Ernest Borgnine, R.I.P.

Remember what I said about how Andy Griffith was smart enough to let other performers "steal" The Andy Griffith Show? Well, McHale's Navy wasn't The Ernest Borgnine Show but he still could have objected when the show ignored McHale and turned its attention to others, most notably Tim Conway, Joe Flynn and Carl Ballantine. That he didn't is one of the reasons that show was a success…one that still stands up, I find.

Ernie Borgnine was in a lot of movies and a lot of TV shows, usually playing Ernie Borgnine. I didn't like all the things he appeared in but I never felt he was to blame for the lesser efforts…and he got a lot of credit for whenever it was good, whatever it was. His co-stars always spoke well of him…and that's about all I have to say about Ernie Borgnine. Unless, of course, I talk about his famous marriage to Ethel Merman — the marriage that lasted a whopping 32 days.

She rarely talked about it. In her autobiography, there was a chapter entitled "My Marriage to Ernest Borgnine." The chapter consisted of one blank page. Elsewhere in the book, she suggested that he was unhappy in the relationship because when they went out anywhere, it was apparent that she was a much bigger star. This is an odd thing to discover about someone after you marry them. I vaguely recall him telling some columnist that Merman had it backwards; that she wanted out of the relationship the minute she realized he was the bigger star. That's also an odd thing to find out on your honeymoon.

I mention this because I have only one personal Ernest Borgnine story and you'll have to listen carefully because it only lasts a few seconds…

A few years ago, I attended a luncheon in honor of the producer Charles Fries. Borgnine was on the dais and he spoke. And he spoke and he spoke. He was supposed to do three minutes and he must have done fifteen, rambling from topic to topic, occasionally pausing briefly to mention Chuck Fries. But no one minded too much because he was very funny.

As we all left, I found myself standing next to him in the valet parking area. I said to him, "Fine speech." He said he was worried he'd gone on too long. I assured him people loved it.

He said, "You know, when I get up at one of these things, I lose all track of time. I literally have no idea how long I spoke for. How long do you think it was?"

I told him, "About the same length of time you were married to Ethel Merman." I got a big laugh out of him. Ernest Borgnine had a great laugh.

And then he said, "Oh, jeez. Chuck Fries deserved a longer speech than that."

That's it. My one Ernest Borgnine story. I said something mildly funny and he topped me.

Today's Video Link

This is almost a real Looney Tunes, sans animation.  It's one of the kids' records that Mel Blanc recorded for Capitol Records, in this case with Arthur Q. Bryan playing Elmer Fudd.  The script was by Warren Foster and Tedd Pierce, who were concurrently writing the cartoons, and the graphics you'll see were done by Robert McKimson and Richard Thomas, who were directing and designing cartoons, respectively.  A lot of the artwork for these was supervised by the folks over at Western Publishing, the firm that was then doing the Dell comic books of Bugs and his friends, and the music was by the great Billy May, who was also arranging for the likes of Sinatra around this time.  Take a look.  You don't even have to turn the pages…

My Comic-Con Schedule

For reasons I'll explain some time if anyone cares, I host a lot of panels and events at the Comic-Con International. There are fourteen on this year's list which I think ties my old record. I will tell you one reason I do them and it's the big reason: I enjoy them. A secondary one is that people seem to enjoy attending them so here's the rundown. If you're at the convention, you can probably find a couple of things below that are worth your time. I have added or corrected the names of a couple of participants since I posted this info before.

Thursday, July 12

1:00-2:00 – 100th Anniversary of Tarzan and John Carter
He wrestled lions, poachers and ran through fire barefoot without a stunt-double or CGI. Actor Ron Ely will discuss filming Tarzan in the jungles of Latin America with writer Mark Evanier and Burroughs illustrator Tom Yeates. Also featuring David Lemmo, co-author of the new book, Tarzan: His First 100 Years. How Ancient Literature Became Modern Mythology and Created an Ape-Man Mecca in Southern California, coming from Angel City Press in 2013. Plus a 100-years of Tarzan and John Carter slide show included. Room 8

