Here's another one of those "Have you ever done this?" questionnaires. I covered some of those in a previous one of these but there are some new ones here…
- Been married – Came close three or four times but no.
- Been divorced – Can't get unhitched if you never got hitched.
- Fallen in love – More times than you might imagine. (I assume this refers to falling in love with people as opposed to comic books or good restaurants…)
- Skipped school – Only when told to do so by school officials.
- Had a child – Pretty sure the answer to this is no, but a lady friend with a weird sense of humor once tried to make me think it was imminent.
- Rode in an ambulance – Yes but only to accompany someone in medical need. Some very sad memories there.
- Been to Hawaii – Never left the continent on which I was born.
- Been to Paris – See "Been to Hawaii."
- Been to Las Vegas – Many, many times. I even saw Wayne Newton once back when you really hadn't been to Vegas until you'd seen Wayne Newton. He kissed everyone in my row except me and the only other guy in it.
- Been to Canada – Three times. Really enjoyed two of 'em.
- Been to Italy – See "Been to Hawaii."
- Visited Mexico – Driven right up to the border but never gone beyond.
- Swam in the Pacific – Yes. If you can call what I did "swimming."
- Swam in the Caribbean – See "Been to Hawaii."
- Swam in the Atlantic – Nope. As a Californian, I believe in being Ocean Loyal.
- Been to New Zealand – See "Been to Hawaii." I really have no desire to see the world or to sit on an airplane for longer than the flight time to New York.
- Been to Australia – It's sixteen hours. Pass.
- Been to Tahiti – As you may have figured out by now, I am not well-traveled.
- Flown in a helicopter – No. I was supposed to once but it got canceled due to bad weather.
- Been on a cruise – Nope. And can't think of too many things I less want to do.
- Gone camping – Nope. And that's one of the things I less want to do.
- Served on a jury – Served jury duty several times but never got close to being a juror.
- Danced in the rain – Very little movement in my life could be accurately described as "dancing" and it was all indoors.
- Been to California – From the moment I was born here.
- Been to New York – Many, many times. One of the few things I would have liked to do since COVID entered our lives but couldn't do because COVID entered our lives was go to New York. Also, I can get there in the time it takes to fly to New York.
- Sang karaoke – No and I think those who might have been around me if I had should be more grateful.
- Been on TV – Yes. Sometimes reluctantly. I always feel like there are people who belong there more than I do.
- Had a grandchild – I am even surer I have not had a grandchild than I am that I've never had a child.
- Had a pet(s) – One cat, several parakeets, a whole mess of goldfish and frogs when I was quite young and also, if you count feral cats fed in my backyard, a lot of those. Also, I have a blog — which at times can feel like the same thing. You need to check on it all the time, you need to feed it, etc.
- Been downhill skiing – No. And you didn't ask about ice skating. I haven't done that either. Or roller skating. Or anything with a toboggan or a snowmobile or water skiing or hang gliding or anything like that.
- Been water skiing – You're not paying attention. I just answered this question.
- Rode on a motorcycle – Never even ridden a bicycle with less than three wheels. And even then, I sometimes fell over.
- Jumped out of a plane – Nope. I used to think that was one of those "Are you crazy?" activities but if I was younger and if a video like the one of James Corden doing it was around then, I might have considered it…emphasis on the "might."
- Been to a drive-in movie – Yes but not in the last fifty years. I'm not even sure where I'd find one these days. I haven't looked because I recall it as the absolute worst way possible to see a movie.
- Rode an elephant – No. I once had the associate producer of a TV show I was writing rent one just because I wanted to see if he'd actually do it. He did it so we had to write it into the show and they brought it to the set but it wasn't a riding elephant. It was mainly a defecating elephant.
- Rode a horse – No unless you count merry-go-rounds.
- Donated blood – Yes but they don't seem to want mine unless it's to put back into me when I've had surgery.
- Got a piercing – Can't even stand to look at them.
- Got a tattoo – Can't even stand to look at them.
- Driven a stick shift vehicle – Never. Someone tried to teach me once and it instantly struck me as high on the list of Things I Dont Need To Know, right behind changing a diaper, using an abacus and milking a goat.
- Been scuba diving – Sort of but not really. What I did was scuba diving the same way microwaving a Hot Pocket is cooking.
- Lived on your own – Yes, a lot. I like it as long as it isn't because no one wants to be around me, even occasionally.
- Been in a limousine – Yes. And I recall much disappointment among onlookers who gathered around when mine pulled up and then I got out. You could hear them muttering, "Aw, I thought it might be somebody."
- Got a speeding ticket – No. I did get a ticket once for driving too slowly on the freeway. It was given to me by an officer who thought I should have been more reckless weaving through heavy traffic.
- Broken a bone – A couple of toes in recent years and a chipped cartilage thing in my right elbow when I was in Junior High.
- Had stitches – A few times but nothing major. An appendix…my knee replacement…having wisdom teeth extracted…
- Traveled alone – Yep. If the trip's for business, that's what I like because that way, you just take care of the business and go home.
- Graduated from University – No. I quit U.C.L.A. before I got any kind of degree and I have only regretted that I didn't do it sooner.
- Owned a company – I had a personal loan-out corporation back when there were tax advantages to that but really no. I find being a person easier.
- Retired – No. And while I might someday do so in a "start collecting on your pension plan" sense, I will stop writing when I stop breathing. In fact, I sometimes get those activities confused.