Category Archives: To Be Filed

Gee, I enjoyed that. A lot of us met first for dinner at a place that serves "artisan pizza," a term which I've learned denotes pizzas that are small, overpriced and covered with toppings I don't want on my pizza. Then we walked over to the Cinerama Dome Theatre at the Arclight in Hollywood to see It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World — a movie I first saw in that building the evening of November 23, 1963. As I'm pretty sure I've mentioned here before, that was one day after Lee Harvey Oswald shot President John F. Kennedy and one day before Jack Ruby shot Lee Harvey Oswald.

That was a weekend of great despair in America with people genuinely fearing the nation was doomed and that we were without leadership. Thank Heaven it isn't like that anymore.

(It's after Midnight so our Trump-Free Weekend here is over.)

Perhaps some of my love for Stanley Kramer's epic comedy flows from the emotions of that first viewing. I was eleven and a half years old, which was old enough to appreciate an event that took me and everyone around me away from the agony of that weekend. But I was also old enough to be a student of most of the great comedians in that cast. At intermission, I (age 11.5, remember) explained who some of them were to the folks sitting next to us who were in their forties. To see all those great artists working together and off each other was a pure joy for me and probably more important than any escapism that night. I still marvel at the skills on display in the film.

Don't like it? Fine. I probably don't like something that makes you very happy and I won't try to argue it shouldn't. We all need as many of those as we can get. I hear the theater is going to make this an annual event. If they do, so will I.

You'll never guess what movie I'm going to see for the seventy-eight-jillionth time.

Nine rules of grammar that have changed since someone many years ago told you you were wrong.

The harmonious folks of Voctave perform hits from the Andrews Sisters' songbook…

When Sid Haig passed away, I wrote this obit…and I would have liked to have included a great Sid Haig story but unfortunately, I didn't have a great Sid Haig story. I didn't know Sid well and had never worked with or near him…so no great Sid Haig story.

But yesterday, I had lunch at the Magic Castle with my longtime friend Buzz Dixon. Buzz is a fine writer but more importantly, he worked for a time at Filmation Studios where he got himself a great Sid Haig story. I asked him to type it up and send it to me so I could share it with you here. Here is Buzz Dixon with his great Sid Haig story…

Filmation Studios filmed their live action series Space Academy and Jason of Star Command in a warehouse-like building in a small industrial park in Canoga Park. From the outside, it looked no different from the half dozen or so other medium size businesses/manufacturers in the same park. As a result, we were frequently visited by salesmen dutifully hitting each business in the complex.

One of them saw producer/director Arthur Nadel's name on the parking slot next to the front door and correctly assumed he was the head honcho of whatever was going on inside. He went in and approached the receptionist at the window next to the inner door where you had to be buzzed in.

"I'm here to see Mr. Nadel," said the salesman.

"Mr. Nadel is busy," said Janice the receptionist.

"He'll want to see me."

"Well, if you would leave your card I'll see he gets it."

"Nope! I'm not moving until I see Mr. Nadel."

At that point Sid Haig, who was playing the villain Dragos in Jason of Star Command, walked by behind the receptionist.

Now, let me explain that Dragos was our Darth Vader-like character, a tall imposing figure in scarlet and black with a long flowing cape. Add to this platform boots to boost his already towering 6'4" height and a face that, in the words of the late John Dorman, "looked like it had caught on fire and had been stabbed out with an ice pick." (A face that belied Sid's sweet and insightful personal nature, but that's what acting is all about, isn't it?)

Sid strode by, nodded to the receptionist, said, "Hi, Janice" then disappeared, cape billowing behind him.

The salesman stood gape-jawed. "Who was that?"

"That," said Janice, "was Mr. Nadel."

We never saw that salesman again.

Thank you, Buzz Dixon, for the great Sid Haig story.

I hereby declare this a Trump-free weekend here at newsfromme.com. I will not mention him until Monday unless he resigns, gets us into a war or grabs someone by the pussy.

"Fred R" writes to ask…

Where do you stand on facial hair? Have you ever grown and worn a beard and/or 'stache for an extended period of time and if not, why not? I'm asking 'cause after a few failed furry face attempts, as much as I find no joy in shaving, it's a routine I'll put up with as the results are better than the aesthetics of the alternative.

Where do I stand on facial hair? I think everyone should have as much or as little of it as they feel is right for them. You weigh what you think it does or doesn't do for your appearance against the task of shaving or of grooming your facial hair and you decide what's best for you.

