Jerry's Dad

I have been fortunate to have met and in many cases, worked with most of my boyhood heroes. And when I was a tot, no one was more of a hero than the world's greatest ventriloquist, Paul Winchell. (Winch would argue that the world's greatest ventriloquist was Edgar Bergen and while I always found Bergen funny, I thought Paul was just as funny…and his lips didn't move.) I loved watching Paul perform with his wooden pals, Jerry Mahoney and Knucklehead Smiff, and I even liked Paul when he appeared, sans dummy, as a TV panelist or actor. Years later, when he invented the first mechanical heart, a lot of people were amazed that a ventriloquist could do something like that. I wasn't amazed in the least. I already knew he was magical.

This magical man has now written his autobiography, Winch. It is a book that will surprise many for while he goes through the expected tales of how he took up ventriloquism, how he broke into the business, how his career took off, et cetera, much of the book is about his turbulent life and mental state, starting with an abusive mother-son relationship and a near-fatal bout with childhood polio, continuing on to even darker days, which he discusses with an almost unsettling candor. I don't want to give any of it away here but you should know, going in, that this is not one of those show biz autobiographies that goes from big success to small success and then back to big success.

Instead, Paul takes us through his crises of faith, family and even his own sanity, ultimately coming to grips with each of these. You will find it astounding that he survives and even more astounding that he shares it all with us, so openly.

Winch is available at Amazon but it's cheaper from the publisher. You can also order an autographed hardcover over at Paul's website. If you're at all interested in this versatile, honest man, you'll want one. I'm going to wait a few weeks and read mine again. It's that kind of book.

Recommended Reading

Animation World Network offers us a nice little article by Gene Deitch on how he put together the Popeye and Krazy Kat cartoons done for television in the sixties. (One quibble: It's implied that the Popeye illustrations adorning the article are by Elzie Segar, who created the spinach-eater. They're actually by Bud Sagendorf, who assisted Segar on the newspaper strip and later took it over.)

Recommended Reading

Gene Lyons goes after the myths about "red" and "blue" states. I always thought there was a high degree of nonsense in the notion that if a candidate gets 51% of the vote in that state on one day, then for years after, everyone in that state can be viewed as thinking like him.

Recommended Reading

If you aren't reading Doonesbury this week, you're missing a powerful storyline. Here's a link to Monday's strip and then you can click to Tuesday and then on to today.

You Can Call Him Al

I've been listening occasionally to Al Franken's radio show and enjoying it more and more. The guy actually engages in discussions, and not with people who agree maniacally with his position. I like that.

If anyone reading this has a pipeline to Mr. Franken or his producer, I have a suggestion to make which would vastly improve his show. Franken is not an experienced radio personality and he has a tendency to drift off-mike, as if he's turning his head away from the microphone. Occasionally, it's difficult to understand part of a sentence and it causes the listener to lose focus. Say what you will about Mr. Limbaugh but he really knows how to work a microphone and grab your attention. If Franken isn't using a headset microphone, he should. And if he is using one, someone should move the mouthpiece in front of his mouth.

Air America Radio is not on the air in Los Angeles in the moment but that's okay (for me) because, being a TiVo Person, I rarely sample live programming. But it's possible to download MP3 files of all the Air America shows from a number of Internet sources, so I do and I listen to Al as I work or drive. (So far, the other shows haven't impressed me much.)

Oh, by the way: I just found something very tasteless on the weblog for The O'Franken Factor. It says there that Max Cleland "…is now stumping for his friend and fellow veteran, John Kerry." Couldn't someone find a better verb than that?

Correction

It has been pointed out to me that I had a somewhat-misleading headline on my last item about the Simpsons voice cast and their fight for better pay. I put "The Simpsons Strike" up there and that's not really true. The actors are not on strike. Their old contract has expired and they're attempting to negotiate a new one at better terms, which is what every single human being who appears on a successful TV show tries to do.

The difference is significant because, for P.R. purposes, some would like to cast them as the villains in this little drama and make it sound like they had good jobs and walked off them. Another way of looking at it is that the old contract expired and Fox has not yet made them a decent offer to return for more shows. This kind of thing happens all the time in Show Biz, often without making the papers.

Writers Guild News

The current Writers Guild of America contract expires May 2, 2004 (or May 1, depending on how you count) and folks are starting to whisper the "s" word, meaning "strike." As I've mentioned here in the past (see here, here or here), I have been pessimistic about the chances of the WGA obtaining a new deal with significant gains without a strike, and I've also been pessimistic about our ability to sustain a meaningful strike.

