Lastly: The other night, my friend Carolyn and I went to the Greek Theatre here in Los Angeles to hear a wonderful concert by jazz/blues legend Nina Simone.  I got my seats through Ticketmaster and couldn't help noticing some tiny print that appeared on the obverse of my stub…

Warning: Pucks, hockey sticks, balls, bats, racquets, and other objects flying into spectator area can cause serious injury.  Be alert at all times when in spectator areas.  If injured, notify usher for directions to medical stations.

This amuses me, first of all, because apparently "spectator area" is fancy talk for "the audience."  So if you're in your seat or even on your way to it, you're supposed to be on guard for flying pucks.  Secondly, they seem to have this printed now on all tickets for any kind of event.  When was the last time anyone took a hockey stick in the face at a piano recital?  Thirdly, I have no stats on this but I'll bet a leading cause of injuries to folks in the "spectator areas" of sporting events is players flying or falling into the stands…and the disclaimer makes no mention of that.  Lastly, is it necessary — and does it really matter in court, which is I assume why this is there — to tell people that if a baseball bat flies into the bleachers, you might get hurt and, if so, you should ask for first aid?

The ticket also says on the back, "Do not expose to extreme heat," which I guess means they're suggesting you don't set fire to it.

Over in The New York Times, they've published what some are terming an important article about the vote counting in Florida.  The new configuration of the Times website makes it difficult to link to a piece and, anyway, there are several related articles there so you really ought to go there and look around yourself…but do so by 7/22 because that's when the articles are a week old and they start charging to read them.  Here's a link to the Reuters summary of it but I'll also give you mine…

It's that when it came time to count the absentee ballots, both Republicans and Democrats made rabid and hypocritical attempts to get some ballots counted and others disqualified, based on projections of which ballots would help or hurt their guy.  The attempts were hypocritical because (a) both sides were claiming in public posturings that they wanted every possible vote counted when they clearly didn't and (b) both sides wound up arguing one set of legal principles in one venue to try and get certain ballots counted and the opposite of those principles elsewhere to try and get other ballots tossed.  The Republicans were more successful, possibly because they were smarter and/or more aggressive…and had, in Katherine Harris, certain home court advantages.  They got a lot of ballots accepted that, under a strict application of law, would not have counted.

The Times says that, even if all the questionable ballots had been tossed, Bush probably would have won…so the main impact of this story is to rebut Republican claims that (only) the Gore forces tried to get ballots thrown away.  And I guess it also makes the whole Florida vote count look even more like something conducted in a Banana Republic.  Since all but the most fiercely-partisan "spinners" already believed that the vote count was slipshod and that both the Bush and Gore forces did everything possible to avoid an honest count, none of this is news.

Still to come, any year now, are the results of the Big Press Recount.  Since nothing's leaking and no one's rushing to announce what the consortium of newspapers found in examining the ballots, my guess is that the outcome will be ambiguous.  It'll say that Gore would have won, had certain precincts been recounted.  It'll say that a lot of votes that were reported as recounted were never actually recounted and it will point to some stash of ballots somewhere that were never counted even once but would not have put Gore in the White House, had they been.  Most of all, it will show that the voting and counting were even more error-prone than anyone previously thought, and that the outcome had even more to do with after-Election Day legal maneuvering than with how many people wanted either guy.  And, of course, the Supreme Court's mantra about "equal protection" will look even more misapplied than it already does.

Last week, as promised in an earlier news item here, The Movie Channel ran The Night They Raided Minsky's.  What we didn't know then was that someone has made an interesting alteration in the film.  In theatres and in its earlier video releases, the movie ended with an instrumental medley of several of the songs from the film.  The version run on T.M.C. replaced that with Rudy Vallee's vocal rendition of the title song, which was heard on the soundtrack album but not on the soundtrack.  And since this song runs longer than what it replaced, they did a video freeze-frame on the last shot of the movie to extend it.  I'm guessing the change was made by someone at M.G.M.-U.A., possibly as they transferred and remastered the film for a forthcoming DVD release…though other explanations are possible.

