Category Archives: Uncategorized

Here's an interesting article about cookie design, especially that of the noble Oreo. I don't eat that kind of thing anymore but I find the history and artistry rather fascinating. I was especially amused by their comparison of the Oreo design to that of the lowly Hydrox cookie, and I was unaware that they apparently don't make Hydrox cookies anymore.

Vaguely relevant anecdote: Twenty some-odd years ago, there was a great little place over on Santa Monica Boulevard near Sepulveda that sold ice cream they made on the premises. Most of the flavors were their own creations and about half — and they had them nicely segregated and labelled — contained liqueurs or other spirits. I avoided that side and usually had something they called Cashew Crunch, which contained bits of cashew and smashed Oreo cookies in a vanilla ice cream with a fudge swirl. In fact, a lot of their flavors involved crushed Oreos at a time when that wasn't too common in the ice cream business.

My friends and I loved this store to the point where when we went out for dinner, we'd sometimes go to a somewhat mediocre restaurant in the same block just so we could go to the great ice cream place for dessert. One evening, I took my friend Tracy there for ice cream…and you need to know this about Tracy: Don't ever lie to her because she'll nail you on it. She usually knows and if she isn't sure, she'll interrogate you within an inch of your life. Five minutes with Tracy and O.J. would have confessed to the double-killing and probably other crimes we don't know about.

So she wants some flavor involving crushed Oreos but she demands of the guy behind the counter, "How do I know these have Oreo crumbs and not Hydrox crumbs?" He says she can take her word for it. She says that's not good enough and he makes the guy go into the back of the store and bring out this huge crate of Oreos. This proved at the very least that the business received huge crates of Oreos. From that, she grudgingly made the leap to the assumption that they actually did use Oreos, not Hydroxes, in their ice cream. (That was one of the drawbacks of the Hydrox. It was tough to speak of them in the plural…and who would ever eat only one?)

Know, by the way, that Tracy didn't necessarily prefer Oreo to Hydrox. She just felt that if it said Oreos — and it did — then it had damned better be Oreos.

A week or so later, I'm in there with someone else and the guy behind the counter recognizes me. He says, "You're the one with the friend who demanded proof that we don't use Hydrox." I 'fessed up that I was. He lowered his voice so no one else in the store could hear and said, "The owner gets a deal on Hydrox and we sometimes use them and tell people they're Oreos. We just happened to be out of Hydrox the week your friend was in and so we went out and got a crate of Oreos and were using them." He pointed to the ice creams currently in the display that said "Crushed Oreos" in their ingredients lists. "All of these have Hydrox crumbs in them," he said.

Two weeks later, the store was out of business. I think we all know why.

This article asks the musical question,Why is it so hard to get a good bagel outside New York City?

I'll add another possible reason to the list: When I go to a place that serves bagels in New York, I always seem to be able to get one that emerged from the baking process within about the last fifteen minutes, whereas in other cities or here in Los Angeles, I'm lucky if it's been made the same day. I suspect that explanation trumps all others.

Here's a link to a piece by Al Gore about Climate Change, which is what we used to call Global Warming before the really, really stupid people started saying that every cold day was proof that there's no such thing.

That's one of the three lame arguments that I get in my e-mail each time I veer towards the topic here. Another is to cite some high school science teacher in Poughkeepsie or somewhere — or to even name a few scientists of dubious credentials who insist there's no evidence the climate is changing — and then to say, "Well, one side says one thing and one side says the other…so I guess they cancel each other out and we can forget about it." No, they don't cancel each other out. The scale ain't even close to balanced on this one.

And then the last and lamest argument goes something like this: "Hey, Al Gore says it's so and we all know you can't believe a single thing Al Gore says." To some, that's inarguable proof the climate ain't changing…and things like record temps, increased typhoons, melted glaciers and hundreds of respected meteorologists and other kinds of scientists can be discounted because, you know, Al Gore is kind of a dick. My right-wing friend Roger used to try that one until he realized that he thinks most of the Republican presidential candidates are dicks and he doesn't think that disproves their economic theories.

So don't bother sending me any of those arguments. I hope Climate Change is all just a massive hoax or delusion but I think the evidence that it's real is strong enough — and the consequences of doing nothing could be so catastrophic — that this country should be proceeding as if it's so. If a lot of really smart people (forget Al Gore if you think he isn't one) tell you your house is on fire, you oughta do something about it instead of finding reasons why they could all be wrong.

Want to know one of the major contributors to the energy crisis in this country? Your TiVo, DVR or even your cable box. They're always on and they're using up a helluva lot of electricity.

