Category Archives: Uncategorized

Given the preceding item posted here, I was tempted to start this one, "Speaking of disasters occurring on soundstages at Universal Studios…" But truth has to trump funny segues and the truth is that I don't think Conan O'Brien's first week hosting The Tonight Show was a disaster…but I also don't think it was all that wonderful. I guess I was disappointed that he and his crew felt that they could (or should) do pretty much the same show they've been doing for years, except an hour earlier and on the opposite coast.

I've always liked Conan O'Brien, even back in his earliest days when much of the industry was proclaiming him a flop as Letterman's successor and predicting his hasty return to Simpsons writing. I thought he was better than that, and it was nice to see him stick with it and refine his act, sanding off the rough edges until he began to project the notion that he might belong in the job. He and his crew had the wise sense not to panic and begin changing everything around. They didn't start fiddling with the set and format, didn't bring in new sidekicks or anything of the sort. They just kept doing what was essentially the same show, only doing it better and better, until it was good enough for sufficent viewership to accept.

The last few years though, I've felt like he's been doing the same show a little too long. I can't think of a new segment or running gag or new character introduced in quite a while. I thought to a large degree, he'd settled into generating response from the live audience by trotting out catch phrases and acting goofy and playing to them instead of the cameras. If you and I were in the studio, we'd probably laugh out of recognition but we wouldn't laugh, watching the same antics at home. Mr. Carson endured as long as he did because he knew that the job description involved entertaining the people not in your studio audience. I'm not sure any pretenders to his throne appreciate the distinction, the possible exception being David Letterman. (I get the feeling Dave does understand the difference and would simply rather entertain the folks in his theater.)

So I guess I was let down that after all those months of planning, the only real change in Conan's act is that he's doing it from a larger, fancier building. I don't see that that adds a thing to the proceedings and it may even diminish them. Like Norma Desmond famously taught us, when the sets get bigger, the actors get smaller.

I think the set's too big and I think Andy Richter's in the wrong section of it. He's a funny guy, not Ed McMahon, and the best thing I saw all week on the show involved the only non-awkward exchange he and Conan had…Andy sitting next to the host doing "In the Year 2000." Perhaps symbolic of how the show has changed (and not changed), they made it fancier and more expensive and made the cosmetic change to the Year 3000…but it's still the same bit they've been doing since the Year 2000 was actually in the future. And the fun in it is that the two of them are working together. I like Conan better when he's not out there all alone.

We're not budging off our prediction that his ratings will be fine, at least for a while…or that there'll be a week or two when it won't look that way. We're also still hoping that what we saw this past week was Mr. O'Brien and his producers leading with what they knew worked and that they'll soon be introducing new elements into the mix. But nothing I've seen so far made me think, "I've got to make sure I don't miss an episode of this." It's just another talk show that I'll TiVo every night and then watch until it goes déjà vu on me…or not watch at all if the guests don't seem all that exciting. It took Leno a couple years to get me to that point but with Conan, it happened around half past Wednesday night's program.

Jim Van Hise reminded me that back in this post, I mentioned that I was on the set of the new movie, Land of the Lost, based on the old TV series produced by Sid and Marty Krofft, and that there was a story I wanted to tell after it was released. Okay, it's been released…and I don't imagine I need a Spoiler Alert for what follows…

Marty Krofft invited me to be there for the big finale scene on their last day of shooting at Universal Studios. (The following week, they went to New York and filmed scenes with Matt Lauer.) On two conjoined Universal soundstages, they had built an enormous set…one Marty said cost more than the entire combined budgets for the two seasons of Land of the Lost produced for ABC Saturday morn in the seventies. It was the Sleestak Crematorium, which was not unlike a temple for that reptilian race and it was huge…with cavernous walls and many levels and stairways, and giant Sleestak statuary that weighed many tons. As the last shot of the day, they were going to blow it up.

Hey, how do you turn down being there for that?

So I spent the day with Marty and occasionally with Sid, who has this uncanny way of being around when something interesting is happening and disappearing when there's no reason for him to be around. No human being has ever seen Sid Krofft arrive anywhere or leave. He's just there when he should be and gone when things are dull.

