I often disagree with Charles Krauthammer but his take on the Barry Bonds steroids issue makes sense to me.
Recommended Reading
The other day, I linked to this article by Robert F. Kennedy Jr. that makes the case that the 2004 presidential election was stolen by Bush, especially by rigging the voting in Ohio. Over on Salon, this article by Farjad Manjoo rebuts Kennedy's article. I want to read them both over again — and maybe see what others will toss into the discussion — before I decide which one (if either) to believe.
I think reading a piece in Salon still requires one to subscribe, purchase a day pass or watch a mess of advertising. I subscribe and would like to suggest you consider doing so. The online magazine has been attacked in some quarters for its Liberal stance and the contents probably do lean that way most of the time. On the other hand, they occasionally publish articles like this one that tell (or try to tell) their target demographic something those readers would rather not hear. When you look at all the media that has any sort of political attitude — websites, magazines, radio programs, cable news outlets, etc. — you don't find very many that will ever risk trampling on those precious Urban Legends that their audience wants to believe. Would that more of them were, like Salon, willing to do that.
In Today's News
We are pleased to see that Wen Ho Lee has won a cash amount — and therefore, a court declaration of having been wronged — in his lawsuit against the government and five major news organizations that accused him informally (meaning, the government never charged him) of espionage. I'm all for reporters protecting their sources but in this case, the reporters allowed themselves to be planted with phony information and they printed it. It was largely a plot to pressure Lee into confessing guilt to a crime for which he should never have been arrested in the first place. The New York Times, which was one of the organizations that got suckered into bolstering the phony charges, printed a major mea culpa but everyone who spread the story owes the man an apology.
Mark's Health Report
Seven days ago at this very moment, I was lying on an operating table at Cedars-Sinai Hospital. I'd been "out" for maybe fifteen minutes and I'm guessing someone had just shaved my stomach in preparation for the surgeon who was about to perform a roux en y Gastric Bypass. About fifty hours later, I was home, feeling much better than I'd expected…and right now, I feel pretty much as I did before the surgery, only lighter.
How much lighter, I'm not sure since my scale doesn't work. But last Wednesday, I had a follow-up exam and the scale in my surgeon's office had me down eleven pounds. That's in five days. I'm guessing I'm down fourteen by now. Yesterday, a dancer friend of mine came by and she asked me how much I'm expected to lose. I told her and she remarked, "That's more than I weigh."
Frightening in a sense. And yet, exciting.
I'm already feeling better in many ways, mostly my legs and feet. I can tell circulation is improving.
I'm not going to dwell much on this, here or in future posts. Other folks' medical info can be very boring. But I wanted to tell all my friends I couldn't be happier with how it's gone and how it's going. Thanks again to all for the many well wishes.
The Idaho Spud
For no visible reason, I'm going to tell a story from my past. Back around 1970, our local comic book club would sometimes adjourn its Saturday meeting and then a band of us would car pool to a local movie theater and take in a cheap double feature. One time, we caravaned to the Meralta in Culver City for the parlay of Kelly's Heroes — starring Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Don Rickles and Donald Sutherland — followed by House of Dark Shadows.
I think it was a buck to get in and I hate to think what they could have charged us to get out. The Meralta (seen below) had probably been a lovely theater at some point but by the time we got to it, it was the kind of place where the cashier wore No-Pest Strips for earrings and the ushers were just cockroaches in uniforms. The seats were shabby and one out of every four was either broken, missing or filled with a dead body. The curtains no longer operated so (and this is critical to our story) the screen was open between films. And out in the lobby was a refreshment stand that sold popcorn that was stale when you could have purchased it to munch throughout D.W. Griffith's latest.
There were about ten of us there, crammed in a section of two rows with a gap or two where the seats were unsittable. We watched Kelly's Heroes and I don't think any of us particularly enjoyed it. Then came intermission. Some of us went out to the lobby but one of our group (a guy named Gary) stayed in his seat — he may have become permanently affixed by then — and handed some coins to another of our group (a guy named Barry). Said Gary to Barry, "Hey, while you're out there, get me a candy bar. Any kind." Barry was annoyed at being treated like an errand boy so he decided to go out and spend Gary's money on the lousiest candy bar he could find.