Graham Chapman is often referred to as a "charter member of Monty Python" even though insofar as I can determine, there were no members of that famed troupe who were not charter members. Anyway, he died in 1989 but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him from starring in a new movie.

Since I mentioned I'd drawn jury duty, several folks have sent me messages about (a) how to conduct one's self so one does not get picked to be on a jury and therefore gets to go home…

…and (b) how one should conduct one's self if one does sit on a jury. The latter advice includes all sorts of explanations of how the rights and duties of a juror may actually exceed that which one hears in the instructions from the judge.

I always appreciate advice but in these cases, it's not of much use to me. If I am questioned as a potential juror in a case, I wouldn't want to "throw" the game, which I would imagine would be pretty easy to do. I expect I would answer honestly and then one side or the other wouldn't want me on the jury. I can't explain exactly why I feel this way but I'm pretty sure I'm never going to dance at the Joffrey Ballet, I'm pretty sure I'm never going to win the lottery and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to be selected for a jury. In fact, of the three, I'd say the odds of me winning the lottery while wearing a tu-tu are better than the odds of me getting selected for a jury.

The only two previous times I've had jury duty, I sat in the jury room all day, unselected by their little "lottery" system to go be questioned as a potential juror in some case. Betcha five bucks that's what happens when I do go in and serve this time.

I actually wouldn't mind serving on a jury if there's ever a time I could do so without disrupting the lives of others…like I couldn't do it this week because I'm writing and voice-directing a cartoon show this week and I can't do it the week of the Comic-Con because I'm voice-directing a cartoon show in the early part of that week and then I have all those responsibilities at the convention. Many weeks of my life are like that and I never know too far in advance when one might not be.

The system however isn't configured for those who freelance or are self-employed. It's designed for those in jobs with predictable hours at operations that presume you'll occasionally be out for illness or vacation so they have to have a Plan B where someone else can cover for you. I keep getting asked by folks at jury-related offices and on their forms how many days of my regular salary my employer pays me when I'm on jury duty and I keep telling them, "None…I don't have a regular employer." I've been doing what I do for 42 years and I'm not sure I've ever had anyone who you'd call a "regular employer" and certainly no one who'd pay me while I sat on a jury. I still wouldn't mind doing that even though I feel confident it'll never happen. Which is lucky for you because I'm already convinced you're guilty.

Jerry Lewis had to cancel a charity concert in Sydney, Australia last Friday due to illness. The 85-year-old comic legend was briefly hospitalized — he was "overtired," his publicist said — and then released…

She said Lewis has had a "ridiculous" schedule in recent months. He has been flying back and forth from Las Vegas to New York, casting for the stage production of "The Nutty Professor," which he intends to release in January.

We are, as ever, intrigued with the constant approach of the stage musical version of The Nutty Professor, which Jerry is said to be directing himself with book and lyrics by Rupert Holmes and a score by Marvin Hamlisch. Release in January where? Certainly not on Broadway…not without some inkling this far in advance of it dickering for theater space. That is not easy to secure on the Great White Way these days.

The more likely scenario would be to open the show at some regional theater for a tryout/workshop. Jerry used to mention the Old Globe in San Diego, which would be an ideal place except that it's pretty much booked a year in advance. They could certainly find some theater somewhere in this country that would be eager to have such a show but the fact that no venue has been named does make one think that's just talk. I also don't see any mention of The Nutty Professor casting on any of the websites that list such things. The ones that mention it at all have it in the long list of shows that claim to be aiming for Broadway and they say "2010-2011," which obviously ain't gonna happen. Most shows on that list won't happen. (The semi-official website for Rupert Holmes mentions many of his upcoming projects but even it doesn't have a word about The Nutty Professor.)

I hope The Nutty Professor happens. It's a pretty good idea for a musical and I also have a natural tendency to root for anyone in their eighties to have a new, successful accomplishment. I'd like that to seem possible when I hit that decade. I just wish the announcements about this show, most of which are at least two years old and thought it would be playing Manhattan by now, related a little more to reality.

More imminent is Jerry's upcoming (and final, they say) appearance on the annual Muscular Dystrophy Telethon, which will run a scant six hours on Labor Day. The rumor is that the shift to a shorter length was done without consulting Jerry and that his reaction when he heard was, "Oh, that's good. Now I can host the whole thing myself." He was then told (we hear) that they didn't want him to host at all…just to come on and make a brief appearance. Is this so? It's starting to look that way. The latest word is that Jerry will appear only in the final ten minutes. No news on who'll host the other five hours and fifty minutes.

