I have something to do today that's more important than blogging…and like you, I didn't know there were such things in this world but, hey, you learn something new every few years.  Besides, to your delight and mine, I've run out of things to say about Slapgate and I've just plugged Frank Ferrante so I'm all out of conversation.  I'll have more when I return to this page.

Oh — and to those of you attending WonderCon in Anaheim, I wish I could be with you but I'm glad I'm not with you…if you can understand what I mean by that. I'm sure you'll have a very good time as I have at every WonderCon I've ever attended and as I expect to have at WonderCons in the future. Bye for now.

Just wanted to remind my friends in Southern California that Frank Ferrante's Groucho — the video of Frank's show which even I'm sick of seeing me rave about — debuts this Friday night — 8PM on KLCS with a repeat six hours later at 2 AM. It also run at 9PM on Friday evening on KVCR.

That's in Los Angeles. It's debuting all over the country on different dates on different PBS stations. Some of the other dates 'n' times can be found on this page but do a search on your program guide to make sure. I've seen it and it certainly captures all the joys of Frank's show.

I haven't talked to anyone on the inside but I'd bet that folks at the Motion Picture Academy are having discussions, trying to find some way to discipline or punish Will Smith without offending Will Smith or whatever studio will be releasing his next picture. People in the public debate keep saying things like, "Well, what would they have done if a costume designer had barged up on stage during the Oscars and slapped someone?"

We know what they would have done to that person. The question is what do you do if it's one of the top box office stars who you're probably about to honor with a Best Actor Oscar? It's like: What if you're halfway through shooting a movie and the star starts slapping people on the set, what are you going do to that star? Send him home, shut down production and lay everyone off?

Remember: Even while more and more women were coming forward to say they were raped by Bill Cosby, NBC was offering him a new series.

This morning, the Television Academy released the following statement…

There are an infinite number of unpredictable occurrences that can transpire in a television production, whether it's a series produced on location or a live awards show. But everyone working in television — or any part of the entertainment industry — deserves to work in an environment free from physical violence. The Television Academy supports creative freedom and expression, and no matter your field, you should never be made to experience the fear or threat of physical harm, much less actual abuse, in the course of doing your job — be in telling a joke or lighting a scene.

Okay. That looks nice at arm's length but, first of all, nobody who's not in any part of the entertainment industry should be made to experience the fear or threat of physical harm, much less actual abuse, in the course of doing their job…or walking down the street. The lady who makes sandwiches at my favorite deli has the same human right to not be assaulted as anyone who works in television. She doesn't even have a stunt double.

But what's really missing from this statement is the answer to this question: "So if someone — especially a Big Star on whom many jobs depend — kicks an intern or punches a stage manager, what is anyone going to do about it?" The statement from the TV Academy doesn't address that point, does it?

A good talk host needs many skills and a biggie is being able to build something — anything! — out of the wreckage when things collapse. David Letterman was so good at it that it was often a disappointment on his program when things went right.

Here from The Late Show for 11/4/99, we have The Pumpkin Cannon…

…for those of us in Los Angeles, anyway. My favorite place west of the Mississippi for pizza, Vito's over on La Cienega, has recovered enough from its February 5th fire to be back open and making pies. Yes, yes, I know you know a better place in L.A. for pizza. This is my pick.

Before anyone asks: My favorite pizza east of the Mississippi can be obtained at John's of Bleecker Street in Greenwich Village, New York. Yes, I know you know a better place back there. No, I haven't tried every other place on either coast. I just look like I have.

My old pal Pat O'Neill sent the following in response to me writing that "I still couldn't say what should be done now to Will Smith but I think someone ought to do something." What Pat wrote to me was…

And what should be done about Chris Rock — who instigated the whole thing with a rude, tasteless, ad-lib dig at Smith's wife? Is he blameless in all this? Add in the fact that this is not his first go-round at "comedically" insulting Jada Pinkett-Smith and his role in the incident can hardly go unnoticed or undisciplined.

Absolutely nothing official should be done to Chris Rock. There are laws in this country against striking another human being. People get arrested for that and tossed in the pokey every day. We do not arrest people for being rude and tasteless. Pat, you and I have many mutual friends who would be doing hard time if we did.

