A little more than four days ago, I told you that my book, Comic Books and Other Necessities of Life was at sales ranking #1,242,840 at Amazon, and that they said they had four copies left.  At the moment, they say they have two copies left…but I am somehow still in 1,242,840th place.  I do not understand this.  Shouldn't the number be changing because other books are entering their catalog and being sold?  Oh, well.  If you want to order either or both of the two copies they currently have in stock, click here.

I just took down a news item I posted earlier today with a link to an online copy of a book.  Two folks informed me simultaneously that the book is copyrighted and its posting to the web was unauthorized by the estate of the book's author.  I don't want to encourage that kind of thing…so no link.  Sorry.

One of the reasons I love the Game Show Network's Black and White Overnight show is that I often find myself remembering moments from programs I haven't seen in over 35 years, and revisiting matters that puzzled my young brow.  The other night, they ran an I've Got A Secret from 3/7/1966 on which a poem was read.  In those prehistoric, pre-VCR days, you only got to hear many things once on television, and I recall liking the poem and wishing I had a copy of it.  But I didn't, and there seemed to be no way to get one, so I wrote up my own clumsy, not-as-good recollection of it and performed it one day in class when called upon to recite.

I no longer have a copy of my version but now, thanks to Game Show Network and TiVo, I was able to get it.  A poet named Willits (or maybe Willets) Frost was its author and here is what he wrote…

That one should leave no stone unturned
Is something I quite early learned
But with so many stones around
I could not turn them all, I found
I spotted terns over the sea
One turned around and spotted me
For spotting the best suit I owned
I tried to leave no tern unstoned.

Not much to add, except that in watching these old game shows, I'm amazed at how much I remember.  I can't recall what happened three nights ago on Leno or Letterman but somehow, I can remember moments from a 1966 game show.  I don't know if that says more about the shows or about me or about the way TV impacts us when we're young.  I'm guessing it's All of the Above.

Al Feldstein, the great editor-writer of Tales from the Crypt, The Haunt of Fear and other EC comics and MAD sends me (and others) links to wonderful webpages he encounters about what's going on in the world today. He just sent out this link, which is to a fascinating short video about world population.

If you grew up in Los Angeles like I did, you will enjoy this site, which features vintage postcards of L.A. past.  I especially love the pics of the old Ontra cafeterias — which served the best hot turkey sandwiches in the world — and the Miracle Mile, which was then a boulevard lined with great clothing stores like Desmonds and Orbachs.  There are also a couple of shots over there of Westwood Village as I remember it from my childhood — a lot of quaint, one-story buildings.  Great stuff.

Mort Sahl did a 6-minute set last night on Mr. Letterman's show.  Health-wise, he seemed older and slower.  At the outset, I had the fear it would be another of those Bob Dylan moments when a one-time great embarrasses himself by trying to do what he can no longer do.  But Sahl's material was sharp, and it went well.  He closed with a great bit about how Jack Welch (of General Electric) and Rupert Murdoch (of News Corp) decided to direct their efforts to solving the "gang" problem in Los Angeles.  One corporation went in and purchased the Crips.  The other corporation acquired the Bloods.  And then they both sent their accountants in to begin laying everyone off…

Eighty years ago today, the Lieber family increased by one.  The newcomer was destined to bisect his surname to become Stan Lee, one of the most important figures in the world of comic books.  Charming and clever, Stan developed the power of super-endurance, hanging in through the lean times until, along with my friend Kirby, he kickstarted a failing field.  You know, when Stan Lee ran the business, we cheered for him.  We're proud of it.  And if the rest of the industry had followed our lead, we wouldn't have had all these problems over all these years, either.

Here's an item from this morning's Los Angeles Times, purloined right off their website…

A water main break sent more than 15,000 gallons of water flowing down Laurel Canyon Boulevard on Thursday night, prompting authorities to close the street from Canton Place to Mulholland Drive.  The broken pipe in the 3200 block of Laurel Canyon was reported at 5:41 PM, said Gail Harris of the Department of Water and Power.

