Monthly Archives: July 2005

Bigger Than a Breadbox

Posted on Thursday, July 28, 2005 at 12:57 AM

As you probably know, the entire staff and management of this website (i.e., me) is a big fan of certain old game shows, including the classic What's My Line? As of last evening, I am also a big fan of the new What's My Line?

What's that? You didn't know there was a new What's My Line? You want to know what channel it's on? Well, it isn't on any channel. It's a weekly (every Wednesday evening) live show at the Acme Comedy Theater in Hollywood. Host J. Keith van Straaten, who some of you might know from the Beat the Geeks series, picks up the mantle of the late John Daly. He can't compete with Daly in convoluted explanations of obscure technical points but in every other capacity, he's as good or better.

He and his crew have put together a highly professional and entertaining version of the old show with celebrity panelists and genuine Mystery Guests. Last night, the panelists were author Jonathan Ames, actresses Mink Stole and Rachael Harris, and comic actor Gary Anthony Williams. Mr. Williams was especially funny as he and the others guessed (or in two cases, failed to guess) the contestants. The first was a man who made toilet seats. The second was a lady who taught others to speak Tibetan. And the third was a woman who plays the Chinese Zither, and who treated us to a lovely demonstration of the instrument. Lots of fun.

But it was when we got to the Mystery Guest(s) spot that things exploded. The panelists donned blindfolds and out came the host of Let's Make a Deal, Monty Hall, accompanied by the lovely Carol Merrill, who modelled prizes on that show. Two game show legends! The audience (and Mr. van Straaten) could not have been more thrilled, and after Gary Williams guessed who it was, J. Keith conducted a good, amusing Q-and-A spot with Hall and Merrill. Unlike the TV version, the show isn't crammed into a half hour minus commercials. Since van Straaten's a pretty good interviewer, the time is put to good use.

You can learn all about upcoming shows over at this website. As you'll see, my buddy Len Wein is an occasional guest panelist, having first gone on the show as a contestant. Even when he's not on stage, Len is there almost every week and this time, he got me to go with him and his lovely spouse, Chris. He told me I'd have a great time and he did not oversell it. If you go over the next few months, you may see me there.

Danny Simon, R.I.P.

Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 at 11:22 AM
That's Neil's brother on the left.

There are two great stories about Danny Simon, the veteran comedy writer who just passed away. Well, actually, there are probably a lot more than two. Danny was a major force on TV variety shows of the fifties and sixties, and I even worked on one with him in the late seventies. He was also a director and a teacher of comedy writing, and the inspiration for the Felix Unger character in The Odd Couple, and a frantic, little man who was always hustling and selling. So there are probably a lot more than two, but I always loved these…

Danny Simon Story #1: Danny is going to visit his mother. This is some time in the sixties after another of the Simon kids has made a pretty big name for himself on Broadway. Danny walks in and finds his mother entertaining some of her friends. His mother says, "Girls…I want you to meet Neil's brother."

Danny Simon Story #2: Danny is working on some TV show. This is also some time in the sixties, long after he and Neil are no longer working as a team. The producer of the show decides to fire Danny, telling him his work is no good. Danny protests the decision, arguing that his work is very good. He says, "I'm the funniest writer in the business." The producer looks at him and says, "You aren't even the funniest writer in your family."

You might be interested to know where I heard those stories. I heard them from Danny. I'm sure he didn't like being the butt of a joke but he had a great appreciation for a funny story. Early in my career, I worked for him for a few days before he got fired as Head Writer and his replacement made a clean sweep of the staff, ousting me. I found him intractable, dominating and intent on lecturing everyone about the way to do things, which in his case meant only the way they'd done things in the fifties. Still, I liked him very much. He liked the fact that I'd seen and loved a then-recent production he'd directed of Plaza Suite starring Carol Burnett and George Kennedy, and that I'd noted how many gags he'd added with his staging. He also liked that I'd read and enjoyed a little-known play of his called The Convertible Girl, and he gave me a Xerox copy of an early draft so I could see how diligently he had tweaked and refined every line in it over the course of several "tryout" productions.

Danny was said to be the master of the evolving pitch. That's when you try to sell someone on a storyline or idea and, based on a lack of approving recognition, you start modifying the idea on-the-fly. It goes something like this: "So this is a western…well, it's not really a western. It's set on the west coast…or I guess it could be set on the east coast if you prefer. Anyway, the hero is six feet tall…but of course, he could be five feet tall…he could even be a woman…" The idea is that you keep changing until the buyer smiles at something. I even saw Danny do this once at lunch, trying to come up with an order that the waitress would think was a good choice. He went from a corned beef sandwich to a Chinese chicken salad in about 80 seconds.