I've never had a beard of any substance. When I'm in Hermit Mode as I am now and then, it might get ten days long but when it starts to itch or I'm about to rejoin the human race, off it comes.

Late in 1977, I grew a mustache because I figured every man oughta grow one at least once to see how it looks on him. Mine looked ridiculous. I kept restyling it and the more I did, the more ridiculous it looked on me. The following is not a joke: During this period, a couple of people meeting me for the first time stared at my face and said something like, "What's the deal with that mustache?" It just looked so misplaced to them.

Actually, I had a smidgen of a reason. I was then partnered in my comedy-writing career with a fine fellow named Dennis Palumbo. Dennis was much shorter than me and he had glasses and a mustache. We looked about as unalike as any two white guys could but people tend to confuse who's who in a team. I realized they remembered our names and they remembered our faces but they weren't always sure which of us was Mark and which of us was Dennis. One day, an exec over at ABC mentioned to us that he had memorized the fact that Palumbo was the one with the mustache.

So I grew one and, sure enough, the number of people who confidently greeted each of us by our first names went down…not a huge amount but my playful side was satisfied.

After that, I was trimming the 'stache one morn when I looked in the mirror, decided it looked stupid on me and removed it. I was then involved with a nice lady named Kristine and when I came out of the bathroom sans mustache, I expected her to say, "Thank goodness you got rid of the caterpillar." That's what she'd been calling it all the time, occasionally reminding me it would never become a butterfly. When she didn't say that — or anything to indicate she'd noticed — I decided to see how long it would take her. I don't know that she ever did, which I took as a sign that my face just looked natural without it. I've never considered sporting one since.

Here's Part One of a look at Jack Kirby and his Fourth World done by the folks at SYFY Wire. My part of this was shot on Thursday of Comic-Con last August and I'm shocked at how tired I look…and this was Thursday. I'm glad we didn't do this on Sunday…

Pesho Karivanov wrote in on two topics. I'll deal with them one at a time…

Hi Mark. Pesho here. I find your advice for people who want to have a career in writing quite profound. Your stories are very amusing. And your article on Gwen Verdon really highlights that underrated of actresses true greatness, in my opinion. I wanted to ask you why do you keep insisting that neither Trump or Biden will be nominees of their respective parties? There is 0 indication that the candidates will be anyone but them.

Democrats are going to lose New York's electoral votes for the first time in years if Warren or Bernie get selected, because Wall Street despises both of them. Biden will probably lose because of the sniffing and touchy-feely and likewise Trump might lose because of all of his crimes, scandals and just his petty and childish behavior. But A) Biden has the best chance of beating Trump without alienating New York B) Even if Trump gets impeached, he will be elected by his party. Well, what indication is there that Weld, Sanford or Walsh are even electable? No one is talking about them.

You're misunderstanding my prediction…because it really wasn't a prediction. I said "I'm still not convinced that either Biden or Trump will be on the final ballot." This has nothing to do with the polls. It has everything to do with, first of all, the fact that Election Day is still 403 days away. I know with all we're hearing about the election, it feels like it has to be this November, not next November but trust me on this. 403 days.

At this point in the battle for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, the front runner was Herman Cain. And the political situation is a lot more volatile now than it was then. It's easy for me to imagine Biden, Warren and Sanders all faltering and someone else — maybe even someone who has not yet gotten into the race — slipping in there. (Much less easy for me to imagine New York not going Democratic, no matter who the nominee is.)

And remember, I would happily vote for Joe, Elizabeth or Bernie. I just think there's a long, grueling campaign ahead and it's possible any of them could have new scandals or health issues or major gaffes or voter fatigue (sometimes, we just get sick of someone) or any of a dozen other things knocking them down. Republicans are going to throw unprecedented quantities of mud at them and even bogus mud sometimes sticks or provokes a damaging response.

As for Trump, I certainly am not thinking that Weld, Sanford or Walsh would be the candidate. There's more chance of you being the Republican nominee with me as your running mate. But we're going to have one of these scandals about Trump every week or two for the rest of his time in office. Even some voters who still favored Nixon's policies decided he was too mired in criminal charges to stick with, plus he was starting to look seriously unstable. Trump's ability to utter a coherent sentence is diminishing another notch each time Seth Meyers takes "A Closer Look."

This is not a prediction. It's just a scenario I see as possible. Polls start to show a G.O.P. bloodbath with the loss of the Senate quite possible. Some Senators and Congressmen with constituencies that aren't solid red start to worry and decide that to survive, they have to distance themselves from this guy. Today, a lot of them are hiding under their desks, afraid to go on the record as soundly defending his conduct.

