- NASA says our galaxy will collide with the Andromeda galaxy in 4 billion years. I have work to do today but what's the point? 12:37:24
- George W. Bush's White House portrait unveiled in ceremony. Picture of him reading MY PET GOAT while cutting taxes for rich friends. 13:54:31
- Michael Bloomberg: The mayor who believes in limits on how much soda you can buy at one time but not in how many terms he can serve. 20:26:54
- Attn, Trader Joe's Management: I just bought three items that I really like at one of your stores. Time to discontinue all three. 20:27:40
- Today's potatoes are from my cupboard and they're in chip form. 20:28:23
- NASA says our galaxy will collide with Andromeda in 4 billion years. I was worried the 1st time I read that. Thought it said 4 MILLION. 23:34:16
- New York Cop to man on street: "Where you going?" Man: "To buy an AK-47." Cop: "OK. I was afraid you were going to 7-11 for a Big Gulp!" 23:36:57