That's Carl Reiner and he's my pick for the second-best practitioner I've ever seen in the art of the audience warm-up.  That's when they're taping or filming a TV show and someone comes out beforehand and tries to get the crowd into the proper mood to laugh and applaud.  Who was the best?  And while we're at it, who was the worst?  Well, to find all that out, you really need to check out a column I just posted here.  Click to read all about Audience Warm-Ups.

Amazon.com is now taking orders for the Segway Scooter, a single-user personal vehicle that can carry you around your neighborhood.  I don't expect any of you to shell out the five grand for one — though if you do, go through our links to get to Amazon.  But I did want to mention one nugget of trivia.  The Segway was invented by a gent named Dean Kamen.  Dean's father Jack is now retired from his career as a comic book artist, spent — most notably — drawing for EC Comics.  Surely in one of the EC science-fiction books, there's a picture of someone riding around on a single-user personal vehicle…

Fynsworth Alley is a company that releases Broadway-type albums.  They do both newly-recorded works along with CDs of great old records, and they're about to reissue what may be the worst record album ever made.  In 1979, for God knows what reason, one of Broadway's greatest stars recorded The Ethel Merman Disco Album, and it's really amazing.  It doesn't work as a Broadway album, it doesn't work as a comedy album…hell, it doesn't even work as a disco album!  The folks at Fynsworth Alley (pronounced Fins-worth) are not yet taking advance orders for its CD incarnation but never mind that.

You don't want to buy this.  Trust me.  What you might want to do is go to the Fynsworth Alley website and listen to a few of the short online samples they have available in RealAudio.  And if these don't convince you that you don't want it, this website has two entire songs available, also in RealAudio.  "I Got Rhythm" done disco?  "There's No Business Like Show Business?"  Good heavens.

Ethel Merman was a great talent with a corresponding ego.  You have to wonder just what she thought she was doing when she said yes to this.  Did she think a new generation would spark to her sound?  Disco was already a joke in '79 so the logical assumption is that she thought it was a spoof…but she went out and did the talk show circuit in dead-earnest, singing live (she refused to lip-sync) and doing little disco dance steps even though she was nearing 80.  I'm guessing the record company thought the curiosity factor would move sufficient product…but what was on her mind?  Maybe — and I'm only being half-serious when I suggest this — it was an early symptom of the brain cancer that killed her just a few years later.

I've often thought there should be a service to which celebrities can subscribe when they're young, still in possession of their faculties and concerned about maintaining an image.  The service would monitor their public performances and, at the appropriate moment, go to them and say, "Time to stop dancing" or "Time to lose the jet black toupee" or — eventually — "Time to stop performing."  For male comedians, there would be a special alert for the age when sex jokes become unbecoming.  (It's around the point when you begin using your genitalia strictly for waste elimination.)  Groucho needed such a service.  So did Uncle Miltie.  And wouldn't it have been nice if Sinatra hadn't made those last few albums?  Some loving soul should have stopped Ethel.

Anyway, we recommend taking a quick, free listen to Ms. Merman's oddest work.  But for the love of God, don't buy it.  Buy this, instead…

I want to thank all of you who've donated cash to this site as per the little tipping box below.  I try to write a personal "thank you" for each donation but I got way behind, and some of the ones I did send bounced back as "undeliverable."  Anyway, the gratuities are appreciated.  Rest assured it's all going to buy really stupid crap on eBay.

One other thing about the end of Pee-wee's Playhouse.  You may recall that, around the end of 1988, Ralph Nader went on a Boston-based radio program to complain about a pay raise that Congress was about to vote itself.  Somehow, the suggestion emerged that, in the spirit of the Boston Tea Party, irate citizens should protest this action by mailing a tea bag to their representatives.  The concept made the rounds of talk radio programs and before long, Congresspeople were waist-high in orange pekoe.  In February of 1989, Congress voted down that increase, and the radio hosts crowed about their supposed power.  (There was some question as to whether the bill would have been defeated anyway, but The Great Teabag Protest went into the history books and has not been repeated.  Matter of fact, I don't recall hearing a peep when subsequent raises were adopted.)

Not long after l'affaire teabag, Paul Reubens had his much-joked-about arrest and word got around — erroneously — that CBS had dropped his show because of it.  A talk radio host in San Francisco decided this was a major injustice and launched a similar protest.  For this one, folks were urged to register their outrage by mailing CBS a pink bow-tie since (I guess) Pee-wee wore pink bow-ties.