2:00-3:00 – The Sergio and Mark Show
An annual Comic-Con tradition! The folks who give you Groo the Wanderer on occasion will tell what's up with Groo and their other projects and will entertain you with glorious anecdotes and silly stories. Those folks are celebrated cartoonist Sergio Aragonés, his co-conspirator Mark Evanier, Usagi Yojimbo creator Stan Sakai, and the hardest-working man in comics, Tom Luth. Room 8

3:00-4:00 – The Two Editors Panel
Sid Jacobsen was the editor at Harvey Comics starting in the early 1950s, overseeing their successful line including the many titles featuring Casper the Friendly Ghost and Richie Rich. Victor Gorelick has worked for Archie Comics for over 50 years in a variety of roles, including art director and editor-in-chief, supervising Archie, Jughead, Betty, Veronica, and the whole Riverdale mob. What does it take to get all those books to press every week for decades and decades? Find out when moderator Mark Evanier grills these two men who between them have probably edited more comic books than you'll ever read. Room 8

Friday, July 13

10 AM-11:00 – Remembering Jerry Robinson and Joe Simon
Jerry Robinson was a key artist on Batman in the 1940s, the co-creator of The Joker, and later an accomplished newspaper strip artist and political cartoonist. Joe Simon was half of the legendary team of Simon and [Jack] Kirby, the co-creator of Captain America and other Simon-Kirby classics, and later the creator/editor of Sick magazine. We've recently lost both of these legendary figures in comics, so let's pause to remember them along with Paul Levitz, Steve Saffel, Charles Kochman, Michael Uslan, Anthony Tollin, Marv Wolfman, Paul Dini, Batton Lash, and moderator Mark Evanier. Room 9

11 AM-NOON – Siegel and Shuster and Finger
Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster created a character you may have heard of. Bill Finger co-created one or two himself. These men are the subjects of two new books that unlock many secrets as to how some young men gave the world some of the greatest icons of fantasy ever. Hear Larry Tye (author of Superman: The High-Flying History of America's Most Enduring Hero) and Marc Tyler Nobleman (author of Bill the Boy Wonder: The Secret Co-Creator of Batman) as both discuss their works with moderator Mark Evanier. Room 9

4:30-5:30 – 50th Anniversary of Marvel Superheroes
Fifty years ago Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Steve Ditko, Dick Ayers, Don Heck, and Larry Lieber created the Marvel Age of Comics when they introduced the Incredible Hulk, the Amazing Spider-Man, the Mighty Thor, the Astonishing Ant-Man, and the Invincible Iron Man, all in the course of one short year, 1962. Those characters have shown incredible endurance and staying power, still thrilling audiences today, on both the page and screen. Mark Evanier talks to Comic-Con special guests Stan Goldberg (a Marvel cartoonist and colorist in that storied year) and Incredible Hulk artist Herb Trimpe about the heroes that still thrill us five decades later. Room 5AB

Saturday, July 14

10AM-11:00 – That 70s Panel
A look at comics in the seventies. Some now call it the Bronze Age, but by any name it was an exciting time to be reading comics. Moderator Mark Evanier (Scooby Doo) leads a discussion including Marv Wolfman (Tomb of Dracula), Steve Skeates (Aquaman), Steve Englehart (Batman), Herb Trimpe (Incredible Hulk), Elliot S! Maggin (Superman), Trevor Von Eeden (Black Lightning), and Paul Levitz (Legion of Super-Heroes). Room 23ABC

11:45AM-1:00 – Quick Draw!
It's the annual battle-to-the-death with Sharpies at 20 paces. Three of the fastest cartoonists in the world duel with wit and markers, drawing like crazy to create cartoons based on your suggestions and the evil schemes of the Quick Draw! Quizmaster, Mark Evanier! Competing as usual are Sergio Aragonés (MAD magazine, Groo the Wanderer) and Scott Shaw! (The Simpsons), and they're joined by guest competitor Keith Knight (The K Chronicles), and maybe a few surprises! This is one of the most popular events at Comic-Con, so get there early. Room 6BCF

