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Roger Green writes to ask the following…

I have never been to Las Vegas (or the state of Nevada). But a friend and I decided we could go this fall for three or four days in September or October. I have no preconceived notion of what to do except that gambling doesn't interest me. I ask you, as someone who has been there a lot: what would you consider are the must-sees (if any) and avoid that like the plagues in 2023?

Well, I haven't been there for several years and have very little interest in returning to a city that for many years was like a second home to me. I actually don't have much desire to travel at all but Vegas is not what it used to be. It used to be possible to get a cheap room, eat cheap (but good) food and see cheap shows. A few years ago — and especially after the town reopened after the worst of The Pandemic — the casinos and other businesses discovered that if they raised prices, they didn't lose enough customers to regret the increase.

So they raised prices and raised prices and raised prices and they're still raising them. They've also changed the payoff rates on many of their games so you stand less chance of winning than you once did. Apparently, it hasn't enough people to cause them to change the rules back.

Some things in this world are worth paying big for but there are times you just feel like you're being treated like a rube; like they saw you coming and said, "Hey! That guy looks stupid! Let's triple the price of a tuna salad sandwich!" I've come to feel that way too often about Vegas.

That said, it's still a place full of amazing things to see and do. I think the best thing about the city is just to walk around, look at all the amazing architecture and exhibits that are offered to lure people in, and to be around so many people that are enjoying themselves. As with Comic-Con and Disneyland, I like being around happy human beings and in Vegas, even the big losers are usually happy.

But I have some tips: Don't go on a weekend. Everything's more expensive with longer lines. Don't go when there's a big convention or other citywide event. In mid-November, there's a Formula One Grand Prix in the streets there that has sent room rates into the ionosphere. If you like to walk, it's a great city to not rent a car. (Most hotels have also discovered that charging for parking doesn't drive guests away.)

When you book your room online, as you probably will, watch out for mandatory resort fees. That $20-a-night room may come with a $39.95 per night resort fee.

For a first time visitor, I'd suggest staying in one of the hotels that's amidst a cluster of big hotels — like the area around Caesars Palace — and you can probably walk to enough interesting places to fill your days. Perhaps take a cab downtown some evening to experience the partying and The Fremont Street Experience.

Perhaps take in a show. They've gotten way outta hand price-wise but in many of those hotel clusters, you'll find booths with names like Tix 4 Tonight that sell same-day tickets for reduced prices. You can also sometimes find deals through Groupon. Unfortunately, the real superstars who play the city usually only play on the weekend…when I told you not to go.

There are zillions of homemade Vegas Tour Videos on YouTube. My favorites are the ones made by Norma Geli but almost any of them can give you valuable info. And since I started going to the town, I've been a subscriber to The Las Vegas Advisor, a newsletter that owes no allegiance to any casino or business there so it reviews them honestly. I've also long recommended their website as a great source of free info but apparently, most of it's going behind a paywall soon.

But not everything costs money. Walking around and sightseeing doesn't…yet. So you can have a good time…and one final tip: Avoid (1) street performers who want you to pay them to pose for a photo, (2) prostitutes and (3) the folks who are trying to sell you time-share deal. Actually, (2) and (3) aren't are all that different except that with (3), the screwing is way more expensive and goes on forever.

Slowly but surely, life is drifting towards normal in a world where The Pandemic is of less and less concern. It's still out there. People are still catching it. People are still dying or being seriously hospitalized. Nothing in this post should suggest that masks aren't a good idea in some situations, hands should not be washed or COVID is no longer a concern. But if you're like me, you're now doing some things you refrained from doing before we all heard the word "coronavirus." I have gone to a party, gone to a movie, gone to a comic book convention.

I have not gone to Las Vegas and it may be a long time before I do.

Oh, wait. I misspelled a word in that previous paragraph. I should have written "lonnnnnnnngggggg." And this not so much because of disease but because I now have no reason to go there and plenty of reasons not to.

I used to go to Las Vegas a lot. There were a few months in the nineties when I was there as much as I was in my home in Los Angeles. Here are some of the reasons why I went there and why those reasons no longer apply…

