Thoughts Just Before Bedtime

Well, only days after I posted that message about Spyware, I had to cleanse my system of two such components.  This afternoon, while searching for a better piece of software via which to track and record my eBay purchases, I ventured into some new software sites.  Before I knew it, one of them had forcibly installed a couple of search bars for Internet Explorer.  I got suspicious, did some sleuthing and found that I now had two programs I didn't want on my computer, running and intermittently phoning home with God-knows-what-data.  They're gone now but I'm keeping both eyes open for similar invasions of my privacy.  It's a jungle out there.

Caught the first episode of Phil Donahue's new MSNBC show.  He spent an hour talking and, between breaths, allowing his guests to say something…but since one of them was Pat Buchanan, that wasn't necessarily bad.  Buchanan was on to decry the Pledge of Allegiance decision and for some reason, he kept saying, "Our children are now forbidden to say the Pledge of Allegiance in school" and Donahue never said, "No, just the part about One Nation Under God."  I'm still searching for a debate show host who corrects his guests when they say silly stuff like that.

I was in a video store the other day where someone had filled a shelf with DVDs but put them in backwards.  Ergo, the spine on every one read, "Security Device Enclosed."  Very helpful.  It got me to thinking: What will happen if someone produces a movie called Security Device Enclosed?  This comes from the same part of my brain that responds when I drive down that block on Hollywood Boulevard where there's a store that advertises "All items, 99 cents" and on the opposite side of the road, there's a shop that proclaims, "All items, 98 cents."  I always think, "Price war!" and imagine people telling the clerk, "No thanks, I can buy it cheaper across the street."

I've gotta get to bed.  Sweet dreams, Websurfers.

Amazing Tales of the Internet

Last evening at 6 PM, I posted the previous message, lamenting the absence of canned Canada Dry Ginger Ale in Los Angeles markets.  At 10:30, just four and a half hours later, my phone rang and a mysterious woman's voice said, "Look on your front step."  I did…and found two 12-packs of Canada Dry Ginger Ale.  In cans.

There was a note from the owner of the mysterious voice giving her phone number.  I called and found myself talking to a lady friend from almost 20 years ago…someone I haven't spoken to for at least ten.  Turns out, she's a regular browser of this site and she read my plaintive cry just before her regular shopping trip to a nearby Ralph's Market.  While there, she decided to complain to the manager on my behalf and he explained to her that they stopped carrying 6-packs of Canada Dry Ginger Ale a few weeks ago…but that they've been waiting for, and had just received, the new 12-packs.  (They didn't tell me this at my Ralph's when I inquired.)  So she bought two, swung by here and deposited them on the porch of a house in which she hoped I still lived.

So I now have cans of Canada Dry Ginger Ale in the fridge…and I know where to get more when those are gone.  Thank you, Sherry.

Post-Bialystock Debriefing

Henry Goodman, who was unceremoniously fired from the lead role of The Producers on Broadway, has given his first post-ousting interview.  Here's a link to the entire article which, we warn you, will only be online for a limited time.  And here's the most relevant quote from the interview…

"Personally, I think they blew it.  Of course they'd say, 'No, no Henry, you blew it.'  I just wanted the freedom to deepen my character, make him darker, more like Zero Mostel (who played the part in the original 1968 film).  Just look at these letters" — he chucks down a sheaf of fan mail — "the bookings were fine.  The fact is, 60,000 people saw me and no one asked for their money back.  But they wanted a clone of Nathan and I wasn't prepared to give them that."

I never saw Mr. Goodman in the show and my friends who did seemed quite divided about his performance…which may be a matter of differing tastes but it may be that he was evolving in the show.  Either way, you have to wonder: What the hell happened here?  If ever a show had its choice of leading men, it was The Producers.  Henry Goodman was not cast because they were desperate and had to take someone and pray he'd improve.  He auditioned, they liked him, they signed him and…what?