1:00-2:00 – Cartoon Voices I
Audiences flock each year to moderator Mark Evanier's panels of folks who supply the voices of your favorite animated characters. They demonstrate their craft and tell who they are and how they got into that bizarre line of work, and you'll hear a voice session happen right before your ears. This year's Saturday gathering features Matthew Mercer (ThunderCats, Resident Evil 6), Debi Derryberry (Jimmy Neutron, Monster High), April Winchell (Lilo & Stitch, The Legend of Tarzan), Steve Blum (Transformers, The Super Hero Squad Show), Jim Ward (The Avengers, The Fairly OddParents), Jack Angel (Toy Story 3, G.I. Joe), and the legendary Chuck McCann. Room 6BCF

6:00-7:30 – A Tribute to the Legendary Ray Bradbury
Some called him the greatest writer of fantasy of all time. He was a writer of legendary science fiction, an inspiration to generations, and a good friend of Comic-Con. We lost him on June 5 and now many of his friends and colleagues gather to celebrate this extraordinary figure. The guest list is still being finalized as this guide goes to press, but it should include authors William F. Nolan, George Clayton Johnson, Marc Scott Zicree, Joe Hill, and Margaret Atwood, along with satirist Stan Freberg and figures from the worlds of motion pictures and television. Your hosts are Bradbury biographer Sam Weller (Shadow Show: All-New Stories in Celebration of Ray Bradbury) and Comic-Con special guest Mark Evanier. Attendees are encouraged to come dressed as their favorite Bradbury character. Indigo Ballroom, Hilton San Diego Bayfront

Sunday, July 15

There might not be a comic book industry were it not for Jack Kirby…and if you don't know who that is, you really don't belong at this convention. Each year, his friends and co-workers gather to talk about Jack and his work and to marvel (no pun intended) at the length and breadth of his influence, not just on comics but on TV, movies, and all the arts. This year, the dais will include Herb Trimpe (Incredible Hulk), Stan Goldberg (Marvel colorist), Paul Dini (Batman), and Charles Hatfield (Hand of Fire), all chatting with moderator Mark Evanier (Kirby: King of Comics). Room 5AB

11:30AM-12:45 – Cartoon Voices II
It's the second of two panels this weekend featuring folks who supply the voices of your favorite animated characters. Moderator Mark Evanier will interrogate them about how they do what they do, ask them how they came to do what they do, and make them demonstrate what they do. Their ranks this time will include Dee Bradley Baker (American Dad, SpongeBob SquarePants), Rob Paulsen (Pinky and the Brain, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles), Audrey Wasilewski (The Garfield Show, My Life as a Teenage Robot), Fred Tatasciore (Kung Fu Panda, The Hulk), Gregg Berger (The Garfield Show, Transformers), and Misty Lee (The Garfield Show, Spider-Man). Room 6A

2:00-3:00 – Cover Story
Comic-Con's annual discussion about the art of the comic book cover. Mark Evanier interviews special guests Charlie Adlard (The Walking Dead), Tim Bradstreet (The Punisher), Becky Cloonan (Conan), and Mark Schultz (Xenozoic Tales) about their cover work, including design, execution, and what worked – and didn't – on some of their very own covers. Room 25ABC

3:00-4:00 – The Business of Cartoon Voices
Have you ever been interested in a career doing voices for animated cartoons? Every year, voice director Mark Evanier (The Garfield Show) gathers together experienced actors and folks involved in casting and hiring and presents an informational panel on how the business works and how to avoid the most common mistakes of aspiring voice performers. The odds are against you, but they might get a little better if someone speaks the truth to you about what to expect and why. Room 25ABC
Please note that times, rooms, participants and just about everything in life is subject to change. I'll try and Tweet if there are changes on my panels so you might want to Follow Me on Twitter if only for that reason. If you are a reader of this blog and you just want to say howdy, please say howdy. I'm rarely as busy as I appear.

My Tweets from Yesterday

  • With the money Republicans will spend attacking Obama for not fixing the economy, they could fix the economy. 09:32:04

The Name Game

The above is a screen capture from this page over at the BBC News website quoting a tweet of mine.  I am absolutely not complaining about them getting my name wrong.  I am so used to that I not only don't correct most people when they get it wrong, I have been known to do a double-take when they get it right.

