Went out to the Hollywood Collectors Show today.  This is a quarterly (or so) event where dozens of movie and TV stars sell autographed photos of themselves.  The whole list can be found at this site, where you can also find details on the next one, which is April 15-16.  But among those who were scribbling their names on glossies for fans were Soupy Sales, Jennifer O'Neill, Lou Ferrigno, Carroll Baker, Jay North, Frank Stallone, Tanya Roberts and many more.  Among those I spoke with were Buddy Hackett, Jerry Vale and Mousie Garner.  Mousie, at age 93, is a vaudeville legend who was kind of the "Pete Best" of the Three Stooges.

Also had a nice chat with comedian Rip Taylor, who has recently undergone successful eye surgery.  Rip is reaching "show biz legend" status and as they used to say in a commercial no one remembers, he did it the old-fashioned way: He earned it.  I can't think of anyone in the field who's worked harder at a career, always going out on tour with something and/or taking small roles and turning them into big ones.  He also works hard once he gets the job.  I saw him in Vegas not long ago and he took the stage with an attitude that seemed to say, "This audience  paid to see me so I'm not leaving until everyone in this room is sick from laughter."

An awful lot of comedians — an ever-growing number, it seems — don't have that devotion.  They seem to adopt a posture of: "My act is funny.  People have laughed at it in this past.  I'm going to do that act and if this audience doesn't laugh, something's wrong with them."

Rip isn't like that.  He worked his ass (and toupee) off for the crowd — which I think goes halfway to explain why he's been around so long.  The other half is that he's pretty funny, at least when they let him do a whole act. The last few years, his TV appearances have rarely allowed for this, which is a shame. If you get the chance to see him live, do it.  A list of upcoming appearances is posted from time to time at www.riptaylor.com, along with other Rip-roaring stuff.

Now, I have a story to tell you.  In 1976, Sid and Marty Krofft produced a short-lived but highly memorable segment for The Krofft Supershow on ABC.  It was called ElectraWoman and DynaGirl, and it can best be described as a knock-off of the Batman TV show, but with two very attractive ladies in the title roles.  Deidre Hall, who is now a superstar in the world of soap operas, played the older, more experienced ElectraWoman.  Judy Strangis, who was then best known from the TV series Room 222 and about eight million commercials, played the teen DynaGirl.  An awful lot of young males — and even some fathers — got up on Saturday morn just to see them prancing about in Spandex.  (Given what's now on the cable channels, and even the major networks, it's insane how we used to tune in a given show just because it had thirty seconds of some cute lady wearing something skintight.)  I went to work for the Kroffts not long after that show had ceased production.

One day, I was wandering through their warehouse-factory when I spotted some glittery, satiny wardrobe peeking out of a trash can — outfits that had been worn by dancers on the Kroffts' variety shows.  As I was then living with one of those dancers, I asked and received permission to take some of these unwanted costumes home for her.  Somehow, I was also given the ElectraWoman and DynaGirl suits and no, they didn't fit me.  They wound up in my closet.

In 1981, I met Judy Strangis when she did the voice of the lead character on Goldie Gold, a cartoon show I worked on.  I told her I had the DynaGirl costume and that if she wanted it, I'd be glad to give it to her.  (Before you ask: I've never met Deidre Hall but I'm told she wants to forget the show and won't even sign photos from it.  So the ElectraWoman costume is staying in my closet until I can give it to a TV museum or some other appropriate venue.)

For years, I ran into Judy in restaurants and at parties and we talked about having lunch or otherwise getting together so I could give her the costume.  Somehow, this never transpired.  Finally, today — around 22 years since I promised it to her — I took it up to the Hollywood Collectors Show and handed it over.  She was, of course, floored.  It's faded and the Velcro is coming off, but it's still more or less in one piece.  Judy said she couldn't wait to take it home and see if it still fits.  I'm betting it does.  She looks like she's aged about five years since '76.  (By the way, she had a pretty good crop of guys my age lined up to buy signed photos today.  Gonads never forget.)

Another great sex symbol, Don Knotts, had the longest line — out the door and through the parking lot.  So many were waiting that I felt guilty cutting in to say howdy, but I did.  The charming thing about Don is that he is just about universally loved and respected.  I've been at gatherings of stars where he was among some pretty big names…but no matter how big, everyone wanted to meet Don and tell him how much they worshipped him.  And, like Jimmy Stewart, he is genuinely unspoiled by this, no matter how often it happens.  Yesterday and today at the Hollywood Collectors Show, it happened over and over and over, maybe 30-50 times an hour, and he was still polite and friendly and appreciative.  Every time.

