Monthly Archives: July 2008

I just watched the debut of The Gong Show With Dave Attell on Comedy Central.

The is the fourth incarnation of The Gong Show. Who would have thought we'd ever refer to the original, the one hosted by Chuck Barris, as the "watchable" version?

You wanna know how inane this new one is? The person on it who retained the most dignity was Andy Dick.

And speaking of Mike Peters…next week, he'll be a Special Guest at the Comic-Con in San Diego where, if I know Mike, he will attempt to personally hug every one of the 120,000 guests in attendance. Years ago on one of his trips to L.A., I was driving him to the airport and we stopped off for dinner on the way. I took him to a favorite barbecue restaurant of mine and introduced him to the cook, who was a grizzled old western type who could have won a Gabby Hayes look-alike contest. (Do they still hold Gabby Hayes look-alike contests?)

Mike loved the cuisine and we got to talking…and suddenly, I looked at the time and gasped, "Mike, we needed to leave for the airport fifteen minutes ago!" As I bolted from the table, Mike said, "Wait! Before we go, I have to go into the kitchen and hug the chef!" And he did.

The man is a brilliant cartoonist as you can see over on his website, which seems to be down at the moment, probably due to a right-wing plot. You can see how fast and funny he is if you attend the Quick Draw! panel at Comic-Con a week from this Saturday. This is one of the most popular events at the con and I'm betting that this year's will be mobbed.

Imagine if you will: On the stage are three cartoonists, each sitting at a projector. Whatever they draw is simultaneously projected onto a large screen in front of you, the audience member. I am out in the audience with a microphone, having you help me come up with silly challenges for these cartoonists, asking them to whip out sketches based on our suggestions. It's always hilarious. Ask anyone who's seen it.

Two of the cartoonists are always Sergio Aragonés, who has been drawing for MAD since John McCain was a toddler, and Scott Shaw!, master of Oddball Comics, Flintstones and many other fun things. We've had some brilliant folks in the third seat but as long as we've been doing this, I've yearned to get Mr. Peters in that spot. When you see his pen in action, you'll see why. Here's the official-type listing…

Saturday, July 26
11:15-12:30 Quick Draw! — It's the battle of the cartoonists, featuring the one artist who may be the match for the reigning champs! Join Sergio Aragonés (the world's fastest cartoonist), the quick-witted and quicker-penned Scott Shaw!, and the new kid, editorial and syndicated cartoonist Mike Peters (Mother Goose and Grimm), as they place their pens to paper to do their fastest, most clever work, while you watch them draw on the big screen. Host Mark Evanier puts them through their paces in one of Comic-Con's most popular annual events. Room 6CDEF.

And if you find Mike as fascinating and funny as I do, you'll want to attend the following conversation between the two of us later that same afternoon…

4:30-5:30 Spotlight on Mike Peters — You may have seen them match wits at "Quick Draw!" earlier in the day. Now Mark Evanier and Pulitzer Prize winning editorial cartoonist Mike Peters sit down for an hour-long talk covering Mike's incredible career, including the hugely popular syndicated comic strip Mother Goose and Grimm (and cartoon show, better known as Grimmy). Room 8.

There are many things you'll want to do at the con. Make sure that seeing Mike Peters is among them. You'll get a chance to meet a brilliant cartoonist…and you may even get hugged.

I held off commenting on this just in case there's a big cash prize for being the one-millionth person on the Internet to comment on the New Yorker cover about Barack Obama…

Yes, you're offended by it. You're supposed to be offended by it. The question to me is whether you're offended by the fact that there are people in this country (people who will actually vote) who believe some or all of that about Senator Obama. Or are you offended by the New Yorker summarizing and satirizing that viewpoint? I'm with the first group and I think there's a value to the latter. There are plenty of folks in this country who are now more vocal than ever in denouncing the low I.Q. of those who believe this crap and/or those who know it's a lie and deliberately spread it. I kinda like that. Better to get it out in the open where it can be ridiculed than let it be spread unscathed via e-mails and whispers.

The other day on Talk of the Nation on NPR, three friends of mine — comedian Paul Mooney and cartoonists Art Spiegelman and Mike Peters — discussed the cover. The exchange between Art and Mike is interesting but I think I side with Art. The New Yorker didn't invent this view of Obama and I don't think that cover will convince anyone it's valid. It's more likely to debunk it. You can hear the broadcast on this page.

Ultimately, I think Jon Stewart got this one right. Obama should have responded by saying something like, "Of course I'm not offended. Muslim extremists get offended by cartoons and I'm not a Muslim extremist."

Last Saturday morning around 6 AM, two men attempted to rob a restaurant here in Los Angeles. The restaurant was Lawry's the Prime Rib, a fine institution where I often dined when I was eating larger portions than I now crave or could digest.

The men put a gun to the skull of one of the chefs and asked, "Where's the money?" Then they demanded to know where the safe was. When the chef told them he couldn't open the safe, the intruders got spooked (that's what it said in all the news reports) and fled. It turned out that the police had been monitoring the two chaps — they'd pulled armed robberies before — and as they left, they were immediately tracked by a police helicopter and pursued by units on the ground.

