Coming to a Newsstand Near You…

Next week's TV Guide features a list of the "50 Greatest Cartoon Characters of All Time."  Their top five are, in this order: Bugs Bunny, Homer Simpson, Rocky & Bullwinkle, Beavis & Butt-Head and the Grinch.  Although I am quoted as an authority in the article, I never place much stock in this kind of list.  It is, after all, just the opinion of some small group of folks, whose levels of expertise and taste — and perhaps even, their identities — are unknown to us.  You and I could get three friends together and cobble up a list that would be just as valid or invalid.  The only difference would be that ours wouldn't be in TV Guide.

Their list is odd.  It includes Gerald McBoing-Boing, Wonder Woman, Angelica Pickles and the bill from Schoolhouse Rock…but omits Droopy, Huckleberry Hound, Casper the Friendly Ghost, Yosemite Sam, Goofy, Super Chicken, Crusader Rabbit, Elmer Fudd, The Tasmanian Devil, The Pink Panther, Foghorn Leghorn and many others.  There are no Jetsons or Smurfs, and there are a lot of odd rankings (Josie and the Pussycats are #24, Porky Pig is #47) and strange groupings (Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble are one listing, whereas Homer Simpson is one, Bart and Lisa Simpson comprise another).

But it's just a list, just someone's opinion…and I wonder why anyone takes something like this seriously, as I'm sure folks will across the Internet in the coming week.  Watch the fighting begin.

The Birth of Groo

Gordon Kent liked what I posted about him but suggested I explain to folks why he didn't get paid for coloring the first Groo story.  It's because it appeared in a benefit comic for which no one got paid.  Back in 1982, our friend Steve Gerber was locked in a battle with Marvel Comics over his creation, Howard the Duck.  Marvel's admitted strategy was to make the battle so expensive that Steve would just give up.  That he didn't…that he was able to continue it until a satisfactory settlement was reached…had a lot to do with Destroyer Duck #1.  A whole batch of us — including Jack Kirby, Alfredo Alcala, Neal Adams, Shary Flenniken, Marty Pasko, Joe Staton, Scott Shaw!, Dan Spiegle and a couple of other folks, including Steve — donated our time and talents to put out this comic, all proceeds going towards Gerber's legal bills.  Sergio contributed the first-completed Groo tale.  I was very proud to be involved in this project and glad to have Gordon and all the others participating.

Briefly Noted…

R.C. Harvey has posted a great bio of cartooning great Roy Crane.  Crane was one of the best "storytellers" to ever work in the medium and anyone attempting to draw comics (books or strips) would do well to seek out and devour his work.  Here's the link to Bob's fine article.

A few days ago, in this item, I mentioned a man who claims to have psychic powers when he fondles a person's buttocks.  I pinned the looniness on Florida, which was not quite correct.  The ass-reader is based in Germany.  The link was to a story about him disseminated by a Florida news outlet.  You can all readily understand, however, how I could have made such a mistake.

Our Boy James!

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Well, he didn't disappoint.  We all expected James Traficant's address to Congress to be rambling and incoherent and full of wild-eyed conspiracy theories…and he even managed to get to an anal joke in his first five minutes.  Aside from donning women's clothing or biting off part of somebody's ear, there wasn't much he could have done to make it more embarrassing.  Maybe if he'd dropped his pants and fired a rocket.

The thing I find especially funny is that Traficant received one vote and it wasn't his own.  He abstained, or perhaps he wasn't allowed to vote.  No, he got one vote and if you didn't hear who cast it, think for a second.  Who would it be?  If you were trying to think of the perfect way to cap this thing off and create fodder for Mr. Leno's monologue, who would have be the one member of Congress to vote against Traficant's expulsion from the House?

Yeah, it was him…a little present to say, "Thank you for making me no longer the biggest sleaze in Congress."  (If you still haven't figured out who it was, click here to consult an article about the vote.)

I'd like to think we haven't heard the last of James A. Traficant.  He's probably going to prison but when he gets out, he'll be back…maybe as a radio talk show host…maybe as the commercial spokesperson for Preparation H.  He'll turn up somewhere.  Heck, if the rules allow it, he could even run again and probably win.  By that time, with all the indictments and convictions were likely to see in the financial scandals, he'll look positively honest by comparison.  Beam me up!