Show (All) Tunes

A friend of mine in a show there tells me of a show that, word has it, is trying to get its act together so it can inhabit one of those showrooms.  It's called Bare on Broadway and it will feature nude women performing in numbers from classic musical comedies.  The idea, I guess, is to try and appeal to heterosexual men who like show tunes.  Hey, I'll buy a ticket but I have a feeling I'll be kinda lonely in the audience.  I suspect some composers and their publishing companies will refuse Grand Rights permissions but imagine: "Tits and Ass" (from A Chorus Line) performed with real tits and ass…

Pop Culture

I'm putting out an All-Points Bulletin for Canada Dry Ginger Ale in cans.  It has mysteriously disappeared from the shelves of all the markets I frequent in Los Angeles, leaving my favorite beverage available only in clunky, hard-to-handle plastic bottles.  As I mentioned in

Mr. Krigstein

The late Bernie Krigstein didn't do a lot of comic books that you've heard of but, at least in his middle period, he was one of the most amazing storytellers the field has ever known.  His early work showed signs of a decent (not great) artist struggling with the form, the nature of the material, the handicaps of mass production, etc.  His later work for Dell and other companies, isn't covered in the book I'm plugging here but may be in a sequel.  It seemed to be the output of an artist who was going wildly experimental on material that didn't always lend itself to innovation.

But his middle period, working as one of the artists at EC Comics, is fascinating.  And the subject of a superb new book. B. Krigstein, Vol. 1, by Greg Sadowski.  It's part bio, part art book and, for the student of comic art, a must-have.  (It's also, at fifty bucks, a bit steep…but you can order it for $35 from Amazon.Com by clicking here and, if you do, this site gets a tiny cut.)

You can read more about the book and its subject in this review that's running in the current New Yorker.  It's written by my buddy Art Spiegelman who has, himself, done some amazing things with the notion of making drawings on a printed page tell a story.  I'll write some more here about Krigstein when I get a moment.

Good Morning!

Here's an article in the L.A. Times about animators (and other creators) doing voices in their own cartoons.

And for those following the whole matter of our president's past financial dealings, here's a link to "Notes on a Native Son," an article that Joe Conason did more than two years ago for Harper's.  Generally ignored at the time, it is now being cited in most pieces about how Bush amassed his wealth.

Someone wrote to ask what political web sites are worth daily visits.  A good place to start would be to bookmark these two warring (but generally sane) weblogs which reference other sites and articles thereupon. The Conservative site is The Corner, which is maintained by The National Review.  Its Liberal, opposite number is Tapped, which is brought to you by The American Prospect.  Both are updated several times a day and from them, you'll find links to other pages you may wish to frequent.

News Worthy

Interesting article in The Observer (a British paper) asking why the American press is just now noticing some of George W. Bush's shady business past.  I still don't think Bush will get or lose a second term based on this kind of thing…but I do think that we're in for an avalanche of scandals and charges of financial impropriety.  Eventually, the notion that Bush screwed over countless people to make his fortune will be as much a "fact" as the notion that Clinton screwed countless women.  I also think some of the president's men will soon be vacating the premises.  Here's the link to the article.

And hey, could James Traficant be making a bigger jerk of himself?  There's something oddly fascinating about a man who seems to get up every morning and ask himself, "Hmm…there may still be one or two people out there with an ounce of respect for me.  What can I do today to disabuse them of that idea?"  We call this The Mike Tyson Syndrome.  Go, Jim!

me on the radio

My dulcet tones will be heard on the Paul Harris radio extravaganza tomorrow afternoon (Monday) around 1:30 Central Time.  Our topic will be my bizarre experiences working on the Pink Lady TV show, some 22 years ago.  Paul broadcasts on station KTRS, aka "The Big 550" in St. Louis and you can hear excerpts on his site, which is located at www.harrisonline.com.  Wish I could hear him on L.A. radio.  He's an enormously entertaining interviewer.

From the E-Mailbag…

Reader Joe Marchese confirms…

RE: Fiddler on the Roof, you've got it right, and the L.A. Times got it wrong.  Luther Adler did indeed fill Zero Mostel's rather large shoes as Fiddler's second Tevye, first while Mostel was on vacation (1/18/65-1/30/65).  He then took over the role on 8/15/65.  While I don't have the date that Adler wrapped up his run, Herschel Bernardi didn't take over until November 8, '65.

