Category Archives: Uncategorized

Economist-Pitchman Ben Stein has been oddly silent since he published that stupid article defending IMF Managing Director Dominique Strauss-Kahn from charges that he raped a hotel maid. If Mr. Stein had merely said, "Let's not presume the man is guilty until we know all the facts or he gets his day in court," I don't think anyone would have objected too much. But trying to argue that old men can't force themselves on women, that economists don't rape and hey, you know some maids are kinda crazy…well, if I'm ever accused of a heinous crime and you feel the urge to argue for my innocence, do me a favor. Don't get into it unless you have something a lot better than Stein had.

It's hard to decide on the most clueless part of his article but I'd vote for the whole insinuation that the N.Y.P.D. hauled Strauss-Kahn off in manacles strictly because some minimum wage employee claimed she'd been violated by him. If you were a police official and you were about to go off and cuff a very wealthy and powerful man whose arrest could have international repercussions, I think you'd want a little more evidence than one lady's word. If this thing goes to trial, the accused is going to have the best legal representation in the world…and that world will be watching.

And sure enough, New York Police are now saying they have some of that messy DNA evidence that if true would kinda prove the crime beyond any reasonable doubt…

…except that they had that in the first O.J. Simpson trial and we all know what happened there.

This whole matter is starting to intrigue me on two fronts. One is whether Ben Stein, who's supposed to be so smart, will be smart enough to write an article that apologizes for the previous article. If he does and it's a sufficient retraction, he might salvage the last smidgen of his credibility.

The other is whether Strauss-Kahn is going to plea bargain or if he's going to hire the equivalent of O.J.'s Dream Team and say, "Spare no expense but destroy my accuser and the officers who arrested me." Assuming the DNA is as reported, I don't see that he has any other alternatives.

I was just browsing a Las Vegas website and I came across the following description for an upcoming show in the comedy room at the Orleans Hotel. This is a real listing and I present it verbatim, cut and pasted for your consideration…

Kato Kaelin and The Hollywood Guest Stars — America's most well known houseguest, Kato Kaelin, hits the stage and hosts several evenings of comedy with The Hollywood Guest Stars

And thanks for all the lovely e-mail and for updating my virus checker while I was asleep.

At 2:45 AM, I was driving down Hollywood Boulevard and at the famed intersection of Hollywood and Vine, I saw a hooker chatting with a guy who'd pulled over…and he was driving an off-duty ice cream truck. You make up the joke. I'm too tired.

Good night, Internet. Sweet dreams.

Roseanne Barr writes about her hit sitcom, Roseanne. If you ever get the chance to star in a TV series, don't do any of the things she says she did and especially don't do any of the things she now wishes she did.

And once again, as I look at reports of the devastation in Missouri and Minnesota, I can't help but get angry that we waste so much time and money in this country on silly partisan battles and needless, endless wars. Think of how much the resources we squander could help people when disasters destroy their homes and lives.

I haven't been linking to a lot of New York Times articles since they put up their pay wall. I'm afraid I'll link you to a piece that sounds irresistible and you'll get there and discover you've used up your freebees for the month and have to pay. But this one is too good to pass up. It seems that folks are now studying Paddy Chayefsky's notes for his prescient screenplay Network and learning a lot about his intentions and thought process. That's a great movie and it gets greater with each passing year. Thanks to Superstar Announcer Randy West for letting me know about this article.

And the world seems to still be here so I'll start watching all those Colbert Reports I haven't gotten around to watching yet…

I'm kinda glad the world didn't end yesterday. For all its faults, I kinda like the world. Plus, I have all those shows on my TiVo I haven't watched yet.

Good night, Internet. Sleep tight.

Yesterday's predictions of the End of the World and the Rapture were kinda fun in an odd way. A lot of us got to laugh at those who believed this fellow named Harold Camping somehow figured out a date which the Bible says in no uncertain terms can only be known to God. It was also pretty easy to write jokes about. Here are three Tweets I posted while eating a bowl of Turkey Rice soup at one of my favorite restaurants this afternoon…

• Harold Camping still has a better track record for predictions than William Kristol.
• This just in: Harold Camping says he's done the calculations and can now say with great certainty that tomorrow is Halloween.
• Well, there was no Rapture today so we'll put another $100 in the jackpot for tomorrow…

I think my favorite comment today was a guy on the local news who said he was deeply disappointed that the world didn't end because he's maxed-out his credit cards and was looking forward to having that off his mind. Yeah, that's the kind of thing Jesus would consider.

I just corrected a typo in the previous item. It was 1964, not 1963. (Thank you, Bob Kennedy.) Also, I forgot to mention that Huckleberry Hound wasn't the only one to do a parody of Lorne Greene's "Ringo" that made it about the Beatles drummer. On a TV special he did in January of 1965, Allan Sherman did a similar spoof. I don't know which came first but it was a pretty obvious idea.

Some time ago here, I believe I started a stampede. I told you all about online deals to order MAD's Greatest Artists: The Completely MAD Don Martin for very little money. This is a magnificent two-volume hardcover in a slipcase that includes all the work the late, looney Mr. Martin did for MAD magazine, paperbacks not included. It originally listed for around $150 and was not overpriced at that amount. When I told you you could order it for less than a sixth of that, hundreds of you did, cleaning out the online sellers.

Well, I'm here to tell you that Barnes & Noble seems to have more copies. They may be slightly damaged but hey, they're also $22.48. You'll probably want to order something else while you're at it because Free Shipping kicks in on orders of $25 or more. If you didn't get one before, here's another chance.

For my friends in Los Angeles: Five Guys is opening in Westwood Village in the next month or so…in the space that used to be Pastagina's Restaurant on Glendon near Weyburn. It's right next to a Jersey Mike's sub shop…and they're probably not as pleased with this announcement as I am.

Speaking of great new talk shows: Our pal Chuck McCann did another episode of his Internet TV talk show Bits and Pieces last night and his co-host was our pal Jack Riley. I'm not going to embed them here anymore because there's something unstable about those Ustream embeds which I think crashes the browsers of some who access my page here. But I'll supply links so you can click over there and watch the fun.

I've been privileged to spend much time with Chuck and Jack. They're both delightful, funny men…and if you think I have a lot of good anecdotes, jeez. In that capacity, these guys are like Mickey Mantle and Willie Mays, and I'm the batboy for a very small farm club team in a town that's not large enough to have a Starbucks. These videos don't give you the full flavor of being around them because, for one thing, they don't tell the best ones about famous folks in show business screwing, one way or another, other famous folks in show business. They also in real life don't have all the tech screw-ups which, I'm sure, will diminish as Bits and Pieces goes on.

Anyway, last night's is in two parts. So watch Part One and then watch Part Two. And I'm sorry about the odd way Ustream inserts a commercial whenever they feel like it. I especially enjoy when someone's telling a short joke and there's a 30 second ad between the set-up and the punch line.

So we're all hearing that the Rapture is imminent and the world is coming to an end tomorrow. Every time I hear about this, my mind goes back to an old joke Jackie Vernon used to tell about a man named Wilbur Fradblatt…

He was a poet, a prophet, a philosopher. He prophesied that on May 1, 1951, the world would come to an end. And for him, it did. Because on that very day while eating a piece of cherry pie at the Automat restaurant in New York City, the little glass door snapped down, broke his neck. He didn't know you're supposed to take the food out.

I suppose that joke loses much of its effectiveness on folks who don't know what an Automat restaurant was…