So guess who was driving North on Laurel Canyon Boulevard last night at 5:41 PM?  Actually, I think it was a bit earlier than that…but Carolyn and I were en route to a party and it was like cruising the Nile for a few blocks there.  Still, we made it.  The great composer Richard Sherman arrived an hour later at the party and from what we could figure, he and his wife couldn't have been more than five minutes behind us entering Laurel Canyon.  They were sent off by the fire department in a winding maze of detours through side streets, before finally being routed back to Laurel Canyon, heading back the way they came to find an alternate route to the valley.

Richard has a new hit musical in England — soon to alight on Broadway — based on a movie for which he and his brother wrote the music, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.  He could sure have used that flying car last night.

Slow news day:  The Associated Press has, for some reason, circulated a story that says — well here, I'll let you read the lede for yourself…

Wrestler Lawler: Kaufman feud was hoax

Pro wrestler Jerry "The King" Lawler has finally confessed: His famous feud with comedian Andy Kaufman was all set up.  The feud included a segment on the David Letterman show in 1982 when Lawler slapped the comedian and Kaufman later threw coffee at him — all while Letterman watched aghast.

Does this come as news to anyone?  Anywhere?  What with various books, documentaries and even a major motion picture about Andy Kaufman, this is about the eighth time it's been "revealed" that these guys — each of whom made his living putting people on — were putting people on.  Lawler even played himself in the movie and was shown discussing the scam.  Even assuming anyone thought it might be legit in the first place, the ruse has been pretty thoroughly nuked by now.  (And if you look at the tape, Letterman sure didn't look "aghast."  He was obviously so sure it was a bit that he sat there and made no move to stop one of his guests from slapping the hell out of another of his guests.)

I've always had mixed feelings on the topic of Andy Kaufman, a man I knew best as the bus boy at a delicatessen I used to frequent called The Posh Bagel.  Seeing him performing elsewhere, he made me laugh about as often as he did when I saw him bussing tables, which is to say, "a little" — but for a time there, I admired his courage and innovation.  Since he passed away, some of those biographies have suggested that it was neither courage nor innovation; that the guy was merely indulging various childhood and adolescent fantasies.  Harry Shearer wrote in a piece one time that Kaufman was less interested in performing actual comedy than he was in "infantilizing" his audiences.  I think I agree, though there was also something very sweet about the guy that made that less offensive than it might have been.  He was also a much better actor than a lot of other "stunt" comedians.

A friend of mine who knew Kaufman well and wrote for him differs with me on this.  He believes Andy was a genius, and we've kind of agreed to disagree on the topic, especially since I don't feel that strongly about it and my friend does.  But we concur that it's unfortunate that so much (i.e., all) of the posthumous talk about the guy is about the hoaxes and "Is he really dead?"  I don't think any of the famed Kaufman psycho-dramas should have fooled anyone over the age of about nine or ten, or whatever year of his own childhood Andy was asking us to join him in.  But if they did, that's testimony to some kind of talent, and I wish his friends had honored that talent and kept those who were wondering wondering.

That's Rob and Laura Petrie of New Rochelle celebrating Christmas.  And has anyone else ever noticed that, on the Christmas episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show, most of the songs performed had nothing to do with Christmas?  Sally Rogers sings, "Santa, Send a Fella Into My Life," and Ritchie Petrie sings an awful rendition of "The Little Drummer Boy," which is often cut when the show runs in a tight time slot.  But the other three songs — including the one they did in the Santa suits at left — aren't Christmas songs.  This is another one of those things I probably shouldn't waste time thinking about.

Anyway, Merry Whatever You Celebrate to all my friends, including the ones I haven't met yet.  Hope your holidays are relatively stress-free and that it sets the pattern from here on.

If you'd like to track Santa tonight as he makes his rounds, this site will show you the NORAD radar image, complete with Santa-Cam.

