While I am uncomfy at times with reports that Amazon does not treat its employees well or play nice with competitors, I cannot deny that they do a helluva job of getting me stuff I need quickly and that I almost never see a place where I can get it — whatever it is — cheaper. If I have a sudden need for, say, a Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Gradunza, I can go to my computer, find that Amazon carries just the make and model of Gradunza I need, order it and then, twenty minutes later, a Three-Handled Family Gradunza is being delivered to my front door, perfectly Moss-Covered.
That's an exaggeration — it's also my second Dr. Seuss reference of the day here — but it feels like that's how it works. Throughout December, almost everything I ordered that was promised for next-day delivery was there promptly the next day and everything that had a longer delivery period showed up at least one day earlier than promised. A component for my new computer system (I'm assembling a new computer system) was here four days earlier than announced and at a price way below anyone else's.
I suspect, living in a major city, I get faster service than someone who lives in a small one…but even leaving speed aside, I'm impressed by the vast selection. And I've been curious as to how they get so much different stuff to different people, never mind how swiftly they do it. This video explains a lot about that. It's a bit confusing to follow and the last minute or so is a commercial for the folks who made it — but it['s worth watching. It might enlighten you, especially if you're about to order your own Moss-Covered Three-Handled Family Gradunza or even a case of Pringles…
In case you're interested — and I wouldn't be all that interested if I were you — I have no real feeling about what should happen in terms of impeaching Trump, censuring Trump, kicking him out early via the 25th amendment, whatever. Just so long as he's outta there, which he will be. Today's round of arguments seems to be that it will infuriate much of the country if he's punished for the January 6 rioting.
That's probably true. And it's equally true that it will infuriate much of the country if he isn't. I don't see how either option leads to peace, healing, calm or everyone linking hands and singing like the Whos down in Whoville on Christmas morning. This may just be one of those things we have to get through to find out where we'll wind up.
I again want to thank everyone who's made one of those nice PayPal donations to this site lately. My e-mail is still screwed-up in some ways but I do get notices of who's sent me loot. Once I get things squared away, correspondence-wise, I will be sending out a special "thank you" to each of you.
I'm a little leery of folks who come up with predictions — so far, almost all of them wrong — about when the virus will be under enough control that our world can become more like it used to be. I think it's better to not keep naming dates and then watching in disappointment as they pass or become less likely.
That said, I'm going to cautiously link to this piece in which Dr. Anthony Fauci — the closest thing we seem to have to a public figure who knows what's going on — says that "some time in the fall of 2021, performing arts centers may be able to reopen, providing certain precautions are taken."
There are a lot of IFs in this piece like "…if vaccine distribution succeeded, theaters with good ventilation and proper air filters might not need to place many restrictions for performances by the fall — except asking their audience members to wear masks, which he suggested could continue to be a norm for some time." It would be nice to think that will happen. I hope, I hope, I hope.
I've been watching old I've Got A Secret episodes and saw a couple with French magician Michel de la Vega. In case you don't remember it, he had Garry Moore, tied (by Henry Morgan), stuffed in a large bag which was also tied (with a key chain in one of the knots), then placed in a large trunk which was locked, and tied all around with rope. He then pulled a curtain around the trunk but his head was visible at top. He jumped down out of sight and instantly Garry popped up. They then removed the curtain, untied and opened the trunk, pulled the bag out, untied and opened it, and there was Michel, tied up the way Garry had been.
Now, I'm not asking you how he did that (unless you wish to be so forthcoming), but I'd really like to know two things: Do you actually know how he did this? Is this a common trick that others have done or still do? I'm sure there must be trap doors or sliding panels or whatever involved, but this is pretty amazing however he did it. Anyway, hope to hear from you. If not, no sweat.
Yes, a lot of magicians do this trick in many variations. It's called, for reasons I've never understood but I'll bet my friend Max Maven does, "Metamorphosis." That word is defined as "a change of the form or nature of a thing or person into a completely different one, by natural or supernatural means." As you've seen, no one actually changes into someone or something else. They just trade places, which is not the same thing.