I don't know who the nicest person in show business is.  But Don Knotts is certainly in the top two.

Are you interested in women who have their hair feathered back?  How about in people in movies who eat Chinese food and ice cream straight from the carton?  If you answered "yes" to either of these questions, you'll want to visit The Feathered Back Hair and Eating Chinese Food and Ice Cream Straight From the Carton in Movies and TV Site.  (If you answered "yes" to both, you've found your new home page.)

A scientist says that bananas may become extinct within ten years because they don't have sex.  What do you want to bet that (a) this doesn't happen but (b) within the next few days, Jay Leno will use this news item in a joke about his bandleader?  Anyway, if you want to know about this threat to our funniest fruit, here's the link.

Ian McNaughton, the director of Monty Python's Flying Circus, died shortly after Christmas.  Here's a link to a remembrance written by Pythoner Terry Jones.

My friend, chanteuse extraordinaire Shelly Goldstein, reportedly wowed them in London with her act.  While there, she appeared on the popular BBC radio program, Breakfast with Danny Baker, and discussed her singing, as well as her extensive career as a TV writer-producer.  If you go to this page, you can listen to about eleven minutes of that interview.

What have Adam West and Burt Ward been doing lately?  Funny you should ask…

Lawrence Lessig was among the leaders of the move to disallow the copyright extension act.  In fact, he was the main arguer of that viewpoint before the Supreme Court.  As I've mentioned, I disagree with the notion that public domain is usually in the public good, so I'm more or less on the opposite side to Prof. Lessig.  But in today's New York Times, he proposes a compromise move which sounds eminently sensible to me.  Here's a link to it.

A rather horrifying percentage of Americans — the kind who get interviewed on the street by Jay Leno, one supposes — believe that some or all of the 9/11 hijackers were Iraqis.  This says something about their I.Q.s, but it also says much about how well the Bush Administration has diverted attention from Osama to Saddam.  And, of course, it says oodles about how timid our press corps is about keeping America informed.  (For the stats and a good take on this, see this entry over at Avedon Carol's excellent political weblog, The Sideshow.  Avedon's links and musings are always worth a daily visit.)

Here's a charming (and somewhat whimsical) picture of The Three Stooges making a visit to kids in a hospital — the kind of thing they did very often.  Larry Fine, Moe Howard and "Curly" Joe DeRita were very nice gents who were generous with their time and only too willing to turn out for any charitable or benevolent concern.  But what I find funny about this photo is that "Curly" Joe didn't pause to think, "Hmm…we're in a hospital ward full of sick children.  Maybe I should ditch the cigar."

Here's an article by Joshua Green called "Reagan's Liberal Legacy."  It basically lists all the things — like raising taxes and backing down on his position against the Soviet Union — that Reagan's conservative admirers are determined to pretend he didn't do. Here's an interview with my friend Nat Gertler about his current comic book projects.  They include a sequel to his book, Panel One, which reprints comic book scripts.  The second one includes, among other fun stuff, the plot breakdown I did for an issue of Groo the Wanderer.

And here's another article about the battle over the rights to Winnie the Pooh.  One does get the feeling that Disney's happiness at the Supreme Court decision regarding copyright extension will be balanced by the outcome of this case.

Amazing Jonathon is a very hip, cutting-edge magician in Vegas.  Recently, his fellow practitioners of magic gathered for a roast and — well, here.  I'll let you read what occurred…

A sacrilegious stunt by Penn & Teller that offended some at a major magicians convention was defended Thursday by fellow local headliners.  A group walked out of a roast of Amazing Johnathan on Monday after Teller, dressed as Christ on a full-sized cross, entered the room on a cart.  A midget dressed as an angel performed a simulated sex act on the near-naked Teller.  Penn Jillette, in a Roman gladiator costume, unveiled the scene by pulling away a "Shroud of Turin" that covered the cross.

Here's a link to the entire news story.  It reminds me of tales of how, back when Redd Foxx and Buddy Hackett played Vegas, there would be signs outside the showroom warning that foul language was used and that the show was not for the easily-offended…but somehow, every night, some elderly couple from Dubuque stalked out, shivering at having heard the "f" word.  You have to wonder: What did they expect?

Two Friday morning links: Rephah Berg suggests that "new professional writers" (discussed below) should visit The Burry Man Writers Center, where they will learn much about the field and its scamming.  Click on "The Business of Writing" and read everything there.

