We all hate "spyware" on our computers, spyware being those annoying files you probably accumulate as you surf the web and download porn your e-mail and such. I assume we all use at least one program periodically to scan our computer for spyware and eliminate it.

Well, there's SPYWARE!!! and then there's spyware. A "key-logger" program that installs itself secretly in the computer's memory and records everything we type and which then transmits this data to an outside party is quite a bit different from a cookie that tracks some little thing you did online. I'm no expert but it appears to me that the competition between spyware-eliminating programs has caused some to define "spyware" down to a useless level, flagging cookies that are sent to us for some harmless purpose. They seem to want to be able to say, "Our program caught X pieces of spyware that the others didn't." That may not be because the program in question is better…just that it has broader (perhaps, too broad) criteria as to what constitutes spyware.

Example: Every morning when I get up, Giant Spyware has swept my system and it usually catches three or four cookies, all of which are probably harmless but I eliminate them anyway. Giant was acquired by the Microsoft company — as we all will be, sooner or later — and is now being rebranded as their spyware software. It's not necessarily the best. It's just the one I use.

First thing this A.M., I ran the free version of Ad-Aware, as I do every week or so. Ad-Aware is the granddaddy of spyware snaggers and it caught eleven pieces of what it believes to be spyware on my computer. In other words, Ad-Aware flagged as spyware eleven cookies that Giant felt were harmless. (And we're only talking about cookies here. A key-logger or some other kind of malicious program is another matter.)

After I ran Ad-Aware, I immediately ran the free version of A-Squared, which tracks spyware and "malware." It marked nine cookies, including one from comedycentral.com, one from comicbookresources.com, one from mediamatters.org and one from mediaputfile.com. You may have some of these on your system right this minute. That last one is the site that has the Smurfs video I linked to in the previous message. Giant and Ad-Aware think these cookies are fine. A-squared thinks they're spyware.

I'm suspicious of the A-Squared findings because all of the cookies it fingered are together in my Cookies directory in two groupings by alphabetical order. That is, when I look at a listing of all my cookies in alphabetical order, I see five of them together in one sequence of the listing and the other four together in another section. I think I'd like to get a fourth opinion here so I'm going to leave all the cookies that A-Squared wanted to delete and I'm going to run Spybot – Search and Destroy. I'll be back to you next paragraph with the results.

Okay, Spybot wasn't alarmed at any of the cookies that A-Squared didn't like but it did catch three that were overlooked or deemed benevolent by Giant, Ad-Aware and A-Squared. What can we learn from this?

That the word "spyware" can cover a multitude of intrusions, some so miniscule that they shouldn't worry us. Still, I wish I could set some sort of "level" of protection and tell my chosen spyware sweeper that I don't care about the ones that all the other spyware detectors thought were so unintrusive as to not be a problem. This review over in PC World tested all the leading spyware-nukers and says that the most instances of spyware were caught by Webroot Spy Sweeper. I'm not sure that's what I want.

Yesterday, I linked to this video of a French newscast on the "Smurfs get bombed" commercial. Today brings this message from Charles-Emmanuel Ouellette…

About the Smurf newscast and bombing, well, I'm French Canadian and happen to understand French (and speak and write English a bit awkwardly, sorry). I thought that you may be interested in a little English synopsis of the whole thing.

The newscaster at the start warns the audience that the new UNICEF campaign uses strong images that can be considered shocking and warns the audience about what follows. The off-screen News Lady then narrates the Smurfs sequence, saying it starts with images of joy that summarize young age, and then all hell breaks loose. It then jumps to the text on the blue background, saying: Don't let the children's universe be destroyed by war (well, that's how I put it in English, but I'm sure you can make it sound better). In all, since it's against war and for children's right, even if the Smurfs' little blue butt get kicked hard in this, I understand that Peyo's family agreed.

I'm pretty sure a lot of people who worked on Smurfs product just liked it at the first degree. Still, it's interesting that it's more than just cute character bashing (they're an awful lot of this on the net) and it delivers a message.

I don't know…"Don't let the children's universe be destroyed by war" sounds like a pretty good way to put it to me. It's sad that anyone felt they needed to make a commercial to "sell" that idea to people but I suppose the point is fund-raising. I'd be curious to know if the ad succeeds in that respect. Thanks for the translation.

I usually don't like it when you go to a website and they have an "intro" page with music and Flash animation. Makes me immediately go diving for wherever you click to "skip intro." For some reason, however, I enjoyed the noisy intro page on the website of In-n-Out Burger.

