I don't know how often this has happened: I'm going somewhere, fretting I'll be tardy for an important appointment...and there's no place to park. Around and around I drive, the level of fret increasing...

And then I spot an empty parking space!

I pull in, probably doing one of those time-consuming parallel jobs. I turn off my engine, unbuckle the old seat belt, gather what I need to gather, get out, head for the meter with coins in hand —

— and the meter's busted.

Now, I knew that in L.A. you didn't have to pay then but sometimes this happens in an outlying area like Santa Monica...and I'm not certain it's not different there. Sometimes also, I can't see why the meter isn't working and I fear it'll be fine once I leave my car there and go off...and I'll return to a ticket. Once in a while, I'll get back in the car and go off to find another space...and I realize that the reason that space was empty was because someone else either thought like I did or didn't know that it's ever legal to park at a busted meter.

Well, now it's not. So what's going to happen is that those spaces will be vacant and we'll all pull our cars into them, turn off our engines, unbuckle our seat belts, etc. — and then find out that the meter's broken and we can't park there. Like I said, that's going to be real annoying.

I linked to a couple of videos of their work here, here, here, here, here, here and even here. Today's video is someone's home movie from back when Big Daddy worked at Disneyland. They'd start each set by playing real fifties music and then segue over to their anachronistic delights. My thanks to Brighton Roc for telling me about this one...

Not that anyone's opinion matters but yours on a topic like this but I much prefer Five Guys to In-N-Out. I used to really like In-N-Out but my last half-dozen visits have all been disappointing and I've been wondering if they've changed or I have. Since their sales seem to be higher than ever, I'm guessing it's me. I'm not a big fan of McDonald's except that there are times, especially at airports, when they're just plain dependable and convenient...and maybe unavoidable. I still prefer them to Burger King and Jack-in-the-Box by a wide margin...and the last two times I went to Carl's Jr were the last two times I'll ever go to Carl's Jr. I like Wendy's, and White Castle struck me as a fun place to eat...once. (In light of McDonald's low rating, I assume none of the voters were factoring french fries into their evaluations. Five Guys really leaves In-N-Out in the dust if you're taking fries into account.)

By the way: If you do have to eat at a McDonald's, the best hamburger I've found there is the Quarter Pounder without cheese. This requires a bit of explanation. Once upon a time, you could go to a McDonald's and order a Quarter Pounder with or without cheese and they had both ready-made and rarin' to go...and probably sitting there for five or ten minutes before you ordered. At some point, they stopped pre-making them without cheese so now it's a special order and if you're lucky, they'll grill up a fresh (i.e., frozen) patty just for you. Any McDonald's hamburger has its shortcomings but they're all a lot better in the unlikely event you get them hot off the grill.

Thanks to Vince Waldron for letting me know about this survey. The gesture of my friend Vince is all the more touching when I consider that he's a vegetarian.

So here's Colleen, who doesn't make such mistakes...and who is generously outspoken in advising others not to...

The last time here I wondered aloud about what the war had accomplished, I received two long e-mails from servicemen — one still in Iraq, one now over in Afghanistan, explaining Iraq from their viewpoints. They seemed to have been fighting completely different wars for different purposes and with different results.

Here's a clip I can't embed but it's sure worth a trip over to YouTube to hear it. It's audio only of the first three minutes of Johnny Carson's first Tonight Show for October 1, 1962.

Quick explanation: At the time, the Tonight Show was an hour and forty-five minutes in some markets, 90 in others. This was because some stations ran a 15-minute late newscast before it and some had a half-hour. So the show would start at 11:15 (10:15 Central) and they'd do whatever they did, going to a commercial break at 11:28 or so. When they came back from that break, the show would have another opening billboard and it would more-or-less start over for those just joining it. Once Johnny was ensconced as host, he'd do his opening monologue in the first fifteen minutes and do some comedy bit or maybe even have on a first guest who was expendable for much of the country.

But Johnny felt his monologue wasn't expendable. Later on when he was successful and had some clout, he began to object to the arrangement. He stopped doing the first fifteen minutes of his own show, leaving that to Ed McMahon and bandleader Skitch Henderson. They'd host that part and then Johnny would appear at 11:30 and do his monologue for the full roster of stations. Eventually, the first fifteen went away completely.

On his first night, they wanted all of America to see his debut so Groucho Marx came in, did the first fifteen minutes and then introduced Johnny. And you'll hear that intro if you click here. I didn't know this still existed and I am, of course, curious if the rest of this episode does.

Basically, the reason is that the amount of opportunities is finite but the number of applicants is not.

