Category Archives: To Be Filed

Here's a piece about a scientist who's using DNA testing to find out if your tuna sushi is really tuna. O.J. Simpson is just lucky he didn't kill those two people with a mackerel.

Paul Dushkind writes to ask…

I have to ask, why do screenwriters type in Courier? Does it make it easier to count, if you're paid by the word? In direct mail advertising, we used to use Courier or other "Typewriter" fonts, because a direct response letter is more compelling if it looks like a personal letter, which in those days might have been composed on a typewriter. That doesn't apply now.

Well, I've never heard of a screenwriter being paid by the word so it's not that. Beyond that, I'm speculating here but I suspect a lot of it is simple tradition. Courier is what almost everyone uses. If you started getting fancy with your font, someone's going to complain it's harder to read or to estimate time…but no one can complain about Courier.

Directors and production assistants learn to estimate timing based on your traditional page set in Courier. If you use something else, they have to pause and wonder if ten of your pages will turn into the same amount of screen time as ten pages in Courier. Also of course, agents tell new writers to make their scripts look as much like produced scripts as possible. If you type in something odd, it can seem amateurish to some. If you were writing a "spec" episode of 30 Rock to submit for consideration, why would you not want your script to look like a real, ready-to-shoot script for that series? So that kind of thinking has probably helped institutionalize Courier as the professional font.

Does anyone have another theory?

The exclusive private dining spot in Disneyland is called Club 33. Here's a little rundown of its history and a brief tour…

And here's a video shot by some folks who made it inside…

Here's a nice profile of my buddy Steve Stoliar, a very clever gent who writes and acts and does many things but is of special note because he was once secretary to someone named Groucho Marx. Read all about him and then order a copy of the book he wrote about his experiences in that job.

Professional registration is still open for Comic-Con International 2013. If you want to attend and you qualify, go here and do as you're told.

Starting next Monday, Boomerang is running two episodes of The Garfield Show every morning — 6 AM and 6:30 AM on my satellite dish, perhaps another time on your TV. They're starting at the top with Show #1 and Show #2 the first day, #3 and #4 the second day and so on. I have no idea how long they'll keep this up but there they are. I'm told the shows are also available on Netflix.

This runs a hair under an hour. It's an odd interview with Norman Lear — odd because he's allegedly interviewed by Rob Reiner but it seems someone else asked the questions, then Reiner's voice was dubbed in later. And the questions — which from the credits would seem to have been prepped and posed by that fine writer and gent, Del Reisman — are pretty simple and perfunctory. Still, some interesting things get said and it's fascinating to watch the clip they run of the disclaimer CBS aired to precede the first episode of All in the Family. You might want to watch until at least that, which is not far from the top…

Jimmy Kimmel had a good week last week, owing mainly to his Thursday night show with Matt Damon. If you didn't see it, ABC is rerunning it tonight in prime-time at 10 PM. The fact that Letterman was in repeats all week also seems to have given Kimmel a little boost.

If you're scoring at home, all three shows are neck-and-neck with Leno slightly ahead. No one is finishing a distant third so no one is in danger of cancellation. There seems to be some speculation that if Letterman consistently finds himself running third behind Kimmel, Dave might take that as a cue to announce his retirement…but that's just speculation, mostly (maybe wholly) from folks who don't know Dave.

If that did happen, there would be some sort of O. Henry ending to it all. Imagine if Kimmel who loudly proclaims his dislike of Leno and love of Letterman wound up knocking Dave off the air. He may already be helping Jay in that he's demonstrating that a young guy with allegedly great demographics will not necessarily do any better in that time slot with the 18-49 age bracket than Jay is doing. All the recent rumors that Leno was soon to be ousted flowed from the belief that a younger host would do markedly better in that department.

Me, I find myself watching less late night TV than I have in a long while. I record Leno and Ferguson every night on my TiVo but rarely make it through either show. I still think Leno's monologues are sharp and I like the fact that he's the only late night host who looks like he (a) even wants to do one and (b) seems to have seen the jokes before he reads them off the cards or prompter. (Yes, I know they all do but the rest all seem so disconnected from the material they're performing.) Craig Ferguson used to be an exception to that but lately, he seems to care more about dancing and making faces at the camera…the exact same thing that caused me to lose much of my interest in Conan O'Brien. Yeah, guys. The studio audience loves it. Does it matter to you that the folks at home probably don't?

I don't watch Conan at all…which surprises me because I used to love his show. With Jay, I may watch the first comedy bit if it's not about how stupid people are when you put a camera on them or arrange some Candid Camera bit designed to make them look stupid. If it's a comedy bit that's actually written — as opposed to being written to seem spontaneous — it's usually pretty good…and I sometimes like one of Jay's guests, though rarely both.

