Have you got about a half-hour of your life that you want to throw away? I don't, but I got hooked on this anyway. Over on the Garfield website, you can wander around a haunted house and try to conquer Garfield's Scary Scavenger Hunt. But don't even click on that link unless you have the time to spare. You have been warned.

I'm not sure if it's morbid or a sad reminder or a nice bit of immortality but a lot of folks die and their website remains up and active. The website of my old pal Lorenzo Music is still operational almost two years after we lost him. The website of Buddy Hackett is of course still there — we only lost him a few days ago — and it provides us a chance to see some neat photos of him and to hear him sing "Shipoopi." (Though it's a little odd to see the pages that tell us he's fine, that he's retired and that he's taking a nap.) And I will also mention the website of Buddy's son, Sandy Hackett. Sandy's a popular comedian in Las Vegas and there's an e-mail link on his page if you want to send a condolence e-mail.

Every so often, a cartoonist comes along and something about his work "connects" with you. You don't know the guy but you know you're on the same wavelength; that you find the same kinds of things funny. I felt that way the first time I saw the work of Gahan Wilson. If you did too, here's a link to his website.

Recently, the Rio Suites Hotel in Las Vegas introduced a gimmick involving its cocktail waitresses. In one of those moves that makes you wonder if someone understands the concept, the Rio got rid of all the servers who'd been hired because of their cleavage and/or buttocks, and now hires based on singing and dancing. Every so often, these "bevertainers" (as they're called) stop bringing you watery scotch and instead hop up to perform on little platforms situated throughout the casino. I haven't seen it yet but reports do not make this sound like a fabulous idea. "Bevertainers," by the way, is a term derived from the word "beverage" and I'm told most people pronounce it by inserting an extra "a," guess where.

Not to be outdone, the Imperial Palace now has "The Legends Pit," which features Blackjack dealers who are celebrity imitators. Thursday through Sunday evenings, a grouping of seven tables is manned by Elvis look-alikes, Madonna clones, Cher doppelgangers, etc. This sounds like the set-up to about three weeks of Leno monologue jokes. The first one that comes to mind is that they had to fire the Michael Jackson impersonator because he wouldn't hit on anything over twelve.

See? I told you there'd be updates about the panels I'm hosting at the Comic-Con International in San Diego. We've just added another guest to the Seduction of the Innocent panel, which takes place on Thursday afternoon, July 17 at 1:00 in room 9. In addition to the previously-announced panelists and rare video footage of Dr. Fredric Wertham, we'll be welcoming Al Feldstein, the writer-editor of EC's horror, crime and science-fiction comics, as well as (later on) MAD Magazine. No one alive knows more about what Wertham's book meant to the comic book industry. Here's how the schedule looks now with Al's name added.

Regarding gay marriage, Michael Kinsley has an odd suggestion in the "never gonna happen but it's an interesting way to look at the problem" category.

One of the complications that will hover over most discussions of gay marriage is that most people in this country really don't believe in State's Rights. Some say they do, generally because they think they can win certain emotion-laden battles in a smaller arena. But when they lose — say, when the voters in a state elect to have medical marijuana or assisted suicide or gay marriage — they immediately want the Fed to step in, enforce some higher law…or if there isn't one, make one.

The concept of gay marriage makes the whole concept of State's Rights dicier, since states are supposed to honor each others' laws. That hasn't been a big concern with other issues that seem to be in play, since you can only smoke medical marijuana or assist suicide or abort a fetus in one state at a time. But gays who marry in whatever state first recognizes gay marriage would want to travel, perhaps relocate, maybe buy insurance from companies in another state, etc. And if you give Sam and Fred the right to marry in a state and they do, what happens to their union if the voters of that state later repeal the law?

I don't know what's going to happen here. But I do know it's going to be messy.

Every year at the annual Comic-Con International, they let me host a batch of wonderful events, most of them about the history of the comic book medium. Last year, I did twelve. This year, I'm taking it easy: I'm hosting ten, plus I'm a panelist on one other. I can be a bit of a nag about these program items because, first of all, they feature a lot of terrific people who are nice enough to show up and answer questions and/or perform, and I'd like to see their generosity rewarded with big audiences. Secondly, the con is a huge place with much to see and do. (There are even some fine panels and presentations that I don't host. The whole schedule will be up shortly on the convention website. By the way, that's also where you can go to get info on attending the con.)

So every year, I host these terrific once-in-a-lifetime events and every year, some brain-dead acquaintance of mine staggers up to me after they're over — or calls up the day after the con — and says, with an I.Q. reminiscent of Crazy Guggenheim, "Duhhh….I forgot about that great panel of yours I wanted to see. Did anyone tape it?" The answer is that the panels are sometimes taped but they're not readily available for public consumption even when they are. If you want to see one, you have to actually go to it. When I tell them this, they act like it's my fault: "Duhhh…you should have reminded me." Well, I'm reminding you all now. I'll remind you before the con, too.

I've posted the schedule of my program items as it currently stands. There could be a few changes so check in here before and even during the con for last-minute updates. But here is how it currently stands. Click there to read it.

Reuters has corrected its report to say that Buddy Hackett was 78.

Here's a defense of Gray Davis that's worth a look. The argument seems to be that Davis isn't responsible for California's financial woes…various Bush deregulations and buddies are. There is some truth to that but it doesn't change the fact that Davis allowed them to loot the state.