• I got hooked on Blackjack and more specifically on counting cards in Blackjack.  It was not so much a money thing with me. I never tried to win that much. I just wanted to see how many times I could leave a Blackjack table with more money than I had when I sat down…and once I'd done that enough times, I decided to quit while I was ahead. Why does this reason no longer apply? Because I quit, because I have no reason to start again (it was hard work) and because I'd have to learn how to do it all over again. I've forgotten all the little formulas and a lot of rules have changed, like so many casinos now pay 6-to-5 on a natural, whereas they used to pay 3-to-2. (A "natural" is when the dealer deals you an ace plus a ten-value card.)
• I love "old show business" and in Vegas, I could go see and often meet comedians and variety acts who'd been at it for years. I got to hang out with Dave Barry and Pete Barbutti and Irv Benson and so many other comics I knew from television. There were also longtime hotel employees around with great stories about Vegas in the fifties and sixties. Why does this reason no longer apply? Such people are all either dead or retired.
• I liked going to buffets, not so much for the volume as the variety. When you have as many food allergies as I do, you tend not to be adventurous in your ordering. But at a buffet, I can see the food before I put it in my mouth and often get a sense of how risky it might be…and I can have one bite of it on my plate instead of a whole order. Why does this reason no longer apply? Because since I had gastric bypass surgery in 2006, it is physically impossible for me to consume enough food at any buffet to feel I got my money's worth. That's especially true because of what buffets in Vegas now cost but I'll get to that topic in a moment.
• For part of my Vegas visiting, I was dating a showgirl in a show at one of the casinos. Apart from liking her a lot, I liked hanging out backstage at the show, talking with all the performers and the stage crew and everyone. Why does this reason no longer apply? Because that show is no longer in Vegas and neither is she. In fact, they imploded the entire hotel and built a new one on that land, and the lady I was seeing is now in another state, happily married with several children.
• I was occasionally there on business, writing for some comedian who was playing there or meeting with someone about a TV project…or something. At least three times, I was there to help a producer "pitch" a proposal for a Vegas show which they would produce and I would write. Why does this reason no longer apply? The "pitched" shows were never caught and I haven't had any business there lately.
• After my father died, I took my mother to Vegas three times because she loved going there but needed someone to get her onto the plane, off the plane, through the airports, into her room, etc. Why does this reason no longer apply? Eventually, her health would not allow her even that luxury and even more eventually, she passed away.

And also, for much of the time I was commuting to Las Vegas, I had a lot of "comped" free rooms, some because of all that Blackjack I was playing. I don't get those anymore.

But maybe the biggest reason I'm not going to Vegas is this: It's become incredibly — almost insultingly — expensive.

I'm on a few message boards where people in the "business" end of Las Vegas discuss the business. During The Pandemic when the casinos were as dead as one of those corpses they keep finding in Lake Mead as the water level drops, this was the consensus: "When COVID ends, we're going to have to spread around a lot of comps and discounts to lure vacationers back to Vegas." That turned out to be a very bad prediction. When the hotels reopened, mobs stampeded back to fill them.

No incentives were necessary. Suddenly, everything was selling out and when they raised prices — which is what you do when you're selling out — people were still stampeding. The most popular buffet in town at the moment seems to be the Wednesday night Lobster Buffet at the Palms. Last time I looked, admission to it was $64.99 per person and waits of more than four hours have been reported. Every week or two, they raise the price some more and they still have four-hour waits to get in.

It's like that all over Vegas. The most expensive buffet is the Bacchanal Buffet at Caesars. That's $69.99 and there are several others in that price range. Shows are the same way. Here are the top and lowest prices of some of them…

A seat to Penn & Teller runs $106.47 to $239.48. Rod Stewart at Caesars Palace is $75.00 to $323.10. Shania Twain's new show will run you $99.21 to $1,259.79. The Michael Jackson-themed Cirque du Soleil® show at Mandalay Bay has seats from a low of $131.13 to a high of $283.73. Barry Manilow at the Westgate gets $94.42 up to a top of $422.98. And you don't want to know what it will cost to take in Adele's upcoming Vegas residency. Just sign your house over to her and that might (might!) get you into the rear balcony.

Some of those top prices include a meet-'n'-greet and/or souvenirs but the point is that good seats are not cheap these days. They're also not empty. It's like that all over the city and lately, all sorts of hidden fees are being added to hotel bills and restaurant checks. And yes, yes, I understand why they're doing it and frankly, if you and I had a business and we could double our prices without losing a single customer, we'd probably do the same thing. (Well, I might. You're much nicer than I am.)

But you get the point: I don't know how to go there without feeling like I'm Tourist-Trapped and being played for a sucker. I'm not going to say it's the principle, not the money, because frankly it's both. No matter how much wealth you have, there are moments when you just feel you're being treated like a pigeon and not an especially smart one at that. That city used to be so much fun.

Add in the fact that every time I see video or photos of present-day crowds downtown or on The Strip, I think, "Gee, if I was eager to catch COVID, that looks like a dandy place to catch it," and…well, it may be a long time before you see me there.

Downtown, a few blocks from The Fremont Street Experience, there's an alley into which I once blundered. It was full of homeless people, many of them practically sleeping on top of each other. Vegas has a large homeless population and it makes sense: It's warm most of the year, much of it's open 24/7, a lot of food gets thrown away or donated to missions, and big winners have been known to be generous with street folks who ask for spare change or Bitcoins.

