Monthly Archives: December 2014

My knee and arm continue to heal. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have posted about my little accident but when you have a blog to fill, you tend to think of everything as material. It was not as bad as some who wrote me seemed to think.

I don't have much to say about the Eric Garner matter back east other than to echo the frustration of Mr. Stewart last night on The Daily Show. Years ago when we had the Rodney King riots in L.A., I had a gentleman of color doing some construction-type work on my house. Naturally, we got to talking about the looting and burning that was going on in parts of the city following the verdict that acquitted the police officers who'd been caught on tape beating the crap out of King, long after he could not have escaped or harmed them.

The worker said to me, not that this wasn't obvious, "It just shows you the system is rigged. Even when they have videotape of these cops assaulting a black man, the cops walk." That's got to be what a lot of people are feeling today about Garner's death and also that of Michael Brown and others.

I'm trying to not write as much on this blog about serious subjects because there are so many places on the 'net where you can read about them, whereas this is one of the few places you can read about old comedians and my silly experiences and the evils of cole slaw. But as a wise man wrote very recently, when you have a blog to fill, you tend to think of everything as material. So I'm not going to dwell on Brown or Garner…and if Bill Cosby weren't a comedy legend, I probably wouldn't be writing much about him. I just have trouble at times getting my mind off injustices that are out there. I kind of hope I never learn how to do that.

My old pal Pat O'Neill wrote…

A local community theater I occasionally work with just finished a run of Peter Pan. Like the Rigby version, they dropped "Mysterious Lady" and Liza's ballet (Liza being the Darlings' maid), but kept the bit where she asks Peter to teach her to crow, leading to the reprise of "I Gotta Crow." (It looked like it's necessary to cover a scene change, actually — and I'd bet the ballet was, too.)

Their Peter was a young woman who could — had I not known the convention of a woman playing Peter — have completely convinced me she was male. It can be done.

Oh, I know it can be done. Cathy Rigby pretty much made me forget her gender for the duration of the play. I just wonder why it always has to be done. There are other theatrical versions of Peter Pan (other than the one with the score by Leigh, Charlap, Comden, Green and Styne) that cast males in the role.

The ballet with the animals may have covered a scene change in the version you saw but in the Mary Martin version, it took up the whole stage so nothing was changing. It was in there because, once upon a time, it was Standard Operating Procedure for Broadway musicals to hand one whole number over to the choreographer to show off. Most of the top choreographers demanded it even when, like Jerome Robbins in this case, the choreographer was also the director.

Broadway shows of the period usually had one even if, as in Peter Pan, it stopped the action and did not advance the story one bit. One of the best was the "Sadie Hawkins' Day Ballet" in Li'l Abner where the ballet not only advanced the story a lot but it closed the first act. I seem to recall that when My Fair Lady opened for previews, it had a ballet that was quickly cut.

I haven't heard if they've cut the ballet in the version of Peter Pan that airs tonight. They seem to want to make this show technically difficult and filled with spectacle so perhaps not. I also don't know what they're going to do about the scene where Peter asks the audience to clap to save Tinker Bell's life. There's no live audience there.

I'm still looking forward to the show but some of the publicity almost seems to be saying, "Hey, it's live! Tune in and see if anything goes wrong!" I assume that if there are any screw-ups, they won't be fixed for the West Coast feed of the show…but this is looking less and less like a musical and more like one of those "daredevil" TV specials where we tune in just to see if Evel Knievel is going to make it over the canyon or some Wallenda is going to walk the tightrope successfully.

Our pal Robert J. Elisberg (I get to call him Bob) reviews some new electronics devices that might be of use to writers. Most of 'em seem to be ways to power your laptop or other portable device.

Another audition tape for Peter Pan Live. This time, it's Jane Krakowksi. I can't wait for Whoopi's…

• How come all the people who were hysterical about Government Death Panels seem to like the idea of cops killing whoever they want?

Jon Bois writes about how terrible it is to work at RadioShack, a company which many predict will not outlive the warranties on most of the products they're now selling.

RadioShacks are closing every day and there are two obvious reasons. One is that so much of what they sell is more easily available on the Internet. You'd think that they might be able to compete by being a place where you could get wise advice on your electronics and computer purchases but that brings us to the second problem: Very few people who know anything about such areas can stand to work for RadioShack for very long. I don't know how many times I've had to explain to sales folks there what it is they're selling. I don't know that much about this stuff but I know more than any RadioShack employee I've encountered in years.

Warner Brothers Home Entertainment has had some complaints about missing content on their new release that is supposed to be an utterly complete collection of the Batman TV series — the one with Adam West, the one you can order here. A few minutes are absent here and there.

If you bought a set, read this about how to obtain replacement disks that will give you what you thought you were paying for.

Today on Stu's Show, the guest is Jerry Beck, who as you can see knows everyone of importance in the field of animation. Jerry will be talking about what's current in the cartoon biz, including what (if anything) we can expect to see released on home video soon…and no doubt host Stu Shostak will rant a bit about how the studios aren't doing enough in that area. They'll speak of what Christmas specials one should watch this year — you just missed Charlie Brown — and what new books are out and…oh, just listen in for a lively conversation.

