Scott Dunbier, who is presently between editing/managerial gigs in the comic book business, tells the story of a freelancer with a great way to deal with the fact that he didn't have his work in. Go read Scott and then come back here to read the rest of this item.

Back so soon? Okay. I recently heard of what was probably even a better excuse. A certain artist did not have his work done. He sent his editor an e-mail and to it he attached a photo of an extremely beautiful model-actress wearing almost no clothing. The message said, "I had the choice between getting your assignment finished and having sex with this woman. What would you have done?"

The editor wrote back, "Congrats. You did it to her and me at the same time."

By the way: Scott quotes what he says is an old saying in the comic book industry about how to get steady work, a writer or artist must have two out of the following three qualities: He (or she) just be very good, very fast or very nice. I often cite that as an "old saying" in the business — I say "very reliable" instead of "very fast" — but I actually don't think it's an old saying. I think I made it up, sort of. There's a sign one often sees in print shops that says you can have Quality, Speed or Value…pick any two. I believe I modified it for the comic book industry. At least, I never heard it anywhere before I started saying it and I'd much rather have the credit for that than for Scrappy Doo.

Here's ten minutes of Robert Goulet just being Robert Goulet…

Paul Krugman says that we have nothing to fear but fear itself. He isn't the first person to say that but that doesn't mean he isn't right.

In 1967, Zero Mostel appeared in a TV special called Zero Hour. Does anyone have a copy?

I met Robert Goulet a grand total of once. It was backstage after an appearance he made in Las Vegas and he was charming and friendly and able to tread an amazing line of ego, being simultaneously self-deprecating but very proud of the performance he had just finished.

Three things I remember. One is that even though he was getting on in years, you could see that at one point, this man was handsome enough to make you hate him. Secondly, that face lit up when I asked him about Alan Jay Lerner, his old friend and one of the creators of the Broadway play, Camelot, which brought stardom to Goulet and vice-versa. He said that in a perfect world, Lerner would still be alive and writing shows as good as that one (or My Fair Lady) and he [Goulet] would be happy to do nothing in life but star in them. Forget the movies and the TV appearances and the records and the concerts. He just wanted to be in shows as good as the one he did with Lerner and Loewe.

Well, at least that's what he said. I'm not sure I believe him, though I'm sure that at that moment, he believed it.

And the third thing I remember was that he told me a joke I can't repeat here, not because it was dirty but because the punch line was insulting to another performer — one who, if the rumors are true, will be the subject of an obit here before long. The funny thing is that a few years later, I worked with that other performer and he told me the same joke…but the punchline was about Robert Goulet. I'll tell it here after the other guy's gone.

I saw Goulet perform that night in Vegas and I saw him again a few years ago at Carnegie Hall in New York. It was part of a salute to Alan Jay Lerner, and he and Kristin Chenoweth did justice to the man's songs. He was very good that evening. But then he was always good, which is why he had such a long and magnificent career.

Here's another video you won't watch in full, at least not now. It's an entire episode — fifty-three whole minutes — of Jackie Gleason's American Scene Magazine, which was the variety show Mr. Gleason did for CBS beginning in 1962 and continuing for much of the sixties. They eventually dropped the "magazine" format and in any case, it was usually referred to as The Jackie Gleason Show, anyway.

This episode features Art Carney in a long Honeymooners sketch with Sue Ane Langdon as Alice. There's also Frank Fontaine and The June Taylor Dancers…and he doesn't get billing up front but there's a musical performance in there by an excruciatingly-young Wayne Newton. Also, there's a musical sketch with songs by James Shelton, Mary Rodgers and Martin Charnin, and your announcer is Johnny Olson. It is said that Mr. Gleason would not do a show without the high-energy warm-ups (written about here) of Johnny Olson. This show was done in New York, probably in the studio where Dave Letterman now tapes. But later, when Gleason moved his whole operation to Miami, he'd have Johnny fly down on tape days to do the warm-up and announcing chores.

