I guess 2019 couldn't get the hell out of our lives without forcing me to do one more obit — two, if I had anything of note to say about Neil Innes, who was kind of like an honorary member of Monty Python, which I don't. But I have some things to share with you about Jack Sheldon.
Jack was an actor, a singer, a great jazz trumpet player and a helluva cool guy. I'm sure I'm not the only person who remembers his short-lived sitcom, Run, Buddy, Run, which was kind of like "What if we made a TV show out of Some Like It Hot but removed all the drag and most of the humor?" He acted a lot on other TV shows, as well. Jack Webb used him a lot on the seventies version of Dragnet.
Jack used to tell the story — and it won't be funny if I tell it but I won't let that stop me — of one particular time when he was booked as a day player on Dragnet. Being hired on that show meant you showed up on the set without seeing a script in advance. All the lines you had would be on a TelePrompter. When Jack arrived, he found out he was playing a guy who smoked marijuana, which was kind of like casting Andre the Giant to play a tall guy.
The episode was about a dog that the L.A.P.D. had trained to be able to sniff out weed. That much of it was true and it's on YouTube if you want to see it. The scene with Jack begins around at around 20:20 and Jack's the guy in the sweater. I'm not sure if the dog you see in the show is the actual dog but the actual dog was present on the set, accompanied by a mob scene of police officers who were using the dog to bust…well, people like Jack.
When Jack arrived and found all this out, he dashed outside the studio, found a trash can and began emptying his pockets frantically.
When he told some of us that story, he said, "I got rid of all my pot and I was picking out seeds and twigs from the lining of my pockets but it was a waste of time and pot. Even if I'd been nude, that pooch could have sniffed the stuff on me. Fortunately, the cops were cool. They didn't want to bust a guy on Jack Webb's set, especially after someone told them I was a jazz musician."
Jack was a great jazz musician and he was always popping up around Los Angeles, sometimes solo, sometimes fronting a band at the Smoke House or the Catalina Bar & Grill or the old Jax Bar & Grill in Glendale. I also sometimes saw him downtown at the Music Center and I don't mean in one of the theaters there. When he had no booking, Jack would often drive down there with his trumpet, set up on the grounds there and start playing his horn for passers-by. He had a hat out to accept tips, often from puzzled folks who said, "Isn't that the guy who's on The Merv Griffin Show all the time?"
It was. That was another place you may have known Jack from. For a long time, he played trumpet in that show's band and Merv would often bring him down to chat as a kind of sidekick. And of course, you all know Jack from his greatest, most enduring performance…
One of his biggest fans and closest friends, Chuck McCann used to drag me, not at all against my will to wherever Jack was playing. I liked that Jack always played "I'm Just a Bill" as part of his show and I really liked that he'd come sit at our table between sets and tell stories. When Chuck had a party at his home for his seventieth birthday, the place was packed with celebrities. Even Hef put in an appearance. And there, set up in the living room was the Jack Sheldon Quartet performing — and all the mingling and star-humping stopped to listen when Jack performed "I'm Just a Bill."
Someone told me Jack paid his sidemen for the night but refused to take a nickel from Chuck. When Chuck offered a check, Jack tore it to shreds and said, "Hey, man! Don't you know how to accept a present?"
My favorite moment with Jack Sheldon was at the memorial service for Pat McCormick. Pat was famous for dropping his pants in unlikely places so the end of the show went as follows: All the comedians in the audience — which included everyone from George Carlin to Shelley Berman to Jonathan Winters — got up on stage. Jack played "Taps" on his trumpet and then as he hit the final note, everyone dropped trou.
I was in charge of the seating at the event and I saved a seat in the front row for Jack and his horn. When he arrived and I started to show him to it, he said, "I need to be sitting next to a hot lady. I'm leaving if you don't put me next to a great-looking lady." I said, "Give me a minute." I did some fast rearranging and I placed a lady named Debbie Boostrom in the seat next to where Jack would be sitting. Debbie was Playboy's Playmate of the Month for its August 1981 issue and she still looked great. Jack was quite satisfied with her hotness.
It was a great, hilarious ceremony and on the way out, Jack made a point of seeking me out to thank me for the seating arrangements. He said, "You know I was kidding, don't you? I always ask that and I never get it. I play a club and the guy in charge asks what I need and I always say 'a hot babe' and I never ever get one."
I said, "Never?" He said, "Never. I'm a jazz musician, man. I can't even get them to give me a room to change my clothes where someone isn't coming in every three minutes to take a shit." I hope he has one now.