Here's exactly what bothers me about the way the press treats George W. Bush: Covering for distortions of fact after having savaged Al Gore for lesser offenses.

I'm swamped with a deadline but I have to write something here about Buddy Hackett, who was found dead this morning. He was either 78 if you believe the Associated Press or 79 if you believe Reuters. I think Reuters is right.

I had the pleasure of working with Buddy a couple of times and for some reason, had been running into him lately. Here's a photo taken at a party last Christmas. That's Buddy, me, Leonard Maltin and Chuck McCann — and I'm sorry Buddy isn't in the center but I didn't take the picture. Mr. Hackett had just told us the joke about the man who woke up one morning and discovered something weird on his forehead. He went to a doctor who told him he had a penis beginning to grow there. The man was hysterical and begged the doctor to remove it. The doctor said he couldn't without doing fatal damage to the man's circulatory system. "You mean that from now on, every morning when I shave, I'm going to have to look at this in the mirror?" the man asked. "No, don't worry," the doctor said. "The balls will cover your eyes."

I never quite warmed to Buddy as a stand-up. His act seemed to be a medley of jokes like the above — stories that anyone could tell, and did. I don't think there was even such a thing as "a Buddy Hackett joke." But I liked him as a comic actor, especially in The Music Man and It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, and he told wonderful stories about Dean and Frank and Sammy and everyone else in show business. I always wished, when I was around him or I saw him on a talk show, he'd dispense with the penis jokes and just tell anecdotes. He'd worked with everyone and seemed to remember every bit of it.

He had a lot of anger, especially about "idiot hotel owners" who'd spoiled the market for headliners in Las Vegas. Like a lot of older performers, he fought an ongoing battle to keep appearing for top money and not to get relegated to the status of Non-Working Legend. Up until this morning, he seemed to be in good health and just as sharp as ever…but the business, of course, has changed. At the same time, he had a sweet side and was fiercely protective of his friends. At the Hollywood Collectors Show in January, he was sitting next to another performer about the same age but recovering from a stroke. The other performer — once a big star — was being generally overlooked by the attendees and no one was purchasing his autobiography, for which Buddy had written the foreword. "Go make a little fuss over him," Buddy whispered to me. As others flocked to meet the famous Buddy Hackett and purchase his autographed photos, he gave them the pics for free and hinted that they should step over and buy his pal's book instead. He didn't care if he didn't make any money that day. He just didn't want another long-time star to feel forgotten. That's one fate I don't think Buddy ever had to worry about for himself.

As anyone with an I.Q. over 30 is well aware, a can of Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup is a universal symbol. It says, clear as day: "The proprietor of this website is swamped with pressing deadlines for the next few days so don't feel abandoned or otherwise neglected if he doesn't post much for a while, or if he's been rude as rude can be about not answering your wonderful, informative e-mail. He will get to both this weblog and his e-mailbox as soon as is humanly possible." Take no umbrage, lose no faith in mankind. All will be normal again as soon as a certain script is on the desk of a certain producer. Bye now.

…but only in Australia. I'm doing a live radio interview tomorrow with Kris Csillag, who hosts the Breakfast Show on ABC Southwest radio. On my end, it will be around 4:00 in the afternoon but it will be 7:00 AM the following morning (I guess) in Australia. Either way, the topic will be Mad Art, my book on the history of the illustrators of MAD Magazine. If you don't live in Australia, you still have time to build a really, really tall antenna. Or better still, save what you'd spend on the antenna and buy the book.

I was just reading an article about the problem and it mentioned something I hadn't noticed…or I guess I had noticed it but I hadn't realized what I was noticing.

I did notice that the spelling in most of the unwanted e-mails I happen to read is generally atrocious. It hadn't dawned on me that this is deliberate in order to fool some kinds of spam-filters. The spammers type "viagara" instead of "viagra" because some filters will instantly label any message containing the latter as spam. I just got an e-mail that spelled "penis" as "penís." The accented "i" gets it past many blocking mechanisms. In other words, the more illiterate a message is, the better its chance of reaching (and therefore, communicating) with someone.

There's something kind of odd and almost poetic about this occurring as our means of contacting one another becomes increasingly high-tech.

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist wants a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

Has anyone ever calculated the follow-through rate when prominent politicos call for a Constitutional amendment? I doubt it…but I'm guessing it's well under a thousandth of a percent.

Quick: When was the last time a move to amend the Constitution went the distance and actually occurred? Answer: 1992. And that was a provision with no opposition whatsoever — a technicality about Congressional paychecks.

Before that, the last amendment that actually was passed was to lower the voting age to 18, back in 1971. I recall very little opposition to that one. And before that, it was another uncontested, no-opposition change about presidential succession in 1967.

It's been close to 40 years in this country since we've passed a Constitutional amendment that had more than token opposition. But every week, when some Supreme Court decision or act of Congress doesn't go their way, someone's on Meet the Press, saying we need and will pass a Constitutional amendment undoing that loss.

I doubt even Dr. Frist thinks we'll ever see an amendment like he describes. He just thinks it's good politics to say that. It makes his supporters think the battle is not over and that if they keep throwing campaign contributions and efforts at Frist and his party, something will happen. But since that amendment is never going anywhere, it won't do much to energize the opposition.