And I suggest that folks interested in the Death Penalty reversal in Illinois read this article in this morning's New York Times.  I really think that most of those who are upset about the actions of the outgoing governor are saying, in effect, "No!  Don't tell us the system is broken.  We don't want to hear that.  We want to believe it works the way we like."  But the genie's out of the bottle on this one.  If there's going to be a Death Penalty in this country in five years, the process will take a lot of fixing.

The comic book news sites have released this announcement so I might as well mention it here: Dark Horse Comics is publishing a 4-issue mini-series of Shrek.  Ramon Bachs and Raul Fernandez are handling the artwork and Yours Truly is writing the thing — a task I happily accepted when it was offered, since I really liked the movie.  The first issue, which comes out the end of April, is adapted from a short Shrek movie that has been produced for exhibition at theme parks.  It takes place on the honeymoon of Shrek and Fiona, as they encounter the ghost of Lord Farquaad.  The other three issues will be original, individual stories featuring characters from the film, and that's really all I have to report at the moment.  Hope you like it.

Frankly, I'm just as excited about another book Dark Horse is bringing out even though I have nothing to do with it.  In May, they'll release a full-color volume of Li'l Abner Sunday pages drawn primarily by Frank Frazetta.  Denis Kitchen, who published those wonderful Abner reprint books, is annotating them.  I could probably sponge a free copy off the company but, in the hope this sells well enough to warrant more books — including the non-Frazetta Sunday pages — I'm going to pay actual money.  You should, too.

The latest on Mad Art: The online booksellers still say it ain't out, but the publisher is doing a second printing. I have a feeling the second printing will be out before Amazon figures out there was a first one.

• Off the Wagon by Paul Krugman, New York Times
• Dubya's Dividend Delight by Michael Kinsley, Slate
• Amateur Hour at the White House by Richard Cohen, Washington Post
• White House Unveils McDuck Initiative by Gene Lyons, Arkansas Democrat-Gazette
• The Nixon Shadow by John Dean, History News Network
• Lieberman Bowing In by William F. Buckley, National Review

This next item is about folks who might best be described as "new professional writers," meaning that they've sold a few things but not many, and are eager to sell more.  Lately, several have written me for advice and/or sympathy as they have experienced the same baffling, dispiriting situation.  It starts via an e-mail contact with someone — we'll call that person "The Buyer" — who is looking for writers for some project.  Sometimes, The Buyer solicited applicants on the Internet; sometimes, The Writer was referred to them.  Either way, The Buyer sends an e-mail with a long breakdown of rules and guidelines, and encourages The Writer to submit pitches — samples, premises, "spec" outlines, whatever.

The Writer invests some time in cobbling up ideas, sends them off…and the next thing, he or she gets back an e-mail that asks for a price quote.  In other words, "How cheap will you work?"  The Writer, who knows little of how the project is to be marketed, where it will be distributed, etc., doesn't have enough info to cite a price but if they don't, they don't have a shot at this job.  So they do, erring on the low side.  And the next thing they receive is an e-mail that says, basically, "You're too expensive.  We're going with someone else."

For some reason, this kiss-off is usually accompanied by some sort of gratuitous insult.  One writer-applicant recently received one that said, "Obviously, based on the price you quoted, you're not a professional."  Based on the low price quote that The Buyer found exorbitant, I would say the project is not very professional, either.

I've heard of this happening often lately, and I have no real advice to offer the rebuffed scribes who write to me except this: Don't spend a lot of time auditioning, especially for jobs that pay rotten (or unknown) fees.  No one builds a career doing these kinds of assignments.  There's no money in them, and they rarely lead to the kind of jobs that do pay.  Even a beginner is entitled to basic courtesy, including the right to know the pay scales for a job before they do any try-out work.  If it's going to pay less than a hundred dollars — and some of these jobs seem to pay a lot less — you're probably better off putting the same effort into writing something you can go out and sell.  You might also want to read the three columns I posted here about "Unfinanced Entrepreneurs."  Here's the link to the first one and I'll repeat something I say in one of them…

Steer clear of those who want to exploit you.  Even when you think you have no better prospect, avoid the Unfinanced Entrepreneur.  They not only steal your work; they embezzle a little bit of your soul.

The Internet does a great job of connecting us with one another.  It also increases the number of leeches who can contact you, and makes it harder to know who — or what — they really are.  That "22-year-old blonde cheerleader named Tiffany in Malibu" you encounter in a chat room will probably turn out to be a 62-year-old fat pervert named Sid in West Covina.  The supposed publisher or producer who contacts you via e-mail and promises to make you a star may be equally legitimate.

The listing at Amazon.Com now says that my book, Mad Art, will be released December 12, 2002.  We're getting there!