Can't Wait…

Debate on Mr. Traficant is scheduled to start at 6 PM Eastern time and to be covered in full on C-Span.  I can't wait.  I hope they don't spoil it with one of those annoying laugh tracks.

Legally Brief

Comic book superstar Todd McFarlane has won, at least for now, his battle with hockey player Tony Twist.  Todd modeled a character in his Spawn comic on Twist, who turned around and sued over the unauthorized use of his name.  Two years ago this month, a Missouri jury awarded Twist $24.5 million.  (Do you realize how many baseballs you could buy for $24.5 million?)  Later that year, an appeals court overturned the decision.  Twist filed an appeal but the Missouri Supreme Court has now decided to side with the appellate guys.  Here's a link to the text of the 35-page decision if you'd like to plow through it.  Basically, it comes down to this line:

The use of a public figure's name and persona in a work of fiction is protected by the First Amendment when no reasonable person could believe that the things described in the fictional work are "of and concerning" the plaintiff.

Congrats to Todd…and my admiration for not settling this outta court for a million or three, which is probably what Mr. Twist and his lawyers figured you'd do.  That kind of settlement chips away at the First Amendment as effectively as any censor or book-burner.  And I must say I was disappointed in a couple of folks in the comic book field who subordinated an important principle to their schadenfreude-type hope that Todd would lose big.

Thoughts Just Before Bedtime

They're saying a vote on James Traficant could come as soon as this evening, which would mean his 30 minute defense would occur sometime today.  I'm so worried he won't be able to outdo his previous levels of embarrassing behavior, especially since he'll only have a half-hour.  I keep telling myself James won't let us down but…I don't know.  He's going to really have to go some.  Maybe he could just come out and do Rip Taylor's old act…throw some confetti around…

Conan O'Brien hosting the Emmys.  Excellent idea.  Might even get me to watch.

The last few days every "talking head" show I've caught on CNN, Fox or MSNBC has had little to offer but Democrats and Republicans arguing over which is to blame for the current stock market meltdown.  What I don't think some of these guys get is that the American public thinks they're both responsible…and that even if one party took more direct action to cause these financial disasters, we expect the other party to stop them.  This is, after all, why we have opposition parties, isn't it?

For those attending the Comic-Con International next week in San Diego: AccuWeather is predicting mostly clear, with daytime highs between 72 and 80 and evening lows not much cooler.  Here's a link to their forecast.  While we're at it, here's a link to this site's list of convention tips.

And here's that link again to the list of panels and events I'm moderating.  Every one a gem!  The entire schedule is now up at www.comic-con.org if you have the slightest interest in the stuff I'm not hosting.

Like a Phoenix Rising…

Some time ago, we reported rumors that the long-running Mad knock-off, Cracked Magazine, had bitten the dust…and, indeed, they've gone through some changes in proprietorship, were off the stands for a time and endured a lot of hardship, including a reported Anthrax scare in their building.  But as Dan Fiorella — a very funny writer who can occasionally be found in its pages — reminds me, Cracked has returned in all its wacky glory to newsracks.  Issue #358 has just gone to press (including some work by Dick Ayers) and will be out on August 6.  If you can't wait, you can rummage around on the Cracked website.

Typo Blood

I love typos.  Here's one I just found over on the front page of The Washington Post website and "captured" so I could post it here for you all.  This just proves that if you want to reform the accounting practices of this or any other country, you have to start by getting yourself a pair of real shoes.

Con Men

Veteran Mad Magazine artist George Woodbridge has suffered a small foot injury…just serious enough to force him to cancel his appearance at this year's Comic-Con International.  Drat.

In the meantime, we've added Maurice LaMarche to our panel of Cartoon Voice Artists on Saturday afternoon.  Maurice is one of the best, as viewers of Futurama, Pinky and the Brain, The Critic and dozens of other shows can attest, and we're glad to have him aboard.

A Site to See!