I mean, you can punish him by never watching him on TV again. I'm guessing you already don't pay money to see or hear him perform but you can also vow to never start doing that. You always have that right.

I don't think his role has gone unnoticed. It may be the most viral video of the century so far and everyone has their opinion of whether he crossed some highly-arguable line and if so, if the proper retaliation to that is being assaulted in front of the whole world.  They may not all agree with you as, for example, I don't. I do not agree that the joke — which was surely planned and not an ad-lib — was as bad as you make it out to be. Her husband even laughed at it before he then decided to be an asshole about it.

As Kareem Abdul-Jabbar put it in one of the best pieces I've read about the incident…

Ok, I can see where the Smiths might not have found that joke funny. But Hollywood awards shows are traditionally a venue where much worse things have been said about celebrities as a means of downplaying the fact that it's basically a gathering of multimillionaires giving each other awards to boost business so they can make even more money.

Read the whole piece Kareem wrote. It's an article called "Will Smith Did a Bad, Bad Thing."

Gee. For a guy who didn't watch or record the Oscars, I sure am writing a lot about that ceremony.

• Today's potatoes are from Keith Wilcox & Sons in Rexburg, ID. As if you couldn't guess.

Hey, let's slap another presenter from the Oscarcast the other night. Kevin Costner presented the award for Best Director and before he did, he talked for a few minutes and said, among other things…

You know, about a half-mile from here, I saw my first full-length adult movie. I know what you're thinking, but I was seven years old and I was away from my parents and wanted to have some fun. It was a cowboy movie called How the West Was Won. And what I witnessed that afternoon in the Cinerama Dome was perfect.

Kevin Costner was born January 18, 1955 so he was seven years old in 1962. The Cinerama Dome, which is indeed about a half-mile from where he spoke those words, wasn't built in 1962. It was built the following year and opened on November 7, 1963 with It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World as its first attraction…and only attraction for 67 weeks.

How the West Was Won was released in the United States on February 20, 1963 when Kevin Costner was eight years old. It opened at the old Warner Cinerama Hollywood where it ran for for 93 weeks. Click here for a photo. The theater, which has been closed since 1994, is almost certainly where he saw the film.

Every so often, Twitter works the way you wish Twitter always did…

Hey, I want to get off this topic as much as you probably do so I'll make this as short as I can…which will not be short enough.

If I haven't made it clear, I think what Will Smith did was — to use his own words in his too-little, too-late apology — "unacceptable and inexcusable." To let him get away with no formal punishment is to say that if you're rich or famous enough (he's both), the laws that apply to most of us don't apply to you.

My buddy Ken Levine has, as he often does, saved me the trouble of writing a longer post about this. Just read him. But I'm not as sure as he is that Smith's career is over and there's also this…

Ken and others have said that Smith should have been removed from the hall and not permitted to sit there, act like nothing had happened, and go up and accept his Oscar. Well, maybe. It would be fascinating to hear the conversation among those who had to converse about that option. What if he refused to go quietly? Were they prepared to have what could have been another physical altercation?

He might well have said, as he sat there awaiting the greatest honor of his life, "If you want me out of here, you'll have to drag me out." Even if it was done during a commercial, there was a huge live audience there to see it, some of whom were on Smith's side. We're talking here about dragging the real guy out of the Dolby Theater, not his stunt double.

Do you remove his wife along with him? What if she makes a scene? What if others get involved? The first concern of the police in a tense situation is to de-escalate the tension, not increase it.

So say he's removed. What happens when it's time to open the envelope in the Best Actor category? The folks who had to make the on-the-spot decision didn't know for sure Smith's name was in there but they knew it was pretty likely. You probably don't want to send someone out to say, "Will Smith couldn't be here right now because he's outside in police custody. The Academy accepts this award on his behalf."

It could have gotten even uglier in a hurry. Chris Rock seemed to be fine and at some point, he apparently said he didn't want to press charges or anything of the sort. That makes immediate action seem a bit less necessary. There are those who, when they're a victim in a crime but no lasting physical damage has been done, want to have it over with and forgotten, A.S.A.P.

