Category Archives: Tweets

• Can't believe it. First thing Curiosity found when it landed on the Moon? Mitt Romney's tax forms for the last 23 years! 02:47:31

This would have been an even better joke if I'd written that it landed on Mars. Sometimes, the brain knows but the typing fingers don't listen.

• Attention, Geico Customers! The firm may be out of business. I haven't received an ad from them in over 24 hours. 20:36:46
• I refuse to watch the Olympics unless they televise the 43-Man Squamish competition. 20:39:00

• Liberals throw money at problems. Conservatives throw money at rich people. 21:39:31

• Amazing the number of people who think that shopping or not shopping at Chick-Fil-A has anything to do with the 1st amendment. 19:59:45
• Sarah Palin really seems to think the 1st amendment says no one is allowed to disagree with Sarah Palin. 22:18:50

• Jonah Lehrer wrote a nice letter of resignation from the New Yorker when he was caught plagiarizing. If I'm ever caught, I'll copy his. 19:49:42

• At Comic-Con, I forgot to get Fake Stan Lee to sign my facsimile edition of Fantastic Four #1. 18:23:41

• Obama just ordered a tuna sandwich. Repubs somehow edited the video so he says "The U.S. needs Marxism and I was born in Kenya!" 13:17:58

• Suspicious about what's in Mitt Romney's tax returns. They probably show he was born in Kenya. Or maybe that he owns it. 02:10:14
• Don't trust any reporting on Comic-Con that calls it a gathering of geeks and/or nerds. Those writers do not comprehend the event. 08:56:24
• I don't believe Romney has selected his running mate yet. As far as I know, I have not been vetted. 09:17:14

• With the money Republicans will spend attacking Obama for not fixing the economy, they could fix the economy. 09:32:04

• Anderson Cooper is gay. This is only news to people who don't know what's going on…like, say, anyone who watches CNN. 09:44:03
• I'm not surprised about Anderson Cooper. Hanging around Kathy Griffin that much could turn any man gay. 17:20:32
• I respect the courage of Anderson Cooper. It takes courage and a willingness to endure condemnation to admit you're on CNN. 17:22:15

• I'm on hold being told over and over by a recording my call is very important to them. My patience is appreciated during this brief wait. 08:58:07
• They apologize for this unusual delay. The next available banker will be with me as soon as possible. "A.S.A.P." is 19 min. so far. 08:59:26
• My friend Alex is taking the Republican approach to his marriage. He wants to repeal and replace. 09:02:03
• I'm actually talking with the next available banker. How did that happen? 09:15:12
• The next available banker is a lady. Being a guy, I find myself more interested in the next unavailable banker. 09:16:41
• I'm explaining to the next available banker how her own system works. No wonder this next available banker was available. 09:19:50
• The next available banker can't solve my problem so I'm on hold for the next available banker after the first next available banker. 09:21:20
• Wondering how long this would take if my call WASN'T very important to them… 09:24:16
• Mozart loses something when they interrupt every 16 bars to tell you to stay on the line because your call is very important to them. 09:30:01
• I'd almost like them to say "We'll get around to you when we feel like it because your call doesn't matter that much to us." 09:31:18

• Kinda fun watching everyone on the news who called this one wrong explaining how everyone else was wrong. 08:08:16
• No speech yet by Romney. He's trying to figure out which side he was on so he can switch from that position, whatever it was. 08:15:11
• All the pundits saying "Big win for Obama." None saying "Big win for those who'd die without insurance they'll have now." 08:50:44
• Forget about bias. If we learn nothing else from today, it's that pundits & newspeople are just not as competent as they oughta be. 10:04:25

• Today's potatoes are from Lovell & Cooke in Boise, Idaho. Weren't they the original hosts of CROSSFIRE on CNN? 21:25:24

• Ann Curry's getting $10 million to leave The Today Show. Wow…Imagine how much Willard Scott and Gene Shalit got! 17:15:45
• I may launch a Kickstarter to pay for the next time I fill up my gas tank. 17:16:46

• Tropical Storm Debby is about to lash the Gulf Coast. If they want people to take it seriously, they should not be calling it Debby. 21:25:17