The Meralta refreshment stand had many to pick from but when Barry spotted a display of Idaho Spud bars, he knew that was it. The Idaho Spud is a popular candy in some parts of the country but apparently not in Southern California. None of us had ever heard of it before and I've never seen one since even though it has been manufactured since (their website says) 1911. The site also explains that it's "a wonderful combination of a light cocoa flavored marshmallow center drenched with a dark chocolate coating and then sprinkled with coconut."
And maybe it is. But you know what it looks like, in or out of its wrapper? It looks like a chocolate-covered potato.
Isn't that the first thing you'd assume? It's called an Idaho Spud and it has eyes all over its packaging. So what's the first thing you think of? Chocolate-covered potato, right?
And the Idaho Spud people have no one to blame but themselves. No one forced them to call it that. There isn't even a logical reason to call it that except that they're made in Idaho where, contrary to popular belief, not everything is a potato. In fact, I developed a theory that the guy who invented it turned to his wife and said, "Muriel, I've invented a new candy bar but I don't know what to name it" and she asked, "Well, what is it?" To which he replied, "It's a wonderful combination of a light cocoa flavored marshmallow center drenched with a dark chocolate coating and then sprinkled with coconut."
Muriel said, "That's easy. Call it an Idaho Spud." And the inventor, who was drinking to celebrate his new invention, was so plastered by this point that it sounded good to him. Especially because people would think it was a chocolate-covered potato. "That'll be great for sales," he said just before he passed out, face down in a bowl of vodka.
Anyway, Barry bought Gary an Idaho Spud, took it back to where we were sitting and handed it to Gary. "Here's your candy bar."
Gary looked at it and said, "What the hell is this?"
Barry said, "It's an Idaho Spud. I think it's a chocolate-covered potato or something."
Gary recoiled in horror. "I didn't ask for a chocolate-covered potato."
Barry replied, "You didn't say not to get you a chocolate-covered potato." Gary had to concede the point. Sadly, he pulled the wrapper from his candy bar, took one bite, hated it and hurled the remainder of the Idaho Spud at the screen…
…where it stuck.
This was still during intermission and the curtains were open, the screen was exposed. We all saw the Idaho Spud sail onto the screen of the Meralta and just stay there, about two-thirds of the way up, slightly to the left of center. Then House of Dark Shadows started. For us, House of Dark Shadows starred Jonathan Frid, Grayson Hall, Kathryn Leigh Scott, Nancy Barrett and an Idaho Spud candy bar. And the Idaho Spud should have had top billing because it was in every damn scene. Prominently featured, in fact.
My friends and I paid no attention to the movie. We just stared at the Idaho Spud. Every time the camera cut, it had a new role in the film. Sometimes, it was a beauty spot on one of the actresses' faces. Sometimes, it was a fly on a wall. There was a shot of a door where it looked like the doorbell. At one point — I don't recall the exact dialogue — one of the actors said, "What is this thing?" And we all answered, referring to the brown lump on his face, "It's a chocolate-covered potato." This was years before The Rocky Horror Picture Show and home video made yelling back at a movie screen a national and annoying fad.
Other members of the audience picked up our fascination with the alleged candy bar and by the end of the film, I don't think one single person at the Meralta was paying any attention to what the actors were saying or doing; only to how the lump figured into each shot. At one point, there was an odd lighting effect that made it look like the Spud had fallen off and a moan of disappointment echoed through the theater. But then, in the very next scene, you could see it was still there and a little cheer went up. It was still there when we left, having little idea what House of Dark Shadows was about. In fact, it was still there three weeks later when I took a date to the Meralta to see Airport. On the sheer strength of superior acting ability, the Idaho Spud stole the movie from Dean Martin.
That's about all there is to this story. I'm not sure I ever went back to the Meralta so as far as I'm concerned, the Idaho Spud remained in place until they tore the place down, maybe even after that. It probably didn't but I'd like to think it did. Even now, when I find myself trapped in a particularly boring movie and my mind wanders from the storyline, I find myself wishing I had something of the sort to focus my attention on. A good movie, of course, needs no external help. But a bad movie can always use a chocolate-covered potato somewhere.