So you might think, "The best thing is to not do anything now or without a lot of discussion and debate and checking with lawyers…because Will Smith can certainly afford the best." The Academy is not known for speedy decisions about anything or doing things to piss off the Big Stars and Big Studios that support the organization. Everyone there has to check with everyone else before they send out for pizza.

It's one of those moments when I'm glad I wasn't part of the decision on what to do. I still couldn't say what should be done now to Will Smith but I think someone ought to do something.

Here's a puzzler from Presh Talwalkar. The answer is at the end of it so pause the video at the appropriate moment to figure it out, then proceed to the end to see if you got it right. I got it almost instantly but that was because the form reminded me of similar puzzles I've faced…

Will Smith has issued a public apology for sucker-slapping Chris Rock on the Oscars last night. If you don't feel like clicking over to read it — or in case the link has expired — here's the second of three paragraphs…

I would like to publicly apologize to you, Chris. I was out of line and I was wrong. I am embarrassed and my actions were not indicative of the man I want to be. There is no place for violence in a world of love and kindness.

One does suspect this was the work of a squadron of agents, managers, publicists, perhaps a lawyer or two, and maybe one of those consultants who specializes in career damage control. But maybe Smith wrote it himself. It's not bad for what it is but I doubt it'll change the minds of lots of folks who lost their respect for Smith and maybe even their willingness to see his next film.

And yes, I'm aware that there are a lot of people out there who think Smith did the right, manly thing and/or that it was about time someone slugged Chris Rock or certain other comedians of his type. I would remind them that, first of all, what Rock said is not a crime but what Smith did is. And "he (or she) was asking for it" is the first line of a very bad defense in lots of cases of assault and battery…and even rape or murder.

No, I don't think the Will Smith/Chris Rock matter was staged or planned. For one thing, both of them looked like assholes in different ways. Rock handled the after-slap moment well but if he'd known it was coming, he'd have had a smarter line at the ready…maybe "Is it too late to change my vote for Best Actor?" Smith would not have been caught on camera grinning and giggling at the joke before (apparently) deciding that if his wife was upset by it, he was going to respond with a shot of toxic masculinity.

And how would either man have benefited from staging such a thing? Smith turned (potentially) the greatest night of his life into a spectacle where much of America is thinking he's a jerk. Here's a guy who's at the absolute tippy-top of his profession and he'd go along with a stunt to…uh, why? To liven up the ceremony? To change the discussion from whether he deserves the Academy Award to one about whether he deserves to be arrested? To be a bad role model for immature males? If it had been planned, he'd have had a much better speech, too.

What might be staged is an upcoming appearance somewhere of Smith and Rock together, making nice and acting like it was no big deal. Publicists for both are probably suggesting such a thing. And somewhere, some producer is suggesting they remake 48 Hours with Smith taking over for Nick Nolte and Rock in the Eddie Murphy part.

So now Will Smith's got us talking about hitting people. I am against hitting people. I probably said somewhere on this blog that I only did that once in my life but then I later thought of one other time. In both instances, I was in my teens so both were over a half century ago. In neither case was the person I struck injured. At worst, I caused them a bit of pain for a minute or two.

In both times, I was congratulated by others who were present and they said things like, "It's about time someone took a swing at that asshole." In neither case was I punished in any way. In both cases, the person I struck later apologized for their behavior and more or less said they deserved it.

Nevertheless: In both cases, I was ashamed of what I did. I suppose I can imagine situations where striking another person is warranted but it certainly wasn't in these cases. In both matters, I felt something had to be done in response to their bad behavior and the shame I felt had a lot to do with the fact that I couldn't think of something else to do. I hit out of frustration that I didn't have a better idea.

In the last fifty years, I've had people misbehave just as badly or worse in my presence but I haven't even thought of hitting them. I'd like to think that's because I've thought of better ways to deal with those situations. Among the options are to retaliate verbally…and sometimes, you can even explain your feelings to the other party in a way they understand and they'll stop.

Not letting them bother me has probably worked out best…and by "best," I mean "best for me."

I've always liked these kinds of number games that resemble magic tricks. Here's one — and stay tuned for the explanation of why it works…