Howard Speaks!

For about two weeks in 1972, newsfolks were enraptured on the topic of a forthcoming book from McGraw-Hill: The Autobiography of Howard Hughes.  The elusive billionaire had long been so maniacal about his privacy that he hadn't been seen or heard in public for decades, and had forfeited at least $100 million because of lawsuits that he could have won, had he just walked into a courtroom and appeared before a judge.  So had Hughes really forsaken his passion for secrecy and dictated his autobiography?

No, said his business representatives, none of whom had even met their employer in person.  Yes, said McGraw-Hill, explaining that one of their authors, Clifford Irving, had developed a friendship with Hughes, persuaded him to tell all, and conducted a hundred hours of in-person interviews.  For a time, the weight of the argument was on the publisher's side: Hughes was so unpredictable that he might not have told his people.  McGraw-Hill had a manuscript that had convinced all who'd read it, plus they had handwritten correspondence from Hughes.  Two of the nation's leading handwriting analysis firms had verified the authenticity of the documents.  One cited the odds on the letters not being Hughes as "a million to one."

But the book turned out to be a sham and publication was canceled.  Irving and his researcher, Richard Suskind, had cobbled together a bogus autobiography via diligent research, a lot of imagination, and the luck to stumble across the then-unpublished memoirs of a former Hughes associate, Noah Dietrich.  The handwriting seemed less explainable but it just turned out that the experts weren't so expert.  Irving had concocted the questioned documents, despite being an amateur to the art of forgery.  (It may interest someone who reads this site, by the way, to know that Irving was the son of a cartoonist.  His father, Jay Irving, did the long-running newspaper strip, Pottsy.)

One of the many factors that exposed the hoax was that Howard Hughes actually broke his long silence.  He still would not appear in public but he agreed to a telephonic interview with several newsmen.  You can click below and hear an MP3 file of about a minute of Hughes denying the existence of an autobiography…

What's interesting about the clip today is not just that it's a rare chance to hear the voice of the colorful Mr. Hughes.  It's that since he died, it's been revealed that he was out-of-sight all those years because he had gone steadily out-of-mind.  He was now spending his life in a hotel room with the windows covered, usually lying naked on a Barcalounger, covering everything he touched with Kleenex in order to ward off imagined germs.  For purposes like the interview, he was capable of occasionally donning what reporter James Phelan called, "a mask of sanity," and being coherent on the phone.  Other times, he lived in near-darkness, allowing his nails and beard to grow to absurd lengths as he fiddled with insignificant paperwork and watched his favorite movies (especially Ice Station Zebra) over and over.  So if you listen to the audio clip, that's what you're hearing: A billionaire who was completely out of touch with reality pretending to be sane in order to denounce a fraud.  Who says there's no honesty in the world anymore?

He Shoots, He Scores!

Congrats to my buddy, stand-up comic Steve Marmel, who did an impressive set on Jay Leno's program last night.  I especially loved the fact that he quoted a recent review he received in Fortune, the magazine that apparently doesn't know any more comedy than it does about the business world.  Its critic, Mark Gunther, wrote, "Don't look for Marmel on The Tonight Show anytime soon."  That was in the May, 2002 issue.  Steve made it before the year was out and he scored big.  Visit his website at www.marmel.com.

Buyer Beware!

Here's why you should always comparison-shop on the Internet.  My new book, Mad Art, is not yet published.  I'm told that, as of yesterday, the final proofs have been okayed and it's perhaps two weeks from coming off the presses.  Right now, you can pre-order it from Amazon.Com for $17.47…

However, this online dealer is currently offering a used copy (!) for $42.39.  I guess that's because it's so rare.

Recommended Reading

My friend Will Ryan asked that I start doing these again.  So, just to remind all: The "Recommended Reading" section recommends articles that express viewpoints I think are worth a look.  This is not to suggest some of these folks might not be at least partially full of manure. If you don't like something here, complain to Will Ryan.