Hold on. I just decided I'm going to call Max and ask him why it's called that. Max is not only the best mentalist working today but there ain't no one who knows as much about magic history as he does. I'll be back in the next paragraph with the answer…
Okay, I'm back. I called Max and he decided to do a little research and a half-hour later, he sent me this…
The box escape goes back centuries (e.g., a Japanese book from 1785 explains an escape from trunk tied with rope).
In 1865, John Nevil Maskelyne debuted an escape from a wooden box, with a presentation related to the Davenport Brothers' spiritualism cabinet demonstrations.
Circa 1893, Houdini bought a used trunk, modeled on the Maskelyne prop, and presented it as a switch illusion — first with partner Jack Hayman, then his younger brother Theodore, and finally with his wife, Beatrice.
Houdini was responsible for the "Metamophosis" title, which is grandiose and technically incorrect. (That said, when performed quickly, the change of people can seem like a transformation rather than an exchange, so an argument could be made that the moment is perceived as a metamorphosis.)
Among magicians, the trick is most commonly referred to by the more prosaic title of the "Substitution Trunk," frequently shortened to "Sub Trunk."
Thanks, Max.
Back to you, Johnny: Yes, I know how it'd done and of course, I'm not going to tell you. Magician's Code and all that. But I will tell you that this is one of those tricks that, when it's done well, is more impressive when you know how it's done and the physical moves and dexterity and practice that are required. Magicians are always putting new spins on it, personalizing it and making it at least appear more impossible.
The best version I've ever seen of it was done by the (then) husband/wife duo, The Pendragons — Jonathan and Charlotte. Here they are doing it at a magic awards show in 1986…
I saw them do this at the Magic Castle about a half-dozen times and it always looked to me like someone had done an edit in the tape to make the switch so instantaneous…except that I wasn't watching it there on tape. I was watching it live and it was so fast, it looked like a camera trick. (And did you notice that in the process, Charlotte changed from one skimpy outfit into another skimpy outfit? No, you didn't notice that. Go back and watch it again.)
Alas, those Pendragons don't do it anymore but I think Jonathan performs it with his new spouse. Talk about a substitution trunk.
And while we're on the topic: Here's a variation on the trick performed by one of my heroes of magic, Mark Wilson. This is from an HBO special done some time in the eighties…
Pretty impressive. And it would be, even if you knew how it was done.
Sometimes, it's great to turn on the TV and see a rerun you enjoyed before. I just turned to CSPAN and it's the "Democrats impeach Donald Trump" episode. Almost as timeless as Lucy and Ethel working in the candy factory…
There is much debate on the web today about whether Donald Trump should be removed from office via impeachment or an invoking of the 25th amendment. I don't have much of an opinion on this. I just want him gone and it now looks like that'll happen without either of those things. I mean, it's possible he may handcuff himself to a doorknob in the West Wing and sing multiple choruses of "But I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going" but I'd be surprised if he knows the song.
I am curious about the process of those two alternatives to just running out the clock and praying he doesn't order saturation bombing of CNN Headquarters. Word is that if he's impeached, he wants Rudy Giuliani to head up his defense team. Why would you even consider a guy who's steadfastly failed you and made you look like more of a failure than you already are? And if it all does go to an impeachment trial, might Giuliani not be a witness? A key witness?
Hey, let's all take a peek at the last sentence of Article II, Section 2, Clause 1 of the U.S. Constitution. It may become very relevant very soon, especially the part I've highlighted…
The President…shall have Power to grant Reprieves and Pardons for Offences against the United States, except in Cases of Impeachment.
Lastly: Many of you have written to tell me that there might be a very simple reason that I've suddenly stopped getting Spam e-mails from Donald J. Trump and his loyal entourage. A number of companies, including one called Campaign Monitor which sends out Spam e-mails for people, have severed their ties with him. Yeah, that would sure explain it.