All You Need Is $150 A Seat
Las Vegas will soon have more Cirque du Soleil shows than it does cheap shrimp cocktails. Opening today in previews at the Mirage, is Love, a dance/acrobatic experience based around the music of The Beatles. I have no idea how it'll be but as you can see from the video preview called "B Roll" on this page, it settles the old question of whether "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" is a reference to LSD or to a child's drawing. Apparently, it's neither. Apparently, Lucy is a trapeze artist.
Recommended Blog
I've been enjoying my several-times-a-week drop-bys at Craig Yoe's arflovers, a weblog for lovers of both good and odd comics. If you are one, go visit. Craig is a clever writer/designer/artist who does some pretty good (and odd) comic stuff himself…but he also collects and appreciates work by others. And best of all, he shares.
Today's Video Link
Here's a minute and a half of Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy. Nothing better. Except, of course, for longer segments of Laurel and Hardy.
Today's Political Thought
Quite a few members of Congress of both parties are howling about the FBI raid of the office of Congressman William Jefferson on May 20. I don't know if I agree with their position or not. Haven't made my mind up on that one.
However, I have to note that many of these Congressfolks have been defending the wiretapping of American citizens and insisting, "If you're not doing anything illegal, you shouldn't have a problem with the government checking on you." Wouldn't that be a good argument in favor of letting the FBI search their offices?
Zonk!
I'm bailing on Gameshow Marathon, a sad attempt by CBS to create a multi-week event. The premise must have sounded great in the meeting: Revive a batch of old, classic game shows and bring in celebrities to play them, the winners of each show advancing to later rounds. At the end, the finalists play a big game for the championship and they win…well, I'm not sure what they win. It was explained but I'm afraid there's a bit of disconnect between the prizes and the contestants' interest in winning them.
At the moment, I'm watching (though not for long) tonight's episode and I see Leslie Nielsen as a contestant on Let's Make a Deal. If there was an appeal to the original Monty Hall version of Deal — and obviously, there was; it was on forever — it was that winning meant so much to the contestants. Going home with a new car seemed like a life-changing event to one of them and that moment on the show was perhaps the high point in his or her life, perhaps the only time the person would ever be, albeit briefly, a TV star. Great…but Leslie Nielsen used to make a couple million dollars a year to star in TV shows and movies. Winning two motorcycles means zip to him and if he doesn't care, why should I?
Later this week, George Foreman is playing. Do you know how much money George Foreman has made off those grills? It's something like a hundred million dollars. I'm sure America is going to be eager to see if George wins a new refrigerator. (Yeah, he'll be playing for a charity and maybe a home viewer but they're barely mentioning that and anyway, that makes the winner even more remote.)
So there's one of the problems with Gameshow Marathon. Another is that the celebrities aren't, for the most part, people we care much about, either — not even Mr. Nielsen who, at age eighty, is sadly showing his age. Yet another is that though hostess Ricki Lake is working hard, she's in an impossible situation. Most of the shows being re-created here — which include The Price is Right, Match Game and Family Feud — had a nice feeling of "family." We tuned in to see people play the game but we also tuned in to see host Monty Hall and model Carol Merrill and announcer Jay Stewart. Gameshow Marathon won't be around long enough for any of that to establish itself.
The audience had been stoked up to an excitement level that seems phony. The show has also been heavily edited. Segments where the game didn't seem that entertaining have obviously been dumped. Edits in a game show may seem like a way to keep things moving but you sense them and they create the feeling that you're not watching reality.
So I'm giving up on the marathon. The first night didn't do all that well in the overnight ratings and I'm betting that after tonight, we'll discover I'm not alone. People wonder why game shows died out in this country and needed million dollar prizes to generate any interest. I think it has a lot to do with a loss of personality among the hosts and celebrities, and that with the fancy effects and editing, any interesting people and/or reality got lost. Let's see if the audience for Gameshow Marathon doesn't get lost, too.
