on since the end of '05, Deal or No Deal still hasn't given out the million dollar top prize? I'll bet they will soon, no matter how easy they have to make it.
Ratings are down on the daytime Price is Right since Bob Barker left...and not just because they can't match the "surge" in numbers during Bob's final weeks. Anywhere from 13 to 15% fewer viewers are turning in as matched against comparable weeks from the Barker years. This is no surprise to most of us and I don't think it's even a reflection on Drew Carey's hosting abilities. I think the show had just gotten stale and the changeover of hosts just afforded some folks a simple stopping point in their viewing.
But the nighttime Price, the one where they give away the millions, is doing great in the ratings. Since the money is the only real difference, that's the message to programmers: You want numbers? Create millionaires. I dunno how long that will be cost-effective but we'll probably see a lot more of that before America grows bored with the big wins. (Another thing I'm thinking is that it's probably a lot harder than it used to be to get into the audience for Price is Right tapings so you can be eligible to "Come on down.")
And I can't help but point something out...
The Price is Right is a non-Writers Guild show. The show is written, of course. There are words on cue cards, words on TelePrompters, little sketches in the Showcases at the end, etc. Someone writes that but the producers don't want that someone to join the WGA so they claim that person is not a writer. All the old Goodson-Todman game shows (I've Got a Secret, Match Game, What's My Line?, etc.) were always non-signatories and the firm that now owns The Price is Right has continued that tradition.
The amounts of money it would cost for a show like that to become a WGA signatory are always pretty small. Unless they're really paying slave wages to the folks doing the work, we're talking a microscopic percentage of the budget. On a show that's throwing around million dollar checks, even the word "microscopic" seems insufficient to describe how insignificant it would be to the program. Might mean something to the writer, though...and might even yield a better program. The daytime show, which can't afford to dole out millions, could especially do with a little cleverness. And so will the prime-time one when viewers get jaded from watching the money.
April 9, 2008