But the folks in that alley were such a contrast to the opulence and riches you see elsewhere in that city. I sometimes think of them all sleeping in that alley and I just know that whoever owns that alley is now charging them a $39.95-per-night resort fee. Plus tax.

It's official. It was a rumor when we reported it back here but now it's been announced that a Peter Luger Steak House will open at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas around the end of 2022. That's fine for me because I doubt I'll be in Las Vegas before then. The Peter Luger in Brooklyn is probably my favorite restaurant…though I must admit I haven't been to it in a long time.

Why? Because it's in Brooklyn…and even when I'm in New York, it's a difficult place to get to. First off, you have to make reservations way in advance. Secondly, to get out there, have dinner and get back to Manhattan means giving up the idea of going to a Broadway show that evening. So it comes down to: Do I want to have dinner at my favorite restaurant? Or do I want to have dinner at a really good restaurant closer to the theater district and see a show? I usually opt for the latter.

Here's an excerpt from the press release…

Operating for nearly 135 years, Peter Luger is New York's top-rated steak house and a favorite among locals and tourists alike. The iconic German beer-hall setting has become a world-famous choice for family gatherings, deal-making, and special occasion celebrations. With its notoriously gruff, bow-tied waitstaff, old-world charm, and on-site dry-aging of legendary USDA-Prime steaks, dining at Peter Luger has become a culinary rite of passage.

A Peter Luger in Vegas will be so much more convenient. I'm just hoping they can properly replicate what makes it special. The meat shouldn't be a problem but where are they going to find sufficiently-gruff waiters?

Alex J., who I assume is not Alex Jones, writes to ask…

It would seem you've been going to Las Vegas for quite some time. What was it at the time that attracted you to the city then and how has it changed?

Well, it seems to have changed a lot since COVID-19 descended upon this world but I haven't been to Vegas to see what it's like now there because of that. It sure doesn't look enticing from afar and here's one of many reasons: Something I liked about the town was that when you were there, it was like being on a different planet where nothing mattered except gambling, food and entertainment. You could just turn off the part of your brain that might have to even think about anything else.

I doubt I could do that in an environment of who's wearing a mask and who isn't and "What's open?" and "Where do I sit to eat?" and "I just touched that so I need some hand sanitizer" and so on. And I really don't want to fly either.

Going back to before The Pandemic: Las Vegas got more expensive. There were lots of bizarre-sounding shows that one could go to that were nine bucks with a coupon so I'd take a chance. Now, they were thirty or forty bucks so I didn't take that chance.

There were also acts playing Vegas that had been around for years. I love Old Show Biz and when I started going to Vegas, they had plenty of Old Show Biz in their showrooms. My pal Pete Barbutti was playing somewhere. Dave Barry was at The Mint. Jackie Vernon was at the Marina. The last two burlesque comics — Dexter Maitland and Irv Benson — were at the Hacienda…and they were followed in there by Lance Burton. Lance was a (relatively) new guy but he had a wonderfully-intimate and classic magic show that was $15 with a coupon.

I knew a lot of folks who could get me backstage. All the time I've worked in television, I've rarely felt surrounded by "Show Business" the way I felt it backstage at the Union Plaza or the Paddlewheel or the Stardust. It was not just the showgirls walking around naked, though I doubt any male would be indifferent to that. It was the immediacy of what was going on there: Live performances, live audience, live applause…

There's not as much of that anymore. When they replaced the Sands with the Venetian, they kept the gaming but not the history.

Blackjack has even changed…or is changing. When I was playing a lot and counting cards, a "natural" (an Ace plus one card worth 10) got you a 3:2 payout. Now, casinos are increasingly changing it to a 6:5 payout. Doesn't seem like much I know but the old way, the casino only had about a 0.5% advantage over the players. 6:5 gives them more like a 2% advantage and that just kills even the remote possibility that I would ever get back into that game.

Blackjack was the only game in town that interested me. It was not the money. It was that it was a game where skill mattered, especially if you were counting cards. I gave it up once I satisfied myself that I was playing it well enough to give me that microscopic advantage over The House instead of the other way around. I got "ahead" but I was well aware that if I kept playing, I'd eventually hit a streak of bad hands and lose all that I'd won. It was impossible that that would not happen.

Then I'd have a choice: Commit to playing until I got ahead again and then quit…or end my Blackjack binging as a loser. It seemed easier to quit while I was ahead. It was getting to feel like work anyway. The way I played, it took long hours at the tables, much of it surrounded by cigarette smoke which I can't stand. I could have made the same money in that amount of time (and breathed more easily) by going up to my room and writing a comic book script on my laptop.

I quit Blackjack. I lost my access to (and much of my interest in) "going backstage." The ladies I knew there all stopped performing and married and/or moved outta town. Writing in hotel rooms got to seem like a little less fun.