More Recommended Reading
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. makes the case that the 2004 presidential election was rigged in favor of Bush and especially in Ohio.
I am not big on conspiracy theories and have linked here to well less than 1% of the ones people have e-mailed me and urged me to promote. This one, at the very least, should be taken seriously…if not as proof that Kerry really won, then as appalling evidence of how sloppy our election process is. Even if no cheating went on, there should not be these many reported anomalies, these many questions.
I lost a good friend after the 2000 election. The fact that he was happy Bush won (or, more accurately, that Gore lost) was not the problem. I have plenty of good friends who felt that way, many who still do. But when I suggested that we ought to clean up the process — standardize ballots and provide paper trails and clarify, for example, how to handle military absentee ballots that arrive late — my comrade got hysterical. To him, any such efforts were a slimy attempt to cast doubts on an election that pleased him greatly. When I said, "But wouldn't you have been happier if Bush had won without all these questions about chads and butterfly ballots and qualified voters who weren't allowed to vote?", his reply was, "No, because there are no questions. Bush won and that's that." And then he got so personally insulting on the topic that…well, I never thought I'd be accused of subverting democracy for suggesting that after the ballots were counted, everyone ought to be satisfied that the vote was honest.
I am not saying that I believe that a calculated plot to suppress and miscount the vote is why John Kerry ain't in the White House. But I sure believe our elections could be a lot cleaner and more accurate. And just for reminding us of that, I think Kennedy's article is important.
Recommended Reading
Maybe once a week, I read some news story that just makes my jaw carom off the linoleum. This one may hold the trophy for some time. Here's part of it…
New York has no national monuments or icons, according to the Department of Homeland Security form obtained by ABC News.
That was a key factor used to determine that New York City should have its anti-terror funds slashed by 40 percent — from $207.5 million in 2005 to $124.4 million in 2006. The formula did not consider as landmarks or icons: The Empire State Building, The United Nations, The Statue of Liberty and others found on several terror target hit lists. It also left off notable landmarks, such as the New York Public Library, Times Square, City Hall and at least three of the nation's most renowned museums: The Guggenheim, The Metropolitan and The Museum of Natural History.
Yeah, there's not much chance terrorists would ever want to strike at New York City. Let's put the money where it may do some good: In Sacramento.
Today's Video Link
A month and a half ago, I linked to a commercial that Sony did for their Bravia TV line. If you don't remember the spot, here's a link to my link and you might want to go back and refresh your memory.
Then you might want to view this parody of it done by the makers of the Tango fruit drink line. And you might want to read this page allegedly from the folks of the community where the spoof was staged.
More Reruns!
Rumor has it that those of us who have DirecTV satellites are about to find the Sleuth Network on Channel 308…like in the next day or so. This would excite me if I had any interest in watching old episodes of The A-Team, Simon and Simon and The Equalizer.
SNL Watch
NBC reruns an old Saturday Night Live episode in the wee small hours of every Sunday morning. These are uncut, as opposed to the hour-long versions that rerun on the E! Network. For a while, they were choosing recent episodes which didn't much interest me but they're now going back a little farther.
This weekend, the featured episode is the one from 5/24/86 with guest host Anjelica Huston, musical guest George Clinton and former Yankees manager Billy Martin somehow appearing in a number of sketches. This was the last episode of that season and it ends with a scene that has all the cast members (playing themselves) trapped in a fire with a cliff-hanger ending: Who will survive? (Which is to say, which cast members will return next season?) You see Lorne Michaels saving Jon Lovitz with the implication that he'll be the only one. Two others did return the following September — Dennis Miller and Nora Dunn — but the rest, including Randy Quaid, Anthony Michael Hall and Terry Sweeney "perished," in that they did not return to the show. Some folks involved with the show felt it was not the nicest way to say goodbye to the performers who were being dismissed.
The following weekend, the episode is the one that originally aired on 2/13/88 with host Justine Bateman and musical guest Terence Trent D'Arby. Not a great show, as I recall. Neither is the one this weekend but at least they're digging up some that haven't been rerun to death.