It was pretty dull for the hour or three that the crew spent rigging the set with blasting caps and wires and all sorts of gimmicks that would, on cue, destroy the entire Sleestak shrine. It took a long time because, obviously, there couldn't be a second take so it had to be done right. And it took a longer time because the Lakers were in a big playoff game that day and everyone was working with at least one eye on a TV set.

But finally, it came time for the big shot. The stage managers herded everyone into certain areas that would be safe for the viewing. I took up a position right between Marty Krofft and the Fire Marshall, figuring those were the last two guys who were likely to be injured by falling boulders or collapsing walls. And after a lot of checking and double-checking and triple-checking, someone finally yelled "Action!"

Explosions went off. Wires were pulled. Much of the set had been booby-trapped in the preceding hours so that yanking out certain pieces would cause it all to topple like a big game of Jenga. A giant statue fell and walls crumbled. The whole damn crematorium just imploded before our very eyes…and while I haven't seen the movie yet, I can tell you that in person, it was utterly stunning.

When the Stage Manager yelled, "Cut," everyone whooped and clapped and cheered the mind-boggling spectacle we had just witnessed. I turned to find I was next to one of the Special Effects guys I'd met earlier — one of the fellows who had engineered the spectacle we had just witnessed. I said to him, "That may have been the most incredible thing I've ever seen in my life!"

The man had a glum look on his face. With a clear and present note of bitterness, he said, "Yeah…and you know what they'll say when they see this in the movie theaters? 'Good CGI.' We did it for real and nobody will ever know."

Dan Shahin has a question. Let's see if I have an answer…

I won't ask what you thought of Conan's show, but I was hoping you might address something that's been bugging me. Why do they start The Tonight Show and The Late Show at 11:35 in some markets? What does that extra five minutes do for the lead-in news shows, and don't you think that it probably hurts the shows? I mean if it's 11:30 I can start watching The Colbert Report and get sucked in quickly enough that I might never even think to turn to one of the network shows. What am I missing?

The reason local stations like it is that it allows them to stick one extra commercial break into their newscasts. That yields an awful lot of money for most of them.

This started back in the Carson era. Stations were suggesting it. Johnny fought it for a while but finally gave in. At the time, he didn't have the kind of competition that The Tonight Show has today…or that he'd have before he left that institution. But it wasn't that big a concession back then so he allowed it and every local station on every network began expecting it. The trouble, of course, was that once local stations had that extra source of revenue, it was unthinkable to suggest taking it away from them. Supposedly, Mr. Letterman when he went to CBS asked about an 11:30 start and was told it would just cause too much ill will with the affiliates.

The part I don't get here is how Saturday Night Live has been able to resist it.

Hey, remember how I mentioned that David Carradine was a comic book fan? Well, Dan Dillon has a photo that kinda proves it.

After initial numbers in the stratosphere, ratings for The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien have settled down to Leno levels. We always knew we'd get there but I don't think most folks expected it to happen before the first week was out. I still think Conan will do fine, at least until the new Leno show debuts in Fall, whereupon things will get — shall we say? — interesting. But I'll append to my earlier prediction that there's a news cycle crying out to happen — a flurry of articles that say NBC erred by bumping Jay for Conan and that Conan is not performing as well. I don't think that will be a long-term truth but there'll be some week soon where it looks that way and everyone will pounce to write those articles.

I've been crushed with Things That Had To Be Done this week so I've only had time to watch Conan's first show. It struck me as too self-congratulatory and a matter of trying too hard…but it also struck me as atypical of what the program will be like over the longer haul. My other initial reactions are that (a) the set, though beautiful, is too big; (b) Andy Richter belongs on the couch and will get there soon; (c) Conan never looks comfortable to me doing topical material because he's never struck me as a guy who even knows or cares what's happening in the news and (d) I was expecting something a bit less like the same show an hour earlier. But a lot of the prepared bits were very funny and several friends have e-mailed me to say it gets better as the week goes on. So I look forward to catching up over the weekend.