My longtime buddy Leonard Maltin has just unveiled his own website.  Those of you who spend a lot of time browsing the articles on this site can now divide your time.  Waste half as much of your life here and waste the other half over reading his informative comments on www.leonardmaltin.com.  Leonard has been providing important film history and commentary for years and it's nice to have him here in the vast wasteland of Cyberspace.

Briefly Noted…

And right here we have another one of those news stories that's worth at least a week of Leno monologues: A blind psychic who "reads" people by fondling their buttocks.  And wouldn't you just know, the guy's in Florida?  (Thanks, Carolyn)

More on Gene Moss

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Obituary for Gene Moss in the L.A. Times.  Here's the link to it.  And David M. Lynch writes to remind me that I omitted a very important credit from the man's résumé…

During the onset of the British invasion, there was a top-40 parody of the Beatles' "I Want to Hold Your Hand," entitled "I Want to Bite Your Hand."  It came from an RCA album called "Dracula's Greatest Hits."  Said album featured several drawings (front and back cover, and a set of "monster cards" enclosed within the jacket) by the great Jack Davis.  Every song on the LP was "sung" by a guy named Gene Moss, doing a Bela Lugosi impression.  This LP was one of my cherished childhood possessions, and one of the first things I began looking for when I first started visiting eBay.

Thanks, David.  I also forgot (because this, I didn't know) that Moss was the voice of Smokey the Bear for commercials.  He was an amazing talent.

Vinnie and Sandy

There's no one who does their job better than Vin Scully when he narrates a Dodgers game.  I stopped following baseball about the time I discovered ladies but every now and then, I catch a few innings of Mr. Scully at the mike and it really doesn't matter who's playing or what the score is.  It's just wonderful to hear him.  I still remember listening to the final innings that night in 1965 when Sandy Koufax pitched a perfect game. You can hear it now if you click below…

Hamptons Hollywood Cafe

Here's the way I always heard the story…

One day in the seventies, Paul Newman was having dinner with a friend of his, Ron Buck.  Buck was a writer, artist and entrepreneur who had, among other ventures, built the 9000 Sunset building, as well as a trendy West Hollywood discotheque known as The Factory.  He had worked without credit on several of Newman's films, and he and the actor would later share credit for the screenplay of the 1984 Harry and Son.  Buck was also great at cooking hamburgers on his backyard barbecue.

He had recently inherited an old house in which his mother had lived…on Highland Avenue in Hollywood, a few blocks south of Sunset.  The other dwellings on the block were now housing real estate offices and Buck was trying to decide if he should sell the property or lease it to some business or what.  Somehow, the suggestion arose that he open a gourmet burger restaurant there…a place where folks in the movie business who could afford better than Hamburger Hamlet could get one of Buck's specialties, served with a glass of expensive wine.

The story then gets a bit murkier.  Some say Newman put up the money and Buck put up the expertise and management.  Since Buck was pretty wealthy, this may not be true, or it may be partially true.  Some say Newman just agreed to be a frequent customer and to allow Buck to exploit that fact in publicity.  Either way, the house was remodeled into a restaurant, mostly by enclosing the backyard.  There was a wonderful, gnarled old tree in the middle of the yard and, rather than remove it, the renovators bricked in the ground around it and allowed the tree to remain, reaching up through an opening in the newly-installed roof.

The place was named Hamptons (no apostrophe) because it was to reflect the fun and leisure of vacationing in the Long Island community known as The Hamptons.  Various burgers were named for various friends and soon, it became a very "in" spot for folks who worked at nearby studios, such as Sunset-Gower or Paramount.  The place didn't do much of a dinner business but, at lunchtime, it provided a welcome alternative to the fast food emporiums and taco stands of the neighborhood.  At some point, it became so lucrative that Buck opened a branch on Riverside Drive in Toluca Lake.  Some say that after Newman had recouped his initial investment thrice over, he withdrew whatever financial interest he had And gave full ownership to Buck.  That is, if he even had any financial interest in it.

