Monthly Archives: September 2019

• Trump has denied rumors that he'll name Mike Pompeo his National Security Advisor while keeping him as Secretary of State. That's a mistake. It would have saved Trump the trouble of finding yet another lying incompetent who'll soon be fired.

As I write this, the eleven hundred people seeking the Democratic Nomination are debating on TV and I'm not watching. Here's the reason: Between now and Election Day of 2020 — and come to think of it, even after regardless of the outcome — we're going to be hearing political arguments. We're going to be hearing too many political arguments. Never mind what they're saying…the sheer volume of them will be way too much and we'll all be real sick of them long before we even know who the nominees are. (I'm still only about 75% convinced the Republican one will be Trump.)

So I figure whenever you can avoid any of it, seize the opportunity. I don't know that the debate I'm missing right now matters that much. If by some miracle it does, I'll catch excerpts later. The news coverage in advance seemed to suggest that the big suspense is whether, with no seven-second delay in the telecast, we'll hear one of the candidates say the "f" word.

Me, I'm already sick of it — especially because I have the feeling that once there is a Democratic nominee, we'll be able to look back and see that almost nothing that happened in 2019 had much to do with that selection. Some candidates eliminated themselves and that was all. Enjoy the show and enjoy the tweets from the guy in the White House who sounds like Statler and/or Waldorf except that (a) the characters heckling Fozzie Bear from the balcony were funny and (b) we now have Putin's hand where a Muppeteer's used to be.

An author named Garrett M. Graff has written a book called The Only Plane in the Sky: An Oral History of 9/11. I just ordered a copy for my Kindle after reading this article. The article is about the sheer randomness in why certain people died on 9/11 — people who were or were not on one of the planes or in the World Trade Center or the Pentagon. Two people were fleeing the towers. One turned left and one turned right. One made it out alive and the other didn't.

It's an interesting aspect of life to ponder and not just with regard to major catastrophes. Sometimes, the decision on whether you go to the Ralphs Market or the Vons Market can have a major impact on your existence, and not just because one place has fresher produce.

Online, it's pretty easy to find the news footage from The Day America Was Attacked. I downloaded a whole folder of it into my computer and every so often, triggered by nothing in particular, I watch a half-hour or so of it, just to remind myself.

Well, not just for that. I have a good enough memory that I'm not about to forget. Truth to tell, I'm not sure why I watch it but a good guess is that I want to check and make sure it still horrifies me. Another is that it gives me perspective. We're always hearing that some bad thing that happens is the worst thing that's ever happened and it helps to remember one that really and truly was worse.

I don't want to just talk about myself here because that's too…well, presidential. Besides, you have a story about how you felt that day and mine is no more important than yours. I sometimes feel like America is afraid to confront how much damage was done to it that day and how the aftershocks continue. Were it not for those planes flying into those buildings, would we currently have as much anger in this country and so many divisions?

I'm going to embed a video here. It's the group Voctave singing the Star-Spangled Banner…and I agree with those who say it was a poor choice for our National Anthem. It's too much about war. It's too hard for the average American to sing. It attaches too much importance to a piece of cloth and not nearly enough to the spirit of those who salute it. And yet, it carries with it so much history and it has a way of feeling very, very appropriate at times. I can't sing this thing. You probably can't sing this thing. But folks with great voices sure can make it work…

Not so long ago in this message, I said some negative things about Knott's Berry Farm, an amusement park which is in Buena Park, about a Dwarf's throw from Disneyland. They should be viewed in the context of admitting that I haven't been there since 1979 when we shot some footage there with the Bay City Rollers for a TV show I was doing for Sid and Marty Krofft. A place can change a lot in forty years. Steve Bacher wrote…

Could you elaborate a bit more on your lack of enthusiasm for Knott's Berry Farm? Back in the 1980's my family visited my wife's brother's family in LA and we (kids and adults) all went to Knott's. I personally found it more fun than Disneyland. I'm also aware that some folks (like my late mother) disdained the place for political reasons, something about the folks who owned it. Would that have anything to do with your opinion? Though I know you usually don't let such things influence you.