If you live where there are no In-n-Out Burgers (i.e., anywhere but California, Arizona and Nevada), that's pretty much what it looks like at one. They have great fast food burgers, fresh fries, sodas and creamy milk shakes…and nothing else.

Like you, I have no clue as to what kind of indictments, if any, may emerge from the Valerie Plame/CIA investigation. But it sure looks like someone "in the know" is going around and leaking to pundits and reporters — or to people who will pass it on to pundits and reporters — that Someone Big is about to be formally accused. Which, given how good this inquiry has been about not leaking or tipping its hand, makes me suspect that this is not going to happen.

From Jay Leno's monologue tonight…

As you know, there is terrible flooding in New Hampshire and it's been declared a disaster area. To give you an idea how white New Hampshire is…FEMA got there in a minute and a half.

Yesterday, the right-wing news service, Newsmax, issued a "news story." I can't provide a direct link to it but if you hurry, you might still see it in the Google cache. Here's just the first part…

Bono, U2 in Fund-Raiser for Senator Rick Santorum

On Sunday, October 16, a truly unique political event will take place. Teaming up with the legendary rock group U2 for a one-night only appearance will be Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Penn.). The thousand-dollar-a-seat concert has been put together by Sean and Ana Wolfington and will take place at the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia in support of Santorums re-election, reports NewsMax's James Hirsen.

U2 front man Bono is no stranger to Washington, D.C. He has come often to the nation's capital to network with politicians on behalf of his many causes…[snip]

Not long after the story was released, the following appeared on the newswires…

STATEMENT BY JAMIE DRUMMOND, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF DATA (debt AIDS trade Africa), THE AFRICA ADVOCACY GROUP CO-FOUNDED BY BONO:

It is not uncommon for politicians, from both parties, to organize events at all kinds of music concerts and other entertainment events. If any political fundraising events take place at a U2 concert, it is without the involvement or knowledge of Data, U2 or Bono. U2 concerts are categorically not fundraisers for any politician – they are rock concerts for U2 fans.

Shortly after, the original story was amended on the Newsmax site without comment. The beginning of the story now reads…

Fundraiser for Senator Rick Santorum at U2 Concert

On Sunday, October 16, a unique political event will take place. At a concert of the legendary rock group U2, Senator Rick Santorum will hold a fund-raising event for one night only. The thousand-dollar-a-seat fund-raiser has been put together by Sean and Ana Wolfington, and it will take place at the Wachovia Center in Philadelphia in support of Santorum's reelection.

U2 front man Bono is no stranger to Washington, D.C. He has come often to the nation's capital to network with politicians on behalf of his many causes…[snip]

In other words, the first story tried to suggest that Bono and U2 were throwing a fund-raising concert expressly for Rick Santorum and were, by implication, endorsing his re-election bid. The amended story more accurately says that a group supporting Santorum hopes to raise some cash for him by selling tickets to a U2 concert that was always going to occur.

That's quite a difference but it could, I suppose, be an innocent mistake. On the other hand, it's worth pointing out that in the past, whenever a news story favorable to Liberals or Democrats could in any way, shape or form be interpreted as inaccurate, Newsmax has always taken the position that someone deliberately lied.

The Bush administration is hiring.

As we surmised, the video of the Village of the Smurfs being bombed is actually a little more fully-animated than the clip to which I linked earlier. Here's a link to another newscast that includes the actual footage. [Thanks to Joel Wright for sending me there.]

And I have received three e-mails from people who wrote the old Hanna-Barbera Smurfs show telling me how they had longed to do that scene.

Radio Guy Paul Harris writes to answer a question that I posed here the other day: Does George Carlin still have Dennis Blair opening for him when he performs in Vegas? According to Paul (who by the way, is heard weekday afternoons on KMOX in St. Louis)…

Just back from a long weekend in Vegas (which I'll blog about in a day or two when I find the time), but with a moment free, here's an answer to a question you posed: Yes, Dennis Blair is opening for George Carlin in his current Stardust run — he even gets billing on the sign out front.

That's nice to hear, and not just that Blair (who's very funny) is still gainfully employed. It's nice to hear that Carlin allows him billing, which some headliners might not do. One of the things that helped kill off opening acts was that in the seventies and eighties, a lot of stars decided it was beneath them to share the marquee. It had to just be their name out there, as large as possible.