I just found out that you can now purchase my book, Comic Books and Other Necessities of Life, via Amazon.Com.  Currently, as I write this, its Amazon sales rank is 1,242,840 but that's only because they just added it to their catalog.  They also say, "Only 4 left in stock — more on the way."  This suggests to me that they received five and have sold one.  I'm hoping enough of you will rush to purchase it so that I can crack the top million with this puppy before the year is out.  My other new book, Mad Art, is currently at sales rank 60,977 so it's doing a lot better.  Of course, that may be because it isn't out yet.  Anyway, click here to order Comic Books and Other Necessities of Life.  You'll make both our holidays merrier.

Here's another one of those photos.  Phil Silvers and Zero Mostel chat at (I'm guessing) some preview of the movie of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.  Mostel, of course, starred in the original Broadway version after Silvers turned it down.  (Before they signed Mostel, Milton Berle was briefly set to star but he had differences with the producers and withdrew.)  Mr. Silvers told me of his great admiration for Mostel's skills as a comic actor, but said something about Zero's anger preventing him from ever becoming quite as a big a star as he deserved.  Silvers also mentioned that he regretted never having the opportunity to play Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof.  I bet he'd have been quite unusual in the role, but good.

I never met (or even saw in person) Zero Mostel but always admired him from afar, and not just for his movies.  One of the funniest TV shows I ever saw came one night around 1970 when Mostel guest-hosted The Dick Cavett Show and, I suspect, decided to see how much of a shambles he could make of the proceedings.  His main guests were Paula Prentiss and Richard Benjamin and, as I recall, they didn't get to say much.  Mostel decided he was "too close" to them for him to be able to ask questions so he went out into the audience, up to the back row of the balcony, and tried to shout queries to them from there.  Deciding he was "too far" for them to ask questions, he ran back on stage, made Benjamin sit on his lap, then put Ms. Prentiss on her hubbie's lap, and…well, it got even sillier after that.  Through it all, Dick and Paula just went along with it all, pretty much baffled as to what else they could do.  With one thing and another, Zero almost got through the whole 90 minutes without asking a single intelligible question.  And unlike some other talk show hosts we could all mention, he did this deliberately.  I loved him with a great script but I wish we could have seen more of him without one.

My hero Stan Freberg is making a rare New York appearance, performing some of his brilliant songs at a ritzy Manhattan night club.  The club is Feinstein's at the Regency, which is over on Park Avenue, where there will be but seven performances of An Evening With Stan Freberg (assisted by the lovely Hunter Freberg) from January 28 through February 1 — two shows, Friday and Saturday nights; one show, the other nights.  The number to call about tickets is (212) 339-4095 and if you're interested, you might want to phone now, since Feinstein's only seats 140 people.  It's not a cheap place to spend an evening, but how often do you get to hear Freberg sing?

I was remiss in not wishing my longtime ('67) pal Tony Isabella a Happy Tony Isabella's Birthday yesterday.  So Happy Day After Tony Isabella's Birthday today.  Mr. Isabella is a fine friend and a fine writer — the creator of the DC Comics character Black Lightning, among many other achievements — and I urge everyone to go read one of his fine columns at this site and/or post a message on Tony's Message Board.  Next year, he will be visiting a long list of comic book conventions on what he is calling the Tony Isabella Farewell Tour.  At the last stop, he will probably break into song and favor us with a few choruses of "And I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going" but in the meantime, let's all turn out for the Big Event of '03.

I don't like playing slot machines in Vegas but I love looking at them, and I'm more interested than I probably should be in the new generation of slots themed around cartoons, comic strips, celebrities, game shows and old sitcoms.  Two companies are leading the way in this field — Bally's and I.G.T., which stands for International Game Technology.  Both of them, you might like to know, are releasing their software so you can play their slots on your home computer.  Over at Masque Software, you can purchase the Bally's pack (which includes Popeye and Blondie) and Slots II (which is a batch of I.G.T. games, including most of the slots featuring Betty Boop)  And there are others there which are a lot cheaper to play on your own PC or Mac than they are in Nevada.