For the purposes of this discussion, I'm going to lump together people who want to write, people who want to draw, people who want to act, people who want to play major league baseball...all those professions where in one way or another, you audition and if the right person says, "Hey, you're the one," you get paid to do what you want to do. There are obviously differences between those professions but they share this in common: Lots of people want to do them and there can never be enough opportunities for them all. The roster of a professional baseball team is limited to 25 players. Obviously, there are a lot more than 25 people who dream of playing for the Yankees. Some of them may be extremely skilled but they're going to get turned away because the team can only accommodate 25 of them.

People who aspire to such jobs often forget this. They think of it as a contest: Can they prove they're good enough to get the person or persons who makes/make the selection think they're good? Yes, that's the game but it's only part of it. Because most of the time when you succeed at that, others have as well. You're not the only victor. The hiring entity has ten or twenty good people and one job...and that's when it comes down to whims or going eenie-meenie-minie-mo. Too many people, not enough openings.

The system by which such jobs are awarded is a subjective, unpredictable one. You and/or your work are evaluated. Someone makes a judgment based on taste or hunches or whatever. But no matter what criteria they use, no matter how they go about deciding who they want, there are this many people and that many jobs, and at some level, there's nothing you can do about that. Each year, 53 beautiful women are finalists in the Miss America pageant. Each year, 52 beautiful women don't win and wonder, "Why couldn't it have been me?" And the answer is that it probably could have been but 52 had to lose. It's not like the one who won is the only good-looking one in the crowd. They're all gorgeous. They all pretty much fit the criteria via which the decision is made. But there can only be one Miss America per year, at least until the nude photos surface.

I occasionally find myself in a hiring position and I don't enjoy it. Actually, I enjoy the hiring part but I really, really hate the calls and e-mails and not-so-subtle hints from friends that result in me having to say, "Sorry, there's no opening." That is much more often the case than, "Sorry, you're not good enough." Usually, it doesn't even get as far as me deciding if the person can do the job. I've already filled it so I don't have to decide if each new applicant is the best choice. But I know that usually doesn't satisfy them...and some of them get very frustrated or even angry.

If you make the decision that your profession is going to be one of those where you have to keep auditioning, literally or implicitly, it sure helps to understand that it will involve this Luck of the Draw. Being great at what you do doesn't get you jobs. It puts you in the first tier for selection, along with a batch of other folks who are great, for when there are jobs. To get angry or frustrated at this system is silly. It's like an unemployed plumber getting mad because not enough people have dripping sinks this week. If you can't accept this, you're just going to make yourself unhappy...and/or spend a lot of time trying to change a situation that you're powerless to change.

Mr. Sherman hosted from Monday, August 5 through Friday, August 9. On Monday's show, he came out and issued a challenge to Cary Grant, who at the time was about the handsomest, classiest man in the movie business...and someone who'd never really done television. Sherman explained that the short, pudgy guy we all saw on TV and on the covers of his record albums was a character he'd created; that he really looked just like Cary Grant but that the other look just seemed more fitting for a guy who sang quasi-Jewish song parodies. The challenge was to come on the program and allow America to make a side-by-side comparison and determine which of them was the more adorable.

That was on Monday. On Tuesday night's show, Sherman came out and announced he had not heard a peep from Cary Grant. This, of course, was an admission that Cary was afraid to let the public decide. And then on Wednesday afternoon, Sherman received a telegram of concession from Grant and on Thursday, an off-the-air phone call. I believe Grant apologized to him, explaining that he was shooting a movie (probably Charade) or he'd have flown back to New York and appeared on the show to properly button the gag. But Sherman had fun with it, anyway. The video below starts with the opening of the show from Wednesday night, then cuts to a statement he made on Friday night to sum up. My thanks and amazement to Barry Mitchell for digging this up...

The gentleman at left in the above photo is my best friend — or at least, my best friend with facial hair. Sergio Aragonés and I have been buddies since around 1969 and collaborators since around 1976 and during that time, we've had exactly one argument which lasted less than five minutes. (It was over a scene in Groo that had to do with showing some sheep being killed.)

Sergio may well be the most-honored cartoonist ever. If there's an award you can get for drawing silly pictures, he's got at least one of 'em, maybe several. When we go places, I see folks line up to meet him. Many are wanna-be artists who think just being next to the guy is going to make them better in some way. I'm not sure it doesn't for some. I don't draw any better because of our association. In fact, if anything, it's caused me to practice less because...well, what's the point of drawing when he's around? It's not like you could possibly be as good or as fast or as funny. But others are so inspired by him that I'm sure it makes them better. And folks who don't aspire to cartooning careers like being around him because he's just a neat guy.