This is a rotten thing to do to a fellow performer and also to the audience. The folks paying megabucks for seats have a right to know what they're going to get for their money and to get the best possible show. They don't get that with a surprise opening act. They sit there all primed for the headliner and suddenly, a voice says, "Would you welcome…" and the opening guy becomes this unexpected obstacle between them and what they paid to see. It's kind of like you're all poised and ready to eat Porterhouse steak and just when you think you're about to be served, they say, "Whoa! First, you have to eat this salad you didn't ask for." If he's billed, he's part of the show. If not, not. A comedian friend of mine who opened for several superstars at Caesars Palace told me once that he got half the laughs when he was unbilled. Same routine…half the laughs because he had suddenly become an intrusion. That's annoying, above and beyond the obvious insult.

If you get to Vegas and Carlin's there, go see him. His act has gotten angrier but he's still the best stand-up working today, maybe the best one ever. And Dennis Blair is more than worthy of sharing that stage with him.

Michael Kinsley makes some good points about Supreme Court nominations and how ridiculous it is for a nominee to profess not to have any opinions on the big issues.

Here's something some of you may not know. Louis Nye (seen at above right) was almost the voice of Fred the Lion in the Super Chicken cartoons with Mr. Knotts in the title role. In 1960, with Rocky and His Friends successful on afternoon TV, producer Jay Ward tried to sell a new series which might have been their first prime-time half-hour cartoon show produced for network television. This was the same year that The Flintstones earned that distinction.

A voice track was recorded to try and sell Ward's idea but it was never animated. Actor Marvin Miller served as narrator, Knotts played Super Chicken and Nye voiced his faithful sidekick, Fred. Bill Scott and Mel Blanc (!) voiced some supporting characters. Ward and his business partners played the recording for potential sponsors and showed them storyboards and artwork but no one went for it. In 1965, Jay produced another Super Chicken pilot but this time, he cast Scott as Super Chicken and Paul Frees as Fred, and they ultimately did the roles when the series was picked up as an element of the 1967 Saturday morning series, George of the Jungle.

It would have been another "claim to fame" for Louis Nye but it was not to be. We mourn his passing anyway.

Louis Nye was that rare kind of comedian — a guy who was always funny even when the material wasn't. Lots of comedians can be funny with sharp lines and clever dialogue. But on various old Steve Allen Shows, they used to stick Mr. Nye in sketches and situations with none of that and he still managed to amuse. One time, in fact, they deliberately put him in a bad sketch with zero to do. Allen tipped the audience beforehand that, as a prank and an experiment, they'd rehearsed one version of the skit that afternoon, then done last minute cuts and rewrites (which were not rehearsed) to remove everything Nye had that was even vaguely amusing. Incredibly, Louis Nye managed to wring a fair amount of laughs out of his part anyway…and then at the end, when Steverino revealed to him what was up, he threw a mock hissy-fit that was hilarious.

There's a quote sometimes attributed to Ed Wynn that differentiates between a comic and a comedian: "A comic says funny things. A comedian says things funny. A comic will open a funny door. A comedian will open a door funny." I'm not sure that Mr. Wynn had the right nouns there — comic and comedian seem pretty interchangeable in my experience — but he had a point. There are some performers who are just funny brushing their teeth or carving a turkey. Whatever that kind of funnyman is, that's what Louis Nye was.

I speak as a lifetime watcher of Mr. Nye. Even as a small boy, he was required viewing in our household. My father went to school with Louis Nye back in Hartford, Connecticut, and I need to make the point that they were not close friends. They were just in the same classes, occasionally playing baseball or handball at lunchtime. After about age eleven or twelve, they went their separate ways but he was still my father's closest connection then to Show Business so he became an unabashed Louis Nye fan.

No matter what Nye was on, Dad had to watch it…which, since we only had the one TV, eventually meant I had to watch it. This was no hardship as Nye was usually on the hippest, funniest shows on television, including all those Steve Allen programs and, sometimes, Sid Caesar's Your Show of Shows. (A few months back when our pal Howie Morris died, I directed you to a video link for the funniest sketch that ever appeared on Mr. Caesar's weekly extravaganza. Many people think it's the funniest sketch ever done on television. Louis Nye was also in that sketch.)

I'll tell you how much my father enjoyed watching Louis Nye. When Nye became a semi-regular on The Beverly Hillbillies, my father even watched a few of them. That's devotion.