On Thursday afternoon at the Comic-Con International in San Diego, there's a panel you might want to attend.  In the program book, the listing reads as follows:

4:00 New Art Techniques — An incisive discussion of how high-tech pencil erasers have changed the way in which comic books are drawn. With Murray Fassbinder (president and CEO of the Snorp Eraser Co.), Hal W. Carter (inventor of the CartEraser), William Franjipanoski (advocate of using lumps of cheese for erasing), and comic book artist Gene Colan. Moderated by Mark Evanier. Room 8

But that's pretty much a lie. This panel is actually a SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR GENE COLAN!  Gene turns 75 shortly after the con.  For more than 50 of those years, he has delighted comic fans with his artwork for comics ranging from Batman to Tomb of Dracula; from Wonder Woman to Daredevil; from Iron Man to Howard the Duck…and so many more.  He's also a helluva nice guy.

Gene is attending this panel under the impression it's about the topic above. About three minutes in, we're going to dump the topic, sing "Happy Birthday" and bring in a huge cake. Then we'll spend the rest of the 90 minutes talking with Gene about his career and having some of his collaborators discuss their work together.

Please spread the word to EVERYONE EXCEPT GENE COLAN!  His wife is in on this and is keeping him from seeing anything — like this — that would tip the surprise. So don't tell him but tell everybody else…and get there early. (The panel before in that room is me interviewing John Romita, Sr.) It should be quite an event.

That's THURSDAY AFTERNOON, beginning at 4PM in Room 8. At the con.

And I'm moderating some other fine panels at the convention.  For a complete list of them, click your widdle mousie right here.

Years ago, one of my favorite columnists, Jack Germond, was on a TV show and he said something to the effect of, "The problem with the press today is that we aren't paid to say, 'I don't know,' so we have to say something, even when we don't know."  I keep thinking of that as I see reports on the Gary Condit/Chandra Levy matter.  Everything that the press really knows could probably be summarized in about 90 seconds…but CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, etc., have kicked into "All Condit, All the Time," recycling rumors and speculations, and giving it more air time than the Gulf War, the Olympics or even Regis Philbin.

It also strikes me that there is more interest in learning where Mr. Condit's genitalia has been than in where Ms. Levy might be.  By virtue of being that rarest of oxymorons — a conservative Democrat — Condit has managed to get everyone in the public arena against him:  Conservatives are hoping he goes down because he's a Democrat and liberals are hoping he goes down because he's a Conservative.  He may well deserve to be ostracized and punished for his conduct (especially not being candid and forthcoming immediately upon his friend's disappearance) but there will be plenty of time for that.

At the moment, I am annoyed at the rampant rumor-mongering, especially by talking heads who want to spin this possible-tragedy for ratings or to slam their political opponents.  They can't even do a good job of pretending they really care about what happened to Chandra Levy, aren't loving the scandal…and aren't praying that, if and when she turns up, it's in some manner that makes the story juicier and longer-lasting.  No wonder Bozo was so popular…

In our previous News page, I gave some tips for enjoying the impending Comic-Con International.  Jim Guida writes to remind me to remind you that there's a very large, well-stocked Ralph's Market just a couple of blocks from the convention center…good place to grab a bottle of water or something to eat.  Also, if you're still deciding how to pack for the con, you might note that AccuWeather has dropped its predicted high temperatures a bit.  Here's the link for the latest San Diego forecast.

News of me:  I dropped a hint about this a few weeks ago but I think it's safe to announce now.  One of my great heroes, Stan Freberg, has asked me to serve as producer of his forthcoming CD, Stan Freberg Presents the United States of America, Volume 3.  We record it in a few months and the tentative release date is July 4, 2002…again, from Rhino Records (or Rhino CDs or whatever they call the company now).  Needless to say, I am still pinching myself over this one.

The column I posted here about Barry Manilow has just been reprinted — with my permission — in the current issue of Rainy Day Rhythms, the organ of the officially-recognized Barry Manilow Fan Club in Manchester, England.  Eat your heart out, Tony Isabella.