You're right. As I'm sure I've mentioned on this blog a few times, I don't think most boycotts accomplish a lot…though if it'll make you feel better to not eat at Chick-Fil-A, by all means don't eat there. Discomfort is a perfectly valid reason for not doing anything that's optional.

But no, I've never had any desire to go to Knott's since '79 because, first of all, if I'm going to drive that far to go to a theme park, I'll go the extra seven miles and go to Disneyland…and I don't even do that very often. I've been averaging about once a decade. (Note to Amber: I'm about due.)

I actually went to Knott's twice in '79 — once to scout locations for the film shoot. The other time was the actual shoot. The first time was more interesting since we had three hours of walking around the park with Berry Farm officials before the gates opened. They actually turned on some of the rides so members of our party could ride a few of them. I didn't get on because I don't like "thrill rides." To me, a roller coaster is where you pay someone to do to you what would cause you to sue a bus company if it happened on one of their buses.

At the time we were there, "thrill rides" seemed to be the main thing Knott's had to offer. So there's a big reason for me not to go there. The other was that I found its inauthentic re-creations of western streets pretty boring. I'd recently had the run of the backlots at Universal Studios and Warner Brothers…and their western streets were a lot more exciting. So there's my answer, Steve.

Another correspondent and friend of this blog, Tommy Donovan, wrote that he used to work at Knott's Berry Farm. He looked around and found this video of still photos taken from the one-day shoot we did at Knott's with the Rollers. It says the filming was 1978 but that's wrong. Tommy asked if I am visible in this video and the answer is that parts of me are in one or two shots but you can't really see me. In a few photos, you do see an older man with white hair. That is Jack Regas, who directed the Bay City Rollers show and countless others. I'll tell you about Jack in a video link in the next few days. Here's the montage of the Rollers, years before the fantastic success they enjoy today…

• Imagining John Bolton saying to Trump, "You can't fire me! There are still countries we aren't at war with!"

So what's the deal with this "invite the Taliban to Camp David" idea and why is there no deal? Fred Kaplan has the whole story. Every time I hear what a "great negotiator" Trump is, I think of a guy who couldn't get laid in a prison with a fistful of pardons.

As you may be aware, the Writers Guild of America — an organization to which I have proudly belonged since April Fool's Day of 1976 — is on strike against agencies that specialize in "packaging" deals. If you need to know about the issues at hand, this article will clue you in.

I get a message or two a day asking me how I feel about the whole matter. I held off writing a piece because I'm lazy and I knew my pal Ken Levine would write it for me and I could just link to his…and indeed, he has. I agree with every syllable.

Back in this message, I told you about a book by friends of mine…The Show Won't Go On by Jeff Abraham and Burt Kearns. This is the book about performers who died on a stage with an audience looking on.

Jeff and Burt will be signing it at 4 PM on Saturday, September 21 at the Dark Delicacies book store in Burbank, California. There will also be an interview of the two of them and that interview will be conducted by me. If you want to hear the interview of them and/or buy a copy signed by them, show up. I believe you can also order a signed copy from the Dark Delicacies shop.

Thanks to the dozen-or-so of you who've written to let me know that the Souplantation chain has its Classic Creamy Tomato Soup on the menu now as a "Limited September Offering." I know not whether it's limited to all of September or part of September but I do know it's great soup and I'll be chugging down many bowls of it before, like Brigadoon, it fades from this land of ours to reappear as a thing of beauty at a later date.

WARNING: "Traditional Cole Slaw" is also listed as a "Limited September Offering" so if you go to a Souplantation (or a Sweet Tomatoes, as they're called in some regions), be on your guard at all times. I wouldn't put it past cole slaw to disguise itself as Classic Creamy Tomato Soup to fool some unsuspecting person into putting it into their mouths. The vile treachery of cole slaw knows no limits. It still has much of the world fooled into thinking its food.