No, I'm just musing about the irony here. I made a joke about a news organization that keeps getting things wrong and it's picked up on by a news organization that gets it wrong.

And by the way, you'd be amazed how often people get the "Evanier" right and the "Mark" wrong. I'm Mike Evanier quite often. Take a look. There actually is a Mike Evanier in my family but 95% of what you'll see if you click is supposed to be me.

Why Don't You Do Something To Help Me?

Most days here, I post a photo of one or both of my two favorite performers in the world, Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy. Earlier today, I put up #275.

When I started this series, I think I said it would last as long as this blog did, which was a foolish pledge. Those guys had their pictures taken a lot but the supply is finite. Mine is, anyway. At the moment, it doesn't look like I can go much beyond around #325. But before I pull a Romney and swear I never made that promise in the first place, I thought I'd let you know: Submissions are welcome. In fact, I've set up a special e-mail address just for them: laurelandhardy@newsfromme.com. If you've got a pic — preferably a horizontal composition to keep with our format — send it my way. I'm trying to avoid screen captures and pics that fall below a certain level of image quality. All contributions will be credited if you're the first to send me the photo in question and if you don't request I not mention you.

Today's Video Links

Last February, City Center in New York hosted a limited-run "concert-style" revival of Merrily We Roll Along, which I think of as a show that people love as much for what it could be as what it is. It was a quick failure on Broadway back in '81 but since it was Sondheim, it didn't disappear the way a show by you or mr would if it only lasted sixteen performances. Its songs are constantly performed and the show is often revived…and when it's revived, some of us go to see how each new stager has coped with its shortcomings.

A few years ago at a party, I had a conversation with a gent who was directing community theater. He mentioned that he someday hoped to stage Merrily because he had very firm ideas about how to juggle this and restage that and have certain roles read in heretofore-untried ways…and he had a fantasy that went something like this. He would stage this production. People would discover how wonderful the show can be…his way. Reviewers would say, "At last! Someone has figured out how to make this flawed show work!" Mr. Sondheim himself would leap on a plane, travel to wherever it was, see it and come backstage to hug the director and say through his tears, "Finally! A genius who has scratched my greatest itch!" (The director actually used that phrase to me, describing his dream. Stephen Sondheim, perhaps the world's greatest living poet, would say, "Finally! A genius who has scratched my greatest itch!" That may be the unlikeliest part of a highly-unlikely scenario.)

The fantasy, of course, concluded with the director being hired to mount a production for Broadway and the revival would be a huge hit and win every possible award including a new Tony category they'd invent just for the occasion — Best Salvage Job on a Flawed Sondheim Show, I suppose. He'd go on to fix all the other flawed Sondheim shows and to be offered every other show that needs a director. They'd even ask him to rethink non-Sondheim shows like My Fair Lady and The Music Man to see how he'd improve them.

This could, of course, happen. And I could, of course, go into my medicine chest and mix up a potion that grants eternal life. One's about as possible as the other.

Still, even unfixed by this fellow, Merrily We Roll Along has much that is wonderful about it. I didn't see the recent City Center revival but heard good things about it. Here are two videos that captured moments from it…

Best Buy Tries Something Radical

A recurring theme on this site is my analysis as to why "big box" technology stores keep going out of business. I used to buy computer stuff at outlets of the Egghead Software chain. Egghead Software is now gone. Then I bought computer stuff at a chain called Good Guys. Good Guys is now gone. Then I bought it at CompUSA stores. I think there are still a few CompUSA stores left but not many and none near me anymore. There are other examples I could cite as well as a few outfits that are floundering. Back in this post, we cited forecasts that the Best Buy chain might not be long for the world.

Which brings me to my theory as to why these places lost so many customers and no, it's not because I shopped at them. It's because no one who worked there knew anything about what they were selling. If you asked anything more technical than "Do these come in any other colors?", you got back blank stares from blanker minds. If you were going to make your purchases without tapping into the knowledge of a sales person, you might just as well order it off the Internet where it's probably cheaper and you don't have to carry it out to your car.