It all ended not far from where I live. One of the thieves was shot before they both surrendered and were taken into custody…a nice ending, of course. But there's something I want to know…

Why Lawry's? Of all the places in this city to pull an armed robbery, why Lawry's? At six on a Saturday morning?

How much could they possibly have gotten? True, a meal at Lawry's is not cheap. It's been years since I got out of there for under $40 a person and that's just meat, mashed taters and creamed corn. I'm sure with wine and dessert, it could run twice that…but this just suggests to me that most people pay with credit cards. How much cash might the restaurant actually have had on hand?

And what made the crooks think it would be there at six in the ayem or that a chef would have had access to it? The place doesn't even open until 4:30 in the afternoon on a Saturday. If they did collect any significant amount of cash the night before, would they be likely to keep it on the premises for the whole weekend?

Also: That guy who cooks and carves prime rib for a living probably has a pretty sharp knife within arm's reach and is very skilled at handling it.

I can understand not wanting to rob a bank. Banks have security guards and cameras and all sorts of anti-robbery devices. But the penalty for armed robbery is pretty much the same wherever you rob. Shouldn't you pick a place that's likely to have a large sum of greenbacks on hand? I'll bet they could have gotten more loot at a Denny's. Plus, at 6 AM, they could have gotten a Grand Slam Breakfast to go.

A brief chat with Garry Trudeau. Why am I not surprised that he's a Randy Newman fan?

I really admire the effort and artistry of the JibJab videos. Out of just about nothing, those folks built an art form and a style and what I gather is a pretty successful company. One of the ways they've achieved this is by really putting maximum effort into each project. A lot of people out there think computer animation is easy; that you just click this and load that and the computer does all the labor that formerly had to be done by hand. Wrongo. Each JibJab video represents skillions of person hours and an awful lot of hands-on artistry. Here's a link to their latest — "Time for Some Campaignin'" — and here's a link to a production blog that should give you some idea how much perspiration went into it.

I like what they do so much that I'm hesitant to write this next part and toss in a "however."

However, I will. With so much effort going into each frame of animation, you'd think they'd expend a bit more time on their song parody lyrics, particularly in making them rhyme. In most cases, it wouldn't be difficult. For instance, this new video opens as follows…

Come gather 'round, Dick, Condi, Scooter and Rove
It's time to get packin', we must hit the road
But there's wars and recessions and bad mortgage loans
And our legacy needs savin'
So forget he's a jackass who's lib'rally prone
Oh, it's time for some campaignin'.

I'm not sure if the folks who wrote this thought "Rove" rhymes with "road" but if so, they're wrong. "Loans" doesn't rhyme with "prone" because "loans" is plural. "Savin'" does not rhyme with "campaignin'," either.

What baffles me about this kind of lyric is that it's so easy to fix. It could easily go like this…

Come gather 'round, Condi, Rove, Scooter and Dick
It's time to get packin' and hit the road quick
On account of each war and each bad mortgage loan
Our popularity's wainin'
So forget he's a jackass who's lib'rally prone
Oh, it's time for some campaignin'.

That took, literally, under a minute to redo. Give any decent songwriter a half hour and he or she might have improved it into Sondheim territory…or at least The Capitol Steps. The JibJab professionals are so thorough with their graphics and animation and details that it makes me wince that they rhyme "command" with "Vietnam" and "near" with "years." ("Exchange," by the way, does not rhyme with "change." It's the same syllable. It's like rhyming "moon" with "moon.")

Come on, guys. You do everything else so well. Get your lyrics up to the standard of your animation.

Every day until that monster in San Diego commences, I'm going to be plugging/promoting a couple of the panels I'll be doing down there. Today, let's talk about Cartoon Voices, which is one of my areas of interest and alleged expertise.

Saturday and Sunday, my buddy Earl Kress and I are hosting panels of folks who do that kind of thing for a living and do it well. These are extremely popular events at the con…and for a good reason. We gather six or so actors on each, have them demonstrate their silly sounds, talk about their craft, and then we stick them with what's called a Cold Reading. This means making actors act with a script they haven't had time to study and learn and think about. Wonderful, unpredictable things are sometimes heard when this is done.

The folks we have this year are as good as anyone I could find. They're all artists you've heard on loads of cartoons and as they'll show you, they also do commercials and dubbing and narration and other lucrative things with their talents. Some of you are already telling me how excited you are that the Saturday panel will include Mr. Chuck McCann, who gets mentioned on this blog more often than Jack Kirby, Groo the Wanderer or me. Here are listings for these two panels…

Saturday, July 26
12:30-2:00 Cartoon Voices I — It's the first of two gatherings this weekend of actors who lend their voices to animation, as they discuss and demonstrate their craft. Co-hosts Mark Evanier and Earl Kress welcome Jason Marsden (Fairly OddParents, Loonatics Unleashed), Wally Wingert (The Garfield Show, Family Guy), Phil LaMarr (Justice League, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends), Alicyn Packard (The Mr. Men Show, World of Warcraft), TV legend Chuck McCann, Tom Kenny (SpongeBob SquarePants), and a few surprises. Room 6CDEF.