He knew comedy. He taught comedy. For years, all the local trade journals carried ads for his workshops, with quotes from Woody Allen and brother Neil attesting to Danny's ability to instill great comedy writing talent in anyone. I never took his classes but I knew people who did and they found them valuable, if only for the anecdotes. Danny had worked with everyone. I think the main reason he got fired off that show we worked on was that some of us were too appreciative an audience for his stories so he entertained us instead of putting that energy into the script.

I suspect that, now that he doesn't have to worry about upsetting Danny, Neil is going to pull some half-finished play out of a drawer and finish it. Danny turns up in many of Neil's plays, not just as Felix but as every older brother, starting with Come Blow Your Horn, which was Neil's first. But I'm sure there were aspects of Danny that were too sensitive and perhaps too painful to address. It can't be easy to mentor your little brother and watch him pass you to become the most successful playwright of the century. No one ever lost a bout of sibling rivalry so decisively but with such good humor.

Stuff 2 Buy

Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 at 9:49 AM

Warner Home Video has formally announced the upcoming DVD sets we've been mentioning here for months. The Yogi Bear Show comes out on November 15, as does the first collection of The Huckleberry Hound Show, as does the fourth season of The Flintstones. Those links go to articles that list the contents. I'll provide Amazon ordering links as soon as they're available.

One cautionary note: My voice and/or face appear on a couple of these in my capacity as a Hanna-Barbera expert. I'm also going to be on the second volume of The Adventures of Superman, part of Warner's ongoing releases of the classic series starring George Reeves. I don't much like appearing on camera but I do like the fact that all those years of watching this stuff has turned me into an authority.

More Hanna-Barbera shows will be emerging on DVD in the months to come. Why, it wouldn't surprise me if we see an announcement any day now about Quick Draw McGraw…

EC For Me, See?

Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 at 1:52 AM

Here's a quick bit of Comic Book History: In 1954, EC Comics were being driven from the newsstand. Various parents' groups and factions within our government were pressuring distributors and retailers not to carry "nasty books" like the company's Tales From the Crypt and Shock SuspenStories. Publisher Bill Gaines was forced to kill off his horror and crime comics so he replaced them with more wholesome titles, approved by the newly-formed Comics Code Authority…and you know what? They didn't sell, either. Two problems: The new books weren't all that good, and they said "EC" on their covers. The wholesalers and newsstands still wanted nothing to do with that imprint, and Gaines's "New Direction" line (as he called it) died a rapid death.

Fortunately, Gaines was publishing something else: MAD Magazine. MAD had been a ten-cent comic book for its first two dozen issues but had recently been changed into a twenty-five-cent magazine. A lot of folks seem to think Gaines did the conversion to escape the politics of comic book publishing and the Comics Code…and while that was a happy result, it wasn't the immediate reason for the upgrade. The reason was that MAD's founder-editor, Harvey Kurtzman, didn't want the shame and chintziness of being in comics any longer and was threatening to quit and go work for a slick magazine. Gaines regarded Kurtzman as indispensable to MAD so to keep him on board, MAD became a magazine, which proved to be a workable, successful format.

It prompted Gaines to try re-establishing his old horror and crime material that way…with a romance title thrown in, as well. He and his other main editor-writer, Al Feldstein, launched the Picto-Fiction line: Adult Tales of Terror Illustrated, Shock Illustrated, Crime Illustrated and Confessions Illustrated. They were, like MAD, black-and-white inside. They were, unlike MAD, spectacular failures…and probably for the same two reasons that the "New Direction" line flopped: They weren't all that good, and they said "EC" on their covers. (I once asked Gaines why he put the logo on these books but not on MAD. He shrugged and said, "I don't know…never gave it any thought.")

Inside, the Picto-Fiction books featured clever stories, many of which were adapted from earlier EC Comics. Inside, the Picto-Fiction books featured superior illustration work by the same artists: Jack Davis, Johnny Craig, "Ghastly" Graham Ingels, et al. Alas, it was all in a text and pictures format that just didn't work. They weren't comic books and they weren't fiction magazines. Instead, they combined the worst of both worlds, and it didn't help that newsstands had no idea where to rack them. Sales were disastrous.

For years now, the nine published Picto-Fiction issues have been among the rarest EC collectibles, especially Shock Illustrated #3. It was just coming off the press when Gaines gave up on the line, and he elected to save money and destroy the press run of that final issue, rather than distribute it. So all but 100-200 copies were pulped, and those few went to the staff and a few devoted fans. I've only seen copies from afar, sealed snugly in mylar, and I've never read the issue.

But I will, soon. Russ Cochran, who has republished all the other EC material in quality, hardcover volumes the last few decades, has finally reached the final body of work in the pantheon. Later this year, he and Gemstone Publishing will bring us The Complete Picto-Fiction, reprinting all nine issues plus 17 never-before-published stories that were left homeless when the Picto-Fiction line crashed and burned. Like Cochran's previous sets, this will be a quality, slipcased edition that will sell for a hefty pricetag. We don't yet know what that pricetag will be but it will be worth it. It always is.

