A bunch of grandmothers sing about women's bodies — a subject that they obviously don't know anything about. (Thanks to Shelly Goldstein for telling me about this video. Shelly has a woman's body so she too needs a politician to tell her how they work.)
Still under the deadline gun…not that I'm complaining. Matter of fact, I'm learning that it helps me not to complain.
You'd think at age 60, I'd have figured that out by now but hey, sometimes these things take a while to sink in. Increasingly, I find myself using a simple analogy. Friends bitch 'n' moan about problems to me and sometimes, something constructive comes out of the complaining…but not often. Sometimes, it's just "Hey, you think you have it bad, let me top you." And sometimes, it's just plain a waste of time and energy. I have one friend who could probably solve every work-related problem he whines about if he took the time he spends whining and spent it doing the work instead.
Too often, the negatives they itemize are negatives that come with the job. I once knew a Playboy Playmate who'd spend half the day at the gym and the other half doing her hair and makeup…then expect sympathy because, as she put it, "Men keep staring at me." We all felt really sorry for her. I have writer friends complaining about not having paying work — a legit reason for some despair — but I also know writers who want a little pity because they have to spend so much time at the keyboard.
So the analogy I find myself using a lot is: "That's like a prizefighter complaining, 'The other guy keeps hitting me!'"
One of the things some new writers don't seem to get is that it's work. And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get back to doing some of it…
And I'm back for…well, not so much an obit as a recognition. Jerry Nelson was one of the first-string, Henson-selected Muppet performers. He was a major player on Sesame Street performing Count Von Count, Mr. Snuffleupagus, Herbert Birdsfoot, Sherlock Hemlock, Herry Monster, the Amazing Mumford, Little Jerry, Simon Soundman, Farley and a wide array of supporting one-shot characters. When the Muppets were on Saturday Night Live the first season, he was the lead character, Scred. And then on mainstream Muppet projects, his roles included Robin, Floyd Pepper, Lew Zealand (the guy with the boomerang fish) and sometimes Statler of Statler and Waldorf. He was also one of the lead performers on Fraggle Rock. He was often used in roles that played up his fine singing voice(s).
I never met Jerry Nelson but I quite admired his work. And as a devout fan of the first generation of Muppeting, I'm always sad when another one of those guys goes away.
And I had to come back for this: MAD magazine mainstay Dick DeBartolo and his companion of 32 years, Dennis Wunderlin, finally decided to tie the knot and get married. Congrats, guys. I hope at least one of you is gay.
Okay, I took a break to post this. Last Friday night, I participated in a live event at the Jon Lovitz Comedy Club up in Universal City. Voice Wizard Rob Paulsen hosted an episode of his podcast, Talking Toons, with special guest June Foray. It's Rob and me talking to the First Lady of Voice Acting for a little over an hour before an enthusiastic audience including a number of talented voiceover actors. You can listen in at this site or if I've configured things correctly by clicking on the player below…
When I am swamped with work, I put up a picture of a can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup. This is an ancient Internet custom — I believe it dates back to the Mayans — that means the proprietor of the blog will be away for a day or three. In my case, it usually means I'll be away for a day or three except when I have to return to do a friggin' obit for someone I care about. (Before you suggest it: I've tried not putting the can up lately but it doesn't seem to stop people from dying.)
Back soon. But I hope not too soon.
Something we don't like: Making up phony "science" when the real science doesn't fit your worldview. A fellow I once worked with feared nothing more than hearing that his 16-year-old daughter was having sex. I don't think he was as afraid of her having sex as he was of hearing that she was having sex. Whatever the reality, he wanted to be able to pretend she was still a virgin and would be until the night of her first marriage…maybe, her second.
So he kept asking everyone at the office for advice: What could he tell her that would scare her into not going all the way or even part of the way? Truth, which is what most folks suggested, was not an option. Truth might not lead to abstinence the way a story about how adultery causes blindness might. So he filled her mind with fables about how no birth control method ever worked and how out-of-wedlock sex caused Parkinson's Disease and we all felt very sorry for that young lady. One secretary said, "Watch. She'll be pregnant by Christmas." Another said, "She's going to be very screwed-up about sex." I never heard what happened with her but both would not surprise me.