In Nixon's case, several leading Republicans (including Barry Goldwater) who were still officially on his side went to him and said they'd be deserting the ship rather than go down with it. Already, you can see certain prominent Repubs who recognize this as possible positioning themselves to be able to leap in if there's even a hint of an opening. Why do you think we're suddenly hearing from Mitt Romney?

I'm not saying it will happen…just that this whole race and the whole Trump administration are so unpredictable that you can't rule anything out. Trump could suddenly up and convert the entire Executive Branch to a chain of vape shops. Would you bet that a month from now, we won't be talking about a new Trump scandal, twice the severity of the Ukrainian matter, that suddenly came out of nowhere?

On to your other question…

My second question is far more simple. I recently heard on Gilbert Gottfried's podcast that Jay Leno eulogized Joe E. Ross? Do you know if this is true and — out of morbid curiosity — What is your opinion of Joe E. Ross? In my opinion, the man was very funny.

I think Joe E. Ross was very funny when he was performing a script in a TV show produced by Nat Hiken…but nowhere else. On the Sgt. Bilko show or Car 54, Where Are You?, he was hilarious but from all accounts, very hard to work with. I wrote about that back here.

What I didn't mention in that piece was a negative feeling I acquired about Mr. Ross in the early eighties when I was dating a lovely young lady named Bridget Holloman. Sweetest person you ever met in your life. When Bridget first came to Hollywood, she was immediately roped into a co-starring role in a dreadful movie called Slumber Party '57, which she hated. She hated the way she was treated during the filming, she hated doing nude scenes which she felt she was forced into, she hated fighting to get her check, she hated encountering people who'd seen this movie and wouldn't let her forget it…

…and what she hated most of all was being groped by one of her co-stars, Joe E. Ross. He only had a small role in it but he was around long enough to give her nightmares and to cause her to jump if someone said, "Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!" around her. I won't go into the details she furnished (this ain't no porn site) but Bridget was absolutely honest and if she said you were a pig, a pig you were. Guys like him are why we have a #MeToo movement today and needed one for a century of two before. Every single person I've ever met who worked with Ross has stories that basically describe the same Master of the Inappropriate.

I don't think Jay Leno said he delivered a eulogy at Ross's funeral. I think he said he was there and reported on the cavalcade of hookers who traipsed up to the podium to mourn their favorite customer. The first one allegedly said, "Joe E. was a great guy. He always paid."

There are a lot of stories around about Ross. As told in the recent book by friends Jeff Abraham and Burt Kearns (this one), he died in the middle of a comedy performance in the rec room of an apartment complex where he was then living. He was supposed to be paid $100 for it and his widow, who needed the money I guess, asked a friend to go to whoever was going to pay it and collect the fee. The friend went…and was handed fifty dollars by someone who said, "He only did half the show."

Who was the friend? I dunno. I've heard a half-dozen acquaintances of Joe E. say it was them. It's one of those stories that's so good, some comedians can't resist claiming it as their own. The funeral with its parade of older hookers is apparently another. It was so infamous and so many people told stories from it that a lot of folks who weren't there claim that they were. I don't know if Jay Leno was one of the ones who actually was but I don't think he claimed he spoke at it. Thanks for the questions, Pesho.

• This just in: Trump finally shoots someone on 5th Ave. At first denies it as "fake news," later admits he did it, insists he has the legal power to do it and brags that he shot someone on 5th Ave. better than anyone else who ever shot someone on 5th Ave.

Around the age of eight — give or take a year — I began answering the oft-asked question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" with "A writer." And I never again answered it any other way. But before six, there were a few months there when I said "A ventriloquist." I can't explain what the appeal of that profession was to me but it had a lot to do with seeing great practitioners of that art on TV: Paul Winchell, Edgar Bergen, Shari Lewis, Señor Wences, one or two others…and Jimmy Nelson.

Jimmy Nelson's main "figures" were Danny O'Day (who was a pretty generic dummy) and Farfel (a canine puppet who was a star with his laid-back, hound-dog attitude).  Nelson was proficient at not moving his lips — he may have been the best of the bunch at that — and at being a good foil for his friends. I liked him every time I saw him, which wasn't as often as I would have liked. A lot of those times when I did see him were when he, Danny and Farfel were selling Nestlé's Quik or allied chocolate products. Here's just such an appearance…

Jimmy Nelson died yesterday at the age of 90. A gent named Joe Gandelman wrote a much better appreciation of the man than I could have mustered so go read that. Make sure you watch the clips there too, and there's a good, long interview with Nelson. He was a great showman.