Bleeped Again!

Posted on Wednesday, July 27, 2005 at 12:01 AM

I assume by now, everyone knows that a number of newspapers dropped yesterday's Doonesbury strip while others did some editing on it. The whole tale is here (and the strip in question is here) but basically, Garry Trudeau had George W. Bush using his reported nickname for Karl Rove, "Turd Blossom." One suspects that such excisions do wonders for Mr. Trudeau's notoriety and call extra attention to the term in question. I'll bet there are some people who only read Doonesbury when someone doesn't want them to.

Today's Political Rant

Posted on Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 6:29 PM

According to the USA Today/CNN/Gallup poll, 51% of all Americans believe the Bush administration deliberately misled the public about whether Iraq had weapons of mass destruction.

Now, I don't believe any poll on its own proves much, and there are others that place that number a bit lower than 51%. But as more and more of Bush's negative ratings hit that magic number of half-the-nation-plus-one, I wonder about something. It's how many Bush supporters who thought 51% in the last election was a mandate or even a landslide will now argue that 51% or even anything below 55% or so isn't really a majority.

Hobby Horse

Posted on Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 2:08 PM

Last night, one of Jay Leno's guests was Australian Joseph Hachem, who recently won $7.5 million bucks (American) in the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas.

There was an interesting subtext to their discussion. Jay was asking Hachem about what it's like to be a professional gambler. Hachem kept suggesting that he really isn't a professional gambler. He's a mortgage broker and playing poker, he says, is just a sideline.

He had a good reason for insisting on the distinction. Under Australian tax law, income from your primary business is taxable, whereas income from a hobby is not. If it's ruled that gambling is Hachem's primary business, the tax collector there could claim up to $4.85 million of his winnings.

If I were him, I'd run back to Melbourne and arrange a lot of mortgages. And fast.

Recommended Reading

Posted on Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 1:44 PM

Fred Kaplan, whose commentaries on the Iraq War have been frighteningly prescient, says that the Bush administration is making a major shift in its approach to combatting terrorism…but only in how they try to sell it to the American public.

More Notes from the E.R.

Posted on Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 10:44 AM

I didn't mention it when it happened but I spent another long day in the hospital emergency room with my mother. Our previous visit there — the one I described here — was last Friday. We were back there on Saturday afternoon. She was in the hospital for two nights and then I brought her home Monday afternoon. (My thanks to those of you, including several total strangers, who've sent good wishes and messages of concern. I think she's okay now.)

I lack many skills in this world but I have one that comes in handy in these situations. It's the ability to be in peoples' way. This is not just because I'm a pretty large human being. Even back when I was svelte, I had the uncanny capacity to stand in the wrong place and to enormously inconvenience others around me. This is usually a source of embarrassment and personal shame but it helps when you're trying to get attention from scurrying doctors and nurses. In an emergency room, they wind up tending to Mom just so they can get me out of their way.

The most interesting thing I observed/eavesdropped this time was a conversation between a doctor and a patient in the next cubicle. The physician was informing the poor guy that he would need a kidney transplant. Worse, the patient did not have a potential donor in his family, nor did he have the funds or insurance to cover the cost. Still, the whole thing was discussed quite matter-of-factly. The vocal tones and rhetoric were about the same you'd hear if an auto mechanic was telling someone they needed new seat covers they couldn't afford. I found the dispassionate air quite chilling; like both parties were resigned to the fact that nothing could be done for the man. The doctor asked, "Any questions?" and when the man said he had none, the doctor hurried off to treat a lady who could be helped…who'd just been brought in with severe (but not fatal) facial wounds, courtesy of her "boy friend." I mentioned to one nurse that they seemed to get a lot of cases like that and she said, "If it wasn't for psycho boy friends, we wouldn't be in business."

A few minutes later, the guy with the faulty kidney got dressed and left. And ten minutes later, that cubicle was occupied by a very pregnant lady (like, any day now) who'd been severely beaten by the man who got her that way. Doctors were huddling just outside the door, discussing if and how they could save the baby. One gave the order, "Get the social counselor down here. I don't want to save this woman and then have to release her to go home to that guy."

So here's my latest story about the hospital cafeteria. On weekends, this one doesn't have the steam table with three hot entrees and as many side dishes. It's just the grill, meaning burgers and chicken sandwiches. I suddenly flashed on the 1962 MAD Magazine parody of the TV series, Dr. Kildare — this panel, in particular…

drkilljoy01

I don't know if you can read the tiny type on your screen but the senior doctor lectures the younger doctor by saying, "…if you never learn another thing from me, please remember this! Never…NEVER eat a hamburger in a hospital cafeteria!" At the time this issue came out, I was ten and I had an uncle dying, so we were spending a lot of time at a hospital and dining in its cafeteria. Heeding the advice of MAD, I avoided ordering a burger, even though I wasn't sure what the line meant. Was it that hamburgers in hospital cafeterias were just notoriously bad or was there something more to it than that? Maybe hospitals made their burgers out of…I don't know…leftover body parts? When you're ten, things like that occur to you. I didn't really believe that was it but I couldn't quite figure out why, as I thought was implied in the joke, the burgers at a hospital cafeteria were worse than the ones in any cafeteria. What was it about them being served in a hospital?