I'm a big fan of the musical Something Rotten and especially of a number called "A Musical" that takes place about half an hour into Act One. It's easily one of the ten best things I've ever seen on a Broadway or Broadway-type stage. If you've never seen it, here's a video. What you need to know is that the show is set in the days of Shakespeare. The character of Nick Bottom has hired a soothsayer to peer into the future and tell him what will be successful in the theater in the future…
And now we have a video of highlights (alas, not the whole thing) of the number as performed for a production of the show in Chicago at the Marriott Theatre. This was in August-October of 2019 and it's a whole different cast with a different staging. Restaging was necessary because this is a theatre "in the round," meaning that the audience is seated all around a round stage. I wasn't in Chicago to see it of course but based on this video, it looks like they did some pretty clever reinvention…
A recurring peeve of mine is "friends" — I'm intending a slightly-sarcastic usage of that noun — who love to tell you things that they hope will make you mad or make you cry or in some way disrupt your happiness. There was a writer-acquaintance who, during the eight-or-so-years that I did the Garfield & Friends TV show, would periodically send me notes that would say "Checked the ratings and it looks like your show's a sure bet to be canceled."
That was never true, not for a minute. We were the highest-rated program on CBS's Saturday morning schedule for much of that time and even when the show did finally end, it was because the producers chose to end it despite an offer (though not a great one) from CBS to do another season. In fact, one time when the "friend" told me we were on the chopping block, it was right after we'd just gotten a pick-up for three more years.
But some people are like that. They so love to tell you bad news that they can't even wait until it's real.
He tried to make it sound like he was a pal trying to alert me to something for my own good but he wasn't a good enough writer to pull that off. I always knew he was making things up just to try and wound me and for a time, I wondered why he did that. It didn't take much wondering to finally figure out he was just an unhappy guy. No matter what successes he had in his life — and he had several — he was still just an unhappy guy and I guess misery does love company.
When I discussed him with a few other friends — the true kind, not the faux kind — they all said the same thing. He couldn't help but piss on everyone else's good news and while he pretended to be a buddy while pissing, he didn't fool anyone. One true friend said, "He kept telling me I was about to be fired and I kept asking myself, 'Why is he telling me this?' If I was being fired, I'd find out soon enough."
True…but then he might not be there to see your expression or to hear you moan.
Election Night last week, I was sitting here not watching the election returns and I got an e-mail from a Trump-favoring "pal" (again, the quotes denote sarcasm) telling me he was "sorry" (yeah, right) that the Democrats were going down to such a smashing defeat in Georgia. I took a quick peek at the CNN site to see if it was true and at that moment, the G.O.P. candidates were each about two points ahead in the total.
I didn't — and this is just me being dumb — notice that we were at something like 70% of precincts reporting. Those races were far from being called. One of them wouldn't even be final until the following afternoon. I was also dumb to not remember that this guy was not exactly a pillar of truth. But at that moment, I believed what he told me.
Disappointed but not crushed after his call, I tried to get my mind back to the script on which I was working. It was hard but I managed it. A couple hours later when I took a break and turned on the TV, one of the Democratic candidates (Raphael Warnock) was claiming victory and the other (Jon Ossoff) was ahead. Moreover, three different channels I checked said that the yet-to-be-counted vote was mainly in Democratic areas and that turned out to be true.
I didn't know for sure that they'd win but I did know that when my "friend" had told me they'd lost, it wasn't true. He just said that to be an asshole…and I should point out here that this is not a slam at Republicans. I know Democrats who do that kind of thing too. Assholes come in all shapes and sizes, all races, all political parties, all religions, etc. They're easier to spot when they're not part of your group but that doesn't mean they aren't there — somewhere lurking about.
Just saw a headline that said "Trump considering Giuliani and Dershowitz for impeachment defense team." Well, of course. Because they've done so well for him overturning the election results.