You know who the guy in that picture is?  That's Vance "Pinto" Colvig, a clown and cartoonist who became famous — or, at least, his sound did — when he supplied the original voice of both Bozo the Clown and Walt Disney's Goofy.  Matter of fact, he not only spoke for Bozo when the clown debuted on Capitol Records, but also donned the make-up and played Bozo for personal appearances and on some early TV shows.  Later on, dozens of different folks — including the Today Show's own Willard Scott — played Bozo but Colvig was the first.

(In Los Angeles, our local Bozo, on KTLA from 1959 to 1964, was Vance Colvig, Jr. — Pinto's son and a pretty decent cartoon voice actor in his own right.  He was Chopper the Bulldog on Hanna-Barbera's Yakky Doodle cartoons.)

Anyway, if you're interested in Bozo lore, the Chicago TV station that hosted his antics for four decades, ending only months ago, has set up a fact-filled on-line shrine.  It includes some nice biographical material on Pinto and on Alan Livingstone (the Capitol writer-producer who concocted the character), among others involved with that there clown.  Here's the link…and keep laughing!

Oh, by the way: If you'd like to see an example of Pinto Colvig's work as a cartoonist, there's one to be seen at this link.  And here he is in his other identity…

The pictures above come from eBay, where someone occasionally sells a Fizz Nik — a wonderful device I had as a kid.  Basically, you put a scoop of ice cream inside the Fizz Nik, stuck it in the mouth of a bottle of soda pop and drank the soda through the Fizz Nik.  This was all described in the article I have on here about L.A. Kid Show Hosts (click here) but I didn't have photos until now.  I also didn't have a photo of Perry Como to put up here today.  By the way, I went ahead and purchased the Fizz-Nik at right off eBay and of course, since it's still in its original package, I'm not about to open it and spoil its "virgin" condition.  So I'd have to find and purchase another one if I actually wanted to use one again and I have decided not to do this.  They were fun but they weren't that much fun.

This last section is for those of you who'll be attending the Comic-Con International in San Diego week after next. Here are some tips that may make your convention a merrier experience…

• Dress sensibly and wear comfy shoes, as there's a lot of walking to be done. The AccuWeather people are predicting a high of 80-83 and a low of 69 for the four days of the convention. As the day draws nearer, they'll update the forecast at this link.
• Consult the program schedule in advance and note the events you wish to attend. You can read the whole listing by clicking here and the list of panels I'm moderating (i.e., the good ones) by clicking here. Planning ahead is a very good idea. You'd be amazed at the number of people who arrive, get swept up in the excitement of the main hall and don't consult the schedule until they've missed a program they really wanted to see.
• Parking is always rough. If you get there early enough, you can find a place under the convention center for $4.00 a day. In a message she posted on www.comicon.com, Jackie Estrada (without whom the con would be about as exciting as watching your Chia Pet sprout) suggests that you approach the convention center on Harbor Drive from the direction of Seaport Village and The Hyatt. That should make it easier to get into the parking entrance. If it's full, there are lots around the city where one can park and then grab a shuttle bus. She also mentions a new parking structure at 6th and Market, about five blocks from the festivities.
• Bring money. More than you think you'll need.
• The snack bar in the convention center is traditionally a dreadful place to eat, so here's a dining tip that doesn't occur to some people. You know those shuttle buses outside that bring people to and from their hotels? Well, they're free and they also go all over downtown San Diego, past a lot of good restaurants.
• A lot of fans wonder about obtaining sketches from artists who'll be there. There are two kinds: Free and fee. The free ones are becoming rarer and rarer as more and more artists find them turning up on eBay. If you find an artist who does them, be polite, supply the paper and don't ask for something elaborate. Sketches for money are more obtainable and most are, I think, priced so reasonably that you'll look back years from now and kick your keester for not getting more of them. If your fave artist is sketching for loot, get your "order" in early and if you're asking for something he or she might not be able to generate from memory, supply some reference. (Most artists, doing drawings for money, prefer to supply their own drawing paper, but will draw in your sketchbook, if that's where you want it.) If you feel awkward negotiating with your favorite artist, see if there isn't a friend or spouse helping man the table and talk to them…or inquire of other customers as to what they got and what they paid for it.