I still like Las Vegas — or at least, pre-Pandemic Vegas — and I'm sure I'll be back there when/if it's like that again. I like exploring the corners of it I've never visited. I like watching the people. I like keeping my own hours and eating when I feel like it…and I know some great places to eat there. I like the air of excitement and the fact that you can wallow in it and then when you've had enough, shut it off by going back to your hotel room.

But I don't like it as much as when I was younger and there was more of what I call "Old Show Biz" and I could go backstage and feel a certain glamour that I rarely felt in television. It went away for me somewhere between the time they imploded the Hacienda and they opened the fifth or sixth Cirque du Soleil show in town.

Any day now, the Clarion Hotel in Las Vegas will be imploded. The specific date seems to be in flux but it's coming, it's coming. The latest in an endless series of owners, developer Lorenzo Doumani, plans to erect a luxury resort in the $500 million to $1 billion price range.

You probably never stayed at the Clarion, which is located on Convention Center Drive as a mid-point between The Strip and the big Vegas convention center. It started life as the Royal Inn in 1970 and thereafter always seemed to be changing names, owners or formats. It became the Royal Americana at one point owned by Horn and Hardart, the folks who used to operate cafeterias and Automats in New York, then it closed in 1982.

A few years later, it was remodeled so it looked like a riverboat and it reopened as the Paddlewheel. That didn't last long and in '92, Debbie Reynolds bought it and it morphed into the Debbie Reynolds Hollywood Hotel, a combination movie museum and casino. The big paddlewheel on the side of the building was repainted to look like a reel of movie film and inside, you could see Ms. Reynolds perform, get a glimpse of Clark Gable's shirt and lose yours. The effort, though intriguing, did not catch on. In '97, Ms. Reynolds filed for bankruptcy and later sold the property…to the World Wrestling Federation.

We're not done yet. The W.W.F. tried to convert it into a wrestling-themed hotel — make up your own joke — but they weren't able to pull that together and it was briefly called the Convention Center Drive Hotel. After a year or so, they sold it to a company that rebranded it Greek Isles. I'm not sure why. Maybe some marketing survey told them there were a lot of folks of Greek extraction wandering around Vegas with money protruding from their pockets, looking for a place to stay. By 2009, those owners were gone, the Clarion people were in…and now it's over, it's all over. The place closed last Labor Day and is expected to be a parcel of dirt by the close of this month as the developers try to pull together financing for their luxury resort.

My experiences with the building were all when it was the Paddlewheel. In the late eighties, I was commuting often to Las Vegas for about eleven varying reasons, one of which was that I liked the town. I liked the pace and the energy and the friendliness and all the show businessy type things and whole 24-hour lifestyle.

Another, which I've written about, was that I was fascinated by Blackjack and the not-quite-cheating practice known as Card Counting. Less to make money and more as a personal challenge, I wanted to see if I could master the skill to my own satisfaction. I did, I gave it up…but I still went to Vegas every few weeks. It was a fun place to be then.

Not that it isn't now but, well, it's different.

I have here a Vegas magazine I picked up at the peak of my semi-residency there. The date is March of 1988 and let's see what's going on at the major hotels there, in alphabetical order. You'll note that not one of the shows is or even vaguely resembles Cirque du Soleil. I'm not saying that's a bad thing but it is a thing…