I should have posted this more than a week ago but I didn't notice it 'til now. Here's my favorite one-man singing group, Julien Neel, singing "Auld Lang Syne" wearing a shirt that may remind you of Rip Taylor's act, only funnier…
And if you've ever stopped to wonder what in the name of Guy Lombardo the title and lyrics of that song mean, here's a little video that will clue you in…
This may be a good sign. Last week, I was getting as many as twelve fund-raising e-mails a day from Donald Trump and his alter egos. Increasingly, they didn't convey any message about reversing the election or fighting to win Georgia or anything of the sort. Most simply told me to send money.
Yesterday, they all stopped. I haven't had one in twenty-four hours. Now, maybe after I failed to respond after several hundred of them, some computer finally decided not to waste the micro-second it took to send me between two and four copies of each one. Perhaps they're still going out to those who sent Donald money he could use to buy steaks or pay for some hooker or even take up heavy drinking, which wouldn't surprise me. He sure didn't spend it on a competent legal team who'd tell him his case was hopeless.
Maybe the demands for cash — which have sounded increasingly like a Mafia Capo threatening you to pay your gambling debts or else — are still going out to those they worked on. But maybe The Don's just not getting much return on them lately so he's got his crew working on other ways to extract bucks from his loyalists.
Hey, are you as impressed as I am with how rapidly and well Randy Rainbow puts those videos of his together? Even if you hate the message — and one lady who keeps writing to tell me they're not funny sure does — you've got to wonder how he does it. For this new one, he probably already had the music track but where does he get those costumes? How does he gather such clear news footage? How long does it take him to shoot the video of himself and layer them all and edit it all and put in the graphics and all the other elements?
Supposedly, he does all this himself from a not-huge apartment in New York…and he's got to do it quickly because these days, current news has — as Jon Stewart used to say of The Daily Show — the shelf life of potato salad. "Topical Humor" used to be about something that had happened in the last month or so. Now, folks like him and Seth Meyers and Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah and Jimmy Kimmel are going on-air or on the web with material about what happened six hours ago…or less. No wonder MAD Magazine with its six-week lead time couldn't compete.
At the Randy Rainbow live show I attended, someone in the Q-and-A part asked him if he was ever in the middle of assembling a video and Breaking News suddenly rendered it obsolete. He said it happened all the time; that he'd tossed several videos that were 75% done because they were suddenly Too Late. I'll bet.
And by the way: If someone is laughing at something, telling them "It's not funny" is one of the stupider, most useless things you can do in this world.
Just woke up to umpteen e-mails asking me why I haven't posted a link to Randy Rainbow's new video. Because I was asleep, that's why. But now I'm not so…
I have two choices today. I can work on a script I'd like to finish or I can think about what's happening to my country. I stayed up last night 'til the joint session of Congress adjourned. I thought maybe at its close, I'd write some pithy blog post that would summarize what it all meant. Alas, by the time Mitch gaveled things to a merciful end, I had neither the energy nor any real idea what it all meant, aside from the fact that Biden would be sworn in soon and everyone is hopping mad at everyone else.
So I'm going to opt for the script. At least I can do something about that and I have a pretty good idea as to what's going on in it. I think. Maybe.
The fine folks at Comic-Con International have issued a press release headlined "Gary Sassaman, Curatorial Director of Comic-Con Museum, Announces His Retirement." Actually, though Gary currently has that title, it would be more correct to say he's been a vital part of the con in many ways since 1992 and his past titles have included serving Director of Programming and Director of Print and Digital Media — meaning he supervised publications and the Comic-Con website.
I worked with Gary a lot when he was Director of Programming so I know how valuable he's been. In fact, he's the guy who came up with the initial idea for what turned into the Quick Draw! panel that we do every year. I don't begrudge him his retirement but he is one of the reasons Comic-Con has been the rousing success that it is every year. When they can have it, that is.
I am again having e-mail problems which may interfere a bit with communications. Right now, what I need is the expertise of someone who is really good with Mozilla Thunderbird for the P.C., especially with multiple accounts and moving the profile files of one installation to another. If you are such a person and would like to help, drop me an e-mail and let's hope I can read it. Thanks.