Last week, talking to a couple of writers who are closer to the negotiations than I am, I became a little less pessimistic…which is not the same thing as becoming optimistic. This afternoon, I attended an "informational meeting" in which a few Guild officials discussed what's up with the negotiations. There are many issues but the two main ones seem to be Health Insurance and DVDs, not necessarily in that order. Health Insurance is, of course, a major issue in most employment situations across the nation. And the deal under which WGA members share in the proceeds when their work is released on DVD is a rotten deal. Several folks at the meeting recommended the reading of this article about the current DVD market.

Negotiations are underway at this very moment — and I mean this very moment when I'm posting this. With the contract expiration looming large, both sides are meeting sixteen hours a day. Can a strike be averted? Can the WGA make some headway? After today's meeting, I became a little less pessimistic than I was when I went in. But I'm still some distance from "optimistic."

Questions in Advance

Several weblogs are currently discussing whether some of the questions asked of George W. Bush in his recent press conference were prearranged. The premise here is that certain White House correspondents, to curry favor with the Oval Office, agree to ask certain questions to which Bush has scripted answers.

I don't think that's true. But I'll tell you what may be true.

Back in the famous Quiz Show Scandals, the horrifying revelation was that certain contestants had been given the questions and the answers in advance. That actually occurred on a small percentage of the shows that were "rigged." The way it worked on most fixed shows was like this…

You apply to be a contestant on a game show. They put you through a series of written tests, asking you hundreds of questions to see if you know enough to compete. Let's say you pass the test and get on the show. They can keep you from getting knocked off merely by asking you questions you got right on your test. When the time comes that they want you to lose, they can look back at your tests, see what you got wrong and ask you one of those, or something in that category. They can also get to know you and your areas of expertise, then formulate questions accordingly. You'll still be able to swear, "No one gave me the answer."

My suspicion is that some reporters discuss with White House aides, the question they intend to ask. Most presidents rehearse for press conferences with those aides. It would be very simple for the aides to know that the president has a good reply for a certain question and to suggest that he call on a certain reporter who will ask it. And the president can honestly say he hasn't been given the questions in advance.

I further suspect this situation has been the case with most presidents.

The Simpsons Strike!

As you probably know, the voice actors on The Simpsons are currently holding out for substantial raises. This is upsetting some in the animation community who fear that this will halt production and that the artists who work on that show will suffer. And of course, there's an underlying outrage because when you compare what those artists make per hour to what the actors already make per hour, it seems disproportionate. Over at Cartoon Brew, Amid Amidi addresses some of this.

As I keep saying here, I am wholly on the actors' side. I think the artists also deserve more but that has nothing to do with what the actors receive. Artists' salaries are always set at the lowest level that the hiring entity believes it will take to assemble a crew that can produce the show. Those numbers will not change if the vocal performers receive less.

The Simpsons is an enterprise of staggering success, well on its way to becoming the most profitable thing ever done on television. If you look around, you will see various estimates of its worth. Even those are probably low because they don't take into account things like the overall success of the Fox Network, which is due in part to Marge and Homer and Bart and all the other yellow people. In the grand scheme of this, what the actors are demanding is a pretty tiny percentage.

Some who are upset at these demands are saying, "Look how few hours they work for it." That always strikes me as a silly way to address this kind of thing. On a successful TV show, you have interchangeable, replaceable folks and you have those that aren't so easily replaced, and the compensation for the latter is never based in any way on punching a timeclock. A guy who stars in a flop syndicated sitcom puts in the same kind of hours (or more) that Jerry Seinfeld worked on his show. When their fees are discussed, no one even mentions how hard the two men work; only how much money each show earns, and how impossible it would be to replace the star. For that matter, no one discusses how many hours the various Fox execs and investors put in to "earn" the share of Simpsons profits they take home. I'll bet that even if the Simpsons actors get every dime they're demanding — which they won't, and which they certainly don't expect — there will still be people who've contributed a lot less to the show's success but who earn ten times more.