Now to be fair, uninformed sales folks do not necessarily doom a business that traffics in the new technology. RadioShack seems to be thriving despite an apparent policy of hiring people who aren't quite sure what a Volume Knob does. Then again, look at what RadioShack sells. Half their inventory is cell phones and toys. The other half is electronic parts of the kind where you have to know your stuff in order to know that you need that part. I don't know how many times in my life I've popped into a RadioShack to grab some sort of adapter or cable and the person at the counter looks at it and asks, "So, uh, what does this do?"

At Good Guys and CompUSA and now at Best Buy where I might have had questions, I learned never to waste time asking because no accurate answers would be forthcoming. In January of this year, I mused in this message how if Best Buy emulated the example being set by Apple Stores — hiring people who knew the product — the company might not be in trouble.

Well, guess what! They're trying just that. According to this report, Best Buy is closing 50 of its 1,100 stores in this country but also converting 60 of the rest into rough clones of the Apple Store…

The new stores, dubbed "Best Buy 2.0," take several plays from Apple's book, including a new help desk reminiscent of Apple's Genius Bar, more focus on mobile devices, and the ability to let shoppers pay from more locations.

I really hope this works, not because I particularly care about Best Buy…but wouldn't it be great if American business began to believe that the best employees were not necessarily the cheapest ones?

Blockquote

I thought this bit of writing from Andrew Sullivan was worth grabbing and putting up here. I suspect he's implying that he belongs in this list and he probably does…

One of the less observed features of the last few years has, in fact, been the intellectual honesty of conservatives like Posner or Greenspan or Bartlett or Frum. Each one of them, unlike so many who pass for conservative intellectuals these days, has his own view of the world, formed by independent thinking and study – often in the face of institutional liberal disdain. And they have shrewdly concluded that the last few years have shown that unregulated capitalism can be a serious problem, that markets do not automatically govern themselves, that the ideology of three decades ago might need revisiting in the face of the catastrophe of the Bush-Cheney years, which all but exploded the logic of neoconservatism and its domestic partner-in-crime, supply side economics. One was voodoo foreign policy, the other voodoo economics. Reality – simple empirical reality – exposed their glaring flaws.

An actual conservative will learn from this and adjust. The raving loons in the GOP base – precisely because they have no serious thinking behind them – will double-down on their fantasies, empowered by partisan hatred. And that's why the GOP needs to be defeated this fall. For the sake of an honest conservatism.

Old L.A. Restaurants: The Playboy Club

The original Los Angeles Playboy Club was opened on New Year's Eve of 1964 at 8560 Sunset Boulevard, where the parent company had its L.A. offices.  At times, a large bunny logo was projected on the side of the building.  That logo was a fixture of The Strip and it also made a statement about the changing times or the new sexual freedom of Hollywood…or something like that.  I never set foot in the place but I always heard it was filled with middle-aged men who came to ogle the Bunnies and to act out the fantasy that being a member made you as hip as Hef.  I also heard that the parking was abominable.

In 1972, when the ABC Entertainment Center opened in Century City, the Playboy Club was relocated to a lovely room nestled under the Shubert Theater.  I was given a free membership in 1981 (courtesy of Hef himself) and I couldn't resist going a few times, partly to see the Bunnies, partly to see what the Playboy Club experience was all about…and partly to see some of the oddest dinner show entertainment in town.  I dunno who booked the room or what was on their minds but the shows all evoked what I call the Springtime for Hitler look.  At times, it was like they were searching for people who actually did the kind of thing Bill Murray had parodied on Saturday Night Live.

The oddest was a lady…and given her act, it's ironic that I don't recall her name.  But I'd never heard of her before and I'm pretty sure I've never heard of her since.  Her act was all what I call "Ego Songs."  Every one was about her: "I've Got the Music In Me," "I've Gotta Be Me," "This is My Life," "My Way," "I'll Make My Own World," etc.  It was a variation on what the eminent philosopher Daffy Duck once called "pronoun trouble."  Between the songs, she talked about — surprise, surprise — herself and her career, as if any of that was of vital interest to us.  Then for her closer, she pulled out all stops and performed what still stands as the single greatest example of Excessive Ego I have ever seen on a stage.