I probably haven't done enough plugging here of The Best of Simon and Kirby, a smashing new book that reprints glorious helpings of comic book work by the team supreme of Joe Simon and Jack Kirby. I wrote a batch of intros for it but that's not at all why I'm recommending it. It's Simon and Kirby and it's very well done in terms of reproduction and presentation. That's why I'm recommending it. Here's an Amazon link to order a copy if you haven't already…and if you need more convincing (God knows why), here's an interview with the book's editor, Steve Saffel, who did a fine job on this and who will doubtlessly do a fine job on subsequent volumes in this series.

I will also add that this is an authorized reprint collection. The Jack Kirby Estate gave its blessing (and has financial participation) and Joe Simon licensed and supervised the whole package. There are a lot of books out there that are reprinting vintage comic book material without the permission of the creators or their families…and in some cases, in the direct disapproval of those folks. Some of this material is public domain. Some of it isn't, or the status is arguable, and the publishers are trusting that their operations are small-time enough that the rightful owners won't find it cost effective to sue. In any case, most of the unauthorized or p.d. reprints are as disrespectful of the material (in terms of reproduction) as they are of the rights/wishes of the creators or their heirs.

One of the reasons I'm proud to have contributed to this Simon-Kirby project is that it is authorized and that, not coincidentally, a lot of time and expense went into making the material look as good as humanly possible. A gent named Harry Mendryk deserves a lot of the credit. So does Steve Saffel and so, of course, does Joe Simon for saving so many pieces of the original art or good photostats, thereof.

I have a personal problem with supporting with my dollars, certain projects that I think trample on the rights of creators, even though perhaps legally. If that doesn't matter to you, it might matter that when these books are done with the participation of the creators or their offspring, there's a much better chance of them being done right. This Simon and Kirby book was done right.

Dick Cavett discusses one of the smartest men he's ever met…Dr. Jonathan Miller. And there's a video embed of an old Dick Cavett Show that proves it.

Over on his weblog, which I cannot recommend often enough, Ken Levine often writes about joke stealing. Sometimes, it's a coincidence. Sometimes, it's a crime punishable by death or working for basic cable, whichever's worse. Anyway, I only have about 900 anecdotes on the topic. Here's one…

As you may remember if you watched Welcome Back, Kotter, each episode used to open and close with Gabe Kaplan telling someone (his wife, usually) a very old joke. That was kind of the point of the segments; that Mr. Kotter had all these real old jokes…the kind that belong to no one, that people just tell one another.

The jokes were often not written into the script. If they were connected with the storyline of that particular episode, they were. But if not, they'd be handled as follows: Before it came time to tape one, we (the writers) would tell Gabe a couple of jokes and he'd pick one. Then he'd go out and "wing it," telling the joke to, say, Marcia Strassman, who played his spouse. Kaplan's delivery was usually better if he was just doing the joke from memory, putting it into his own words, and Marcia's reaction would be more natural because she hadn't heard the joke in rehearsals.

So in one episode we gave Gabe the hoary line about the guy who was so paranoid that when he went to a football game and the players got into a huddle, he thought they were all talking about him. This is an ancient joke that was probably heckled in some form at the Parthenon. The day after that show aired, we got a hysterical call from a then-semi-prominent (today, largely forgotten) stand-up comic. That joke was from his act, he said. That was his joke and he was demanding the address of the writer who'd written that episode because he was going to sue the thief into oblivion.

Our producer explained to the comic that, first of all, the credited writer of that episode hadn't written that joke. And secondly, no one who lived in the current century had written that joke. The comedian calmed down…but only a little. He agreed to not pursue legal action but warned that he would if ever again, one of "his" jokes was purloined for our show.

Fade out, fade in. A week later. Another show had aired. Another old joke in the ending…I don't recall what it was but the comedian was back on the phone, screaming that we'd stolen it from his act. Again, the producer told him that the joke was public domain and that it wasn't his. "If you want to spend the money on a lawyer and sue us, I can't stop you," he told the guy. "But our lawyer will just find a clip where some comic did that joke on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1955 and you'll lose and look ridiculous!" The comedian cussed and hung up in anger…and two weeks later, he was back again with the same complaint. We'd stolen a joke from his act.

