Category Archives: Uncategorized

Some time ago, we reported rumors that the long-running Mad knock-off, Cracked Magazine, had bitten the dust…and, indeed, they've gone through some changes in proprietorship, were off the stands for a time and endured a lot of hardship, including a reported Anthrax scare in their building.  But as Dan Fiorella — a very funny writer who can occasionally be found in its pages — reminds me, Cracked has returned in all its wacky glory to newsracks.  Issue #358 has just gone to press (including some work by Dick Ayers) and will be out on August 6.  If you can't wait, you can rummage around on the Cracked website.

I love typos.  Here's one I just found over on the front page of The Washington Post website and "captured" so I could post it here for you all.  This just proves that if you want to reform the accounting practices of this or any other country, you have to start by getting yourself a pair of real shoes.

Veteran Mad Magazine artist George Woodbridge has suffered a small foot injury…just serious enough to force him to cancel his appearance at this year's Comic-Con International.  Drat.

In the meantime, we've added Maurice LaMarche to our panel of Cartoon Voice Artists on Saturday afternoon.  Maurice is one of the best, as viewers of Futurama, Pinky and the Brain, The Critic and dozens of other shows can attest, and we're glad to have him aboard.

My longtime buddy Leonard Maltin has just unveiled his own website.  Those of you who spend a lot of time browsing the articles on this site can now divide your time.  Waste half as much of your life here and waste the other half over reading his informative comments on www.leonardmaltin.com.  Leonard has been providing important film history and commentary for years and it's nice to have him here in the vast wasteland of Cyberspace.

And right here we have another one of those news stories that's worth at least a week of Leno monologues: A blind psychic who "reads" people by fondling their buttocks.  And wouldn't you just know, the guy's in Florida?  (Thanks, Carolyn)

Obituary for Gene Moss in the L.A. Times.  Here's the link to it.  And David M. Lynch writes to remind me that I omitted a very important credit from the man's résumé…

During the onset of the British invasion, there was a top-40 parody of the Beatles' "I Want to Hold Your Hand," entitled "I Want to Bite Your Hand."  It came from an RCA album called "Dracula's Greatest Hits."  Said album featured several drawings (front and back cover, and a set of "monster cards" enclosed within the jacket) by the great Jack Davis.  Every song on the LP was "sung" by a guy named Gene Moss, doing a Bela Lugosi impression.  This LP was one of my cherished childhood possessions, and one of the first things I began looking for when I first started visiting eBay.

Thanks, David.  I also forgot (because this, I didn't know) that Moss was the voice of Smokey the Bear for commercials.  He was an amazing talent.

There's no one who does their job better than Vin Scully when he narrates a Dodgers game.  I stopped following baseball about the time I discovered ladies but every now and then, I catch a few innings of Mr. Scully at the mike and it really doesn't matter who's playing or what the score is.  It's just wonderful to hear him.  I still remember listening to the final innings that night in 1965 when Sandy Koufax pitched a perfect game. You can hear it now if you click below…

To those of you who check in here for links to political-type articles, we recommend this piece in the New York Press.  And we recommend that you keep in mind that this is what is being said in a usually-conservative venue.  Folks who might usually be expected to be Bush supporters seem to be smelling disaster and hurrying to get out in front of the story.

Who says the Democrats don't have a candidate for 2004?  What about James Traficant?  Truly, he is the man who can unite America…the one man about whom people from all walks of life agree.  He'll scare the hell out of terrorists.  They'll know he's capable of doing just about any stupid thing.  And Congress won't have to waste time investigating our Chief Executive's past business dealings.  His have already been exposed as illegal and he can just pardon himself and say, "The people knew I was a crook when they elected me."

He's a great, inspirational leader.  Abraham Lincoln said, "Fourscore and seven years ago…"  "John F. Kennedy said, "Ask not what your country can do for you."  James Traficant said, "I'm having some rectal disorder because of this."  When President George W. Bush makes a speech, the stock market plunges.  When President James Traficant makes a speech, the stock market may still plunge but at least, we can all laugh at his haircut while it does.

I'm telling you, the man can win.  Bring back Bob Dornan as his running mate and let them campaign on the Loose Cannon platform.

You can look elsewhere if you want, but me…I've found my candidate.  Traficant in 2004.  We've done worse.

My buddy Scott Shaw! features the indomitable Herbie Popnecker today over on his Oddball Comics page.  Like everyone who ever picked up a copy of Herbie, I have an odd, hard-to-explain affection for The Fat Fury.  His strip was not exactly a humor comic but it also wasn't exactly not a humor comic…a book done with a deadpan silliness that no one has ever been able to replicate and which, likely, no one ever will.  It's another comic that someone ought to reprint but, I suspect, no one ever will.

