Visiting New York in the seventies, I discovered the mixed joy of a chain of eateries, primarily around Times Square, called Tad's Steaks. A Tad's was a steakhouse the way a stripper is a professional dancer…but I have to tell you: I've had worse steaks in fancy, well-reviewed restaurants than I used to get at Tad's for a fifth the price. The decor was nothing fancy unless you have a thing for red-flocked velvet wallpaper, which is what they had at some of the Tad's outlets. It was cafeteria style and in every Tad's I ever visited in Manhattan, there was a little Hispanic fellow behind the counter — it seemed to be the exact same guy in every Tad's — whose job was to stand there and ask everyone as they slid their trays past him, "Jew want onions?" I always told him, "Yes, the Jew would like some onions." I was always afraid that since I'm really only half-Jewish, I'd only get a half-portion.
The onions were cooked, like everything else at Tad's, in this amazing, all-purpose yellow liquid. I have no idea what it was and had the ominous sense that I was better for not knowing — but they did everything with it. The chef would brush the grill with it, then cook your steak in it. The onions were cooked in it. If you got a salad, they'd daub it on as dressing. If you got a baked potato, they'd put it on in lieu of butter. The garlic bread was made by painting split french rolls with the yellow liquid, then grilling them face down. Once when the cashier handed me my change, I caught her making it out of the yellow liquid.
Great food? No. Good food? Good for the money, maybe. I don't recall what they charged in '70 for the specialty of the house, which was a steak, baked potato, side salad and maybe even onions if you were Jewish, but it was a tremendous bargain and it was also quick. My friends and I liked both those things about Tad's. Then. I haven't been back to one in New York in more than twenty years, though I've occasionally passed the few that have not closed and gone away. How good they are now, I leave to others to decide. A quick survey of Internet review forums shows the widest-possible range of opinions.
This weekend, I'm in San Francisco for WonderCon and I've been eating some of my meals at a lone, seemingly ostracized Tad's they have out here about three blocks from the convention hotel, which is where I'm writing this. Going to Tad's is not because I'm cheap — the con reimburses me for meals so it wouldn't cost me a dime to dine in fancier places — but because it's fast and pretty good. Friday evening, I needed something speedy so I could hurry back here to work. The Tad's $13.95 steak special was ideal. Saturday morn, I went back for bacon and eggs, and Saturday evening my friend Buzz Dixon and I hiked over there. Buzz had the steak and I had as fine a piece of grilled halibut as I've ever had anywhere. The check for the two of us came to $39.90 — or an even forty bucks counting the tip.
Disappointments? The decor is only a bit better than the ones in New York and the place is more fast food style than cafeteria. There is no Hispanic kid asking if the Jew wants onions…though they do have onions for a buck or two extra. I saw no trace of the yellow liquid, which was sad. I was going to see if they'd let me buy a pint of it to put in my car. All in all, since Carolyn's not along this trip and I just want no frills and edible, I found it. And there was something nice about the fact that it was Tad's and it reminded me of the fun of running around New York when I was younger.
Oh, and there was one other downside when I went there for breakfast. I had to pass the Apple Store on the morning they began selling iPads. You have not seen crowds like that: Five hundred people buying iPads and seven hundred people shooting video for various news outlets. As I made my way through the crowds, I was in some camera guy's shot — and when I moved out of his shot, I was in someone else's shot and then in someone else's shot. If I made it onto the news, I probably looked like an iPad buyer desperately trying to get into the store and make a purchase. But really, I was just trying to get out of camera range and make it to Tad's. It turned out to be worth the effort.