An awful lot of controversies are raging in this country at the moment, all of them more important than the Cracker Barrel restaurants changing their logo. No one is being imprisoned or deported because of the new Cracker Barrel logo. No one is dying or losing their access to medical care because of the new Cracker Barrel logo. No one's constitutional rights are being trampled on because of the new Cracker Barrel logo.
I'm not even sure anyone is going to eat at Cracker Barrel because of the new Cracker Barrel logo. Apparently though, some people who have often gone to eat at Cracker Barrel in the past are not going to eat at Cracker Barrel because of the new Cracker Barrel logo.
I was hoping this would turn out to be one of those controversies I could ignore since I have never eaten at a Cracker Barrel. But this morning on Facebook, I came upon an exchange where someone said they'd never eaten at a Cracker Barrel and others jumped on them saying you're not a True American if you've never eaten at a Cracker Barrel.
I confess: I've never eaten at a Cracker Barrel. And suddenly, I feel the need to defend myself for never having eaten at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I have a good excuse. The three states in this country in which I have spent most of the last fifty years are California (about 97% of the time), Nevada (maybe 2%) and New York (maybe 1%). In the state of California, Cracker Barrel has locations in five cities: Camarillo, Victorville, Rialto, Rocklin and Bakersfield. I do not recall ever being in any of these cities and I'm not even sure where a couple of them are.
There are three Cracker Barrels in the state of Nevada and they're actually in cities I've visited — Las Vegas, North Las Vegas and Reno. But when I've been in those cities, I almost never leave the areas where the hotel-casinos are located and those areas don't have Cracker Barrels. In fact, the last time I was in Reno, the Cracker Barrel there hadn't even opened.
And the Cracker Barrels in the state of New York are in Binghamton, Cicero, Clifton Park, East Greenbush, Fishkill, Horseheads, Rochester, Watertown and Williamsville. Again, my life has never taken me to any of these cities and I have no idea where they are.
I just don't travel all that much. And I've never been the kind of person who goes very far out of their way to experience one particular restaurant.
So I've kind of been waiting for Cracker Barrel to come to me and a few years ago, they almost did. No one opened one in Los Angeles but briefly — and by "briefly," I mean for a couple of weeks during the COVID lockdowns — there were billboards around L.A. saying that one could have items from the Cracker Barrel menu delivered. Someone had apparently set up or was setting up a "Phantom Kitchen," presumably in partnership or affiliation with the Cracker Barrel chain. A Phantom Kitchen means that there's no restaurant you can actually visit but there is a place somewhere where someone prepares meals that you can order through Doordash, Grubhub, Uber Eats or any of those.
I made a mental note to maybe give it a try but before I could, the billboards disappeared and there was no option to order Cracker Barrel food on any of those apps. I have no idea what happened but I suspect Russian Interference.
I also suspect it didn't matter. From what I'm reading, dining at a Cracker Barrel is for some not about merely consuming zillion-calorie Chicken Pot Pie…although if it's as good as some say it is, that might be reason enough. But for many, it's about the experience of visiting a little vestige of America that barely exists anymore except in the memories of folks who may be somewhat misremembering. It's about the gift shop and the hominess and stepping into a simpler time and country…kind of like attending one of those Princess Breakfasts at Disneyland where little girls in tiaras can dine like royalty in the castle before they have to scurry to stand in line like mere commoners to get on Space Mountain.
If I'm reading the protests about the new logo right, they're not about the new logo but about the mere fact that there is one. Because Cracker Barrels aren't supposed to change.
One of these days, I suppose I'll get to one…and the folks who consider me unAmerican for not having done so already will stop questioning my love of country and my patriotism. Until they find out that for most of the same reasons, I've never been to a Waffle House.