Stu's Show can be heard live (almost) every Wednesday at the Stu's Show website and you can listen for free there. Webcasts start at 4 PM Pacific Time, 7 PM Eastern and other times in other climes. They run a minimum of two hours and sometimes go way longer. Today's will run long as they do whenever Jerry's on and after it's over, it like all Stu's Show episodes will be available for downloading from the Archives on that site. Downloads are a measly 99 cents each and you can get four shows for the price of three. And that's not a week-long Cyber Monday deal to lure you in. That's a genuine, year-round bargain.

We're guardedly looking forward to NBC's live telecast of Peter Pan tomorrow night. In the meantime, let's take a look at Laura Benanti's audition for any role in the show except the one she might actually have played. I have sat in on auditions that weren't a whole lot different from this one. Thanks to our pal James H. Burns and all the others who let me know about this…

Brian Fies, who's written some great graphic novels like Mom's Cancer sent me this…

Just writing to lend you some support on the idea that any writing is good writing. I started my working life as a newspaper reporter, put in more than 15 years as a science writer, and have produced a couple of graphic novels and webcomics. I find a lot of overlap.

Writing almost anything every day gives you a facility and confidence with language that you wouldn't gain otherwise. You learn what works and what doesn't, how to prod a reaction from a reader, and the incredible importance of clarity. One of the most valuable writing jobs I had was also one of the worst writing jobs I had: covering a season of high school basketball for a local newspaper. Since every high school basketball game is pretty much like any other, by the 15th or 20th I was really working hard to make my stories interesting for both me and my readers. It was a great exercise.

Even a "just the facts" news article or scientific paper needs to be structured and crafted to make its point effectively. I really look at everything I write as a form of journalism. The only difference is that when I'm writing fiction, I'm reporting on events and characters that don't actually exist. But it feels like the same process in my brain.

Writers need to write, and should write however they can.

Yeah, I'm a big believer in the philosophy, "You want to be a writer? Then write something." Over the years, I haven't had a lot of patience with people who ask if I can help them get a writing job…and when they get the job is when they intend to start writing. Writers need to be wary of writing for free or for bad pay…but there's nothing wrong with writing for yourself for free. In fact, you need to do that so you don't limit your writing to just what people are willing to pay you for at the moment. Or so you're still writing when they don't.

One of America's great cartoonists is 90 years old today. If a magic genie told me I could have the power to draw like anyone…well, at one point in my life I probably would have picked Wally Wood and then just stayed home all day and night drawing naked women. Then I would have considered Jack Kirby but I don't think even a magic genie could arrange that. I might well have selected Jack Davis, who was and still is incapable of drawing something that isn't lively and interesting and when he tried to be funny, funny.

He's also a very nice man who has been at it…well, he was in the first issue of MAD 62 years ago and he'd already been doing great work in comics for several years before that. His work has appeared everywhere — movie posters, book covers, Time Magazine, toys — and become a genuine part of Americana. I don't think he's on the Internet to read this but just in case he is: Thank you, Jack Davis, for all the wonderful pictures.

This article is headlined, "New Book Reveals Johnny Carson's Least Favorite Tonight Show Guest: Bob Hope." The headline doesn't really reflect the article, which just says that Johnny tired of having Bob's carefully-scripted, plug-my-special guest appearances. I suspect Johnny's actual "least favorite" guest would be someone who was rude and/or boring — something Hope never was — and who only appeared once.

But I'm not surprised that Mr. Carson got a bit fed up with Mr. Hope. Then again, I was on the Tonight Show set once when Bob visited and I did see them seem to get along.

As I've mentioned here before many times, there was a period in the seventies when I used to hang around the NBC Studios in Burbank and drop in on rehearsals or tapings of The Dean Martin Show, The Flip Wilson Show, Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, the occasional Bob Hope special and other programs, including The Tonight Show, if it was in town. When I started my Burbankian lurking, Carson was still based in New York and visiting "Hollywood" two or three times a year for two or three weeks at a time.

Hope used Stage 1 or Stage 3, apparently depending on what other shows needed which facility at the moment. Laugh-In was usually on Stage 3, which is where Mr. Leno did his Tonight Show for much of its run. Johnny taped in Stage 1 and Hope would use that for his monologues. In a posting here a few years ago, I wrote the following…

About thirty seconds before Johnny introduced him, Hope strode into Stage 1 with the inevitable entourage. He was still reviewing a piece of paper with a couple of jokes on it as the band struck up his theme song. Then he handed the page to an aide, walked out to tumultuous applause, and sat down next to Carson, who expertly fed him the questions that elicited the just-studied jokes. The segment went about as well as such segments ever do, and my overall admiration was not so much at the wit but at the sheer expertise in the delivery. Bob and Johnny were both utterly in control and things went precisely the way both wanted them to.