Time Shifting

This is just to confuse us: The New York Daily News is reporting — and several other news sources have picked up — the following:

ABC's Ted Koppel has made getting private personalities to open up on "Up Close" look easy.  His latest conquest comes next week when he gets notoriously shy "Doonesbury" cartoonist Garry Trudeau to speak in a two-part interview airing on "Up Close," Dec. 3-4 at 12:05 a.m.  In a candid chat, Trudeau — husband of NBC's "Dateline" anchor Jane Pauley — discusses such topics as last year's terrorist attacks and his portrayal of President Bush as an empty cowboy hat.

Meanwhile, the Yahoo online TV listing (tv.yahoo.com) says that the first part of the Up Close interview of Mr. Trudeau airs Wednesday morning, December 4 with part two following 24 hours later — in other words, the thing runs Dec. 4-5 instead of 3-4.

What we seem to have here is the old TV Guide convention of treating shows that air within a few hours of Midnight as being part of the preceding day.  The Leno and Letterman shows tonight start at 11:35 PM.  The O'Brien and Kilborn shows that start an hour later are actually tomorrow morning and if you set your VCR or TiVo to record Conan or Craig, you have to program tomorrow's date.  But in TV Guide and similar listings, those shows are part of today's listings.  Tomorrow starts around 4:00 AM.

This corruption of the clock probably made sense years ago, when everyone watched TV shows only when they were broadcast, and when most stations went off the air in the wee small hours of the morning.  To most viewers, 1 AM felt like part of the preceding day so why not list it as such?  But most TV channels are now 24/7 and a lot of us are setting recorders that insist on treating a Tuesday morning show as if it airs on Tuesday morning.  Maybe it's time for all the listings to recognize this.

On the Web

Folks keep writing to ask when we're going to actually set up a site over at www.sergioaragones.com.  Answer: One of these days, but certainly not until next year.  I did, however, update the "coming soon" page.

Others are asking which weblog software I'm using to maintain this page.  Answer: None.  I fiddled with Blogger, Movable Type and a few others and decided that it was easier to just learn HTML and do it manually.  The programs I tried actually took more time than just updating a page and uploading it via FTP.  (If anyone out there wants to learn this stuff, the book I found the most useful was HTML 4 for the World Wide Web by Elizabeth Castro.)

Late Night Gore

Al Gore didn't fare as well on Leno last night as he did with Letterman two weeks ago.  The segment was rushed and Jay was more argumentative than Dave.  (I know little of Letterman's political views but Leno is not as liberal as the Limbaugh crowd often assumes from his comments on Mr. Bush.  A friend of mine who knows him well says Jay is slightly right of center but ready to slam anyone if he thinks he has a good joke about it.)

I'm skeptical that Mr. Gore can rehabilitate his image with some voters in time to be a contender for 2004.  If we are to believe a recent CBS News/Times poll, he has a 43% disapproval rating and only a 19% approval.  This I suppose means that everyone who didn't vote for him still doesn't like him and that they've been joined by a lot who did but were disappointed by his handling of the recount situation and his subsequent disappearance.  A lot can change before the primaries but don't you get the idea that the former Vice-President is the front-runner only because the Democrats don't seem to have anyone else?

Turkey Trot

Here's your Thanksgiving present: A link to a website where you can listen to (or better still, download) MP3 versions of several great kids' records, including several of the classic Bozo the Clown albums.  These well-produced records starred the legendary Vance "Pinto" Colvig as the storytelling clown and and are quite delightful.  On another page over there, you can download things like "Gerald McBoing Boing" and "Little Black Sambo," and all for free.  Here's the link.  Happy Turkey Day.

Domain Dilemma

Some time ago, when I was searching for a name to call this thing you're currently browsing, I happened to notice that no one had registered www.comicbookwriter.com.  Seemed like a great name so I grabbed it.  I didn't want to call this site that but I thought, "I'll figure out something that ought to be set up at that address."

Well, I haven't.  It's been sitting empty…and it's still empty, so don't bother going there and looking.  There's just a "coming soon" sign up.  I am now looking for someone who can put that great web address to good use.