When you think about it, this is a really dumb idea — several really dumb ideas, actually.  Even if the show hadn't already stopped production, even if Reubens had unfairly lost a series he wanted to continue…there have to be more shameful injustices in the world.  Plus, if you want to inundate the offending party with mail, you ought to pick something easy for the protesters to send…like, say, a teabag.  Almost everyone has a teabag around the house and they cost around six cents apiece.  How many of you have a spare pink bow-tie handy?  How many of you, assuming you cared about Pee-wee's Playhouse, would go out and purchase one for a couple of bucks and mail it to CBS?

Anyway, I was over at CBS, visiting the Childrens Programming Department a few weeks after this particular crusade was announced.  Posted on one wall was an article about the radio host and the movement he had spawned.  In the piece, he reported on the dozens of other radio shows that had picked up the cause and urged viewers to mail their pink bow-ties to CBS, along with irate letters and threats to boycott the Columbia Broadcasting System.  The campaign had been, he said, a smashing success.  An inside source had told him that the network was swimming in angry mail and pink bow-ties.

And posted next to this in the CBS office were all six protest letters they'd received, along with the one pink bow-tie.

Why is this child crying?  Hey, you'd cry if your father had dressed you up for Halloween as the idiot barbarian, Groo the Wanderer.  Devout Groo fan Jason Nuttall claims that his daughter Rebecca insisted on this costume, but I'm suspicious.  She was born 9/11/2002 to Jason and spouse Melissa, who promptly nicknamed her "Li'l Groo."  That means the kid was around six weeks of age at Halloween — a bit too young to really know about the Groo comic book, though emotionally mature enough to work on it.  But don't fear for young Rebecca.  She's young.  She'll have years to outgrow this traumatic childhood indignity.  And if she doesn't, that's okay.  She'll grow up like her dad and we can always use another reader.  (Thanks, Jason…)

The Associated Press is reporting that actor Paul Reubens — best known for the character Pee-wee Herman — is in legal trouble again, this time relating to a charge of possessing child pornography.  I have only the most casual acquaintance with the guy and know nothing about his sexual interests, past or present, that hasn't been in the newspapers.  Still, it struck me that his 1991 arrest (for indecent exposure) was a bit of a raw deal.  Whipping it out in an adult theater during a porn movie?  I haven't been in one of those places in a couple of decades but I have a hunch that such behavior is not unprecedented and that other patrons are not overly offended.  The crime, alas, lent itself to so many jokes that it got more attention than it deserved.

In any case, I think his career history is getting a bum rap here.  The AP story linked above contains the following line…

After Reubens' 1991 plea, his children's show was canceled and his star faded, but he has played supporting roles in the films "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Blow."

Not exactly accurate.  Almost a year before the arrest, Reubens and CBS had mutually agreed the time had come to close down Pee-wee's Playhouse.  At the time of the incident in the theater, its last episode had already had several airings and Reubens had pretty much abandoned the character, as was evident to anyone who saw the mug shot.  He had long hair and a beard, and had obviously not played the crewcut, clean-shaven Pee-wee in months.  The "scandal" caused advertisers to pull out of the last few scheduled reruns, so CBS dropped them.  Instead of all the episodes of the final season having the customary three reruns, a few had only two.  Implying that the show was canceled because of the bust is therefore, at the very least, misleading.  (A friend of mine who has worked with him maintains that the failure of Reubens' second movie — Big Top Pee-wee — did a lot more to kill off Mr. Herman and Paul's movie career than the arrest.)

Actually, in terms of employment, he hasn't done as badly as the above line would indicate, especially considering that he no longer plays the character that made him a star.  Beyond the jobs mentioned in the AP story, he also had nice parts in Batman Returns, Mystery Men, a number of other movies and a recurring role on the TV show, Murphy Brown.  For whatever it's worth, the industry buzz is that Reubens is occupied with his own projects and has turned down a lot of offers.

But I guess it makes a better story to say that the kids' show host got busted, his show got axed and his career hit the skids.  This new arrest may actually make him unemployable but, considering what some other stars have gotten away with, I wouldn't bet on that.