As you can see the story of Hamptons and Paul Newman's involvement is a bit fuzzy.  I vouch for none of the above, but for the fact that the two outlets of Hamptons became very popular.  Once upon a time, it was impossible to get a table at lunch without a long wait.  People loved the eighty varieties of burgers, including Stan's Fantasy (with sour cream and black caviar), The Nelly Burger (creamed horseradish and bacon) and The Foggy Bottom Burger (peanut butter and sour plum jam).  People also loved the little buffet that accompanied each burger, allowing you to further dress your sandwich and pile the plate with salads and side dishes.  The menu did not include french fries — odd for a burger joint — but if the German Potato Salad available in the buffet wasn't to your liking, you could order a platter of Potatoes Hamptons, which was basically hash-browns with sour cream.

I have dozens of memories of Hamptons, commencing when I worked at various studios up in Hollywood and we'd eat there once a week.  It was a great place to spot celebrities and/or talk about that new screenplay.  One friend of mine said it was the best place in Hollywood to meet out-of-work actresses who were waiting tables.

One time, I was lunching with the star of a TV special I was producing and we had a little trouble with a fellow at an adjoining table.  He was a bit drunk and he kept banging his chair into our table and acting like it was our fault.  Finally, my dining companion told him to knock it off, and the drunk stood up like he was ready to start brawling.  My friend stood up to face him and the inebriated gent suddenly realized he was staring at famed dirty wrestler, Roddy "Rowdy" Piper.  He immediately paid his check and left, and Roddy and I returned to our burgers.

This was in the mid-eighties.  As that decade ended, so did the popularity of a lot of restaurants in Hollywood.  An amazing percentage of them folded and Hamptons, while it managed to stay open, was rarely crowded.  It also wasn't very good.  I believe — again, this is fourth-hand info, maybe more — Buck passed away, as did the fellow he had managing the two eateries for him.  Whoever was running it tried a lot of different things, including the introduction of french fries, but it didn't help.  Around 1990, I had a meal there that was so lousy, I scratched Hamptons from my list of places to go.  I was not alone in this decision.

Then, just a few years later, the two outlets of Hamptons were put up for sale, and were quickly purchased.  One group of investors bought the one in Toluca Lake, completely renovated it and  since they didn't get custody of the name, reredubbed it "Mo's."  The original Hamptons on Highland became Hamptons Hollywood Cafe and the group that purchased it also did a lot of remodeling, bringing in a new chef and adding new items to the menu.  For some reason, they installed a "car phone" in the parking lot…a phone booth made out of an old Nash Metropolitan.  And they rounded up a number of investors, one of whom was me.

I never expected to make any money off my investment and, indeed, I didn't.  The whole point of it was to be able to say to friends, "Hey, let's have lunch at my restaurant."  Taken on that basis, it was a lot of fun.  The folks who actually operated the place had a lot of good ideas, some of which were quite amusing.  Since Hamptons had catered largely to an industry (show biz) crowd, they instituted an unusual pricing policy.  Members of the Screen Actors Guild, Writers Guild and Directors Guild paid 10% less, while agents had to pay 10% more.  The latter was meant as a joke but, amazingly, there were actually diners who said, "I'm an agent.  Do I really have to pay 10% more?"  A few of those who asked were told yes, and they did.

The quality of the new Hamptons varied a lot.  Sometimes, it was a great place to eat; sometimes, not.  I didn't have much to do with it except to (a) rewrite the menu to make it sillier, (b) make occasional suggestions and (c) add one menu item: The Groo Burger, based on the way my partner Sergio Aragonés likes his served…Grilled onions on top, then Mozzarella and Cheddar melted over the onions.  I also had the supreme honor of having the barbecued chicken sandwich named for me and so consumed many.

But business was never too good and, in the last year, it declined to an intolerable level.  The place was sold and, for several months, "closed for remodeling."  Last week, they tore down the house where Ron Buck's mother had once lived, and even uprooted and removed that grand, majestic tree.  As of yesterday, when I went by and took the above photo, all that remained of Hamptons was the Nash Metropolitan and half of one of the signs.  I'm not sure what the new owners plan to do with the land, though rumor has it they've decided on condominiums instead of another restaurant.

I already miss Hamptons, even though I stopped going in there about a year ago.  It's not my investment I miss.  I figure, I had enough fun and discounted chicken sandwiches to almost call it even on that count.  I just always found it to be a friendly place to lunch with real good burgers and a great crowd.  What more could you want?