Funny Presidents, Funny Candidates

georgebushaviator01

The other day, I linked to this MAD Magazine piece about a George W. Bush action figure. A lot of message boards and other weblogs have linked to it and discussed it, and I'm amazed how many folks didn't realize that there really is a George W. Bush action figure of him in that flight suit. In fact, I think MAD got hold of a real one and photographed it to make their ad parody. Some also wondered if MAD had been that hard on Clinton. The answer, I think, is that they've been getting a little tougher on each succeeding president but, yes, they were pretty rough on Bill and Hillary. I can't think of anyone anywhere who's even vaguely in the business of political humor who didn't rip the Clintons. They made it pretty easy.

It almost isn't a matter of liking or disliking a politician; it's a question of access points, and eventually all public figures provide them. Right this minute, if someone hired me to write jokes about Howard Dean, I don't know what I'd write. He hasn't done anything egregiously stupid…yet. He seems to have flip-flopped on a number of issues and he seems to be a bit reckless with what he says, but he hasn't done enough of that for people to laugh in agreement if you write about those things. Same thing with Gephardt, same thing with Kerry or whoever. At some point, we'll decide that the Democratic nominee, whoever it is, has certain flaws that are exploitable for humor, the way Dan Quayle was dumb, Bill Clinton was horny, Al Gore was dull, Bob Dole was ancient, etc. For a time, it looked like the prevailing caricature of George W. Bush was going to be either of a Word Mangler or a Drunken Frat Boy, but it seems to be edging towards Phony Macho.

Some say that whoever the Democratic nominee is, the Republican machine will leap to portray him as weak, dishonest and, if possible, unpatriotic. I just hope, if they succeed in convincing America that the guy has negatives, they're not those. It's going to be a long, nasty campaign and it would be nice if the late night shows didn't wind up just recycling old Al Gore jokes and changing the names.

Equal Time

Having posted many messages about how I don't like Governor Schwarzenegger's financial shenanigans, I should admit that he has done one thing that I like. He has indicated that he intends to allow the state's Board of Prison Terms (i.e., Parole Board) to do its job and to appoint members who do not simply believe that criminals should remain behind bars until they rot. The board was weighted to that belief and on the rare occasions that they recommended someone for release, Gray Davis would invariably overrule their decision, making some wonder why they even held parole hearings. The system doesn't work and it's time someone admitted it and fixed it. So good for Governor Arnold on that one.

Additional Info

A few months back when Robert Stack passed away, I posted this anecdote about how he got the job as Eliot Ness on The Untouchables. Briefly, in case you don't want to go read it, the story is that producer Desi Arnaz had cast his old friend and understudy, Van Johnson, as Ness. As Desi (and others) later told the story, Johnson's wife, who acted as his manager, called up at the last minute and tried to put the squeeze on him for more money, and Desi refused. The tale makes it look like Mrs. Johnson tried to pull a fast one and in so doing, royally screwed up, costing her husband the lead in what turned out to be a very successful series.

That's how it's always told. But I love seeing anecdotes debunked (when appropriate) or clarified, so I was delighted to receive this e-mail from Schuyler Johnson, offspring of Van and Evie Johnson. Schuyler agreed to let me share it with you…

I accidentally found a web site attributed to the masked blogger and he quoted some info from you regarding a story about Van Johnson, Desi Arnaz and Evie Johnson. Please allow me to clear up the fiction. My mother had nothing whatsoever to do with that decision, That was my father's wish and he asked her to make that call for him. He often made her do things that he deemed unpleasant but necessary to his career. She is not at all the person portrayed in this account and it is my father who is the villain in the piece. Thank you for letting me clarify another fictional story that has been accepted all these years.

Well, I'm not sure he's that much of a villain, but this does make perfect sense, and it's a good reminder that a lot of people play Good Cop/Bad Cop, where the person you think is the heavy is really acting for or with the other party. There are a lot of show biz stories where an agent or manager seems to make some foolish or unethical demand on behalf of the client, and I often wonder if the client was really as unaware as he or she tried to seem. Anyway, thanks to Schuyler for coming forth with that info, and I apologize if by repeating it, I perpetuated a bad image of your mother.

Python Stuff

Here's a good review of a new book on Monty Python and a decent, albeit quick overview of their history and impact. Even quotes my pal Kim "Howard" Johnson.

Speculation About Speculation

I'm stealing this quote from the weblog of Matthew Yglesias (specifically from this entry) because it says what I believe. And as far as I can tell, all the folks doing the speculating believe it too. They just aren't about to allow a silly little thing like logic get in the way of all that fun speculation. Anyway, here's the quote…

Not to rain on media colleagues' parade to an undue degree here, but speculation along the lines of "…if Dean loses in 2004, then what will happen in 2008" is really a bit silly. This is 2003 — five years from 2008. Five years ago, it was 1998. Who in the world was sitting around in 1998 saying "Al Gore will almost certainly be the Democratic nominee, and if he loses in 2000 then it looks like the primary will be fought out between the Howard Dean camp and the Wesley Clark camp?" The answer, of course, is no one.