Lewis will come on, I'm told, make a few remarks to pass the torch and he'll sing his signature "You'll Never Walk Alone." I find it hard to believe he could say whatever will be on his mind that evening in ten minutes. Ten hours, maybe. I have friends who are already thinking that putting a volatile, unpredictable guy on a live show for ten minutes when he surely has a wide array of rampaging emotion…well, this may not be a great idea. That's from the producers' standpoint. For an audience, it may be really, really exciting.

I'm thinking it might be easier if I postponed jury duty instead.

Okay. Con's back on!

We have to postpone the Comic-Con in San Diego, people. I just got jury duty that week.

Today only! Amazon is selling the DVD set, The Andy Griffith Show – The Complete Series, for $78. This is your chance to spend 6,395 minutes in Mayberry for under eighty dollars…or about what Otis Campbell spends on whiskey per week. That's a bargain even if you only watch the five seasons (of eight) which featured Don Knotts as a regular. The set also includes extras like the backdoor pilot episode of The Danny Thomas Show, the episode of Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C. featuring Opie (Ron Howard) and that Return to Mayberry TV-movie.

There's no one way to score this but you could certainly make a strong case that The Andy Griffith Show was the most popular TV series ever done. It's certainly had an afterlife like no other program in terms of reruns and its ongoing impact on the culture of many parts of America. The Danny Thomas Show was on for eleven years and more or less equalled The Andy Griffith Show in ratings success but no one reruns it today, no one quotes it, no one has built an entire city around it. It was just a hit TV show, whereas The Andy Griffith Show was so much more than that.

Here's the link to order your copy. And remember: This offer is only good for today. Hop to it.

The New York State Legislature gave final approval late Friday to a bill permitting same-sex marriage. Good. And you know what they say about New York. If you can make it there, you'll make it anywhere…

I will be moderating a Gene Colan Tribute Panel at Comic-Con International. It will be one month from today — Friday, July 24 at Noon in Room 8. Come one, come all. Hear folks who knew and worked with "Gene the Dean" — or just plain loved his work — discuss the man and his artistry.

And we are delighted to wake up to the news that the rumor that Jack Sheldon had passed was just a rumor and not a fact. Jack's a good guy and we need to keep him around as long as possible.

Kliph Nesteroff, who lands these great interviews with legends of comedy, has a two-parter up with Shecky Greene. I never got to see Shecky perform live but my father, who was a hard audience when it came to comedy, used to come back from Vegas trips raving about the funniest man in the world, Shecky Greene. I'll tell you how much he used to love Shecky Greene. If he came back from one of those trips having seen Shecky Greene but lost money at the craps tables, he still thought it was a great trip. That's how much my father loved Shecky Greene. Here's Part One of Kliph's conversation with the guy and here's Part Two.

One of my favorite movies (some days, just plain "my favorite") is It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. If it's one of yours and you own a Blu-ray player, know this: A Blu-ray edition of that film is being released but not everywhere. It's a Walmart exclusive and you can pre-order a copy here for ten bucks. There are others in this series of only-at-Walmart releases including When Harry Met Sally, A Fish Called Wanda, Legally Blonde and Throw Momma From the Train.

As far as I know, this release of Mad World is exactly the same in terms of running time and scenes included as the currently-available DVD version. Also as far as I know, we are never going to see the kind of fully-restored, just-like-it-was-when-it-first-came-out release about which some Mad World lovers fantasize. Some cut scenes could be restored for a future release if very expensive video work were to be done…but some simply do not exist. Some day soon, I hope to complete a big article listing the actual run times of the various releases and what was cut from each. Based on e-mails I get on the topic, I think some people think a lot more was cut than actually was.

I am not, by the way, ordering a Blu-ray copy because I do not own a Blu-ray player. There are two reasons for this, one being that I have my home video setups all set-up nicely and don't have a burning need to tamper with those arrangements. It would mean finding new inputs and outlets and rack space and…well, I just don't want to rearrange all that again. More importantly, if I were to suddenly decide to go Blu-ray, the following conversation would occur somewhere at the company that decides when it's time to bring out a new format…

"Good news, sir. We've been monitoring his purchases and Mark Evanier has finally ordered a Blu-ray player."

"Finally! Well, keep monitoring. As soon as he has a substantial investment in Blu-ray discs, let me know so we can make them obsolete with one of the many better formats we have waiting. Oh — and I especially want to know when he orders Goldfinger for…how many times will that be?"

"Twenty-eight, not counting the two different Laserdiscs that looked like different releases but were actually exactly the same."

"Excellent."

So I'm doing all of you who have Blu-ray a big favor by not joining your throng. If I did, you'd have to junk your players and all your Blu-ray discs in favor of something new. I'm guessing the next big thing will be either View-Master reels or a slightly fancier version of the Kenner Give-a-Show Projector.