Today is his birthday. I know which one but it really doesn't matter because he's not that age. Not spiritually, at least. The secret of Sergio's creativity is all about attitude and in his outlook on the world, which is always fresh and funny and young. Remember what I wrote here recently about how writers should love writing? Well, Sergio loves drawing. Still does and always will. And doing something you love, day in and day out, turns out to be a great way to never get old. So Happy Sergio Day to all and especially to Sergio!

Oh, by the way: The man on the right in the photo is named Jack Davis. He's a pretty good cartoonist, too.

Sad to hear of the passing of the award-winning political cartoonist Paul Conrad, who leaves us at the age of 86. This article and this one will tell you about him and show you a few of his wonderful, usually-angry graphic editorials. And check out this gallery of a few of his cartoons.

Conrad had three qualities that made him perfect for the job: He could draw, he could spot irony in all its forms and he could get outraged. Politicians infuriated him and he went after every single one who mattered and some who didn't. A staunch Liberal on most but not all issues, he was remembered most for his savaging of Ronald Reagan, Barry Goldwater and Richard Nixon...but he was also not particularly nice to Lyndon Johnson, Ted Kennedy or Bill Clinton. And he was never nastier to anyone than he was to the Mayor of Los Angeles from 1961-1973, Sam Yorty. If you're tallying his Democratic targets versus his Republicans, you'll have trouble with Yorty, who was a Democrat who always sided with the G.O.P. But really, the final score is that Conrad spared no one who was in power while he was wielding his pen.

During much of this time, his cartoons were so scathing that they seemed to characterize the entire Los Angeles Times. It's hard to tell quite where it stands these days but when Otis Chandler was in charge of the Times, it was a very Conservative newspaper in every aspect but for Conrad...and when he went after Nixon or Reagan, their supporters ignored the Times' steadfast support of both men and decried it as a Commie-Liberal-Democratic rag. That his savaging of the left went so unnoticed by outraged Nixonites seemed to amuse Conrad. One time, he was on TV with Joe Pyne, who was kind of the Sean Hannity of his day. Pyne took issue with an anti-Nixon cartoon of Conrad's and said something like, "I notice you never have anything bad to say about any Democrat." Conrad calmly responded by picking up the book he was there to plug — a book Pyne had just held up for the cameras — and displaying page after page of anti-L.B.J. cartoons. Then he said something like, "It's been obvious for some time, Joe, that you don't know how to read but I thought even you could look at the pictures."

In April of '07, I got to meet and talk with him at a local book fest. He was sitting there, sucking on an unlit pipe and scowling a bit but once we got to chatting, he was quite affable and you could sense a great, non-egotistical pride in his body of work. I asked him about his cartoons depicting Mayor Yorty as one step away from the looney bin and Conrad said he thought in hindsight, he'd been too kind to the man. Frankly, I don't think he was ever very kind to anyone except, of course, his readership. He always did right by them.

I didn't know Robert Schimmel and didn't see nearly enough of him...but he was a very funny man with a fresh, honest way of reporting on the world. I think I even liked him being interviewed more than I enjoyed him on stage. My pal Paul Harris, who's the best interviewer on radio, has posted two audio clips of long chats he had with Schimmel and I recommend them to you. If you only have time to listen to one, listen to the second one in which he tells a hilarious — and I'm sure, absolutely true — story about his mother and a porn actor.

He also tells a story about having a colonoscopy. His doctor, he says, plays music during the procedure...so Schimmel made a funny CD for the occasion and had it played instead. It was so funny, he reports, that the doctor started playing it for his other patients. This is good to know because that's my gastroenterologist too and next time I go in for something, I'm going to demand the Schimmel soundtrack.

In 1977, back when Tom Snyder followed that program with his, Rob Reiner guest-hosted for Johnny Carson. His guests were basically his buddies — Harry Shearer, Billy Crystal and Albert Brooks. Since I like all four of those folks, I wanted to see it but I had to be somewhere else that evening. Fortunately, I'd just gotten my first VCR...and this was before VHS, before Betamax. Such machines were making their way into the marketplace but I didn't have one. I had this clunky Panasonic U-Matic machine that took huge 3/4" video cassettes. Usually, you used one of those with tapes that held one hour or less. There were 90 minute cassettes but the tape in them was so thin that it often jammed. I don't think I ever had a 90 minute cassette that lasted very long. The second or third time you recorded on one, it would snarl and you'd have to toss it out.

Since The Tonight Show was then 90 minutes, I inserted one in my VCR, set the timer and went out. I got home just as Mr. Snyder's Tomorrow Show was commencing and as I watched his opening, I heard something like the following. This is a paraphrase from memory but I do distinctly recall that Snyder was obviously pissed and practically had steam coming out of his ears...