And I think all the speculation that says Dean has it locked up is premature, too. He may well be the nominee…but there are still primaries to come that he will probably lose. When that happens, or even before it happens when he looks likely to lose one, the media won't be able to resist the tease, "Is Dean Crashing and Burning?" Because they love a good horse race.

What's driving this talk that Dean is a shoo-in is probably to some extent, a frustration with the lackluster Democratic field. A lot of people who don't like Bush are eager to escalate the drive to unseat him. So for them, the sooner they can rally behind one candidate, the better. And it almost doesn't matter who that candidate is.

Thanks…

…to all of you who've offered copies of the Jim Henson tapes. I've arranged to procure one but I appreciate so many people being willing to supply dupes of theirs.

Thanks also for the donations which have been coming in reponse to our latest subtle hint. I'll be writing to each of you individually but it may take a bit. I'm waaaaay behind on e-mail. So what else is new?

Recommended Reading

Well, he didn't waste a lot of time, did he? The headline of this article is "Schwarzenegger Retreats on Key Campaign Vows." According to this other article, he's also decided to call off his inquiry into allegations of sexual misconduct on his part.

Do I smell another sequel? Say, Recall, Part II? Probably not. But if I'd voted for Arnold, I'd sure be a little embarrassed right about now.

Muppet Masterworks

Have I ever mentioned what a huge fan I am of the Muppets? Especially of the original incarnation, back when it was mostly Jim Henson and Frank Oz? One of my major regrets is that Mr. Henson passed away not long after telling me he'd find some project where I could work for him. It was one of those "I'd have paid him" moments…but at least I got to meet the man. He was another of those people I felt like I already knew because of the wonderful "connect" that I had with his sense of humor and sensibility.

Like a lot of you, I first discovered the Muppets back when they intermittently guested on TV shows, most notably Ed Sullivan's. I also used to watch The Jimmy Dean Show to see Rowlf…and Rowlf also turned up on a short-run summer variety show called Our Place, which starred Burns and Schreiber and featured The Doodletown Pipers and other performers then represented by Bernie Brillstein. But the Sullivan spots were the best, so I was delighted to see that the company that now controls Ed's old shows has compiled a DVD of Muppet appearances. There were some very clever spots there, about half of which ended with one character eating another. I believe most of them were just Henson and the helping hands of Mr. Oz, who then did not speak much, if at all.

I just ordered this DVD, which you can do by clicking here. Actually, if anyone out there has them, there are two Muppet appearances I'd really like to find on home video. One was an episode of The Dick Cavett Show where he did 90 minutes with them, and I think Henson just emptied out the workshop and brought every puppet he owned over to Cavett's studio. (Actually, there are hundreds of Cavett shows I'd love to find.) The other, more recent Muppet curio I'd like is the special they did to acknowledge Henson's passing. I missed it when it aired but later, someone sent me a tape that also included video of the surviving Muppeteers performing at a public memorial for him, and it was all quite touching. I made the mistake of loaning the tape to someone who promptly made the error of taping a baseball game over it, even though I'd popped the "no record" tabs. I still don't know how they managed that; only that I lost my copy of something I wanted to keep.

I think I'll close this little item by quoting a line that Henson said the one time I met him. He showed a small group of us a "making of" tape for The Dark Crystal, explaining how robotics and remote control devices had enabled the puppeteers to control the characters. At one point, he froze the tape on one monster and said, "There's an important point I want to make here. That puppet cost something like two hundred thousand dollars to build and while he served the story, he was forgotten right after this film came out. I don't remember his name, I don't think anyone in my company remembers his name. I doubt anyone we might run into on the street would know his name…" Then Henson reached into a small purse-like satchel and pulled out, without putting it on, his main Kermit puppet. He said, "On the other hand, this one cost about fifty dollars and it's the most popular, loved thing I will ever do." Now do you see why I wanted to work with this man?

Hoedown Deja Vu

Every weeknight, the ABC Family Channel runs two old episodes of Whose Line Is It Anyway? For some odd reason, this week they're rerunning the exact same episodes they ran last week. There's probably a good reason for this but I'll be darned if I know what it is.

Aw, Shucks…

laurelhardyfrankenstein01

The guy's gone and corrected the eBay listing, which was for an 8mm print of Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein wrongly identified as Laurel and Hardy Meet Frankenstein. It was not only a great typo, it was a great concept for a movie. They could even have used some approximation of the same script, casting Jimmy Finlayson as McDougal (the guy who owned what he thought were wax statues of Frankenstein and Dracula) and maybe Mae Busch in Lenore Aubert's role. And don't think we could never see this. It would not surprise me if one of these days, the technology of computer imaging reached the point where it was possible to "create" a performance by some real actor and use it in constructing a movie. I'd like to see them start by taking George Lazenby out of On Her Majesty's Secret Service and putting Sean Connery in. Where he should have been in the first place.

