- The Sandusky jury isn't really deliberating. They're playing poker in there so it doesn't look like they only took 10 seconds to convict. 11:08:45
- Sandusky guilty on 45 out of 48 counts. Wow. I haven't been so surprised since my cat scratched behind his ear. 19:27:21
- Sandusky faces a max sentence of 442 years. I say cut it in half and divide the other 221 among those who knew but didn't stop him. 19:31:04
- Every run, my virus checker tells me "Some files could not be scanned" and the files it lists are the ones that make up my virus checker. 08:35:05
- Too bad Chevy Chase isn't still doing Update on SNL: "Hosni Mubarak is not still dead." 10:21:43
- The defense has rested in the Jerry Sandusky case. They're convinced they've made a solid case for why he must be found guilty. 10:22:57
- At the Daytime Emmys. Surrounded by soap opera stars, talk show hosts and Gloria Allred. 18:31:59
- I'm hoping Gloria Allred sexually harasses me so I can demand she sue herself. 18:33:40
- I'm wearing a tuxedo. Kinda depressing to realize this is as good as I'm ever going to look. 18:35:24
- First category: Best Performance by a Heartless Bitch in a Supporting Role. 18:36:30
- By the way: The tux is not rented. But I am. 18:45:13
- Seated with June Foray in the front row. If she doesn't win, I'm making her walk home. 18:46:37
- Before June and I present, we have to sit through about 90 minutes of awards that some people will care passionately about. But we don't. 18:49:16
- The Ellen Degeneres Show is winning big. Just to piss off the 8 people in that Million Mother group. 19:21:30
- You can apparently get a job on Days of Our Lives if you're really, really loud. 20:09:04
- We just presented. June got the only standing ovation of the evening so far. 20:34:24
- June Foray just won an Emmy! 20:45:03
- Is this woman going to party ALL night? 23:26:30
- Now she's dancing on the table! 23:35:50
- Congrats to Nik Wallenda for not following in his family's footsteps…downward. 16:34:09
- The economy must be bad. My loan-out company, which only employs me, just cut 20,000 jobs. 08:56:27
- The Ku Klux Klan wants to sponsor a road beautification project in Georgia but they only want to pick up the white trash. 18:35:35
- If they wind up doing a recount in that Wisconsin recall election, they should only entrust it to union workers. 18:49:10
- No, Firefox, I do not want to update from Firefox 12.0 to 13.0. Stop asking me. None of my plug-ins will work for a month if I do. 23:21:02
- I don't care who Romney picks as running mate. They were both born in Kenya and any birth certificates they show are obvious fakes. 17:20:56
- Just filled out my California ballot. Voted yes on the proposition to restrict Drew Carey to one TV series at a time. 22:18:13
- Voted no on the proposition to prohibit the building of a Subway inside a Starbucks or a Starbucks inside a Subway. 22:21:44
- Voted yes on the proposition that while all men are created equal, Milton Berle and Forrest Tucker were a little more equal than most. 22:22:37
- NASA says our galaxy will collide with the Andromeda galaxy in 4 billion years. I have work to do today but what's the point? 12:37:24
- George W. Bush's White House portrait unveiled in ceremony. Picture of him reading MY PET GOAT while cutting taxes for rich friends. 13:54:31
- Michael Bloomberg: The mayor who believes in limits on how much soda you can buy at one time but not in how many terms he can serve. 20:26:54
- Attn, Trader Joe's Management: I just bought three items that I really like at one of your stores. Time to discontinue all three. 20:27:40
- Today's potatoes are from my cupboard and they're in chip form. 20:28:23
- NASA says our galaxy will collide with Andromeda in 4 billion years. I was worried the 1st time I read that. Thought it said 4 MILLION. 23:34:16
- New York Cop to man on street: "Where you going?" Man: "To buy an AK-47." Cop: "OK. I was afraid you were going to 7-11 for a Big Gulp!" 23:36:57
- OK, I get it now: Romney's not responsible for stupid stuff Trump says, Obama is for every word from Bill Ayers & Reverend Wright. 18:20:20
- The key on my keyboard for the third letter of the alphabet is busted. Going to be hard to finish this s*ript without that letter. 21:52:17
- I gave up. I got a spare keyboard out of the closet. I was unable to write that sentence ten minutes ago. 22:33:09
- Someone tell the lady in my GPS that it is NEVER worth getting on ANY freeway to save two minutes going ANYwhere. 16:29:56
- I wish TV writing worked like iPhones. I could write a show and later when I figure out how to make it better, send out an update. 16:43:09
- Trump as Mitt's running mate? Good. That will balance out Romney's image as a vapid rich guy who likes to fire people and is out of touch. 14:48:46
- Today's potatoes are from Blue Sky Management in Royal City, WA and I'm in a Five Guys I've never patronized before. 16:12:16