Monthly Archives: October 2011

Todd Klein is a professional letterer of comic books. He's kind of like the Cloris Leachman of the Best Lettering Trophy at each year's Eisner Awards. He is also a freelancer. Todd and artist Shawn McManus recently created an art print about freelancing which is quite clever and fine. So see it and order a copy. It's splendid.

I got busy with other topics and never finished reporting on my day at the Hollywood Show in Burbank on Saturday, October 8. Here, at long last, is the wrap-up…

My occasional employers Sid and Marty Krofft were there…and it was hard to talk with them because they always seemed to have a line of folks waiting to meet them and purchase autographs. They must have been doing good business because Sid was actually there the entire afternoon.

Sid Krofft has an actual super-power: The ability to disappear. He's very good at it. It's a power he only uses for good and only when he's genuinely not needed at a given moment. Actually, it includes the power to instinctively appear when he is needed but that's not the impressive part. There will be a problem and someone in the office or on the set will say, "Oh, if only Sid was here." Any magic words to that effect will cause Sid to miraculously walk in through the door within about two minutes and he will, of course, solve whatever the problem is. That all seems humanly possible.

It's when there's no problem and Sid isn't needed that he defies the laws of physics. He's there one minute and then you blink and suddenly — no Sid. Gone. Vaporized. Vamoosed. No one saw him leave, including those he'd have to pass to get out of the room.

When I first worked for the Kroffts, I was fascinated with many things each of them could do but this trick of Sid's really fascinated me. When he was around, I'd keep one eye on him and I'd sometimes try standing in the only door out of the room he was in. I thought, "I'm going to see how he does this. I am actually going to see Sid Krofft depart." But I never did. It was like watching water boil or viewing a great movie starring Rob Schneider. No one has ever done it and I was foolish to think I would be the first.

As I said, Sid and Marty must have been doing good business because Sid was still there when I left. But if I'd stayed around, I guarantee you I never would have seen him leave.

Near their table were the stars of ElectraWoman and Dynagirl, Deidre Hall and Judy Strangis. They did that on The Krofft Supershow for ABC Saturday mornings back in '76 and both women look fit enough to climb back into their costumes today. I had never met Deidre before but Judy and I go way back together.

About those costumes. When I was working for Sid and Marty in the seventies, they had a huge factory that made all the sets and props and wardrobe and puppets for their shows and also for many others. The costumes for the Banana Splits were made in that factory. So was scenery for various Vegas acts and movies and all sorts of show biz ventures. Their offices were there too and that's where I worked for them as a writer initially.

You ever been in a puppet workshop? It's bizarre. There are eyes staring at you from all directions…and limp characters you may have seen and known when they were "alive." There always seem to be a few puppets in disrepair, visible with body parts missing. And some that you're sure would start moving if you stared at them long enough.

I didn't hang around the puppet division too much but one route to the writers' offices involved going through the area where costumes were stored. There was a whole rack of the kind of headdresses that Vegas Showgirls wear — three or four feet tall with spangles and sequins and feathers. One of our writers (a guy) liked to wear one when he went to the stand across the street to get a taco. If he got any sort of odd reaction — and he always did — he'd say, "What's the matter? Don't you serve show people?"

Back then, I was dating a lovely lady named Bridget Holloman who worked as a dancer on Krofft shows and other programs, and one day I mentioned to her that the Kroffts' wardrobe department was throwing out a lot of old outfits that seemed to be no longer needed. She asked me to see if I could snag any that she'd worn…so one day when no one was looking, I slipped over to that part of the building and rooted around in a dumpster. In it, I found a couple items with Bridget's name on the tags but I also found one each of the old ElectraWoman and Dynagirl costumes. Deidre and Judy believed there were two Dynagirl suits made and three ElectraWoman outfits. Initially, two of each were fashioned — one to wear, one for a backup — but then there was an episode that called for an evil twin of ElectraWoman. That was an easy special effect: They just made an extra costume and had Deidre Hall's twin sister wear it.

