Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Kitten Problem - Update

Last night, I was up 'til all hours — 4:30 ayem — alternately working on a Garfield project and dealing with a cat who's almost as crafty. The Kitten, as I call her, was around the yard all evening and I actually lured her into the trap four separate times without managing to spring the door and seal her inside. I found, by the way, that chunks of tuna worked better than anything else as bait.

The trap, as I'm sure I've explained, is a long, narrow cage. You open a spring-loaded door on either end and set a rod to hold it open. Inside the cage, there's a little floor panel that's connected to that rod and when the animal steps upon said floor panel, the rod holding the door open disengages and the door comes slamming down, sealing the critter inside.

Well, that's how it's supposed to work...accent on the "supposed" part.

Twice, The Kitten managed to walk in, get the food and miss the floor panel. Her front paws were past it, her back ones were behind it and she never put her weight on it. Now I know how the Coyote feels when those shoddy, inferior Acme products fail to trap the Road Runner.

Third time she went in, I was standing as close by as I dared stand...just inside the patio door. I was poised to sneak out and spring the trap behind her once she was inside — and I came damned close. It's just that I have feet the size of Cadillac Escalades. She heard me and bolted a micro-second before the lid slammed shut. Missed it, as a certain Mr. Smart used to say, by that much.

Okay, I decided. Fourth time's the charm. I got a mop and I figured I'd use that to trip the door from a few feet away. I waited 'til my nemesis was wholly inside the trap and was nibbling Star-Kist...I slid the patio door open without a sound...I hefted my mop handle and started moving it towards the latch...

And then along came a possum.

This big, homely possum came waddling up to the porch in search of the food that's usually out there. The Kitten got distracted and I could see her getting ready to sprint from the trap. I lunged with my mop handle but it was too late. She was past the barrier when it came crashing down. Thanks, you big, homely possum, you.

By then, it was four in the morn. I was tired of it all and I figured it would be at least an hour before The Kitten forgot about the experience and could be enticed into the trap again...if she even came back at all after that scare. So I gave up. I unset the trap (if I left it open, I'd probably catch the wrong cat again or a raccoon or that big, homely possum) and I went to bed. This morning at 8:15 when I checked, The Kitten wasn't around...and soon the neighborhood was swarming with men using leaf blowers so I doubt I'll see her for a while.

I didn't mean this to take so much of your time, people. If I'd known it was going to take this long, I wouldn't have started doing it diary-style here. But thank you for all the e-mails of advice and I hope to end our long national nightmare soon.

• Posted at 2:26 PM · LINK

Today's Video Link

While I'm out stalking pussycats, you can watch the trailer for Billie, a 1965 movie that starred Patty Duke. Ms. Duke was, as the trailer generously informs us, the star of The Patty Duke Show. I'm sure that cleared things up for many puzzled moviegoers.

This is maybe the most "sixties" movie ever made and I'm not recommending you seek it out; just that you watch the trailer, which I believe was voiceovered by Mason Adams. I think Patty Duke was (and still is) an amazingly skilled actress but there was a time there when someone who didn't have her best interests at heart was trying to market her as Annette Funicello or I don't know what. It was probably the same person who picked out the wig she's wearing.

Billie had a terrific supporting cast which included Jim Backus, Warren Berlinger (in his teen heartthrob days), Billy DeWolfe and our favorite character actor, Charles Lane. That's Charles Lane playing the coach at the beginning of this...in scenes, by the way, shot on the campus of University High School in West Los Angeles. I ran around that track many a time in my day...a few years after Patty Duke but with much the same hairdo. It's quite an odd film but remember — if you ever get the chance to see it — that I did not recommend you do any such thing.

• Posted at 11:11 AM · LINK

The Kitten Problem - Part 9

She's still out there and she's still mocking me.

• Posted at 9:39 AM · LINK

Recommended Reading

Today, when I wasn't writing or trying to trap feral felines, I watched a little of the Senate hearings on our Iraq strategy or lack thereof. If I were a supporter of the war, I think I would have been upset at how poorly the case for it is being made. Fred Kaplan, who is far wiser than I, reports on what he heard.

• Posted at 3:35 AM · LINK