Additional info is plentiful at the convention's website, which is at www.comic-con.org. See you at the con!

25,000 hits since we put this sucker on-line just before Christmas last year!  Would that the things I do for profit could attract an audience like that…

I recently stumbled across a terrific website devoted to products and advertising items of the fifties and sixties, particularly those featuring cartoon characters.  Wanna see a sample of the Crusader Rabbit newspaper strip?  How about a bag of Bell Brand Potato Chips with Bob Clampett's  Beany and Cecil on it?  There's oodles of stuff like that, like the box of Gro-Pup T-Bone dog biscuits with Hanna-Barbera's beloved Augie Doggie on it, even though Augie wasn't the kind of cartoon dog who ate dog food.  The site is called Tick Tock Toys and here's the link that'll take you there — but don't click on it until you have some time, 'cause there's a lot of neat stuff there to take in, especially if you hunt around.  (There are menus and sub-menus and sub-menus of the sub-menus and so on…)

I'm one of those folks who is utterly conflicted on the subject of The Death Penalty, being neither wholly for it nor adamantly against it.  In a world where few seem to take anything but the extreme positions on any issue, it's nice to see I'm not alone on this one.  For some time now, Bob Herbert of The New York Times has been running pieces about people who were proven innocent and freed from Death Row after many years, often only days before they would have been executed.  This has happened so often that I think it's blind denial to think that our government has not occasionally put the wrong person to death.  And this realization, in turn, seems to be causing a lot of prominent supporters of the Death Penalty to at least rethink the whole matter.  Mr. Herbert has a good column on this today, and you can read it by clicking here.  (That's if you hurry.  Like all N.Y. Times links, it's only free for a limited time.  Thereafter, they charge you and don't share the fee with the author.)

I am told that the trade paperback of Fanboy is now on sale, as is the new paperback collection ofJack Kirby's Fourth World, but I've yet to see a copy of either.  I have, however, received my contributor's copies of The DC Guide to Writing Comics by Dennis O'Neil.  It has a different cover than the one I posted here when I was recommending it, but the recommendation still holds.

Keeping in mind that there could still be changes, it's time to unveil the list of panels and events I'll be moderating at the forthcoming Comic-Con International in San Diego.  These are always terrific, not because of me but because I get to host the best events.  I'll be posting updates and amendments here as we get closer to the festivities…

The current issue of Washington Monthly has a killer of an article on President Bush's messy business dealings and, in particular, about how his administration has pretty much ignored the kind of ethical lapses that led to resignations in previous regimes.  Here's the link to the piece.  The thing that leads me to believe this matter is not going away is that the Republican response, so far, seems to be to change the subject or to say, "This is just Democratic desperation."  No one outside of Bush's immediate aides is out there making much of a case for innocence.

Tomorrow night (actually, Tuesday morning), ABC debuts Up Close, the placeholder interview show that's taking the place of Politically Incorrect.  Ted Koppel will be spending a half-hour chatting with David Letterman on the first installment.  For an interesting and probably accurate take on the situation, check out Adam Buckman's column in the New York Post.

Next Tuesday, The Movie Channel — which you may or may not get on your local cable provider — is running The Night They Raided Minsky's.  This film, which I find fascinating, has never been out on Laserdisc or DVD, the VHS tape is quite hard to find, and if it's ever been on TV before, it's been quite a while.

It stars Norman Wisdom, Jason Robards, Britt Ekland, Elliott Gould, Denholm Elliott, Jack Burns  and Bert Lahr in a funny (at times), chaotic (usually) and silly (always) tale of the burlesque business and what allegedly ended it.  As a historical record of that industry, it's a trainload of cheap fiction, but there are moments when some apparently genuine Burley-Q routines and ambiance sneak in around the edges, and some of the performances are quite wonderful.  And, hey, the poster was rendered by Frank Frazetta and it has scantily-clad ladies on it, so that makes it special right there.