Okay, so the Ethics Committee has voted unanimously to kick James Traficant out of Congress.  That's bad because he's been such a source of entertainment.  But it's good because he gets to make a speech before the entire House defending himself.  The rules say he's entitled to 30 minutes but he's requested eight hours.  I say, make it a series!  We're setting the TiVo for this one, folks.

My longtime pal Joe Brancatelli continues to write good pieces on what's wrong with the airline industry.  Check out his latest at his website.

Hey, remember those Post Grape Nuts commercials with the Burke Family?  The one where the boy friend said, "Mrs. Burke!  I thought you were Dale"?  Of course, you do.  Well, the Burke family has set up this website to recall those TV spots.  Give it a look.

People with too much free time: Number one in a series.

I've made a few small changes in the list of Panels I'm Hosting at Comic-Con International…just updating a few of the panel participants.  And yes, I know I haven't posted much lately.  This will change.

Just when you thought there was nothing a member of our House of Representatives could do to further embarrass that august body, along comes James Traficant.  I must say, he's really outdoing himself.  It's like the scene in Woody Allen's Bananas where the dictator goes off the deep end and declares that all underwear is to be worn on the outside.  He also seems to be flaunting an anal obsession.  Here's a line from the AP coverage of Traficant's speech the other day before the House Ethics Committee…

He declared he wanted to "kick the ass" of the businessman who claimed to have owned him, that he was "having some rectal disorder because of this," and that an FBI witness could have had a "small microphone up his rectum."

Now, are those the words of a statesman or what?  He's now promising that if he goes to prison, he'll run for re-election from his cell and win.  I may move to Ohio and vote for him.

It's official: Jason Alexander and Martin Short starring in the Los Angeles company of The Producers.  Here's the story.

I didn't like the first broadcast of Phil Donahue's new show on MSNBC.  But I liked it a little more Tuesday and even more Wednesday.  Someone ought to tell this man that, since he's doing short segments, he can't ask eleven minute questions of his guests.  But unlike most TV talkers, he does seem more interested in issues than theatrics so I'm going to stick with this one for at least a few more days.

Well, only days after I posted that message about Spyware, I had to cleanse my system of two such components.  This afternoon, while searching for a better piece of software via which to track and record my eBay purchases, I ventured into some new software sites.  Before I knew it, one of them had forcibly installed a couple of search bars for Internet Explorer.  I got suspicious, did some sleuthing and found that I now had two programs I didn't want on my computer, running and intermittently phoning home with God-knows-what-data.  They're gone now but I'm keeping both eyes open for similar invasions of my privacy.  It's a jungle out there.

Caught the first episode of Phil Donahue's new MSNBC show.  He spent an hour talking and, between breaths, allowing his guests to say something…but since one of them was Pat Buchanan, that wasn't necessarily bad.  Buchanan was on to decry the Pledge of Allegiance decision and for some reason, he kept saying, "Our children are now forbidden to say the Pledge of Allegiance in school" and Donahue never said, "No, just the part about One Nation Under God."  I'm still searching for a debate show host who corrects his guests when they say silly stuff like that.

I was in a video store the other day where someone had filled a shelf with DVDs but put them in backwards.  Ergo, the spine on every one read, "Security Device Enclosed."  Very helpful.  It got me to thinking: What will happen if someone produces a movie called Security Device Enclosed?  This comes from the same part of my brain that responds when I drive down that block on Hollywood Boulevard where there's a store that advertises "All items, 99 cents" and on the opposite side of the road, there's a shop that proclaims, "All items, 98 cents."  I always think, "Price war!" and imagine people telling the clerk, "No thanks, I can buy it cheaper across the street."

I've gotta get to bed.  Sweet dreams, Websurfers.

Last evening at 6 PM, I posted the previous message, lamenting the absence of canned Canada Dry Ginger Ale in Los Angeles markets.  At 10:30, just four and a half hours later, my phone rang and a mysterious woman's voice said, "Look on your front step."  I did…and found two 12-packs of Canada Dry Ginger Ale.  In cans.

There was a note from the owner of the mysterious voice giving her phone number.  I called and found myself talking to a lady friend from almost 20 years ago…someone I haven't spoken to for at least ten.  Turns out, she's a regular browser of this site and she read my plaintive cry just before her regular shopping trip to a nearby Ralph's Market.  While there, she decided to complain to the manager on my behalf and he explained to her that they stopped carrying 6-packs of Canada Dry Ginger Ale a few weeks ago…but that they've been waiting for, and had just received, the new 12-packs.  (They didn't tell me this at my Ralph's when I inquired.)  So she bought two, swung by here and deposited them on the porch of a house in which she hoped I still lived.

So I now have cans of Canada Dry Ginger Ale in the fridge…and I know where to get more when those are gone.  Thank you, Sherry.