This went on half the season. The comic kept calling with threats. Finally, one of our other producers took one of the calls and this is what he said: "Okay, you're right. We have a tape here of your act and each week, we play the tape and pick a joke to use. We've already taken the best ones and we were going to stop and let you keep the rest. But you're pissing us off with these calls so we're going to keep taking jokes until you have no act left at all."

The comedian said, "Oh, please, don't! I won't call again!" He hung up and that was the last we heard from the guy…and I mean that literally. I don't think I ever saw him perform anywhere ever again. I have the feeling that he's working somewhere waiting tables and when people recognize him and ask, "Why aren't you on TV anymore?," he tells them, "Welcome Back, Kotter stole my act."

Sad to read, of course, of the apparent suicide of actor David Carradine. To all the obits (like this one), I'd like to append one point of interest: David Carradine was one of the first "media celebrities" to ever show up at what is now called the Comic-Con International. He may have been The First…and from what I could tell, he was there because he loved the form, not because he was promoting a product or seeking work. But there he was at the third or fourth con, back before it was called Comic-Con International, browsing the room and talking to folks and when asked, even graciously posing for photos with fans. Matter of fact, I recall he even wanted his photo with some of the great comic creators whose work he'd admired.

His accomplishments in film and television are formidable and noted elsewhere. I just thought I'd mention another small chunk of his legacy.

Some time ago here, we reported that the Bob Baker Marionette Theater in downtown L.A. was fighting to keep its doors open. It's a fun, historic place that has kept the art of puppetry alive and hosted skillions of kids' birthday parties over the years. Well, now it's been designated a historic cultural landmark…and we're so pleased by this, we'll spare you the joke about how someone had to pull a lot of strings to make it happen.

Back from Vegas. Stories to tell. I'll try and tell some later today here.

Well, if you must know, we're coming to you from a food court in McCarran Airport. I'm eating a Wendy's burger (hey, these aren't bad) and working on a script while I wait for a flight home. I was only in Las Vegas for about 30 hours…just long enough to see David Copperfield, walk the floor of the Licensing Show and have a few meetings. Didn't gamble, didn't even have a chance to make it to a buffet, which is probably no loss. They haven't been cost effective since my Gastric Bypass Surgery.

To answer about thirty e-mails: I can't tell you what I thought of Conan O'Brien's first Tonight Show because I didn't see it. But it's safe on my TiVo and it will be viewed and reviewed before long. I gather the ratings and critical response were good.

I'll have tales and photos from the Licensing Show in the next few days. I may even explain what the Licensing Show is.

And I am kinda disappointed to report that when I got into the taxi to come here to the airport a little while ago, my driver was not David Siegel. I am, however, expecting that he'll be the pilot.

Boy, David Copperfield is good at what he does. And what he does is to just come out and do impossible things, right before your eyes…and in my case, only a few feet away since I was sitting front row/ringside at his late show last night at the MGM Grand. Even that close, you couldn't see how he did anything. A few folks may have been disappointed that he didn't vanish the Statue of Liberty or escape from a safe inside a building as the building was imploded. And a couple of frat-type boys sitting next to me were audibly disappointed that there were no sexy dancers or scantily-clad magician's assistants. But he did make a car appear and he did pass through steel and he did crush himself down to about two feet tall and he did cause thirteen members of the audience to vanish, plus he levitated just about everything that wasn't nailed down. So I'd say they all got their money's worth and then some.

I was impressed by the wizardry but I think I was even more impressed by his sheer perseverance. It was a dead house — no energy, not a lot of clapping. In his first thirty seconds on stage, he said two joke lines that obviously got about a tenth of the laughter he's used to…and sitting as close as I was, I could actually read the magician's mind. He was thinking, "This is gonna be a long show."

Every performer has 'em. It's something in the air, something in the ozone. There are a number of stories of entertainers comparing notes after their respective shows — two guys playing different clubs in the same town. Upon exiting the stage, one would phone the other and they'd correlate audience mood. Not always but 90+% of the time, if one had a non-responsive crowd, the other had a non-responsive crowd.

