The Website For You

Did you like those little Bazooka Joe comic strips that come wrapped around Bazooka Bubble Gum? Then this is the website for you.

Did you like Wacky Packages, those little stickers that came with gum and parodied well-known products? Then this is the website for you.

Did you like Garbage Pail Kids, those cards depicting gross monster kids, many of whom were drawn by the great John Pound? Then this is the website for you.

Do you like trading cards with pictures of monsters on them? Then this is the website for you.

Recommended Reading

Over on Slate, Jack Shafer raises an issue that has interested me: How much of our current reporting, especially about Iraq, 9/11 and the Saudis, is based not just on anonymous sources but on anonymous sources of extremely dubious merit.

And also on Slate, Daniel Gross notes some of the economic predictions made in the aftermath of 9/11 that have proven faulty.

Breaking News

Tab Hunter comes out of the closet for the nineteenth time.

Larry Hovis, R.I.P.

A lovely, talented man died this morning in his native Texas. Larry Hovis was one of those people who could do anything: Sing, dance, write, act, produce. He was also an artist and handyman. When I knew him back in the seventies, his hands were like sandpaper from the work he was doing with wood and metal in a home workshop.

Larry was born February 20, 1936 in Wapito, Washington but he grew up in Texas and always considered it his home. At age seven, he and his sister had a "kid act" singing and dancing on local radio and at state fairs. When he got too old for that, he put in several years in a vocal group (including an appearance on the TV show, Arthur Godfrey's Talent Scouts) and went on to a fruitful career in musical theater, mostly in and around Texas, while he went to school. Soon after he nailed down a degree in Philosophy at the University of Houston, he was "discovered" by Capitol Records, recorded a few songs for them, then moved to New York. There, he appeared in The Billy Barnes Revue and in a short-lived flop — a revue called From A to Z starring Hermione Gingold and featuring sketches by Woody Allen. That was in 1960. By 1963, Larry had relocated to Los Angeles where he landed the recurring role (two episodes) of Gilly Walker on The Andy Griffith Show. This in turn led to a recurring role in the spin-off show, Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C. and then a tour of duty on Hogan's Heroes as the hapless Sgt. Andrew Carter.

When Hogan's Heroes went off, Larry didn't miss a beat, moving over to become a regular on Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In. During this time, he also began to write for variety shows and other comedians, and to delve into the producing of game shows. For most of the seventies, he bounced around between several careers — writing, producing game shows (Liar's Club, for one) and doing guest spots on TV shows. Whenever he could, he also got back into musical theater. I saw him give a wonderful performance as the TV crusader, Melvin P. Thorpe, in a touring company of The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.

In 1989, Larry was hired to produce a TV show called Totally Hidden Video for the then-new Fox network. It was supposed to be a TV show where unsuspecting people were caught in pranks but a small scandal erupted. The claim was that the camera was not "totally hidden" and that some of the "victims" were actors who were paid to pretend they were caught. I had lost touch with Larry by then so I never heard his side of it but a mutual friend told me that Larry had "taken the fall" for others. Disgusted by the whole experience, the friend said, he had decided to leave television and move back to Texas. There, he wrote, performed in and directed plays, and taught Theatre at Texas State University in San Marcos.

I didn't know Larry that well but we worked on a few projects that never went anywhere, and I could tell he was a very bright man, and just as nice as he came across on TV. I remember that a friend of his was then struggling to hold onto a disc jockey job and had called to ask if Larry had any joke books that could help raise the humor level of the broadcasts. Larry sat down and spent a whole weekend writing fresh (and very funny) material for his friend and just told him, "Send me a few bucks if you get renewed." On the Liar's Club game show, Larry was both the producer and one of four celebrity panelists. The panelists had to give funny "bluff" answers to questions, all of which Larry wrote, and he made a point of never saving the best jokes for himself. He was a fine, generous human being and I'm sorry to hear there's one less of those in the world today.

Recommended Reading

Fred Kaplan on how 9/11 handed G.W. Bush a historic opportunity…and how he squandered it.