Cheaper than either, if you just want to see what these things do, is to watch on-line sales videos that tout the features of these machines.  Over at this page, assuming you have RealPlayer installed, you can view sales presentations for a number of I.G.T. slots.  Paul Dini, if you're reading this, don't miss the Sinatra Slots! demo, which features five different slot machines with Frank's face and music.  All of you, check out that one, the Austin Powers machines, the Munsters demo, the Addams Family, etc.  You can also find demos for Popeye, Blondie, the amazing Ray Charles slot machine, a Frankie and Annette Beach Party slot and others if you prowl around the site for Bally Gaming.  (One of the great things about those demos is that in them, the slots somehow pay off every time…)

And here we have another one of those photos of two great comedians posing together.  I told all my stories about Red Skelton in this article, and I never met Terry-Thomas…so I don't have a lot to add, other than to suggest a couple of thought balloons.  Skelton's thinking, "You'd better not upstage me, Gaptooth, or I'll have you deported so fast, it'll singe your mustache."  And Terry-Thomas is thinking, "The things you have to do to get on American television — consorting with tramps…"

Several folks inform me that Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol is airing tonight at 7PM on the Canadian Broadcasting Company.  Well, maybe next year in the U.S.  In the meantime, we all have our DVDs and VHS tapes, and I think I also have it on Beta and Laserdisc.  I think I've spent more on home video copies of it than it cost to make in the first place.  Who's the nearsighted guy in this equation?

Remember: Only four more shopping days 'til Stan Lee's Birthday!  Stores open late.

For some reason, my files contain a lot of photos of great comedians posing together.  Here's a shot of Mr. Benny and Mr. Hope, taken to promote an evening where they had "back-to-back" specials on NBC.  Somewhere on a long list of regrets I have is that I never took more advantage of an "in" I had to hang around the NBC studios in Burbank when these gents (and Johnny and Dino and a few others) were doing their shows.  I always found it fascinating and educational when I did it, but I didn't do it as often as I should have.

Hope always seemed to be taping a special when I was over there, and he had it down to such an exact science — get in, read the cue cards, get out — that it was almost disappointing to watch.  You also didn't get to see him do what he did best, which was the opening monologue.

He'd tape the entire special except for the monologue and then, a day or two before its air date, he'd go on with Johnny Carson to plug it.  After The Tonight Show finished that evening, they'd fly in a special curtain and Hope would tape his monologue in front of Johnny's audience.  (I saw this once.  Johnny stood off to one side, yelling how he had worked his way up in show business to being Bob Hope's warm-up guy.)  This procedure enabled Hope to do his opening remarks at the last minute, thereby making them more topical.

I never got to see Jack Benny taping but I met him once, when I was about 11.  It was at the corner of Wilshire and Santa Monica Blvd., on the corner where the Creative Artists Agency building has since been erected.  Mr. Benny was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, knee socks and what struck me as inappropriately expensive shoes, given the rest of his outfit.  We were both waiting for a very long light to change and he turned to me and said, "I don't know why these things take so long to change."  I had no idea of what to say in reply and he apparently took that as a sign that I didn't know who he was and said, "You don't recognize me, do you?"  (That sounds snotty, I guess, but he said it in a very nice way.)

I finally found my voice and stammered out something like, "You wouldn't have to wait for these lights if you let Rochester pick you up in the Maxwell," and he gave me a look that any Jack Benny fan would recognize.  In fact, now that I think back on it, it seems like he was giving the proper Benny/comedy take to an unseen camera.

What struck me most about him was how gentle and unassuming he was.  Later, when I met Bob Hope, he was always on, always playing the star.  You would never have met him walking all alone through Beverly Hills and, if you did, he wouldn't stop and ask you where you went to school.  He spoke only of what he was doing and what he had to do next.  That's not a criticism; just an observation.  And when I look at the above photo, I think you can almost perceive that difference between the two men.  You can also sense — and I think this is genuine — that they really, really liked each other.