Mr. Copperfield had one at his 10 PM show…but he's been doing this a long time. He knows what to do. He upped his own energy an extra notch and he encouraged people to clap to the music and he milked every spark of audience interest for all he could wring out of it. Sure, the guy knows how to do great magic. But I was just as impressed that he knows how to work a crowd and to entertain them as much as they'd allow themselves to be entertained and maybe a little more than that.

I want to go back and see him some night when the audience isn't impersonating a matte painting. I'm sure that's most of the time…because what he did on stage was quite spectacular and worthy of a lot more ovation than he got at his second show last night.

One other thing I'll mention…

As a longtime student of magic, and a guy who's been known to make his friends suffer through a card trick or three, I've often been amused by bogus explanations. A couple is walking out of a magic show and the lady mentions some trick and asks her date, "How did he do that?" The guy doesn't know but he doesn't want to admit he's sans clue…so he just makes up something. He says, "Oh, there was a mirror" or "Oh, he has a twin brother they keep secret and it was the twin who got into the box." Something like that.

One time I was exiting Penn & Teller's show and I overheard a couple discussing a fire-eating segment…and of course, there really isn't a lot of gimmickry to fire-eating. It's mostly a matter of knowing how to hold the burning torches and how to spit gasoline through the flames and such. The secret is basically to be careful and practice a lot…but the guy didn't seem aware of that. He was telling his lady friend, "They use a thing called Cold Fire. It's a chemical that looks like fire but it's not hot and it can't burn anything." Needless to say, there's no such thing.

In his act, David Copperfield did a trick where he appears to pass his body through an inch-thick piece of sheet metal. Audience members came up and banged on it with a hammer and then Mr. Copperfield and it were covered with a huge sheet of plastic and he appeared to pass through the metal. Very impressive. As we filed out after, I eavesdropped on a couple…and the man might as well have been the Cold Fire guy. I shall now attempt to replicate what he said…

The outer part of the metal plate is real but the inner part of it is one of those liquid metals…you know, like Mercury. Only it's not liquid because when they show it, that part's frozen solid so it might as well be metal. Then when they move it into place before he passes through it, there are hidden heaters which defrost the center part and by the time they put the plastic over it, it's soft enough that he can pass through it. And the soft metal is self-healing so the hole he makes heals up and you don't see it after he's on the other side. Easy as pie.

I heard that and I thought, "Boy, if that's how Copperfield does that, he deserves every cent he makes." And a lot more applause than he got last night.

These things happen to me. I don't know why. I don't know how. But these things happen to me.

I have this friend named David Siegel. David is a devout comic book fan, especially of the older books and the folks who wrote and drew them. For many years, he has been a main force behind the annual Golden Age Panel down at the Comic-Con in San Diego. He doesn't host them — I do — but he's been so valuable that a few years ago, the convention bestowed unto him an Inkpot Award for his contributions. Mostly, they consist of locating veteran comic book writers and artists who have been away from our little community…guys who'd never been to a convention and maybe never knew that they had fans out there.

Dave finds them. He located Fred Guardineer, the artist for (among many other features) Zatara the Magician. Fred was in an Assisted Living Facility (i.e., Old Folks' Home) and didn't imagine that anyone even knew who he was or what he'd done. Dave located Fred and got him to San Diego for what Mr. Guardineer told me was the greatest day of his life.

Dave found Chuck Cuidera, the original artist of Blackhawk. I helped a little but Dave's the one who found him. One day on the phone, I casually mentioned to Dave that someone oughta find out if Cuidera was still alive. I knew he'd retired to Florida a decade or two earlier but that's about all I knew. DC Comics even had money for him — fees for work of his that they'd reprinted — and no idea where to send it. Armed with just the meager info I gave him, Dave leaped onto the phone, began calling around Florida…and three hours later, he called me back to proudly announce, "Just talked to Chuck Cuidera."

He not only talked to Cuidera, he got him to come out to San Diego for another one of those greatest days of an old-timer's life. And of course, because of Dave, Mr. Cuidera got all that money DC Comics was holding for him. Dave's done a lot of things like this, finding people who were "lost."