• At the Aladdin, you could see a magical review called "Abracadabra" (I did; it was pretty good) or see Johnny Cash perform (I didn't; it was pretty expensive). That Aladdin has since been torn down and replaced by a totally new hotel which had that name but later changed to Planet Hollywood.
• At Bally's, which is still there, you could see at various times throughout the month, the following headliners: Tom Jones, Jackie Mason, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Frank Sinatra and Smokey Robinson. There was also their big production show, "Jubilee," which just closed for renovations. At the time, it was one of several shows in town featuring classic showgirls. When it recently went on hiatus, it was the only one of its kind remaining.
• Caesars Palace was then about half its current size but still plenty big. In their showroom that month, they had Rodney Dangerfield, Reba McIntire, The Pointer Sisters, Jay Leno, The Beach Boys and a parlay of Dionne Warwick and Burt Bacharach. Reba still plays there a few weeks a year and her top ticket price is $205 a seat, which is less than half of the top price Elton John gets when he plays there.
• Circus Circus was the same place it is now, the same place it will always be.
• The Desert Inn had as its headliners, Suzanne Somers (with Louie Anderson as her opening act), Rich Little (with Anthony Newley), Charley Pride, Ray Stevens, Roseanne Barr and Larry Gatlin. The Desert Inn was torn down so they could build Wynn. Suzanne Somers is now appearing in commercials on MeTV selling the Three-Way Poncho.
• The Dunes had a Comedy Store outlet with (that month) Jimmie Walker, Damon Wayans, George Miller, Steve Oedekerk, Felicia Michaels (Hi, Felicia!) and others. They tore the Dunes down so they could build the Bellagio.
• The Flamingo Hilton had a revue called "City Lites." The hotel's still there with different shows, one starring Osmonds.
• The Frontier had a show called "Beyond Belief" starring Siegfried and Roy before they were *SIEGFRIED AND ROY!!!* Developers tore the Frontier down in 2007 to build, so far, nothing. About once a year, they announce a new mega-resort of some sort but it's still a mega-empty lot.
• At the Golden Nugget, you could see Paul Anka, Don Rickles, Lou Rawls, Diahann Carroll, Vic Damone, David Brenner or Yakov Smirnoff. The Nugget is still there and Rickles still plays Vegas (though not the Golden Nugget) once or twice a year for a few days, calling people hockey pucks, pointing out black men in the front row and, of course, dropping his pants and firing a rocket.
• At the Hacienda, you could see a "Minsky's Burlesque Show" starring the last two surviving comedians from Minsky's Burlesque, Irv Benson and Dexter Maitland. Minsky's Burlesque is gone…and pretty much was then. The Hacienda is gone and replaced by Mandalay Bay. Dexter Maitland is gone and replaced by no one. And as far as I know, Irv Benson is still alive and if so, he'll be 101 at the end of this month.
• The Las Vegas Hilton is no longer the Las Vegas Hilton. Its latest in a series of names is the Westgate and it's slated for a major renovation. In March of '88, you could see Barry Manilow or Wayne Newton there. I suspect if you see Wayne on the premises again, he'll have a belt sander and be part of the crew doing that major renovation.
• The Holiday Inn in '88 was featuring the "Roarin' 20's Revue." Before the Paddlewheel looked like a riverboat, the Holiday Inn did. Now, the building's been redesigned so it no longer looks like a riverboat and it's Harrah's.
• The Imperial Palace in '88 was featuring "Legends in Concert" and it did for a long, long time. Now, "Legends in Concert" is over at the Flamingo Hilton while the Imperial Palace has been completely remade into The Linq.
• The Landmark was featuring "Melinda, the First Lady of Magic." Both are gone.
• The Marina was featuring "Beatle Magic." Where the Marina once stood is now the MGM Grand.
• The Riviera was pretty much the same place then that it is now and last time I was in it, it didn't look like it had been cleaned since then and I recognized some of the food in the buffet from '88. Incidentally, in March of 1988, their comedy club there was featuring a kid named David Spade.
• The Sahara Hotel housed Redd Foxx, as did about half the hotels on this list at one time or another. The Sahara has been completely remodeled to become a resort called SLS Las Vegas. Redd Foxx has been completely remodeled to become Tyler Perry.
• The Sands was featuring Gallagher, Paul Revere & The Raiders and Sha Na Na, which was quite a change from the days when it featured Frank, Dino and Sammy, though perhaps more in dress than in content. The Sands was torn down and The Venetian now occupies that plot of desert.
• The Stardust was offering "Lido de Paris" featuring Bobby Berosini and his Orangutans. Someday here, I have to tell you a story about that odd, controversial act. Anyway, the Stardust was imploded in 2007 to make way for a grand resort called Echelon Place which, last I heard, was a set of blueprints and a lot of press releases.
• The Tropicana had the "Folies Bergere." The show's no longer there but amazingly, the Tropicana is. For years, it kept being announced that the Trop was going to be nuked and replaced by a new, zillion-dollar resort. Somehow, the place has survived and even undergone renovation. Looks like it'll be around for a while.
• The Union Plaza downtown was featuring "Nudes on Ice," which I didn't see but which one reviewer then said should have been retitled, "One Semi-Nude on an Ice Cube." It's now just The Plaza and in its showroom, you can see Louie Anderson who I presume is neither nude nor on ice.
• Vegas World was offering "The Robert Allen Show." I don't know who he was either but the hotel he played has been revamped into the Stratosphere.

And the Paddlewheel had two shows. One was "Hot Lips," which featured comedian Pete Barbutti, a jazz quartet, six great-looking mostly-naked women and a magician. The other was "The Heat is On," which starred six great-looking mostly-naked men. I spent a couple of interesting nights at the Paddlewheel and no, it wasn't because of the latter show. I'll tell you about those nights one of these days.

Every casino in Las Vegas — and probably every casino anywhere — has one or more employees who work the phones to try and lure big gamblers to come play. These employees are referred to by various titles but "Casino Host" is a very common one. An uncommon one I've heard is "Captain Ahab" because a big gambler is often referred to as a "whale" and…well, you understand.