My father passed away in 1991. Shortly after that, I was attending a play and at intermission, I spotted Louis Nye in the lobby, signing autographs for others who'd recognized him. I decided I should introduce myself and tell him some of what I just told you. I hovered around, waiting as he signed and bantered with admirers but there wasn't time. The lights began to blink to signal the start of Act Two and I didn't get to talk to him then, nor could I find him after the play. Three or four years later, almost the exact same thing happened again at a restaurant. He and his party were waiting for a table, me and my party were waiting for a table…and just as I positioned myself to interrupt and introduce myself, his table was ready and I again failed to meet Louis Nye.

Five years ago, I was at a meeting of Yarmy's Army. This is a club comprised of comedians — mostly older comedians — founded in memory of the late Dick Yarmy, a much-loved character actor. Much of the original group has drifted apart, in part due to internal squabbling and in part due to so many of its members passing away. One recently said to me, "We don't need to have monthly meetings. We see each other now at monthly funerals" and that's true. Most charter members were present for the recent Pat McCormick memorial. Most were present one month to the day later in the same theater for the memorial for Don Adams (who was Dick Yarmy's brother, by the way). They'll all see one another at the Louis Nye memorial.

But when it was at its peak, Yarmy's Army was a great place to hang out and you were very honored if you were invited to do so. The last meeting I attended, the "round table" included Shelley Berman, Howie Morris, Tom Poston, Don Knotts, Pat Harrington, Gary Owens, Chuck McCann, Harvey Korman, Jerry Van Dyke and about a dozen others of that breed…and Louis Nye. When there was an opportune moment, I practically ordered Gary Owens to introduce me to Mr. Nye.

I told him that he wouldn't remember my father — like I keep reminding you, they weren't close buddies — but that they'd gone to school together in Hartford and as a result, Louis Nye Watching had been an important part of my childhood. I gushed a bit and told him about one sketch in particular that had me howling for days. It was a parody of the movie, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? with him and Steve Allen in drag as Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. This was around '62 when the film was current, and they'd done a spoof that had careened wildly off-script with Nye devouring scenery and alternately readjusting his wig and fake breasts while Allen literally rolled on the floor, laughing too hard to get his lines out. For sheer laughter, it was a close runner-up to that Your Show of Shows sketch I just sent you scurrying to watch again.

Mr. Nye said he was very flattered and amazed that I recalled it after so many years…but then he did me one better when he asked my father's name. I said, "I'd bet a year's pay you won't remember him."

He said, "I won't bet you but try me."

I told him my father's name was Bernard Evanier. He thought for about ten seconds and then said, "I went to school with a Beryl Evanier."

I don't gasp often but I gasped then. My father's birth name was Beryl. He changed it to Bernard when he was eighteen.

When I got home, I did the math. My father was born in 1910 but entered school late. Louis Nye was born in 1913. A reasonable guess would be that they were in class together somewhere between 1922 and 1927. The Yarmy's Army meeting of which I write occurred in 2000.

Louis Nye had remembered my father's name for more than seventy years.

I think that says something about him more than just that he had a great memory. It says something about caring about people and the world around him, and he also took the time to ask me about my father — what he'd grown up to be, when he'd died, how he'd died, etc. Before that meeting, I knew what a tremendous performer Mr. Nye was. Standing there, seeing how touched he was that his work had meant so much to someone else…well, I just couldn't help but think what a genuinely nice man he must have been. What a genuinely nice, funny man.

Another funny, wonderful man has…well, you know how this goes by now. Funny, wonderful men keep dying on us.

This time, it's Louis Nye, who was best known for his long association with Steve Allen. I have a wonderful story about Mr. Nye but no time to post it right now. I'll try to put it up here in the next few hours. In the meantime, here's a link to the only online obit I've seen so far.

(Don't forget to check back for my anecdote. Remember that father of mine I mentioned in the Bookhaven anecdote a few postings back? Well, he went to elementary school with Louis Nye.)

I went ahead and subscribed for a year to TimesSelect even though most of the political columns seem to turn up for free somewhere on the 'net. Here's a link to the column by Frank Rich for this last weekend.

Driving around this morning, I listened to about twenty minutes of Rush Limbaugh and twenty minutes of Al Franken, and I came up with an idea that I think will help both shows. Rush needs to borrow Al's fact-checkers and Al needs to borrow Rush's drug-suppliers.