Ferguson, I will usually watch through his first guest. I wrote here not long ago that I thought he was the best interviewer of all the late night guys…and I still think he was. But a couple of you wrote to me that he's been talking more and more about himself lately and not letting his guests get to where they were trying to go…and you're right. Some nights, it's like the guest is intruding on a private conversation between him and the robot. I still like the guy but an hour of Craig Ferguson is starting to have too much Craig Ferguson in it for me.

Letterman? I find the best thing about Dave's show when I watch it is that he occasionally reminds you of when he was really, really great. He's had a lot of tributes lately and I notice that every time someone assembles one of those, they always put in a montage of bits from his NBC show, especially the one where he donned the Velcro® suit. That was 29 years ago. 29 years is almost as long as Johnny Carson hosted The Tonight Show.

In his day, Letterman was terrific — better than Carson in many ways. But he doesn't show a lot of enthusiasm for the monologue (or any prepared material) and only minimal interest in most of his guests. His well-noted crankiness used to strike me as the humorous complaining of a smart guy who had valid criticisms of the world around him. Now, he's starting to sound like an unhappy guy who just doesn't like anything very much including himself. When I watch him now, it's when he has a guest on that I like…or better still, someone he likes. That's when you get echoes of the old Dave. If I got more of them, I wouldn't just watch when he has on someone I really, really want to see.

I've tried watching both Jimmies, Kimmel and Fallon, and will try again in the future, probably when they have on guests I really, really want to see. Right now, my view is that I really like Jimmy Fallon as a person and don't enjoy watching his show…and I really don't like Jimmy Kimmel as a person and don't enjoy watching his show. I also don't like Bill Maher as a person but do enjoy watching his show. Maybe one of these days, I'll again find a case where I like a host and also like his or her show all the way through.

Our pal Bob Elisberg discusses how some Republicans hate Barack Obama so much, they're willing to praise Bill and even Hillary Clinton to do it. Of course, this won't last long if Hillary looks like she may be the Democratic candidate in 2016…

That's right: Two guys have developed a better version of the Courier font.  You can download it here.

In 1950, one of the world's great comedians starred in a TV series, The Buster Keaton Show. The show was live so reruns were not possible. Last I heard, a mediocre kinescope of one episode was all that had survived.

Keaton knew at the time that his live show had limited commercial possibilities so the following year, he did another series — this time, on film. The show seems to have been marketed with two sets of opening titles, one set calling it The Buster Keaton Show; the other named Life With Buster Keaton. I've heard that only thirteen were made but I don't guarantee that number.

It was on that filmed show that I first discovered one of my favorite performers. As I would later learn, many of the gags and situations in them were ones that Buster had done in earlier films…and done better. The main writer was Clyde Bruckman, who'd written for Keaton and most of the other major comedians back in the twenties. In later years, Bruckman took to "borrowing" routines from films he'd written earlier…and a few he hadn't. So he'd be hired to write something and then its producer would be sued (usually by Harold Lloyd) and Bruckman would be fired. Keaton hired him to steal from earlier Buster Keaton films.

Nevertheless, I loved these shows. I saw them when KNXT Channel 2 ran one every Saturday morning around 8 AM. This would have been around 1960, give or take a year. One of the reasons I'm not sure how many episodes there were is that they seemed to run this one every other week. It's far from Keaton at his best but if you'd never seen him anywhere else, you might think it was pretty good…

In fairness to the folks at the Logitech company, what I went through with their Tech Support folks is fairly typical these days. In way too many companies, they now look on the need to provide Customer Service as a burdensome expense. I don't know how many times lately, I've found myself talking to someone who clearly is not on the same continent as the company or me…and there'd be nothing wrong with that if they were well-trained and had the power to do more than read answers off computer screens. In most cases, they don't have the knowledge. They have extensive FAQs on their computers and they look up what I'm calling about and parrot what's there. That is, if it's there.

I blame Ray Kroc for this trend. One of the things he pushed when he was establishing the McDonald's empire was the notion of utterly interchangeable, don't-have-to-know-a-lot employees. I heard him speak once and he bragged about how he'd designed his restaurants so they could take any kid off the street and train him a few hours to output burgers and fries exactly like the burgers and fries in every other McDonald's. It's hard work, I'm sure…but it's all paint-by-the-numbers. And it's why they can get away with not paying very well. It's hard to get decent wages in this world if there's an endless stream of people out there who can and will do your job just as well for bad money.