I understand why artists resent how little they get out of this, but anger at the voice actors is misdirected and even self-destructive. If we start basing everyone's compensation on how many hours they put in, as opposed to the value of their contribution, that's a wonderful argument for paying artists even less. I mean, do you know how much more they get per hour than someone who flips burgers at Burger King? That's not the way the worth of a creative person should ever be measured. If one of the Simpsons artists goes home, does a painting in ten hours and offers it for sale in a gallery, its price tag will not say, "10 hours @ X dollars per hour." The price will be based on the quality of the work and, more significantly, the demand for it. If that same Simpsons artist goes home and creates a comic strip, his compensation will be based on the success of it, not on how many hours it requires to draw. I don't know why creative folks are ever eager to reduce what they do to the terminology and fee scales that apply to someone you hire to mow your lawn.

One of three things will happen regarding the Simpsons actors' demands. The most likely is that there will be some compromise and everyone will scurry back to work. Another is that Fox will decide not to share any more of its vast profits with the actors and will hire sound-alikes. They're probably reticent to do this because (a) it might harm a show that is bringing in oceans of cash and (b) it might trigger lawsuits. The legal situation if you fire Nancy Cartwright and hire someone else to imitate Nancy Cartwright is unexplored territory, which many cartoon producers have strenuously avoided in the past. Usually, there has not been enough money involved to warrant a displaced actor going to court over it but this time, it's possible.

The third scenario is that Fox decides they have enough of a library that they don't need any more episodes of The Simpsons. This also seems unlikely but it's a decision that they might make at any time, regardless of the actors' fees. A number of cartoon studios have shut down production on the premise (which is often proven incorrect) that they can stop investing in new product and just make money off perpetual reruns. Fox might choose this moment to try that with The Simpsons so they can blame it on the actors. If they do, it will be a shame because that's a great show and its success-to-date has been based in large part on its remaining fresh and current. If the Golden Goose gets slaughtered here, it won't be because the actors wanted a larger piece of the success they helped create. It'll be because Fox wants it all.

Briefly Noted…

Still busy with that deadline so there won't be much here for a little while.

I started "blogging" before that term was in popular usage, on December 18, 2000, with an every-so-often page that I updated manually. I changed over to this almost-daily page with real weblog software on April 23 of '03, so this Friday is its one year anniversary. I'll try to get back to normal posting by then.

Casting Call

Not long ago on this site, I nominated Christopher Walken for the role of Applegate (i.e., The Devil) in the forthcoming film remake of Damn Yankees. I'm now hearing it'll be Billy Crystal. That doesn't sound like a terrible choice to me.

The Name Game

Just got a spam e-mail from Beverage P. Dope. That's the best name yet. I may order some genital-lengthening creme just because I like that name so much.

Beverage P. Dope. If you went to vote and you saw "Beverage P. Dope" on your ballot, wouldn't you vote for him? Of course you would.

Points of View

Here's a great example of why Dennis Miller isn't very funny these days. It's very hard to be funny when you take the side of those in power. It's like trying to do a Marx Brothers movie and have Margaret Dumont top Groucho. Anyway, here's a monologue joke that Jay Leno did last week about the White House Easter Egg Hunt…

The White House Easter Egg Hunt will be open to the public but President Bush will not be there. Well sure. How embarrassing would that be? It's bad enough he can't find weapons of mass destruction, what if he can't find any eggs either?

And now, here's pretty much the same joke a few days later but as rearranged to suit the sensibilities of its teller, Dennis Miller…

The White House held its annual Easter Egg Roll on Sunday. The traditional Easter Egg Hunt portion of the event was cancelled, however, because the administration didn't want to yet again be accused of hiding something.

In case it isn't clear, these are actual examples from their respective monologues. Leno's joke picks on Bush. Miller's picks on unspecified people who criticize the president. Unless you're pretty rabidly pro-Bush, Leno's is funnier.

News of Vital Significance

I was told not to announce this until it was definite but a number of websites that cover new DVD releases are now reporting…

GARFIELD AND FRIENDS – VOLUME 1 – DVD — From Fox Home Entertainment, featuring the cartoon antics of everyone's favorite fat cat, Garfield, joined by Odie, Jon, and the barnyard crew of U.S. Acres, this DVD set collects all 13 1988-89 first season animated episodes of Jim Davis' Garfield and Friends. Scheduled to ship in July 2004. $39.98

I think the above may have the contents listing wrong but it is true that they're about to start releasing Garfield and Friends, written by Yours Truly, on DVD. And wait'll you see what a pain I'm going to be about trying to get you to buy this one.