You know, when you do a show like this, you're always at the mercy of the ratings...and sometimes, when they're down, that's your fault and sometimes, you pay the price for the sins of others. For years, Johnny Carson has delivered a strong lead-in, for which all of us here are grateful. People watch Johnny 'til the end and a lot of them stay tuned for us, and it's helped make this show a success. But some nights, Johnny's off and you get a lead-in like we got tonight from this person named Rob Reiner. We all watched his show, which was taped earlier, before we sat down to do this and...well, most of you probably saw it and it was embarrassing. Mr. Reiner is wonderfully entertaining on All in the Family but he's just not cut out to host a show like that and I'm sure he knows it now because of all the flop sweat we all saw coming off our screens. He had on Albert Brooks, who usually makes me laugh, and he did this bit I don't understand about throwing his clothes in the air and...well, you saw it. Not a snicker. There was a lot of that show that wasn't very funny and that isn't a crime. It happens in television. What got me was that for some reason, Rob Reiner started taking cheap shots at me. Hey, I had nothing to do with that show but here he is on the screen, joking about how poorly it was going and telling America, "Well, at least you can go to bed now and not have to watch that idiot Tom Snyder after this." And I think, "You know, we work hard here to do our little show without much money and without much promotion. It doesn't help us to have a bad show on before us and for that bad show to be telling people to turn off their sets and go to bed. I wonder how long All in the Family would have been on if the show before it did that. Mr. Reiner, I'm not the reason you had a bad night on television. Don't take your failings out on me."

As I said, that's from memory and it's by no means verbatim, but I think I got the attitude right. Snyder looked like he wanted to run over and deck Reiner. Naturally, once I heard that, I couldn't wait to see what had happened on The Tonight Show preceding it...but I never did. The 90-minute cassette jammed during rewind and the tape was trashed. I even attempted reconstructive surgery, opening the cassette and trying to smooth things out but no luck.

There must have been something to what Snyder said. The next night, he opened his show by reading a note he'd received — a pretty humble, sincere apology from Rob Reiner. Tom accepted the mea culpa, called Reiner a true gentleman and the matter was never raised again. I did, of course, wonder about what had happened on The Tonight Show but it didn't seem like anything I would ever see. They didn't rerun shows with guest hosts.

Recently, someone put about eight minutes of that Tonight Show up on YouTube. It's not the Albert Brooks bit and it's not the end of the show, which is when (I understood) Reiner said whatever he said that ticked Snyder off. It's Harry Shearer and Billy Crystal performing a rather funny parody of...Tom Snyder. I never knew they'd done such a thing on the program. Watching it now, I don't think it alone is what upset Snyder. It's not cruel but the intro is kinda close to what Snyder complained about...so I'm wondering now if some or all of my previous assumptions were correct. Particularly in light of that sincere apology, I assumed Snyder had accurately characterized what Reiner had done.

What makes me wonder is that around 1980 or so, I got to have lunch with Tom Snyder. That sentence sounds like it was a closer relationship than it actually was. I was dining at Hamptons, a restaurant in Burbank, with a couple of TV producers and Bruce McKay, an NBC exec who had worked for Snyder. Because of Bruce, our group was invited (more like commanded) to join a nearby table where Snyder was lunching with an entourage and we all sat there for at least an hour enjoying The Tom Snyder Show as he held court. He was a loud, overpowering presence but very, very interesting and witty as he told stories, ventured opinions, etc. One topic I recall was that someone asked him about the by-now-defunct parodies of him on Saturday Night Live by Dan Aykroyd. Snyder made it clear that while he respected Aykroyd's talents and would have been flattered by the occasional spoof, he thought the sketches came out of some deep, inexplicable (he used the word, "pathological") hatred of him by the show's producers and writers.

One thing I especially recall is that he said it was frustrating to him because none of the NBC executives ever watched his show — a statement that Bruce McKay said was only a slight exaggeration. Snyder continued, "Apparently, not one of them knows how to put a video cassette into a tape machine and watch last night's Tomorrow Show. What they do watch is Saturday Night Live and they get confused and they think that's me. They think my show is like that." He told an anecdote about how an NBC vice-president had said something to him about a remark he [Snyder] had made on his show a week or two earlier. Tom hadn't recalled making the remark and later, when he mentioned it to one of his associates, they said, "Oh, that's something Dan Aykroyd said a few weeks ago when he was doing you."

Anyway, I don't know exactly what it was in that Reiner-hosted Tonight Show that upset Tom Snyder but I don't think it was this spoof of him by Shearer and Crystal. Matter of fact, I think I remember Snyder in some interview praising Harry Shearer's impression of him and the way he said it made it sound like he was saying it to indicate that he didn't much like the Aykroyd imitation. And I've gone on way too long about this so I suggest you just watch the clip...