The great singer-songwriter Peter Allen once wrote a tune called, "Quiet Please, There's a Lady on Stage."  It was about Judy Garland, who was recently deceased when he wrote it.  She was also his mother-in-law.  It's a nice little tribute tune that quietly asks that people remember Ms. Garland (even though she is not named in the song) and to understand that despite her occasional public shortcomings, she was a great person.  A very touching number.

Well, the woman at The Playboy Club closed with that song.  Only she changed some lyrics and the emphasis of others and made it about herself.  There's a line that goes, "Stand for the ovation," and she kept singing it over and over, commanding us to give her a standing ovation.  People finally did, just so she'd shut up and end the show.  If we hadn't, we'd all still be there listening to her screaming out, "Stand for the ovation."  Then she took a tearful, humble bow, left the stage and came around to each table for praise, to offer autographs and to pass out business cards that told us where we could order her new album.  Even the Bunnies in the room were muttering, "How can she parade around like that?"

The entertainment at The Playboy Club wasn't all dreadful.  I remember one peppy dance revue that included ten or fifteen minutes of great stand-up comedy by a young Hispanic guy I'd never heard of before.  First time I ever saw Paul Rodriguez.

Food at The Playboy Club was a mixed blessing…edible but not worth the price.  The best thing was the steak and it came with a lavishly-produced baked potato.  Your Serving Bunny would roll a cart to your table loaded down with toppings — butter, sour cream, bacon bits, chives, salsa, etc.  A very big deal was made out of having your baker dressed precisely the way you liked it.  My Serving Bunnies were always disheartened that I just wanted a little butter and I sometimes let them add bacon bits not because I like them on a potato but because I couldn't stand to disappoint a beautiful woman.  The service was pretty decent except that Bunnies always had to keep dashing off to other tables to join in a chorus of "Happy birthday" and the presentation of a little bunny cake with a candle in it.  Some nights, it seemed every single table there was someone's birthday outing.

What I think killed The Playboy Clubs — or at least, that one — was that anybody could go to them…and did. There was nothing special about the clientele.  You didn't look around and see a younger, hipper throng.  You saw a crowd that apart from the absence of children, could have been at the Sizzler.  I once asked a Bunny I knew there how often Hef came around. She said, "About once a year for some special press conference or event." Then, letting me in on a secret that could have cost her her tail, she told me, "He usually doesn't stay for dinner but when he has to, he has his own chef come in and prepare his meal special."

I started to really feel like an exploited tourist when I went there.  The name, prices and "club" premise promised something more than a mediocre restaurant with bad entertainment and good-looking waitresses in what looked like uncomfortable costumes…but that's all you got.  My research failed to turn up the date when the Century City club closed and I think I know why that information is so elusive.  It's because when it happened, nobody cared.

Check-Up!

DNSChanger is a piece of malware (i.e., virus) that's supposed to be infecting millions of computers at the moment. If you have it on your computer, it will stop connecting to the Internet on Monday.

To find out if your computer is infected, go to this page. It will probably give you, as it gave me, a clean bill o' health. But if it doesn't and/or you want to learn more, go to this page.

[NOTE: This is a revised post. I got the story wrong, then received a flood of messages telling me I got it wrong. It is now right.]

A Warm Thought

Every time we have a blizzard in this country, I always see some yahoo on TV saying something like, "Well, so much for that stupid theory about Global Warming." Every single scientific piece about Global Warming always explained that its impact would be colder colds and hotter hots and wetter wets and drier dries. So a record-setting snowstorm would not be proof that Global Warming was a hoax. If anything, it would be an indicator (though not definitive proof) of the opposite.

Now we have parts of this country sweltering under record heat spells. How come none of the folks who thought record cold disproved Global Warming are out there saying, "Hmm…maybe there is something to this Global Warming stuff"? Why aren't they out there saying that?

I'm not sure why it is but I'll take a wild guess. Could it be that it's because they're idiots?

Today's Video Link

Our buddy Pete Barbutti and his struggles with the Chicago Mass Transit System…