Two great newspaper strips — Terry and the Pirates and Steve Canyon — were created, written and drawn by the late Milton Caniff.  Mr. Caniff had assistance with the drawing part of the job from men like Dick Rockwell and Ray Bailey…but one of his most valuable aides never put pencil or pen to the illustration board.  That was Wilhelmina "Willie" Tuck, who functioned for decades, beginning in 1939, as his office manager, cook, messenger, and all-around protector.  Sometimes called "The Sweetheart of Palm Springs" after Caniff moved his home and office there — she was a splendid hostess for all who visited the great cartoonist.

Sad to report, she passed away November 11 at the age of 84.  According to Shel Dorf, who worked as Caniff's last letterer, "She was a key member of the Caniff operation, keeping him on deadline, getting his strips to the syndicate.  She was crucial to all that and well-loved by anyone who met her."

The intrepid Heidi "Ace" McDonald — comic book editor and reporter, par excellence — is on top of the Stan Lee lawsuit story.  She's even managed to scrounge up and post an actual copy of Stan's complaint, which she's posted over here at Comicon's Pulse News section.  Go there if you want to get the latest.

Did you catch Al Gore with David Letterman last night?  Dave often strikes me as utterly bored with a guest.  It's like, "Okay, come on, tell the pre-planned anecdote, let me screw with you a little, then show the clip and get out."  But with his too-infrequent political guests, Letterman sparks to life and asks good, evocative questions.  Meet the Press could interrogate one of these guys for the full hour and not get as many timely, direct answers out of a politician as Dave can get in 15-20 minutes.  Plus, he gives them the opportunity (though not a lot of help) to be funny.

Gore was.  I still think the least encouraging thing you can say about the Democratic Party right now is that he's the front-runner…but with Dave, he was engaging and direct, and if he'd talked like that 30 months ago, all the screwy balloting in Florida couldn't have kept this guy out of the Oval Office.  He told the story about the newsfolks who misunderstood a speech of his and (as cited here) reported that he and his wife had opened a low-cost restaurant.  Then he praised Bush for certain post-9/11 actions but criticized many other actions in direct, responsible terms.  I liked him a lot more on Letterman than I ever did on my ballot.

Why is this?  Beats me.  Almost without exception, I like these guys more after they've lost an election than when they're out hustling for votes.  Bob Dole seemed shifty and it was like he was mouthing G.O.P. talking points he didn't really believe.  That was before he went down in flames; after, he was candid and personable.  Michael Dukakis turned into a human being in his post-defeat interviews and Walter Mondale spoke with refreshing honesty about the whole demeaning election process.  We never really saw those sides of them before Election Day.

There was one moment in last night's interview when Gore seemed evasive, though any politician would have given the same answer.  Letterman asked if another White House run was in the offing and the former Veep said just what you'd expect him to say: That it's too early, that he hasn't made up his mind, etc.  (He also had a great line about how his family has already voted on the issue and he's recounting the ballots.)  Of course he'll run if he thinks he has a chance, and he probably does.  Which means we've got about another year of Al Gore being open and affable in interviews before he throws his hat in the ring and becomes guarded and stiff again.

I made a howler of a typo when I originally posted this morning's news item — one of those nasty ones that inverts the meaning of what you meant to say.  Fortunately, it was so outrageous that it was noticed by dozens of you who wrote to inform me.  It's now corrected, and I thank of you who e-mailed to be helpful or impugn my competence.

Since about the second issue of Mad, people have been saying, "Remember when MAD used to be funny?"  Sometimes, that's just carping for the sake of carping.  But sometimes, they're right that it has lost its sense o' humor for a while.  There have been weak periods.  Still, even at its lowest ebb, I've always found it worth purchasing for Mort Drucker's caricatures, Frank Jacobs's poems, Sergio Whatzisname's cartoons and one or two other class acts.  The last few years, it's been on a decided upswing, and every issue has a couple of pieces that are as humorous as anything they've ever run.

Want a free sample?  My buddy Tom Galloway just called my attention to this parody of The Onion from the current issue.  Satirizing a satire is not easy but whoever wrote this pulled it off, I think.  (The author's credit is presumably in the current issue, my subscription copy of which has not arrived.)

The above has nothing to do with the fact that I have a new book called Mad Art that is due out in the next few weeks.  But I never miss an opening for a plug.

I am assured by a nice gent in the NBC Press Relations Department that they will correct the credits on publicity for Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol.  When I go, I want that mentioned in my obit.

The problems with this site apparently have nothing to do with Bill Clinton, and everything to do with a server problem at the hosting company.  If you're reading this, the crisis has probably been solved.  But maybe not.