And now we see so many companies trying to do the same thing with Customer Service personnel. A few years ago, I had a horrendous experience with United Airlines where I couldn't reach anyone who knew anything or had the power to do anything. Dialing Customer Service got me a guy in India who didn't have the answer to my problem on his screen and wasn't empowered to refer me to anyone who could help me. At least the Logitech folks have this Level Two department of wiser technicians who can take over when the lower level fails. The problems I had with them, apart from being on hold for a long time and getting dumped off the line a few times, were that their Lower Level people spent a long time with me to not solve my problem and it was hard to get Level Two on the line. But at least when I did, they solved my dilemma.

All of this is a trend I don't like and one I think is bad for business. As I've written here before, I've seen a lot of technogically-oriented businesses go under in the last few years — Good Guys, CompUSA, Egghead Software, others — and all I think for the same reason. This may just be anecdotal but in every case, I found that they had salesfolks who didn't have the foggiest understanding of what they sold or how most of it worked. I'd ask questions and get back tabula rasa stares.

I don't get why companies do this. I understand that the employees that know more cost more…or can cost more. But if I'm going to be buying computers or TVs or anything from employees who don't know anything, I might as well order on the Internet and save money. The one advantage a brick-and-mortar store might have is if they have staffers there you could talk to and get personal attention and info. But the last time I was in a Best Buy, none of their salesfolks could tell me which of their external hard drivers had eSATA ports. None of them knew what eSATA ports were. That can't be good for sales. It may be that companies can get away with this because everyone's doing it and they figure you won't be able to get better service anywhere else.

Once upon a time, there were comedy records that weren't just one person standing on stage, talking to a bunch of semi-drunk people at a club with a name like Yuk-Yuk's. Concept albums, folks called them. They were like little sketch comedies on a common theme, often with songs. The best-selling of these was The First Family, the 1962 album that satirized President Kennedy and his clan. It was produced by Bob Booker and Earle Doud, and was at the time the fastest-selling record of any kind the industry had ever seen.

Thereafter, Mssrs. Booker and Doud produced many other popular comedy albums, sometimes alone and sometimes together. In '65, Booker and his then-partner George Foster gave us You Don't Have to Be Jewish, starring Lou Jacobi, Betty Walker, Jack Gilford, and Frank Gallop. It was a tremendous hit and it received a Grammy nomination. The following year, Booker and Foster brought forth a sequel called When You're In Love, The Whole World Is Jewish featuring most of the same people plus a then-unknown actress named Valerie Harper. This too was a success and many disc jockeys played a cut from it that you may remember if you were ever a Dr. Demento listener. It was the song, "The Ballad of Irving."

Here, I'll let you listen to "The Ballad of Irving." The folks at archive.org have it up, credited wrongly to Allan Sherman, who seems to get credited or blamed for every funny song ever written with Jewish overtones. This is Frank Gallop performing…

So why am I telling you all this? Because some clever folks are turning this wonderful material into a stage show. Producers Danny Gold and Billy Riback have taken the best of both albums and on February 1, they debut When You're In Love, The Whole World Is Jewish at the Greenway Court Theatre in Los Angeles. It's located appropriately enough on Fairfax Avenue (or as I call it, The Borscht Beltway) within easy walking distance of my favorite delicatessen, Canter's.

The director is Jason Alexander — yes, that Jason Alexander — and I'll review it when I see it the week after it opens…but don't wait for me. Go check out their website and if you're within easy schlepping distance, order tickets. Sounds to me like a great evening.

For my friends in Los Angeles: We mourn the loss of Junior's Delicatessen over at Pico and Westwood but here's what's going into that building in its place: Lenny's Delicatessen. The webpage acts like the place is already open for business but it isn't yet. No word on when.

I don't have a good feeling about this. This is reportedly the same Lenny's Deli that used to be out in Pacific Palisades. It opened, got a bad reputation, then closed in a short span of time. Assuming they do a better job at the new address, they have some high hurdles. The landlords there gave Junior's a series of rent cuts to keep the place open but finally reached the point where they couldn't or wouldn't lower the amount further…and Junior's couldn't keep the doors open without another cut.

A new tenant will presumably be paying a higher rate. How might Lenny's succeed where Junior's couldn't, offering what is essentially the same menu? Junior's, in spite of declining quality and inclining prices, still had a good reputation with most folks and a history as part of the neighborhood. A new delicatessen there is going to have to live up to that rep even after Junior's couldn't. I hope they succeed but I have the mental image of Sisyphus trying to roll an immense matzo ball up the side of a mountain.

A few minutes from the premiere of It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World…