Reader-of-this-site Matthew Harris read my rerun of Tales of My Childhood #8 and wrote to ask…
So, if you had a high schooler and they found themselves in the spot you'd been in, would you as their parent try to handle things another way?
Interesting question…but my first thought is that asking me to imagine myself married with a kid is like asking me a question that starts, "Supposing you were an aardvark…" It's very difficult for me to project myself into that situation. Here's the best I can do…
The core of the story is that my father desperately wanted me to go to and graduate college because he was convinced I'd never amount to anything in this world if I didn't. I absolutely understand why he thought that then — most parents probably did — but with hindsight, I now know that I was an exception. The semesters I spent at U.C.L.A. did not help my career one bit. If anything, they impeded it and things got much, much better for me when I quit.
Now, if I had a kid whose career trajectory seemed to require a college degree — many do — I don't know what I'd do. But I'd certainly consider the possibility that his might not, which would make it a very different story…especially today when I wouldn't, as my father did, have seen getting into college as a way to also keep my son from being drafted and sent to Vietnam.
A fact I should perhaps have added to the piece is that my father not only wanted me very, very much to get a college degree, he wanted me to get it at U.C.L.A. Apart from the obvious prestige of that school compared to some, getting in there also meant that I would be living at home. I was an only child. If my father had had his way, I never would have moved out of my room in his house. A few years later when I did, it was a very emotional matter.
I'm not sure what he'd have done if I'd gotten accepted at some university outta-town and it meant going off to school and living elsewhere. I don't think that would have ever been an issue if I'd had kids because I know how much better my life was after I moved to my own apartment. I would have encouraged it at the right time.
My father saw me going to college as a way to (1) help me get a good career, (2) avoid the draft and (3) live at home as long as possible. If I had had a child, I don't think any of those concerns would have applied. And I have no idea what any parent could have done about Mr. Payton.