And awaaaaay we go—!

Avi Klein has a fascinating article about the suicide of Lyndon LaRouche's printer. You all remember LaRouche, who pops up here and there with political goals that are, to say the least, a bit hard to fathom. Well, the guy who's been printing his pamphlets is no more, and it's triggered a rather odd chain of events.

By the way: The upcoming presidential election is the first time in 32 years that LaRouche has not been an active candidate. Given his past performance, it probably won't make any difference in his vote total. And he'll still finish ahead of Alan Keyes.

Last week, when fires were popping up all over Southern California like Pinkberry Yogurt Shops — and doing almost as much damage — the wonderful folks at FEMA staged a bogus press conference. You may have heard about it. It looked like reporters were asking questions but it was really FEMA staff members asking prearranged questions and…well, it was another embarrassment to an organization that you'd think, by this time, would be darn hard to embarrass.

The director of external affairs of FEMA, John "Pat" Philbin, is now the former director of external affairs for FEMA. In an interview today (a real one, oddly enough), he made the following statement that I felt needed to be stared at for a few minutes…

I did not have good situational awareness of what was happening.

Well, there's part of the problem right there. "Situational awareness?" We have a guy here who doesn't even know how to say, "I didn't know what the hell was going on," let alone figure it out.

The other day here, I told you about an episode of the old I've Got a Secret game show in which Groucho Marx appeared…and his secret was that he wasn't answering the questions asked by the panel. The panel was blindfolded and the questions were being answered by comedian Dayton Allen impersonating Groucho's voice.

Every few weeks, GSN runs an old I've Got a Secret very early Sunday morning. This A.M., by a strange coincidence, they ran that very episode, the one I was just talking about. It originally aired on 10/28/63, by the way.

That's about all I have to say on the subject. I just thought I ought to mention it and give you a frame grab to prove it. There. Now I can go to bed.

Last August, we told you about a place called The Stoogeum…a private museum dedicated to a group of men who used to stick their fingers into each others' eyes. Here's your chance to get a five minute tour…

I misremembered and I thank all who've written to jog my memory. The bogus hour-long adventure show — the one I mentioned in this post, the one that never existed — wasn't an eighties' spin on Mission: Impossible. That show was produced and did exist. What I was remembering was the claim that a studio had secretly produced an updated version of the old Mr. Lucky TV show with John Vivyan and Ross Martin. That one never existed.

Which raises two interesting questions: Why hasn't someone produced an updated version of the old Mr. Lucky TV show? And why hasn't someone released the old one on DVD?

I just received an e-mail — part of a mass mailing from WGA President Patric Verrone, that says a lot of the same things I said here about a half hour ago. The difference, of course, is that he knows what he's talking about. Patric's a pretty smart guy, by the way, and he seems to have as much trust as any WGA President could possibly ever have from such a contentious group.

Nikki Finke has posted the text of it on her weblog…and if you're interested in what's going on, you might keep an eye on that weblog. But again, don't believe everything you read from any unofficial source, and that includes my weblog.

Basically, Patric says that they're anticipating a lowball, last minute offer that may leave us no alternative but to strike. Well, that's okay. I put off taking my usual daily walk this weekend because I figure I'm going to be getting plenty of exercise. A deep sigh, a shaking of the head and eyes rolling upwards.

Does someone reading this have a copy of an original printing (only) of any of the first ten issues of Captain America by Joe Simon and Jack Kirby from the forties? One that isn't sealed in plastic and can be opened and scanned? And do they have a good quality scanner? If you are such a person, please drop me an e-mail.

Well, Boomerang ran the Hanna-Barbera Alice in Wonderland special I wanted to see again and record. Unfortunately, they said it was 50 minutes long and my TiVo believed those liars. My copy clipped off the last few minutes…my fault for not being smart enough to pad the recording. Darn. I shall endeavor to learn from my mistake.