Amanda Marcotte reviews some of the altered science the so-called "pro-life" movement has spread. Read it or you'll get HIV.
Michael Kinsley on Paul Ryan. I always find it amazing that a certain kind of person in this country believes that if you rely on government welfare, you are a non-constructive parasite of society…if you are pro-choice on abortion, you are morally bankrupt…and if you don't believe in God, you are totally confused in life and somehow below human…
…but that pro-choice, welfare-taking atheist Ayn Rand? Now, there was a woman who understood exactly how the world should be.
I am looking for copies (presumably JPGs or other digital images) of three photos…
If you can help with any of these, you know where to reach me.
Here's eight and a half minutes of stand-up comedy from Morey Amsterdam. This is from a 1979 burlesque special that ran in the early days of what they then called "Pay TV" and we now call "cable" or just "TV." Morey toured for a while with a travelling show and worked about as blue (i.e., dirty) as he dared, which was not very blue at all…
Each election year, folks in the hierarchies of the political parties duel to the death over what's going to be contained in the official party platform. Tempers flare. Threats are made. Some even warn they may not support the ticket if this or that is in the platform.
Then the party selects its nominees…or as has become the norm the last few decades, it rubber-stamps the already-selected nominees. The nominees then pledge to run on that platform and to attempt to achieve its goals…
…and then everyone just forgets about it and they do whatever they want.
That seems to be about the way it works with both major parties and probably the minor ones, too. The anti-abortion planks of the G.O.P. platform, now being drafted, contain no exception for rape. Rape suddenly got bigger the other day and hurriedly, Romney and Ryan came out with a statement: "A Romney-Ryan administration would not oppose abortion in instances of rape." This is not, by the way, an inconsistency for Mr. Romney but it's a sudden conversion for Mr. Ryan who a week or two ago thought it was indistinguishable from murder. Oh, well. If I had a chance at the vice-presidency, I'd probably reverse some of the deeply-held views that I've long believed came from God, too.
Okay: So Romney-Ryan would not oppose abortion in the case of rape. But they're going to pledge to run on a platform that would, and which also contains many provisions at odds with their positions. The premise here is that the candidate is supposed to follow the dictates of the platform…but none of them ever do. No one is going to look at that platform as a guide to what Romney-Ryan will do about immigration or health care or Afghanistan or ordering lunch.
I remember when Bob Dole was the nominee, he was asked about an item in the platform that was at odds with his position and he said something like, "I'm the candidate. The platform isn't the candidate." And he said he hadn't read it even though he'd pledged to support it.
No one thought this was odd or an example of a flip-flop or anything. If Barack Obama signed a petition when he was 14 to ban assault weapons, that's taken as a firm indication that he still believes that and is trying to make it happen. But if he deviates from the party platform he vows to uphold this year, no big deal. Same with Republicans. It's just your party's official platform you swore to follow. It's not like it's a Grover Norquist pledge or anything.
ABC has announced that come January, they're flipping the time slots of Jimmy Kimmel Live! (a show which, by the way, has not been live since its first few weeks) and Nightline. That will put Kimmel on head-to-head with Leno and Letterman.
I must admit that I haven't watched Kimmel's show in several years. When I did, I didn't like it…and the thing was that I didn't like him. It wasn't the writing or the guests or the set or anything else about it. I just didn't want to spend time with him. I liked Kimmel with Ben Stein and for the most part on The Man Show but I felt we were seeing an example of The Peter Principle: A guy who'd been moved up the ladder until they found something he wasn't good at. That may be unfair to say having not watched lately so I'll give him another try one of these days.
My instant reaction though is that this will not grow the late night audience. That will only come by putting on something different, something that wasn't there before. All they'll do with this move is to carve pretty much the same audience into smaller pieces.
The lovely Carolyn Kelly sent me this one. It's an unusual version of Swan Lake. And really, when you come right down to it, the only versions of Swan Lake worth watching are the unusual ones…
Phyllis Diller is hailed by Gilbert Gottfried. And justifiably so.
I haven't dined yet from this new food truck we have in Los Angeles but just the name makes me want to. [Caution: May play a video with audio when you get to the site.]