The film was produced by Norman Lear and Bud Yorkin, and directed by William Friedkin.  Legend has it that, shortly after filming was completed, Mr. Friedkin decided it was a stinkeroo and abandoned it…whereupon the famed film editor, Ralph Rosenblum, came in and re-cut it into quite a different film than the one Friedkin had disowned.  Or, at least, that's how Rosenblum told it in his book, When the Shooting Stops, in which he also claims to have salvaged a number of other cinematic disasters, including The Producers, A Thousand Clowns and all of Woody Allen's early directorial efforts.

Minsky's is so full of odd cutting, continuity errors and editors' tricks that one can believe Rosenblum's account.  (None of the black-and-white stock footage, for instance, was in it when Friedkin left.)  Adding to the problems was that Bert Lahr died during filming.  His role was trimmed back and a few posthumous scenes were concocted with another ex-burlesque comic, Joey Faye, playing Lahr with his back to the camera, and Will Jordan dubbing the voice.  Anyway, all of this makes the film more interesting, at least to me, and there are plenty of wonderful scenes that stand on their own.  Here are a few other sidelights to note…

• The songs are by Lee Adams and Charles Strouse, and they're pretty good.  Some of them remain in a stage version which has recently been written, though with an entirely-different plotline.  It was announced for production, but suspended due to the death of director Michael Ockrent.  His widow, Susan Stroman — who, thanks to The Producers, is the hottest director on Broadway — is said to be planning to stage the show…one of these days.
• The role of Duffy, the straight man who sings "Take Ten Terrific Girls," was played by Dexter Maitland, who was an actual Minsky's straight man.  I met him when he was in his early 90's, playing in sketches in a Minsky's revue at the Hacienda Hotel in Las Vegas.  He was a lovely man and he really made straight-manning an art.
• Another genuine burlesque veteran, Herbie Faye, plays the owner of the delicatessen.  In his burlesque days, Faye was teamed for a time with Phil Silvers.  When Silvers landed the TV show, You'll Never Get Rich (aka Sgt. Bilko), the first thing he did was find a recurring role for his old partner.
• The tall, long-limbed male dancer is the late Will B. Able, who appeared for years in TV variety shows and kids' specials.  And one of the comics is played by the wonderful Eddie Lawrence.  Eddie, with whom I had the joy of working once, is a multi-talented gent.  He has written for and starred on Broadway…he has done cartoon voices and he paints (he inherited the studio of his dear pal, Zero Mostel).  Beyond all that, he's best known for the comedy records on which he played his immortal character, The Old Philosopher.  ("Is that what's botherin' you, Bunky?")
• Here's the most obscure trivia item in the history of World Cinema.  One of the plot points revolves around a naughty pamphlet detailing the exploits of one Mademoiselle Fifi.  If you look closely in the scene where the censor-guy is holding the pamphlet up to the light, you can see that the insides are made up of a page from an issue of Mad Magazine that was on sale when they were filming the movie.  (It's an article illustrated by Bob Clarke on "Protest Buttons Through History.")

And there are some others but you get the idea.  I'm not recommending this as a wonderful film, because it isn't.  It's just a lot of fun, especially if you know some of the odd aspects of its birth.

It's comforting to know that, in the United States of America, you can't go to prison just because of what you're thinking…or can you?  In Columbus, Ohio, a man who was once convicted of pandering child pornography was recently put back behind bars on another charge of pandering obscenity.  Okay, we all agree that folks involved in making or distributing kiddy porn oughta be incarcerated — or worse.  But the new obscenity charge was not that he was dispensing his sick fantasies for the world to see.  He was merely writing something in a private journal for his own, uh, pleasure.  Can you be convicted of obscenity for writing something that no one else is supposed to see?  Apparently, now you can.  Here's a link to an AP news report on it all.

If you're interested in more info on the Dungeons & Dragons cartoon series than I have here, a fine resource is Leslie Hickman's website, The Realm.  She knows more about the show I started than I do.