Good to know.  This is interesting because, when Mostel left Fiddler, it was reportedly with a near-certainty that he was the show and it would not long survive without him.  And of course, it did close…seven years later.

Pink Lady and Jeff

Yes, I saw that Pink Lady and Jeff, a show I worked on long ago and far away, made TV Guide's list of the 50 Worst TV Shows of All Time.  It clocked in at #35 and I think I'm annoyed that it wasn't either higher or lower.  I never quite understand these lists.  It always seems like some of the listings are "bad" in a good way, others are "bad" in a bad or incompetent way and still others are "bad" in an offensive way.  I also wonder if some of the folks who voted in this one, whoever they are, even saw all the shows — like Turn-On or You're In the Picture — or if they're just going by reputations.  (I saw both of those one-night wonders, by the way.  Turn-On was by no means a bad show.  It was yanked after one airing because some of the more conservative ABC affiliates didn't like its politics, though ABC found it easier to say viewers disliked it.  You're In the Picture wasn't much worse than the average game show of its day but it earned its "fame" because the host, Jackie Gleason, went out the following week and spent the entire half hour apologizing for the first episode.)

By the way: The show I worked on was never actually called Pink Lady and Jeff.  That's what everyone on the show and at the network wanted to call it, and it slipped into some NBC promos and publicity that way.  But the company that owned the Pink Lady act was quite insistent that the name of the show be Pink Lady and no Jeff.  At one point, they were threatening to sue anyone who called it Pink Lady and Jeff, or even to withhold their stars' services.  The second threat caused a lot of us to say, "Oh, please, please," but they never made good on it.  (The two girls who comprised Pink Lady, Mie and Kei, couldn't have cared less.  They just wanted to get the six episodes over with and go back to Japan.)

The title was argued about for weeks before the show debuted.  More effort went into it than into the show.  Finally, someone high up at NBC — it may have been Fred Silverman — went to the lawyers for the Pink Lady company and said, "We must have Jeff Altman's name in the title of the show."  The lawyers came back and said, okay, fine.  They would consent to it only if the title were phrased so as to make clear that Pink Lady was/were the star(s) of the show, more so than Jeff.  They suggested the title be — and it actually was, for a couple of days there — Pink Lady Starring Mie and Kei With Jeff Altman.  Everyone finally gave in and the title became Pink Lady, with the "and Jeff" used unofficially and with occasional threats of legal action.  I still think that if we could have gotten rid of the Pink Lady part and gone with just Jeff, it would have been a darn good show.

Still Up!

Well, I thought I was going to bed but I got caught up in writing something else, and then I spent about fifteen minutes taking raccoon photos which I'll post in the next day or so.  Mainly, I wanted to mention that the Los Angeles Times has a fine article up about my pal Brad Oscar, who's starring on Broadway in The Producers.  Here's the link and, if you have some version of the accursed Real Player installed, you can view two video clips from the show.  There's also a sidebar piece there on what Nathan and Matthew have been up to.

Two questions about the piece: Did Herschel Bernardi really follow Zero Mostel into the lead of Fiddler on the Roof on Broadway?  I always thought he came later and the first replacement Tevye was Luther Adler.  Also, how come every article about how Henry Goodman was fired from The Producers gives a different amount of money as the pay-off on the balance of his contract?

Okay…now, good night for real.

The 2:03 AM Report

Certified Groo Expert Gary Grossmann says that, with the wrap-up of the latest Groo mini-series, there have now been 4,434 pages of Groo stories, 280 pages of text (letter columns, etc.) and 185 covers on American Groo comics, plus another 58 covers done for foreign or non-Groo publications.  I find this scary.

Do you own a Tivo?  If not, skip this item.  If so: Do you know about the 30 second skip?  This is an undocumented feature that you can have on your TiVo once you've received the 3.0 software update, which you probably have by now.  To enable the command, you should be playing live TV.  Then, on your remote, press Select, then Play, then Select, then the number three, then the zero, then Select again.  After some of those presses, you'll hear a drumbeat sound but at the end, if you've done it correctly, you'll hear three bells.  Now, if you're playing a program and you want to leap ahead thirty seconds, just press the "jump to the end" key.  Press it four times and you zip through two minutes of laxative commercials.  While you're in Fast Forward, the button will advance you to the next tick-mark.  Neat.  (If you reboot or have a power failure, you may need to re-enter these commands.  Also, you can put things back the way they were before by entering the same codes again.  There's also an undocumented command that allows you to sort the "Now Playing" screen alphabetically but I can't imagine why anyone would want to.)