I'm not going to link to a lot of online articles about Trump and the Ukraine and the impeachment inquiry because you don't need me to find such pieces on the web. You might have trouble finding a webpage that doesn't have any.

But in your travels, I hope you'll read Ezra Klein, who to me gets to the point of this whole mess. Money quote: "That Trump would attempt such brazen collusion after the Mueller investigation shows the lesson he took from that experience is that he is unchecked and unaccountable. And perhaps he is right. After all, he has Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to protect him."

• It's always a good day to not be Donald Trump but today is an especially good day not to be Donald Trump.

My old pal Pat O'Neill and I used to engage in big (but friendly) arguments in online forums. We agreed on so little about comics that when we did agree, some folks took it as a sign that we had to both be right. Here is a wise, I think, message Pat sent me about the Emmy Awards…

I think the problem with the Emmys is that the television audience has become so fractionated (if that's a word) that it is no longer a "mass medium." I'm not even sure you can call most of what it does "television" anymore, since so few people are actually watching these programs on TV sets. It certainly can't be called "broadcasting" anymore.

When there were only three or four or five networks, you could be certain that some substantial percentage of the audience (at least 20%) had at least heard of the shows and people that were nominated. Quite honestly, I didn't know a show called Fleabag even existed until I heard it announced as a nominee. Imagine my surprise when it wound up winning most of the comedy series awards.

This leads in to my opinion that they made a major mistake by not having a host. A host might have been able to weave all these disparate threads into a coherent tapestry. Instead it felt, to me, like a new award show about every 30 minutes as they shifted gears to a different genre.

One more gripe: The speech by the head of the TV Academy was purest hype for the industry. On other award shows — like the Oscars and Tonys — that speech is used to talk about the things the presenting organizations (the Motion Picture Academy, the Theater Wing and the League of Broadway Producers) do to foster the arts they celebrate — the museums they run, the educational programs they support, etc. Is the TV Academy doing nothing of that sort worth mentioning? Or is the industry as a whole afraid the TV audience doesn't really believe the hype about this being the "platinum age" of TV, as it was called in that speech?

I didn't see the speech you mention because I still haven't watched the whole show, nor is anyone recommending that I do. I do think awards shows often get a bum criticism the same way some televised baseball games are faulted for being boring. Not all games are exciting and that isn't the fault of the those who produce the telecasts. A lot of folks are upset that their favorite shows didn't win or weren't nominated. Yeah, and when I followed the Dodgers back in the Sandy Koufax era, I didn't much like any game where they lost or no one made a spectacular play.

Not the fault of the producers…nor is it their fault when the winners don't give memorable or funny acceptance speeches. I did watch John Oliver's two acceptances this time and they were disappointing. (It was classy, I thought, of Mr. Oliver when he and all the other writers on his program went up to accept theirs, to let one of the other writers make the speech. But even that classy move was undermined though because the backdrop of that acceptance was a giant photo of John Oliver's face.)

Anyway, I agree with Pat that a big problem with the Emmys is that the industry is becoming so…I believe the word is "fractionalized." I've never watched a lot of the nominated or winning shows…or watched them enough to have any particular rooting interest in them. Fleabag is a great show — or at least, that's my conclusion based on what little I've seen of it. Having not seen all the other nominees, I can't very well say it's the best in its category though.

For a long time, a working premise of an awards show like this has been that if, for example, you've never watched Fleabag, its win is likely to motivate you to tune in and check it out. I wonder how true that is. It seems to me that, given the way we're now so fractionalized — there's that word again — in so many ways, folks are more likely to think, "How dare they give the award to a show I've never heard of?" And they come away with a negative impression of the show because it seems undeserving. I could probably draw some parallel to the way we approach politics nowadays if I was in the mood for a bit of heavy lifting.

Anyway, I agree with Pat. It's hard to embrace a ceremony that seeks to celebrate excellence in television when we're not all on the same page as to just what "television" is these days. There isn't even a simple definition of "prime time" when we can watch some of these shows any time we choose. The whole art form and industry have changed and if they're going to give out awards, the rules need to change…a lot.

I was once on a committee at the Academy — the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences to use its full name — that was trying to refine the way they handed out Emmy Awards for animation on Saturday morning. Today, they might need one committee just to define "animation"..and another to figure out what and when "Saturday morning" is. Thanks, Pat.

• If you're at the New York Comic Con next weekend, first of all you have my sympathy. But it would be worth hacking your way through the crowds to meet and get an autograph from the lovely/gifted @larainenewman who will be there…live from New York. The best.