Bob Gregory, R.I.P.

Bob Gregory, who wrote and/or drew hundreds of Donald Duck comic books for Western Publishing has died. He was 82 and the official cause of death is listed as pneumonia. Gregory was born in 1921 in Los Angeles, where he eventually attended Otis Art Institute. He did several years as a technical illustrator for an airplane manufacturer but the work did not suit him and he began submitting ideas and sketches to Western Publishing. In 1958, they finally began accepting his work on a steady-enough basis that he could chuck the aircraft job and go full-time. Thereafter, he wrote scripts for others to draw and scripts for himself to draw, and while he worked on most of Western's "funny animal" comics, his main gig was as writer-artist for Donald and other ducks. In the seventies, he wrote and pencilled most issues of Daisy and Donald. He was the guy who drew the ducks with very round heads, which he usually created with a circle template.

His work was quite popular and he obviously had cartooning in his blood. You can tell because he passed it on to his daughter, who is also a cartoonist and a very good one. Roberta Gregory created the popular feminist anti-heroine, Bitchy Bitch, who is not exactly Daisy Duck but does continue the family tradition.

Vote Early…

I've been busy this evening for two reasons. One is that there's a full moon so I had to go out and be a werewolf for a while. Then after I'd bitten almost enough people for one night, I came in and read about two dozen political websites. On them, I found at least three dozen speculations as to why Al Gore has decided to endorse Howard Dean. They're all predicated on the assumption that Gore thinks it will aid his own self-interest. He wants a cabinet post or a Supreme Court appointment or to stick it to Joe Lieberman or to solidify his base with a certain wing of the party or…whatever. A number of folks seem to think Gore's trying to position himself for a presidential run in 2008. The way that one goes is that he knows that if a Democrat wins in 2004, that Democrat will run for re-election in '08, so Gore wants to support someone who's likely to lose, and that's Dean.

I have no idea what's on Gore's mind and neither do any of the speculators. But most of these theories sound pretty far-fetched to me, especially the notion that Gore (or anyone) is really acting with an eye on 2008. Let's see: The theory is that he wants his party to lose so he's endorsing the front-runner. And of course, if he endorsed anyone other than the front runner, they'd say it's because he wants to see a weaker candidate in there. Or if he didn't endorse anyone, they'd say he's withholding his support because he wants the Democratic nominee to lose…

Aren't there simpler, less devious explanations? Like maybe Gore thinks Dean is the best candidate? None of the people guessing at Gore's motives seem to think that but maybe Gore does. And maybe he thinks it will serve the party's interest, and indirectly his own, to help Dean nail down the nomination a.s.a.p., before a contentious primary battle fractures the Democratic party.

The other thing I notice is a lot of pundits saying Dean has darn near tied up the nomination. I'm not that old but I can still remember when, even after all the primaries, there was still an uncertainty about who'd be the nominee, all the way up until the second or third night of the convention. Then, thanks to changing party and primary rules, we reached the point where the presidential nominee was set before the election and the suspense at the convention was who he'd pick as his running mate. Then even that small nugget of suspense went away and the veep was selected before the delegates convened. Now, we seem to have arrrived at the next, obvious step: A nine candidate race is being called before a single primary has been held.

If this keeps up, we won't even need that silly part of the process where we actually vote. That will be good because, hell, those Diebold machines weren't going to count our ballots, anyway. And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going out for some more werewolfing…

Trio Trouble

One of the best TV channels I get on my satellite dish is Trio, which describes itself as "the only pop culture and arts channel." It's actually the "weird stuff" channel with a schedule that includes reruns of Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, old Letterman shows from when he was on NBC, music shows, documentaries about the entertainment industry and the occasional outright oddity. At the moment, they're rerunning old episodes of Battle of the Network Stars. I tend to watch it rather often.

DirecTV is now superimposing on Trio broadcasts an occasional message that says, "DirecTV's carriage agreement with Trio network expires on December 31st. If we cannot reach an acceptable agreement by December 31st, Trio will no longer be available to DirecTV subscribers." Trio has set up this webpage to urge people to write to DirecTV and say it matters to them if Trio is in the channel lineup.

This is probably about money and nothing else. Last time I heard, about half of Trio's viewers came to them via DirecTV, so losing that outlet might finish them off. DirecTV is figuring they can get better terms out of Trio. Trio is figuring DirecTV won't want to piss off subscribers by taking away something they already get. It's all a game of Chicken but I decided it wouldn't hurt to tell DirecTV I really want to keep seeing Trio on my satellite, so I filled out the form on the Trio site. You might want to do likewise.