At the first commercial break, Hope stepped out and told Johnny's studio audience that they were so good, he had decided to ask them to stick around after The Tonight Show was finished so that he could use them to tape the monologue for his special. The crowd almost gasped with delight. Hope explained that the rest of the special had been recorded a week or two back but he always did the monologue at the last minute so it could be more topical. He also explained that the stage we were in — Stage 1 — was his design. The steep rake was because when he was performing, he liked to be able to look up and see as many laughing faces as possible.

Sure enough, not one person budged from their seats as the Carson show concluded. A different curtain was flown in for Bob to perform in front of, and he took a few minutes to run through his cue cards with Barney McNulty. When all was in readiness, Hope stepped into position and did the monologue three times. The first time through, everyone laughed a lot. The second time through, they laughed a little less. And the third time through, they laughed more than the second time, because Hope began screwing with the wording and muttering things like, "We'll cut that one."

Johnny Carson was just off-camera throughout and at one point in the middle of the third take, Bob stepped over to him and whispered something that I suspect was very dirty, and Carson got hysterical. Then Hope thanked everyone for sticking around — like they'd all done him a favor —and he and the entourage disappeared. Again, my overwhelming impression was of efficiency more than inspiration. The following Monday night, what aired was most of the first take with maybe five jokes cut, and perhaps one or two inserted from Take Two.

I do remember a couple of times when Hope was a guest and Carson made him work for his plug. One time, he had to do a stand-up routine. Another time, Johnny insisted Bob do a little dance routine. Hope was a pretty good hoofer. Johnny acted like it was a big joke, forcing Bob to do more than just sit in the guest chair and talk about his special…but I suspect there was something behind it.

The most interesting thing in the article is when Carson is quoted as telling associates, when Bob was getting on in years and becoming a parody of himself, "If I ever end up like that, guys, I want you to shoot me." If you have ever wondered why Johnny quit when he did and got off the stage, it probably has a lot to do with that…and not just Hope but also Berle, Groucho and a few others.

Here's a long (44 minute) and pretty good interview with Woody Allen conducted on British TV. The interviewer is Michael Parkinson, who has been doing this kind of thing forever. He has a good flair for conversation and, obviously, a guy somewhere with a laugh machine to sweeten the audience. But it's still a fine chat, including some candid thoughts on Mr. Allen's marriage to Soon-Yi…

Feeling much better after a night's sleep and some Ibuprofen. Another day or three and I think all the damage will be undone. Thanks to all who wrote the e-mailed equivalent of "Get Well" cards but I think I'm already doing that.

Last night, I did something I haven't done in a long time. I fell down. I can't remember the last time that happened.

Around 7:30, I walked to a nearby restaurant to pick up a "to go" order. On the way back…well, I have no idea what happened but crossing a street, I suddenly found myself plunging for the asphalt. I dropped the bag of dinner and hit the pavement with my left hand and right knee but mainly with my left knee. It hurt like hell but my first thought was, "I've got to get out of the middle of the street." If a car had come speeding around the corner, the driver might not have seen me there on the ground in time to stop.

So in grand agony, I crawled back to the curb, dragging the bag behind me and with great effort, rotated my torso up to sit on that curb. Geez, it was painful. I briefly thought of hauling out my cell phone and calling 911 because I wasn't sure I could walk but I thought, "I'll sit here five minutes and then decide." Five minutes later, I was starting to feel better so I ruled out summoning aid. (I didn't get any from anyone who drove by, including several bicyclists. I guess if they even noticed me, they thought I wanted to sit on that curb. Then again, I didn't try to flag them down or anything.)

Another five minutes and I decided maybe I could walk. The hard part was getting up from the low seated position with nothing to hold onto. Somehow, I managed it. This time, I crossed that street very carefully…and after a block or so of staggering, I decided I didn't need an emergency room: Just rest and probably some bandages. Once home, I cleaned dried blood off my knee and then applied the miracle cure…

As I explained here, Bactine was the all-purpose magic drug for external injuries in our home when I was growing up. It's just some sort of antiseptic but it works wonders, especially when applied by your mother. She's not around anymore but I tried to imagine her squirting the stuff on my wound and that instantly reduced the hurt by half. If she'd done it, I'm sure I'd have been pain-free in an instant.

Even applied by me, it worked okay. I slapped on bandages and then set about the almost as agonizing task of salvaging my dinner. The bag had two foil tins containing separate meals and both had opened within the sack and intermingled. I briefly thought of spritzing it all with Bactine but with a little artful surgery, I managed to separate the entrees, put one in the fridge for the next day and took the other to my desk to nibble on while I worked.

As a human being who spends an indecent part of each day sitting here at the keyboard, I am aware of the uncanny restorative power of my own chair. It's almost as effective as Bactine. When I got back from Miami last week, I couldn't convince my body I was actually home until it was parked in this chair. So I'll be fine. Sore for a while but fine. Right now, my left knee and arm hurt a lot but only when in certain positions.

I still don't know how it is that I fell. It felt like I stumbled over something but there was nothing there. I always tell people when I'm asked to dance, "Sorry, I'm the kind of guy who trips over latitude and longitude lines." That's a joke but I feel like last night, maybe I really did. From now on, I'm not taking any chances. I'm staying far, far from the Equator.