In all my trips to Vegas, even when I was playing (and often winning) Blackjack, I never came close to the level of wagering that would classify me as even a medium-sized gambler, let along a Moby Dick-sized one. Also, those gambling days were long ago and the casino hosts of that era are probably long gone. They did not call me then and offer me free rooms, free flights and free meals to come stay at their hotels.

Despite this, I've had three calls in the last week or so from three different "casino hosts" (maybe) at three different hotels who say that they miss me, want me back and will shower me with freebees to make that happen. One of them made it sound like the entire staff at the New York, New York hotel is wandering about, deeply depressed because they don't see Mark Evanier at their slot machines.

That was my first tip-off that this was a total scam and not just a little one. I've never stayed at that hotel, nor put even one coin into any of their one-armed bandits.

I stayed on the line with the guy long enough to realize he was trying to sell me a vacation package disguised as a high-roller's comp. To get my free flight, free room and free meals, I would have to give them my credit card number for any "incidentals" I incurred above and beyond what their package of gifts would include. I think we can all figure out how things would go after that. That last caller was even offering to put a limousine at my disposal and to arrange comps to any show in town I wanted to see. Yeah, right.

The thing is: I wouldn't have taken this guy up on his offer even if it had been legit. I used to love Las Vegas but I have zero interest in going there now. The Pandemic has killed much of my interest in going anywhere, especially by plane, and so have the problems I've been having with my knees. Also, Vegas has become a beastly-expensive, higher-than-ever-hustle place: No more cheap shows, no more cheap buffets.

The room rates aren't bad on some dates even if you factor in the mandatory, quietly-disclosed Resort Fees…but I don't see anyplace there I want to be or dine. Even if I still remembered how to count cards at Blackjack, I wouldn't play with some of the new rules adjustments.

They're now repaving and reconfiguring most of the streets there to get ready for the Formula One racing event that's going to take place there in November. The cars will do fifty laps around a 3.8-mile circuit up and around The Strip. To get a hotel room and a good seat for the event will cost thousands of dollars per night…which is why I was immediately suspicious when that first "casino host" called me. That town doesn't care about tourists like me anymore.

Further proof: It was announced today that the Oakland Athletics will relocate to Vegas, perhaps as soon as 2027. Ground will soon be broken on a 35,000-seat baseball stadium with a retractable roof. Total estimated price: One billion dollars. Everything in that city just got even more expensive. Gee, that was a wonderful place to visit Once Upon a Time.

After reading some Vegas tips I posted, Robert Forman sent me the following…

I've been to Las Vegas a couple of times but never saw a show there. I have seen a couple of shows in Tahoe at Harrah's which I assume is kind of the same thing. This was in the mid-eighties. I saw separately Sammy Davis Jr. and Boz Scaggs. Both shows had ticket prices that were very high for the time. Both shows required a 3 drink minimum like your Golden Goose story, and like that story, the drinks came at the same time.

Both times, I ordered Bloody Marys and both times, I received pink water. They had to serve the drinks at the same time because the "shows" lasted 30-35 minutes. So my question here is is that what a person going to an expensive show in Las Vegas should expect? Was I just unlucky?

Well, if you only got a 30-35 minute show for your money, I'd say yes. Even Dean Martin, who was infamous for doing the shortest shows of any major headliner in Vegas, used to do 40 minutes. By contrast, Red Skelton stopped performing in places that restricted how long he could be on stage and it was not uncommon for him to go over two hours. I suspect the shows you saw were really longer than you recall.

Serving drinks at shows is much rarer now. I can't remember the last show I went to where drinks were included or mandatory. A lot of showrooms in Vegas — and I'm sure elsewhere — don't even have servers. Some have a bar where you can purchase a beverage and carry it to your seat. But if they do build two or three drinks into the admission, they serve them all at once. The most popular headliners insist on no cocktail or food service during a performance.

Quick story. One time back at the old MGM Grand in Vegas — not to be confused with the current MGM Grand in Vegas — some friends and I were seeing Jubilee!, a show that included two drinks. Mine were ginger ales. Seated next to our party were two elderly ladies who seemed upset. They had to order their two drinks apiece and while each wanted one alcoholic beverage, neither of them wanted two. They asked me if the two drinks both had to be the same thing.

I told them that they probably did…but pointed out that one of them could order two alcoholic drinks and the other could get two 7-Ups or ginger ale or something and then they could do a swap. Somehow, this had not occurred to them but they did it and they were very happy with whatever cocktails they chose. In fact, they were so happy that they offered me their ginger ales.

Tim Hall wrote to ask…

I've never been to Las Vegas and it seems you've been there a lot. Can you give me some tips on where to stay, where to rent a car, what to avoid?

I'll try but let me point out that (a) I haven't been to the city in a number of years and (b) there are only about seventy quadrillion YouTube videos about what to do and not to do in Las Vegas. Most of them though are produced by folks who live there so maybe some don't provide the best advice for outta-towners.