Hey, do me a favor.  If you send me a question or comment in e-mail, please tell me if it's okay for me to post it and respond here in public.  Thanks and good night.

Thoughts Just Before Bedtime

We don't like Spyware.  Spyware is software that, once installed on your computer, performs its desired function but also quietly sends info on you to its maker.  Somewhere, based on the merchandise you order on-line or the sites you browse or the files you download, someone is building a profile on you, the better to figure out ways to sell you stuff.

Spyware comes in many forms.  For instance, there's this seemingly-nifty program called Comet Cursor which some websites attempt to install on your computer.  Its ostensible function is to give you a selection of colorful, customized cursors but it also, on the sly, collects and transmits info on you.  We detect and remove programs like this by using a fine, free program called Ad-Aware which you can download here.

Trouble is, some spyware can't easily be ousted from your hard disk.  The new version of Real Player is called Real One Player.  You need it to hear a number of terrific audio files on websites but Real One Player is quite invasive.  Unless you turn off certain of its functions, it's forever gathering info on you and sending you bulletins to try and lure you to their websites.  If you install it, pay particular attention to which features you're enabling and turn off anything that involves instant updates and control of non-Real Media file types.  It'll still be a nosy, intrusive program but at least it won't take over your entire system

Dennis Miller Live (and in person)

E-mail buddy Cory Strode writes:

I was a huge [Dennis] Miller fan, and love most of what he does, but this year the show just hasn't been as good as in year's past. He's lost that sharp edge and was really harping on older topics…it's time to let O.J., Bill Clinton and the like go.  Sadly, the last two times I saw him perform here in Minneapolis (a year apart) he did pretty much the same stand-up…you have talked in columns past about how comedians have a "solid 45" of old material they know works and use it if they feel the act not doing as well as they would like.  Sadly, Miller did his solid 45 with very few variations, which is bad for a comedian who is best known for his quick wit and topical humor.

I pretty much agree with the above.  Dennis Miller has no greater admirer than Yours Truly.  He genuinely brought a fresh, witty approach to stand-up at a time when too many guys were up there asking, "What's the deal with these people who work at 7-Eleven stores?"  I've had people tell me Dennis Miller jokes without identifying the source and I said, "That sounds like something Dennis Miller would come up with."  How many other comics of his generation have a distinctive style not just of delivery but of writing?

But I agree, that style does not lend itself to much repetition.  I could (and did) hear Sam Kinison do the bit about world hunger a dozen times and always enjoy it…but when Miller repeats something, it just sounds like old material.  I saw him live only once.  It was at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas with Rita Rudner as his opening act.  This is maybe seven years ago.  She was very funny but when Mr. Miller took stage, the show was darn near over.  He didn't do one line that I hadn't heard from him before and, even if I hadn't known the jokes, most of them were about "current events" that had long since been retired as topics from most other comics' acts.  Worse, he did the whole set with an attitude that suggested he had the limo double-parked and couldn't wait to get his check and get the hell outta there.  I felt like yelling back to the stage, "Hey, Cha-Cha!  We didn't fork over half a C-note apiece for the ducats to see some clown whose energy level makes Perry Como look like Roberto Benigni on crack."

Still, you know what?  I like him so much, I was willing to write that one off as a bad night.

I'll even forgive him his last month or three of Dennis Miller Live, which have not been up to standard, making one suspect he knew the end was nigh.  There was a lot of crankiness there without a punch line attached.  Except when he's really, really liked his guest, he's been acting like the limo is triple-parked and blocking oncoming traffic…

And I still like the guy.  I'll miss that show and would love to see it land somewhere else because, when he was enjoying it, so was I…and I think it was the perfect vehicle for him.  Even if that show doesn't survive in some format, I'm sure he'll turn up in something else and be terrific in it.  At least, until he loses interest…