- Nice to see Lincoln is finally doing well in a theater. 14:55:49
- Reince Priebus will seek re-election as chair of the Republican National Committee. Because things have been going so well for them. 14:38:40
- Secretary: 'The Invisible Man is waiting outside for an appointment." Boss: "Tell him I can't see him!" #rimshot 14:40:01
- Isn't this a dumb time for Hostess Twinkies and Ding Dongs to be going out of business, what with marijuana being legalized? 12:37:56
- Mitt Romney is proving he's the guy to bind America. Today, both Republicans and Democrats unite in wishing he'd shut up and go away. 12:39:27
- Our intelligence community can really keep secrets. I now know more about the sex life of David Petraeus than I do about my own. 21:00:09
- Funny how most of the clowns now demanding their state secede from the union probably have accused Obama of "hating America." 22:11:28
- Karl Rove getting billionaires to invest in Romney reminds me of Max Bialystock selling "Springtime for Hitler" to little old ladies. 21:29:56
- My fondest wish for today, maybe even more than my guy winning, is for an honest count that even the losing side accepts as accurate. 02:32:42
- Just sitting here like much of America, waiting for one state to not go the way Nate Silver said it would go… 17:33:53
- Not a good night for men who've said stupid, insensitive things about rape. 19:54:25
- Big loser tonight? George W. Bush. America still thinks he was a disaster. 20:19:17
- Clint Eastwood is at home, delivering a concession speech to his chair. 20:26:08
- Boy, a lot of people are absolutely positive their guy is going to win tomorrow. 13:00:17
- While I was early-voting for Obama, I figured I'd save myself time and also voted for Hillary in 2016. 15:22:07
- You watch. Florida will lose 1,000,000 ballots for Obama…and find 50,000 more for Al Gore. 15:23:25
- On my ballot, I voted no on mandatory condoms for porn stars, yes on mandatory condoms for the family of Honey Boo Boo. 15:26:27
- Nate Silver's getting cocky. He sees a 92.1% chance of Roseanne Barr sweeping the Electoral College. Not winning it. Sweeping it. 21:32:06
- The election's not over yet. There's still time for white male Republican candidates to say something really stupid about rape. 12:19:54
- The Weather Channel's coverage of Hurricane Sandy notched huge ratings. Let's hope it doesn't become a series. 00:28:23
- You know, if Politifact and http://t.co/zdUpWf6j had the power to ban lying campaign ads, this would be a very different election. 20:08:33
- Trader Joe's tuna cat food smells so awful that the cats must think it's delicious. 20:30:26
- Someone please tell me that Peter Luger's Steak House in Brooklyn is unharmed. 04:08:35
- Attention, TV newsfolks: It will help minimize the damage from Sandy if you put more reporters out in the wind and rain. 10:33:42
- Okay, Obama and Romney: NOW will one of you mention Climate Change? 21:57:32
- If you want to know why some of us are voting for Obama, read this: http://t.co/vqK9MER0 18:34:13
- If you want to know why some of us are not voting for Romney, read anything that isn't controlled by Rupert Murdoch. 18:35:09
- Ever since I saw Honey Boo Boo, I've had trouble enjoying Yogi Bear cartoons. 18:36:14
- Someone should ask John Sununu, "So, are you voting and campaigning against Obama because of his race?" 14:58:28
- You'd think male Republican candidates would learn they can't say anything that includes the word "rape" without looking like idiots. 09:43:18
- Romney says his money is being held in a blind trust. His whole platform is pretty much a blind trust. 13:10:48
- Every election year, the October Surprise turns out to be that there is no October Surprise. 14:30:27
- At this point in the campaign, I think all uncommitted voters should be committed. 16:05:25