It's fascinating to study the Internet chatter about the current lawsuits of Marvel's first editor (Joe Simon) and its second (Stan Lee) against the company.  Some fans are worried sick that one or both legal actions will harm their favorite comic book company, or that Captain America will somehow be wrested out of the Marvel Universe.  Still others are asking how Marvel could have been so "stupid" — that's the usual word — to give Stan terms that, if honored in spirit, would yield such an avalanche of cash.

None of these opinions seem particularly on-target to me.  What with corporate takeovers, in-fighting, and occasional gross mismanagement, Marvel has survived major financial holocausts the last decade or so.  This, after all, is the company that paid $286 million for the Fleer trading card company, then paid $150 million for the Skybox trading card company, then sold the combined Fleer-Skybox operation for $26 million.  Compared to that kind of fiduciary wizardry, Mssrs. Simon and Lee are pretty small threats.  A likely outcome of the Simon matter is that Joe will get money and Captain America will stay right where he is.  The charge that Stan is greedy is even more unfounded.

I think some folks don't get that Marvel has been a major cash cow for various executive-types for a long time.  People who have had a lot less to do with its success than Stan — some of whom did darn near everything wrong except to negotiate good contracts for themselves — have walked away with more loot than he will ever see.  Those who think he's greedy are comparing him not to other execs but to guys like Kirby and Ditko, who saw just about nothing from their brilliance.  That fact still troubles me, and probably always will.  But if Stan doesn't fight for what his contract guarantees him, the money in question will not instead go to Ditko or the Kirby estate…or to anyone who ever had anything to do with creating a comic book that I liked.

Ultimately, these battles are (sadly) not about who merits what for past creative efforts, but about the interpretation of clauses in contracts and how a very large money pie will get divided.  It is an unfortunate reality of business that you never get the compensation you deserve just because you deserve it.  If you get it, you get it because you made the right deal at the right time with the right language…and sometimes because you filed a lawsuit at the right moment.  It shouldn't work like that but it does.

Lastly, some folks have commented that, wherever he is, Jack Kirby must be laughing his ass off at these developments.  No, I don't believe so.  I can't really explain why I think that, other than that Jack never smiled about much of anything that related to the topic of Marvel Comics and money.  He wouldn't be too thrilled with all those news articles that identify Stan as the sole creator of all those characters, either…

No, there was nothing wrong with your computer.  This site has been intermittently off-line for the last twelve hours.  I'm not sure who to blame it on so I'll blame Bill Clinton.  That always seems to work for some people.

Here in its entirety is a current NBC press release…

"Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol" returns to NBC in the fall of 2002 to commemorate the 40th anniversary of the program's first airing on the network in 1962.  "Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol" was the first ever made-for-primetime animated television special and is credited for starting the genre. Making its network debut on December 18, 1962, the 60-minute special aired for six consecutive years on NBC. The holiday classic is a musical adaptation of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" and features original songs by Broadway greats Jule Stein and Bob Merrill (Funny Girl), as well as the voice talents of Jim Backus (Gilligan's Island), Morey Amsterdam (The Dick Van Dyke Show), Jack Cassidy and June Foray (The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle).

This is all nice to hear…but the composer's name was Jule Styne, not Stein.  And June Foray was not in the show at all.  She's not in the credits and her voice isn't present in the soundtrack, and I phoned her last night and double-checked, just to make certain.  It ain't her.  For some reason though, her name keeps turning up in articles and database entries about the special.

While I've got you here:  There's an audio outtake that is sometimes circulated on the Internet, plus it turns up on some of those "Celebrities At Their Worst" CDs.  It purports to be Don Messick and June Foray ad-libbing dirty dialogue at a recording session…and it isn't.  I mean, it is two cartoon voice actors screwing around in a studio, but it's not Don and June.  The man in the recording is the late Bob Ridgely.  Ridgely was an on-camera actor (he was the executioner in Blazing Saddles, the flasher in High Anxiety, the game show host in Melvin and Howard, the bigoted businessman in Philadelphia, and the TV announcer in That Thing You Do, to name five of his many credits.)  He was also a TV promo announcer, a cartoon voice actor (Thundarr the Barbarian, Tarzan, Flash Gordon) and one of the filthiest, funniest people I ever knew.

That's definitely him in that audio clip, not Messick.  I think I know who the woman is but I'm not 100% certain so I won't mention a name.  It is, however, absolutely not June.  If anyone tells you it is, tell them they're wrong.  Let's see if we can unattach her name from this.