I will also warn you that I've cooled a bit on the glories of the Souplantation chain…at least the three I used to frequent in or around Los Angeles. In honor of C.C.T.S., I'll go try one of them again in the next few days but my last visits there were a bit disappointing. The food didn't seem as fresh, the serving areas didn't feel as clean and they seemed to have troubles keeping the buffet serving areas stocked. They were all in or near L.A. Last year, I went to one in San Diego that was phenomenal — great service, great food, great decor, everything. It reminded me of how good the ones I patronize used to be. I suppose it's just a coincidence that the corporate offices of the Souplantation company are in San Diego…

Comic-Con International 2019 was seven weekends ago and I feel like parts of me still haven't fully recovered. I had a wonderful, wonderful time there but it was the most exhausting thing I've ever done. I don't mean the most exhausting convention. I mean the most exhausting anything. Comic-Con is always tiring but not like this.

Why more than usual? Well, I was a year older than the last time I did one of those. That was a factor. Also, in addition to the long list of panels I usually host, I committed to a whole batch of interviews, some of which required hiking over to nearby hotels. Most of 'em were because it was the fiftieth San Diego Comic-Con and I was one of a handful of folks who'd been to every last one of them. I probably said yes to too many things and this is kind of a note to self not to do that again. (The panels weren't the problem. It was the other things.)

Still, it was a Good Tired. I just have to remember that I'm a finite resource and that one shouldn't think of a four-day convention as a four-day convention. It's more like three days of prep, then the con, then X days of recovery…and sometimes, X is a lot longer than you expect. I don't know how people who do a couple cons per month can do it. My next scheduled one is WonderCon in Anaheim, which is April 10–12 of 2020. April 10 is 215 days from now and I hope to be fully recovered by then.

When I was seven years old, I occasionally caught an unusual TV show that ran on KTTV Channel 11. It was called Check It With Chambers and it aired live, Monday through Friday at 9 AM. It basically consisted of a man named Jack Chambers sitting at a desk and taking phone calls from viewers quizzing him on news items in that morning's Los Angeles Times. Somehow — don't ask me how — Mr. Chambers would memorize everything in every news story in that morning's paper. He was occasionally stumped but not often.

Using my own uncanny memory, I remember the show and I also remember some local skepticism that he was actually memorizing the newspaper and not, for example, getting the answers off a TelePrompter or via a hidden earpiece. Many local reporters tested him and he went on every other local program that would have him on to show that he could do this anywhere. He was asked often not just how he could do it but how he could do it in time to go on the air at 9:00 in the morning.

I also remember the series not lasting long. It was an astounding feat but how many times did you have to watch him do it?

A few years ago, I searched the Internet and could not find a single word about Jack Chambers or his show or his talent. But it turns out he was the first guest on the telecast of I've Got a Secret for 9/23/59 and the Buzzr folks put that episode online. The rest of it's not that interesting but watch the first segment and watch Jack Chambers amaze the panel…

• You don't tug on Superman's cape. You don't spit into the wind. You don't pull the mask on the old Lone Ranger and if you're a Christian who thinks Donald Trump is one, you don't debate the Bible with my pal @JohnFugelsang. Smartest guy on Twitter.

Here from a Royal Gala in March of 1996, we have Penn & Teller with a trick I think they did on every single talk show that was on television for about twenty years. I don't think they perform it any more because, well, everyone's seen it and Teller's gotten a bit old to do his part of it. But it's still a darn good trick…

I keep telling friends that when you try to predict the presidential election, you have to factor in how volatile things always are around Donald Trump. Every week, something happens that you didn't see coming and the way he deals with it is also unpredictable.

This whole thing with the map of Alabama…completely out of nowhere. The one foreseeable thing about it is that when there's something embarrassing or detrimental to Trump's image, he will usually take a one-day story and make a whole week out of it. One time, Barack Obama made a slip of the tongue and said there were 57 states. A few people tried to treat it as a lie…like anyone would have a reason to lie about that or had a chance of convincing America there were seven states nobody knew about. Some of them tried to spin it as mental deficiency on his part. But he admitted he'd misspoken, laughed it off and it went away. If Trump made the same gaffe, he'd insist to his dying day he was right, order his aides to go out and confirm there were 57 states and he'd probably take a black Sharpie and start drawing in stars on every American flag he sees.

And the amazing thing is there'll be at least two more of these before September is over. I don't know what they'll be. No one can predict what they'll be…just that they'll be.