I took the ElectraWoman and Dynagirl suits home and for years, they were in my closet. Every so often, I'd show them to friends and complain they didn't quite fit me. Actually, the ElectraWoman suit fit Bridget perfectly. She was quite a sensation once when she wore it to a Halloween party. Eventually, I gave the Dynagirl suit to Judy. The ElectraWoman suit is now part of a travelling museum of artifacts from children's television.

It was great to meet Deidre, who went on from that show to star on Days of Our Lives for many years. (Coincidence: Bridget had a recurring role on that series for a time.) And it was great to see Judy again. Both spent a lot of time at the show signing old ElectraWoman and Dynagirl merchandise (dolls, a board game, etc.) that they never even knew had been made.

Speaking of nice-looking ladies: Chuck McCann introduced me to (separately) Lesley Ann Warren and Erika Eleniak. Lesley has been one of my favorite actresses since I saw her steal every scene she appeared in in Victor/Victoria. Erika was one of the stars of Baywatch among her other endeavors and she's the niece of my old friend, the late Eddie Carroll. So we talked about Eddie and we also talked about an actor friend of mine who had a role once on Baywatch and found himself unable to recall his lines with Erika and other women who looked like that nearby in swimwear. I gather my friend was not unique in that regard.

I talked a bit with Carol Channing…and you would have been amazed at how many autograph-purchasers she had who were obviously born well after Hello, Dolly! closed on Broadway. I thought of asking her if an anecdote I once heard was true. Like all Broadway stars, Ms. Channing had an understudy — another performer who was engaged to step into the role if the star was ill or in desperate need of a night off. Carol Channing's was initially Joanne Worley…and the story is that on the first day of rehearsal, she was introduced to Ms. Worley and she said, "I'm sure you're very talented but you're never going on." And she never did — Channing, no matter how sick, never missed a performance. That's how Worley tells the story but I chickened out on asking Carol Channing what she recalls.

I met a few other great folks at the Hollywood Show but I think this has gone on long enough. The next one in Burbank is February 11-12. The website says February 10-12 but trust me: You don't want to go the first day. The guest list is small at present but will grow in time. There's also a Hollywood Show in Las Vegas November 18-19.

Roger Ebert has written his autobiography. You can read the introduction to it online or you can just go ahead and order a copy.

The video quality on this one isn't good but it's too great a clip not to post. If you're a fan of old game shows, watch this round of To Tell the Truth from 1963. Watch it from the beginning and don't skip ahead…and try to play along with the panel and decide how you would have voted. Beyond that, the less I tell you about it in advance, the better it will be…

I am currently engaged in a battle with a software company regarding a program that is not performing as advertised…or guaranteed. Their website promises completely satisfaction but when you call up to tell how dissatisified you are, you get some kid who's pretty much powerless to make good on any assurances. I've actually talked to a couple of Customer Service people at this company — obviously earning minimum wage or less in whatever country they're in. They have, I gather, these scripts they're supposed to read. If the caller complains about X, they read Script #1. If the caller complains about Y, they read Script #2 and so on. None of those scripts involve honoring their guarantee and several try to get you to spend more money, upgrading to a more advanced version of the product that already ain't working for you.

I'll tell you the name of the software if I don't get satisfaction…and maybe if I do. But I got the last phone lackey to route me to his superior, which only took about fifteen minutes of being on hold. The superior didn't seem all that superior. He said he didn't have the power to live up to their guarantee either but he could send an e-mail to someone who can. Which means the Customer Service for this product is probably an outside company and even he isn't allowed to speak to someone with the actual power to do anything.

I am not even asking for a refund. This software has versions of varying deluxe stature. They have the plain version for $30. They have the deluxe version for $60. Then they have the super deluxe version for $90. I used to be quite happy with the $30 version but somehow I let one of their phone tech guys talk me into upgrading to the $60 version and it's been a disaster. I think what's wrong with it is that it's full of bells and whistles and unnecessary features and some of them are conflicting with vital parts of my computer's operating system and setup. What I'm asking for at the moment is for them to give me the simpler $30 version for my $60…but all I'm gettting are people telling me that no, they're not allowed to do that so I have to pay an additional $30 if I want the current version of the $30 product. Obviously, I don't think I should have to do that.

I am promised a response from the superior's superior within 48 hours. Let's see what, if anything, happens.