I am not looking for suggestions on what someone else should set up there.  Last time I mentioned this, a lot of folks wrote to say it should be a site devoted to creator rights or to the craft of writing comic books or to how novices can break into the business.  Those are all peachy ideas, but I don't have time to design and maintain such a site, and no one else seems interested in doing so.  I am also not looking to make money off this.  I will let someone else take it over for the cost of future licensing payments if they'll do something there that seems beneficial to the field.  Heck, if the concept is good enough, I'll pay those fees.  I just want to see the address put to constructive use.

So does anyone reading this have a good, selfless idea for it?  If so, my e-mailbox awaits.

A Phil Silvers Interview

One of the more thrilling afternoons of my life came about when I had a brunch-interview with the great Phil Silvers.  It took place at Nate 'n Al's delicatessen in Beverly Hills in 1982, a little less than three years before he passed away.

Expecting it to last an hour, I only brought along about 90 minutes of tape, but Mr. Silvers was in a talkative mood.  This was in spite of the lingering effects of a stroke that had thickened his speech and created odd holes in his memory.  He could recall the name of the landlady at a hotel he'd lived in for two weeks while touring in burlesque, but not his current phone number.  He could (and did) rattle off whole pages of dialogue from plays he'd done on Broadway decades earlier but had no memory whatsoever of The Chicken Chronicles, a movie he'd made five years before our chat.

My recorder ran out of tape long before Silvers ran out of anecdotes.  Fortunately, I captured this remembrance about the "Make Way for Tomorrow" dance sequence in the 1944 film classic, Cover Girl.  (I did not have to edit any questions from me out of what follows.  Charmingly, Silvers did not require questions.  He jumped from one topic to the next without prompting.  And I just sat there and listened.)

Cover Girl was another Blinky role for me.  I played the same character in every movie…Blinky.  The guy who ran in in the next to last reel and said, "I got the stuff in the car."  I never found out in all those movies what the stuff in the car was.  Cover Girl was my first good movie.  In this one, Blinky was named Genius but I was still Blinky.  I was Blinky in every movie I made until I did Bilko.  After that, I was Bilko in everything I did, which was fine.  Bilko paid a lot better than Blinky.

We made Cover Girl at Columbia.  At the time, Harry Cohn was God there.  There was a different God at every studio.  When you worked for M.G.M., Louis B. Mayer was God.  At Columbia, it was Harry Cohn.  I got along with him but no one else did.  He liked me because I was a gambler.  I gave him tips on horses.  They always lost but he didn't blame me because to a gambler, a bad tip is better than no tip at all.

A man named Charles Vidor directed Cover Girl but from where I sat, Gene Kelly was the man in charge.  He and his assistant Stanley Donen took over the choreography from the man they hired to do it.  I don't remember his name but he choreographed the scenes with the chorus girls and then Kelly did everything else.  Stanley Donen did some of it but it was mainly Gene.  There was this song, "Make Way for Tomorrow."  It was supposed to be a six minute dance down the street with Rita Hayworth and Gene dancing and leaping over trash cans and doing cartwheels.  I watched them rehearse it for three days and I thought, "Thank God I don't have to do that."

The fourth day, Gene came over to me and said, "I think it would strengthen the story if you were in the number."  There was a drunk who had a tiny part in it.  I think it was Jack Norton, who was the drunk in any movie that had a drunk in it.  I thought Gene meant I'd do a little bit like that in the number so I said, "Yes, sure, I'll do whatever you want."  The next thing I know, Gene and Stanley had redesigned the whole number for three people and I was one of those three people.

He did not design it for a non-dancer, which is what I was.  It was designed for Gene and Rita, who were the two best dancers in the business.  I had to come up to their standard.  They danced up and down stairs.  I had to dance up and down stairs.  They leaped over boxes.  I had to leap over boxes.  All the time, I'm thinking, "I'm dancing next to Gene Kelly, doing the same steps.  Everybody's going to be comparing us.  If we're out of step, no one's going to assume Gene's the one who's wrong.  Gene was still a newcomer on screen but everyone knew he was the best dancer to come along.