Python Caution

You may want to hold off ordering that DVD of Monty Python's The Meaning of Life. Several of the DVD-buff message boards are reporting things like what they're saying over at DVDTalk

Monty Python fans have yet another reason to fret. We've received numerous reports of problems with Universal Studios Home Video's DVD release for Monty Python's The Meaning of Life: 2-Disc Collector's Edition. Apparently there are some compression issues which effect 2 out of every 5 consecutive frames, this results in a shaky or blurry image on some DVD Players (not all).

In other words, it may or may not play well on your machine. Stay tuned for more details, and thanks to Kevin Boury for calling this to my attention.

Python News

John Cleese says that the members of Monty Python are presently too busy to do anything together. And the big castle that was seen in Monty Python and the Holy Grail has become a big tourist attraction.

Also: The DVD of The Meaning of Life came out recently but I don't have it yet. It's loaded with special features including several deleted scenes, an intro by Mr. Idle, an audio commentary by Mssrs. Jones and Gilliam, trailers, outtakes, a "Making of…" documentary, etc. Even if it didn't have all that extra stuff, I'd buy one. You can buy one from Amazon by clicking here.

The Crooked Tow Truck Driver, Part 3

September 8, 2003

Before you read this, you might want to read Part 1 and Part 2.

Two weeks ago, I reported on an ugly encounter that a group of us had with a tow truck driver. As I noted at the time, a lot of this seemed to be in violation of the vehicle code and the whole thing smelled of extortion. I have since spent some time talking to law enforcement officials — all of whom, by the way, were uncommonly polite and helpful and difficult to get on the phone because they have to juggle so many cases at once. I think I now have a better understanding of the situation…and why these guys have a racket that is difficult to combat. The bottom line is that, yes, the driver in this case probably violated the law but that there's nothing the law can do. Prior to 1995, they could. One of the detectives to whom I spoke said, "If this had happened in '94, we'd be able to go out and arrest him for car theft and several other things, except that back in '94, he probably wouldn't have tried it."

What happened in 1995 was a massive deregulation of the towing industry as part of the Federal Aviation Administration Act of'95. The main part of the act, of course, had to do with airlines but they tossed in interstate trucking as part of the bargain and somehow,thanks to the fine lobbying efforts of the tow truck industry, towing snuck in there. The California state laws are still on the books and going by them, what our friend the tow truck driver did is probably illegal. But what has happened is that the courts have ruled that the federal law supersedes the state laws, and the federal law changes the offense to a civil matter. In other words, the state cannot prosecute the guy but I can sue him. If I sue him, the most I can collect is quadruple damages…in other words, $600.

To win, I would have to show he had violated the California Vehicle Code, which I believe he did, but proving that would not be easy. There is no doubt in my mind that the guy lied to us, claiming the cost would be $250 when in fact, that amount is still regulated and it would have been more like $137. But doubtlessly, that would come down to his word against mine and anyway, it's not a clear violation of the law to lie. More relevant is the fact that the posted sign was apparently not the right size or wording…but one of the detectives with whom I spoke cautioned me that judges sometimes regard that as a technicality, and one that represents wrongdoing by the property owner and not the tow truck. It is not something you want to hang your whole case upon.

The biggest violation I could prove might be if, as I suspect, the tow truck driver could not show that a property owner (i.e., someone with legal responsibility for the private road) had directly authorized the tow. My suspicion is that no one phoned; that this driver merely cruises areas where he knows he may find cars parked in apparent violation of posted signs. When he finds them, he starts towing…and of course, he hopes he can get people to pay him $125 to not impound their cars, rather than the higher fee if he does. There are three possible scenarios here…

One is if he had no authorization whatsoever from the property owner. Regulation or deregulation, that would be a pretty clear violation of the law, and would likely land the guy in jail, above and beyond any monetary damages to those he had fleeced. As one detective told me, this is possible but not probable.

The second would be if he had received a specific call from the property owner to remove my car. According to the California Vehicle Code, this has to be done in writing and the property owner must be present…but the federal deregulation largely gutted those conditions. Now, there merely has to be a specific call. The problem with pursuing this possible violation is that until I got the guy into court, I would have no way of knowing if any of the homeowners on the street had called him. He doesn't have to give me that information.