Sunday, July 27
1:15-2:30 Cartoon Voices II — It's another one of those panels where folks who do animation voice work demonstrate their craft and dazzle you with their talents. Co-hosts Mark Evanier and Earl Kress welcome Chris Edgerly (Harvey Birdman, Celebrity Deathmatch), Dee Baker (American Dad, SpongeBob SquarePants), Cheryl Chase (Rugrats, All Grown Up), Katie Leigh (Dungeons & Dragons, Totally Spies!), Billy West (Futurama, Ren & Stimpy) and a few surprises. Room 6B.

Now then. When I started moderating Cartoon Voice panels at the convention, they were in smaller rooms and they were largely about how a person who thinks they have the ability can perhaps obtain a career in that line of work. As the panels got more popular, however, they became more about entertainment and performing, and less about agents and demos and classes and the stark realities of The Biz. This year, we aim to correct this a bit with yet another Cartoon Voice panel, a different kind. This year, and I suspect the next few years, Earl and/or I will be hosting a gathering that just focuses on the feasibility and possible attainment of employment. Here's the listing for this one…

Sunday, July 27
12:00-1:00 The Business of Cartoon Voices — Lots of people think they can do them…but how does one go about making a living as a voiceover actor? Co-hosts Mark Evanier and Earl Kress gather together a panel of agents, casting directors and performers to explain all about agents, casting directors, demos, classes, what to do and (most important) what not to do. If you've ever been interested in a career in the field, this is the panel you've been waiting for. Room 7AB.

I haven't listed the participants yet because schedules are still being juggled…but we'll have an agent or two, a casting director or maybe more than one, a couple of actors (Gregg Berger and Bob Bergen), plus you'll have Earl and me giving out some hard truths about the field.

We're doing this in large part because the Aspiring Animation Voice Actor is fast becoming prey. What with the Internet and home recording studios and online videos and zillions of new markets, we now have zillions of ways that folks are seeking to separate the wanna-bes from their wallets. There are some very good teachers and classes and advisory programs out there. There are also some in the "those who can't do, teach" category and a few outright thieves.

This is an area about which I am somewhat militant. Every month or so lately, I encounter someone who has spent an awful lot of their money and youthful years looking for love in all the wrong places, paying for lessons and demos and "access to casting people" (something for which one should never pay) and all they have to show for it is a couple of non-union, $50 jobs that if you amortize the money they've spent on lessons and guidance, comes down to about a thousand bucks per gig that it cost them.

(There's an old joke in the acting game: The agent tells a performer, "This gig will pay you $100." The performer says, "But it's going to cost me twice that to travel to that city and get a room." Whereupon the agent answers, "Yeah, well, you have to save up for some jobs.")

Let me emphasize: There are some very good, very helpful teachers and trainers out there. I'm sure some will be endorsed and recommended at the panel. But note that I am not saying they're the majority because I'm beginning to think that they are not. Those that are not can be divided into two categories — those that mean well and just aren't all that good, and those that just want to exploit someone's dreams.

Last month, I met a lady who's been, I believe, taken for all she could afford (and then some) by the latter. Someone should have told her how rough the business can be and, frankly, that she has certain deficiencies in the talent department. Alas, there's moola to be made by telling people what they want to hear; by saying, "Yes, yes…you can have everything you dream of…you just need to keep paying us money to train and steer you." Many thousands of bucks later, she's about as close to a real voiceover career as Teller.

I'd decided that a panel of Free Advice to such folks was needed before I met her, but she reinforced my notion. If you think you might have what it takes to be the new Mel/Daws/June, you might want to make it to this panel…and I'm sorry we only have an hour.

Who invented the hamburger? Well, a lot of people laid claim to that achievement. Here's a brief history of the world's most popular sandwich.

…and by that, I mean the stars recorded the messages, not that these messages appeared on stars' machines.

You may remember answering machine messages. Nowadays, it's unfashionable and downright geeky to have your voice mail say anything more than "Hi, I'm not in right now. Leave a message." It's insulting to the caller if you even say "wait for the beep" because everyone with a third of a brain in their heads knows you're supposed to wait for the beep.

But back when we all first got answering machines, we were all producing these elaborate, amusing outgoing messages to put on them. Cecil B. DeMille did not work as hard on some of his movies as acquaintances of mine did on their outgoing announcements…and frankly, some of what Mr. DeMille produced was not as entertaining. I wrote an intricate poem for my first machine, and I knew people who recorded songs or incorporated sound effects. Occasionally, professional recording studios were even involved. It was almost a sign of achievement to be able to say, "My friends just call to hear the message. They're disappointed if I'm home and I answer."

My current message is as bland and quick as can be…but back in the eighties, I had a series of messages recorded by the great voices of the cartoon business. Since I consider these some of their greatest performances, I'm going to share them with the world. Here's the first one…