It was rough.  They were going to shoot it in pieces but Gene insisted we rehearse it straight through, start to end.  I don't remember how long it took to learn.  Rita, I think, required four weeks.  It must have been longer with me but I did it.  Whatever Gene and Rita did, I did, and I did it as well as they did.  And Gene was right.  It did strengthen the story.  It was a surprise for me to be in that number and to dance it like that.  When we were done shooting, I ached all over.  Every muscle in my body hurt.  But I felt like I could do anything.

In later years, every time I had something to do in a film or a TV show that I thought I couldn't do, I thought back to that number.  And I said to myself, "If you can do that, you can do anything."

Phil Silvers was, indeed, a man who could do anything.  Later, after the tape recorder was no longer running, he lamented the physical problems from his stroke and said, "If I could do that number in Cover Girl, I ought to be able to walk across the street on my own, don't you think?"

Set the TiVo!

Garry Trudeau, creator of the comic strip Doonesbury gives about one televised interview in each century. This century's takes place next week on Up Close With Ted Koppel — a two-part interview airing over two nights. Which two nights? That's hard to say. For some reason, though the shows they do are taped in advance and are rarely topical, the Up Close people seem to only publicize guests at the last minute. This may help explain why almost no one is watching. Our best guess at the moment is that the first part will be the episode that airs late Tuesday night but is actually Wednesday morning.

Another Great Show Biz Anecdote

George Burns was always doing things to make Jack Benny laugh. It drove Benny nuts that he was unable to reciprocate.

One day, Benny was staying at a hotel in New York and Burns came by to see him. Burns phoned from the lobby and said he was on his way up.

This was Benny's opportunity. He took off all his clothes, put one of his wife's hats on his head, stuck a bouquet of flowers between his butt cheeks and stood on a chair, posing on one foot like a statue. He was certain the sight would move his friend of many years to hysterical laughter.

Moments later, there was a knock on the door. "Come in," Jack yelled.

Whereupon George, sensing something was up, sent one of the hotel's maids in first.

Belle of the Ball

'Tis the season to buy Jingle Belle's Cool Yule, a collection of festive holiday stories featuring the impish daughter of Santa Claus.  I am not plugging this because Jingle Belle's creator, Paul Dini, is one of my best friends and we have dinner about twice a month.  I am not plugging it because I wrote one of the stories in this book.  I am not even plugging it because I make money off this book because I don't think I do.  I am plugging it because it's a fun comic book filled with fun stories about fun characters.  And how often do we get one of those, lately?  Rush down to your local comic shop and demand a copy.  It's the best Christmas present you could give yourself.  Aside, of course, from a book I do make money off.

The Shelly Report

Chanteuse Extraordinaire Shelly Goldstein, who habitually commutes to England, reports that though Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is a hot ticket in London, the hottest currently is The Breath of Life, starring Dames Maggie Smith and Judi Dench.  Maybe so…but does it have a flying car in it?  Huh?  Does it?  I think not.  She also says that another problem Chitty² Bang² has had is that the damn car keeps breaking down.  The flying effects have occasionally caused performances to be scrubbed or even cancelled in mid-flight.  One assumes that's why they're so determined to find the perfect theater in New York.

I forgot to ask her if England swings like a pendulum do.  But I'm sure it does.

Speaking of Chanteuse Extraordinaire Shelly Goldstein, she is chanteusing it up tomorrow (Tuesday) night, singing her wonderful songs at a club called Level One, which is located at 6311 Wilshire Blvd. here in Los Angeles, just west of Crescent Heights.  That's the correct address.  Ignore any others you've been given.  Go and have a wonderful time.

More Than Spectacular…

The hottest ticket in London these days is for an elaborate stage musical based on the movie, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, all about a flying automobile.  Here's a link to an article all about it.  As the piece says, it's expected that the show will make it to New York soon but it doesn't mention what I was told (by its composer, Richard Sherman) is the main thing preventing that.  For some time now, there's been an unusual paucity of available Broadway houses.  It's difficult to find a theater and in the case of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, doubly-difficult.  The show's special effects present all manner of physical requirements and can't be adapted for just any old stage.  The few venues that have become available lately, or look like the soon may be, simply can't accommodate the production.  Once one does, they'll hurriedly snatch it up and fly that car to Broadway.