The third scenario is the most likely. A lot of the companies that tow cars off private property are now operating under what they call "blanket authorizations," meaning that the property owner has authorized them to patrol the area and remove any vehicle they find parked in violation of the posted signs without a specific call. This is contrary to the Vehicle Code but several towing companies are still fighting in court, on matters ongoing, claiming that that provision has been voided by the federal deregulation and that blanket authorizations are now legal. In fact, the tow truck company for which our friend works is one of the main firms fighting for that interpretation.

If the guy was operating under a blanket authorization, it probably would not come down to discussing the legality of that. More likely, the driver would claim he had a specific complaint from a homeowner on that street. He would have to give the name to the judge and then someone would check to see if that person would back that up. The judge might put the burden on me to go up there and knock on that person's door and say to them, "Listen, I was parked out front where I know you don't want anyone to park, but would you sign an affidavit that you didn't call the tow truck to remove my car?" Or the judge might have some officer of the court check. Either way, the named homeowner would probably back the tow truck driver and I'd have to go back to court a second time and pin my hopes on the technicality of the sign being wrong.

So it sounds like a tough case to win. One person I spoke to said my best chance would be if the tow truck driver just defaulted and paid the $600, rather than go to court. Considering how much loot he's probably clearing when he's out towing cars, that sounds financially plausible, but I'm also told most tow truck companies do fight such matters. They thrive on the idea that you'll decide it's not worth your trouble to go to court. They like that even if I win, I'm going to go back and tell the other folks who got towed that it was a huge hassle and that it took a lot of my time, so they have to make sure it's a huge hassle that takes a lot of my time. The last time I went to court— back when a speeding motorist ran into my house — I had to get up very early and sit in court most of a day before I learned that the case was being postponed to another day. The wheels of justice don't just grind slowly; sometimes, they turn like the cap on an old tube of Krazy Glue.

One of the gents I talked to said, approximately, "The problem is the deregulation. It allowed hundreds and hundreds of new towing companies to get into the business. The theory was that more competition would drive down the rates but in fact, the rates have all gone up, not down. What has gone down are the ethics of the business and our ability to police them. I cannot go out and arrest them like we used to do. You have to decide you want to go to court, and you have a much harder time of it than you should." Another detective said, "It might not have been so bad if they'd really deregulated…if a judge could fine them ten thousand dollars or lift their licenses. But they kept the part of the regulation that limits the punishment to quadruple damages."

Quadruple damages don't equal a lot of justice. I'll bet not one in ten people who are subjected to this even bother to look into their rights, let alone go to court. One detective said less than one in a hundred take any action at all, and he also confirmed my hunch that the truckers prey primarily on expensive cars in upscale neighborhoods. That increases the chance that (a) someone is going to come up with $125 cash to reclaim their car and (b) the victim is going to decide it's not worth his time to go to court. It sounds to me like the odds are wildly in the towing company's favor: Tow 100 cars @ $125 each. An average of one will drag you to court and you may have to pay $600. Total profit: $11,900.

As you may have guessed by now, I don't think I'm going to be the one in a hundred who goes before His Honor. I have been toying with the notion of using contacts I have with newspapers and magazines to see if I can write up this tale for a larger audience than the one that visits this website. That might do a lot more good, though I may not even do that. It might cut into my new occupation as a crooked tow truck driver.

The Times Finally Gets One Right

I am told there's a good review of my book, Mad Art, on page 19 of the new New York Times Book Review. I haven't seen it yet.

By that, I mean I haven't seen the review. I've seen my book, Mad Art. I've even suggested you see my book, Mad Art, which you can order by clicking here.

If and when the review is posted online, I'll put up a link to it. Thank you, Earl Wells, for letting me know about it. Something like this could even get me to rethink my new career…

Recommended Reading

Here's William Saletan with one logical way to look at the speech Bush gave last night. Another is that it might be simpler just to give half of the 87 billion directly to Halliburton.

Wonderful Websites

I'm not sure I even know how to describe the Degree Confluence Project. Its goal is to visit each of the latitude and longitude integer degree intersections in the world, and to take pictures at each location. You'll understand better what that means if you visit the site. (Don't thank me for this one. Thank David Feldman, King of All Imponderables. I'm just passing it along.)

Another Cover Gallery

And as Marv Wolfman reminds me, there's a cover gallery online for every issue of MAD Magazine. It's right over here.