Once, he even found me. One day about twelve years ago, I had a lethal deadline and I went to Las Vegas to work. I didn't tell anyone I was there. (Correct that: I didn't tell anyone I was here. I'm writing this in a hotel room in Las Vegas.) I certainly didn't tell Dave, who works as a cab driver in this town.

I was staying that time at Harrah's and my second or third day here, I decided to take an hour out and walk over to Treasure Island to denude their buffet of lunch. I was crossing The Strip when I suddenly heard someone yell, "Evanier!" Since there are only about seven Evaniers in this world, the odds were they meant me.

It was Dave in his taxi. He immediately executed…well, it wasn't exactly a "U" turn. It was more like an "N" with one of these (~) over the top. But right in the middle of Las Vegas Boulevard, he swerved around, swept me up in his cab and whisked me off to lunch. I still can't believe he spotted me…but I really can't believe what just happened.

Like I said, I'm in Vegas. I'm here for the Licensing Show which starts tomorrow…meetings with a producer, conferences with a publisher, etc. My plane landed at 2:45. I walked down to the Baggage Claim and claimed my baggage. I went out to where you can get a cab.

At the Vegas Airport, as with most airports, you don't pick your own cab. A dispatcher tells you which one is next. The dispatcher told me to hike down to Position 12 and take the cab that was there. I hiked down to Position 12 and I bet you can see where this is going. Well, I didn't…

But there, waiting for me at Position 12…was Dave Siegel.

There are 5,000 cab drivers in this town. I know one. And that one was the one who happened to be assigned to me, can you believe it? I was so stunned that I almost tipped.

As we warned you, the Comic-Con International in San Diego is sold out. All tix gone. Zip. Empty. None available at the door. Don't bother asking. This kind of thing will happen next year, too…so don't be shocked when it does and you didn't get around to signing up.

I will be on, hosting or co-hosting fourteen (14) panels. The official schedule won't be up for at least a month but my "to do" list will include all your old faves — Quick Draw, Jack Kirby panel, Golden Age panel, Sergio/Mark panel, etc. There'll be two big panels featuring Cartoon Voice Actors and this year, all but one or two of the participants will be new to our dais. We'll also do a sequel to last year's well-attended panel about the business end of Cartoon Voice Work — how to get an agent, how to prepare a demo, how not to get ripped off by predatory "teachers," etc. There'll be one-on-one "spotlight" interviews with veteran comic artists like Gene Colan. There'll be individual spotlights also turned on great performers like Stan Freberg and June Foray. I'm especially excited about a planned panel that will gather together the three main "Bob Kane" ghosts who drew Batman in the forties and fifties. Oughta be fun and memorable.

I'm told hotel rooms in San Diego are still possible to get if you do a little digging and don't insist on sleeping too close to the action. When we get closer to the event, I'll try and link to info on how to use the city's fine trolley system to get from where you stay to where it's all happening. That will be for those of you who won't be able to use the convention's very efficient bus shuttle line which stops at many hotels. The one thing you don't want to rely on is getting a parking space at or around the convention center. Last year, the fine voice actor Rob Paulsen was supposed to be on our Sunday panel of folks who do what he does for a living. Five minutes before, he phoned me with sadness and exasperation in his famous voice to tell me he'd been driving around for an hour and couldn't find a place to put his car. If it can happen to Mr. Opportunity, it can happen to anyone.

Many a fan writes to tell me that they've never been to this thing and are scared off when they hear of lines the length of the Ganges, a dearth of parking, the nearest hotel rooms being in Guadalajara, etc. Don't be. First of all, those problems only exist because so many people have a great time at the con and find any inconvenience more than worth it. Secondly, tens of thousands who attend find little to complain about. If you do a little advance planning, it can be a breeze and a half. Thirdly, even those who bitch long and loud don't usually mean it the way it sounds. I have a small group of friends who every year denounce the crowds and the parking and the lines and the costumes and the price of a Diet Snapple…and the point is they do this every year. None of it stops them from attending.

If you aren't signed up for this year, it's probably too late. But as the Oakland Athletics say, there's always next year. Or the year after or the year after…