First thing: In all the times I've been there, I've never driven there and I've never rented a car there. Driving and parking seem like a major hassle in that town and a huge waste of time.  It can take forever to get to and from where you have to park and longer than forever to have a valet retrieve your vehicle.  You'll almost think the casino plans it that way to discourage you from leaving the premises.

Add to that the traffic problem and I've never found it to be either time-efficient or cost-efficient to have an auto there, rental or otherwise. I suppose if you wanted to make a lot of day trips outside the city, it might but I don't go there to go somewhere else.  A friend of mine there once said that tourists only need a car if they want to go hiking in the desert or visit one of the legal brothels outside town.

Generally, I pick my hotel based on price and location. The rooms in my price range are all pretty much the same at the major hotels so that isn't worth a lot of consideration. I stay often at Harrah's because from there, I can easily walk to The Linq, The Venetian, The Flamingo, The Cromwell, The Palazzo, The Horseshoe (formerly Bally's), Paris, Treasure Island, The Mirage, Caesars Palace, The Bellagio and a few others.

There's very little I might want to do in that town that I can't walk to if I'm staying in that cluster. There are probably 250+ places to eat in a wide array of cuisines and costs, there are several drug stores, there are several shopping malls, etc. I might want to go see a certain show somewhere but it would probably be a cheap Lyft/Uber/taxi ride, plus there's a monorail stop at Harrah's and a few free shuttles to other locations.

Downtown Las Vegas is also a nice cluster of places to stay and eat and play. I don't necessarily want to stay downtown because people are dancing and drinking and partying at all hours in the streets but if I wanted that environment, I'd stay down there. If I stayed downtown, I probably wouldn't go to The Strip and if I stayed on The Strip, I probably wouldn't go downtown.

If you stay near one end of The Strip (The Stratosphere) or the other (Mandalay Bay), you'll have a more limited list of things you can walk to but it might be enough. Mandalay Bay is a bit expensive, The Luxor is a bit less and Excalibur is even cheaper but those three hotels have the same owners.  They're next to each other and linked by walkways and a short monorail. You could probably fill three days very nicely staying in one of those hotels and visiting the other two.

The Excalibur is one of the cheapest hotels on The Strip and much of its decor is laugh-out-loud kitsch. But from it, you can cross a street or two and be at New York, New York or the MGM Grand or the Tropicana.

Do some advance planning. If you go on a weekend and you want to partake of a buffet or a famous eatery, the lines can take over an hour. Vegas restaurants are increasingly moving away from "just walk in" to "make a reservation." You can make those reservations online months in advance if you know when you'll be there.

If you want to go to a show and it's one of the expensive, "hot" ones, buy tickets online well in advance. If you just want to go to a show, discount tickets are available to about two-thirds of them (not on a weekend) or a third of them (on a weekend) at several booths around the city. When I stay at Harrah's or what's now the Horseshoe, there are outlets of Tix4Vegas right outside.

And unless you have no choice, it's a good idea to not go to Vegas on the weekends. Everything's more expensive and crowded then.

Pace yourself. You can't and shouldn't try to do everything. Also pace your money, especially if you intend to gamble. Never gamble money you can't afford to lose and don't gamble on any game you don't fully understand. You can learn and play most of them online for free but recognize that not every casino has the same rules and payoffs for its table games. Also remember that two slot machines can look identical but have two very different payout schedules.

Keep an eye out for discount coupons. There may be a lot of them around and some may be available at your hotel's bell desk, concierge desk or the place where you sign up for the casino's rewards club. Sometimes, it's worth the time to sign up for those rewards clubs because they're free and they get you discounts. I haven't done it lately but I found a lot of very cheap rooms via the Caesars Rewards Club and I think you can sign up online.

But remember: Wherever you book, there may be a mandatory "resort fee" which will considerably raise the cost of that room. I once booked a stay at Harrah's via the Caesars Rewards Club for $0 a night plus a $35 Resort Fee.  It was still a good price but you had to read the fine print to know exactly what you were paying.  (I am not shilling for Harrah's, by the way.  I just have a good history with the hotel by that name and the others that are owned by the Caesars/Harrah's company.)

Be very skeptical of "free" offers and especially avoid invites to seminars where they offer you something to sit through a sales pitch for timeshares. If you want your picture with a street performer, check the price in advance. Bring the most comfortable shoes you own. Do not drink too much or sleep too little. Keep your cell phone charged. (One of those battery-powered chargers can be a great investment.) Remember that the price of water and other necessities will be higher at the CVS or Walgreen's there and even higher in the hotel gift shop. And never split tens at Blackjack…or even play it for money if you haven't played a lot on your computer without getting wiped out in ten minutes.