I outgrew such worries but until last Saturday, I don't think I'd ever had a hamburger in a hospital cafeteria. I wasn't going to have one then but they were all out of chicken and I was famished. So, well aware that I was scorning the sage counsel of MAD, I steeled myself and ordered…a hamburger in a hospital cafeteria. And after I took two bites, I suddenly realized I was right when I was ten. That thing was definitely made out of somebody's spleen.

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on Monday, July 25, 2005 at 8:44 PM

Next year's Comic-Con International will be held July 20-23. Good time to start looking for a parking space near the convention center.

Book Report

Posted on Monday, July 25, 2005 at 12:17 PM

I think Robert Klein is one of the ten-or-so most brilliant stand-up comedians of all time. I enjoyed his new book, The Amorous Busboy of Decatur Avenue, but I think I'm going to enjoy his next book more.

When I read biographies (or especially, autobiographies) of folks whose careers interest me, I usually skim or even skip the parts that detail their lives before the career got going. I'll go back and read that material later but, first time through, I cut to the chase and I'll bet I'm not the only one. Most autobiographies written in the seventies and eighties seemed to start with some pivotal moment in the author's career — getting their breakthrough job, getting an award, some life-changing moment — and then Chapter Two would flash back to their birth, parents, childhood, etc. Clearly, someone had figured out that readers have less interest in that stuff, and when they're browsing through a book at the store, it makes them not want to buy.

Mr. Klein's new book is mostly pre-career stuff. It's only in the last few chapters, as he gets seriously into acting and performing, that it starts being about the Robert Klein we know and love. In fact, it ends just before he makes his television debut. The last anecdote is about how he was hired to do this on The Dean Martin Show but the day before taping, the producers made him do his act for them in an office without an audience. This is every comedian's nightmare because, as happened with Klein, it never seems funny in there. In this case, it seemed so unfunny that they cancelled his appearance…and you have to wonder what they thought, just a year or two later, when he became a pretty big star.

Before we get to those last few chapters about bit parts on Broadway, working at Second City and being mentored in stand-up by Rodney Dangerfield, we get a lot of stories about being a busboy, toiling in rotten jobs, growing up and so on. Particular emphasis is placed on itemizing every woman he ever slept with, and I got to wondering why some of the names and certain details had to be included. Even with that reservation, the stories are fun and colorful, but…I dunno. It's kind of like buying a book about the life of Willie Mays and it ends just before he gets called up to play for the Giants.

Still, like I said, I enjoyed it and if you'd like to order it from Amazon, this link can make that happen. I hope lots of folks buy it, the better to hurry along Mr. Klein's next book, the one that will presumably start with him making his TV debut and blossoming into one of the best comics of his day. That book, I think I'm really going to like.

And if you'd like to hear why he was so good on stage, let me run down his three albums for you. All three came out on CD in 1992 but only the first seems to have been kept in print since then…

robertklein03

  • Child of the 50's is very good, especially the bits about being a kid during various nuclear scares. You can pick up a CD of it for less than ten bucks on Amazon.
  • Mind Over Matter is his best one. The routines about appearing on Celebrity Jeopardy! and long before that, on Ted Mack's Original Amateur Hour, are priceless. This one is difficult to find and those who have it want thirty smackers and up for it. I have no info on any new repressing but I find it hard to believe there won't be one soon, since it's really one of the finest comedy albums ever made. In the meantime, there are some online audio clips over at Amazon, as well as a chance to pay top dollar to get the CD now.
  • Lastly, New Teeth is the weakest of the three. There's still a lot of good stuff but it pales by comparison to what came before. Laugh.com has the CD for fifteen bucks and it can turn up for slightly less if one shops around.

Even better than all these is the news that his many HBO specials will soon be available on DVD. The minute anyone hears that can be ordered, let me know.

Recommended Reading

Posted on Monday, July 25, 2005 at 11:28 AM

Michael Tomasky explains how George W. Bush has gone from saying he'd fire anyone involved in the Valerie Plame leak to saying he'd fire anyone convicted of leaking the name. The change is not a little one since, among other things, a trial and conviction could easily be delayed for years.

Recommended Reading

Posted on Sunday, July 24, 2005 at 1:43 AM

Frank Rich tells us why Alberto Gonzales wasn't nominated for the Supreme Court. Good point.