Most of all, remember to do what you want to do and to enjoy yourself. You'd be surprised how many people forget that's the whole point of going.

A lot of you wrote in that you enjoyed the Norma Geli video of the live countdown to fireworks in Las Vegas. And some of you figured out as I did why it at first seemed like the pyrotechnics had been canceled and then they came bursting forth in all their "Ooh!" and "Ahhh!" glory. The fireworks started right on time but the countdown was early. The folks watching for it where Norma was were counting down based on the big electronic sign in front of the Park MGM hotel and it was about a minute fast.

So was the big sign in front of the MGM Grand. Another Vegas YouTuber, "Jaycation," was in front of the Excalibur and the folks there were looking at the big sign there and it was also early. You can see that in this video at about the sixteen minute mark. The MGM company also owns Mandalay Bay, The Mirage, the Luxor, Excalibur and New York, New York. So maybe they all rang in the new year a minute early.

There were lots of great fireworks displays ringing in the new year…in Dubai, Hong Kong, Sydney, Dallas, Rio de Janeiro, Toronto, Paris and many other cities. Every dog in the world must have been hiding under a bed somewhere.

The Las Vegas News Bureau, which maintains a huge collection of photos of that city, is celebrating its 75th anniversary this year. And to celebrate, they've put up a gallery of 75 great photos from the history of the town Go take a look.

I used to go to Las Vegas a lot. I liked exploring the city and all its attractions. I liked going to shows — occasionally two the same night — and I liked hanging out with friends who were in those shows. I liked the 24 hour nature of the city. When I went alone, as I did much of the time, I could eat when I wanted to, work when I wanted to, sleep when I wanted to, be alone in my room when I wanted to, etc.

I liked some of the unique fast food options…like Lobster Me, which can be found in the food courts of a couple of hotels. They run it like a McDonald's but what they serve is very yummy lobster rolls. I liked the cheaper buffets for two reasons, both having to do with my many food allergies. Cheap buffets usually offer very simple food — carved roast beef, mashed potatoes, baked chicken, etc. So I get to see my food before I commit to it and at a buffet, I rarely have to ask, "What's in that?" And if I do, there's usually an attendant standing right nearby who can tell me.

Also, I really like freshly-roasted turkey sliced right off the freshly-roasted bird. Most Vegas buffets offer that and most other places I eat don't.

And the rooms were cheap and I used to play a mean game of Blackjack and…well, I had a lot of reasons to like Vegas. Almost none of them apply any more. The shows are beastly expensive and very few of them these days interest me. And I'm not talking about shows like Adele's upcoming 24-show residency where the cheapest tickets are now close to $1000 and ones up front are going for $30,000 each. And no, I did not mistype the number of zeroes in those amounts.

I'm talking about shows like Carrot Top (tickets start at $53.10 and go up to $91.25) or Rich Little ($62.18 to $83.98) or no one you've ever heard of (the same range). The cheapest Cirque du Soleil show in town wants almost $100 for its cheapest seats and then the prices go higher than the trapeze artists. And I don't know anyone in the current shows so no hanging-out backstage.

I gave up gambling and I ain't going back. I don't want to relearn Blackjack, especially in light of certain rule changes that increase the house advantage. There are a lot fewer buffets now and none of them are cheap.

And the room prices may seem reasonable at first glance but then they add on "Resort Fees" that can double or triple the price that lures you in. Here's a list of these fees.

Because of COVID — which is soaring in that town — I haven't been thinking of going there. But I'm now thinking that even when COVID is no longer a threat, I don't think I want to go to that city. Even if they will have a Peter Luger Steak House by then.

Nicholas "Nick" Georgiade, the last surviving regular cast member of The Untouchables TV show died last Sunday in Las Vegas at the age of 88. He was also one of the two last surviving cast members of It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World to have a speaking part. He played the policeman, seen above at left, who was working with Norman Fell's character to tail Smiler Grogan (Jimmy Durante).

Georgiade was best known as Enrico Rossi, sidekick to Elliot Ness (Robert Stack) on The Untouchables when it aired from 1959 to 1963 on ABC and forever after in reruns.  The story is that one of his fellow cast members on that series, Paul Picerni, was originally cast in the role in Mad World but had to drop out due to a schedule conflict.  When he did, he recommended Georgiade, who was hired for what you'd think, seeing the film, was a one-day part.

But when interviewed years after, Georgiade said he spent several weeks working on the picture, waiting to shoot other scenes which didn't make it into the final cut.  He also said that he loved the whole experience, hanging around with so many fine comedians.

This makes Barrie Chase the last surviving cast member with a speaking part in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.  She (of course) played Mrs. Halliburton, the bikini-clad lady who did the memorable dance scene with Dick Shawn.